Ask a MTF transsexual

[Joan Merrie]

I hope the guys don't mind, but I got the idea from them, Thanks brothers,
OK, ask us anything as long as it doesn't break the forum rules. THIS WILL BE QUESTION AND ANSWER ONLY, [SIZE=4]NO COMMENTS. [SIZE=3]So ask away we'll answer the best we can. Questions will be answered by any girl that' s, Full time or Transisioning, post op or pre-op[/SIZE][/SIZE]

[BreenaDion]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?

Why did my bell go off so late in life?

Love Breena

[Joan Merrie]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?

Why did my bell go off so late in life?

Love Breena

?1. For me there isn't any back and forth, I just don't ware my good cloths when I'm at work.
?2 I never have heard about that
?3 I think they need to include the younger generation so help can be found for them sooner.
?4 Lack of support, be it family or friends. and unemployment.
?5 Most likely like me, the lack of information. Perhaps just got tired of living a lie.

[GypsyKaren]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

Everything comes with practice and time.

Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

Never heard that one before, I can't think of a single thing that alcohol helps

What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

If everyone went overseas for their surgery like I did, the surgeons here would force immediate changes, nothing works like a hit in the pocketbook.

Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?

I can't answer or explain for others.

Why did my bell go off so late in life?

It happens, there's no time limit or alarm clock to it, plus it's easier now since there's a lot more information available.

Karen

[Jennifer in CO]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horribly high?

Why did my bell go off so late in life?

Love Breena

brain wiring...once you've been on one side or the other for long enough period of time, it stays put. I vividly remember the first time I did something and didn't think about how "he or she" would do it. I got into a car and smoothed my "skirt" under me as I sat...even tho I was wearing slacks.

booze... wouldn't know...never touch the stuff...never seen it do anyone any bit of good tho

SoC...i think the SoC needs an update. It has been a long time since it was written and for the most part its still a safe pattern. The problem is more people are finding the path of least resistance to "get out of their box" and that in its self doesn't follow the SoC...

Suicide...I think its like one of those volcano experiments we all did in elementary school...only no hole in the top for all the pressure to blow out of. We bottle up inside ourselves all the pressure we're under and some can't cope with it or funnel it out in a safe manner.

Chimes...Your bell went off late because you kept reaching over and hitting the snooze alarm...

Jenn

[NickyNOVA]

I knew that i am a women as fare as i can remember in my childhood years.
Family didn´t supported me,neither people who knew me.
Than you suppress your emotions and you become what others want-not what you truly want to be!
I waited till my 33.
I think Diane´s story ll give you many answers to your questions,her story helped me a lot.
Nicky

TRANSGENDER / SEXUAL UNDERSTANDING WHAT IT IS
link http://www.drdouglasousterhout.com/transgender.htm
I want to clarify that although we get a label that is transgender or Transsexual, that's all it is, a label, we are women, it's a simple fact, we have trauma to sort out our bodies and some are more lucky with appearance than others, but we are women. Some people have the trauma of having a very masculine body, 6ft tall and 180lbs in weight, but their mind is still female.

There is a very sad, but high suicide rate, my aim is to try to help and to educate people about why we are who we are. There is a lot of information on the internet that is cross referenced by many web sites, this page is no different. It is here to help you find information to help you. By using this page you will understand more about yourself if you think you have a gender problem and what is happening to you.

WHY US

A simple statement, gender is in the brain, thats it, all I know is your know who you are, so do I, what is the difference if the brain is the gender, not sure, I guess you know how you should look, behave and feel, I still can't say I understand about me, so how can we educate people to understand when it is so difficult even for ourselves. Yet my aim is to do just that, to help us to help ourselves, to tell our stories and at least give people a better understanding of who we are, myself and personal story, I am a women, there is no doubt about my sexuality, I had a very traumatic teenage life, but I know who I am inside of me. The outside has been the battle, to make sure that what I see in the mirror is what I see inside my heart. You will have no idea of how gender can play with your mind if you are born correctly, but it is one of our most basic instincts in our survival, it is a compulsion to be ourselves.

TEENAGERS

If only I was a teenager again and had the knowledge I have now, I would have changed my gender then, I would not have worried so much about what other people think about me, I did know I was a women as young as three years old, (I am Diane from the previous pages here). I had parents that would not understand, but the idea of these sites is to help parents and other people to understand. As a child you do know that you are female, your body was born male, but the brain is female and even now there is little you can do to find out this as a fact. If you have a female brain and a male body, you just know that your female, you hate the way you look to start with and feel a disgust at your male body, I used to admire women with amazing figures and wish I looked like that. We all have different ways of identifying it, understanding it, and then making a decision to do something about it.

PARENTS

Dear parents, your child is not a freak because they know they are female, listen to them, my parents have only just started to understand now, and they are in their 60's. They did not listen to me and made my life horrid, they were sarcastic and intolerant, my life would have been so different with their help. Sit and talk with them, take them to the proper councilors and doctors that can help them, they need you, they really do. They will be very lonely, probably suicidal and even hating themselves because they do not understand what is going on. Trust me, we don't actually understand anymore than you do why we feel the way we do, we are just women with the wrong body, if we had a cancer growth you would remove it, that's all a penis is to us, its a cancerous growth that needs to be removed as part of the process of living a normal life.

SUICIDE

Suicidal feelings are generally quite strong in the gendered women, as with all people in society its not always the case. The confusion of being in the wrong body can be devasting, fears of people and prejudice are also probable in your mind. I have lived my life now as a normal women in society for 15 years, I still get days and these are quite often where I think people are talking about or staring at me. The truth is they probably are staring, but my reasons for what I am thinking and what they think is probably very different. I do get told I am attractive, but the feelings are still inside of me that I am different. I have had many times in my life where suicide had been a strong thought, it does still come and go because we do have complex lives.

Up until this operation to change my face, I didn´t want to go on, the feelings were intense inside and we do have days when they become overpowering and we lose the strength to fight, but we have to go on or there was no point in starting our fight to be normal. Even though I have had the gift of being seen as attractive, it is no less painful, I am still insecure, still feel like the odd one out in society, but we are no more odd one out than the larger person in our society, or the black person in the white society, we all have to deal with society and it´s veiws. What ever reason we have to justify thoughts of suicide, we have to fight to continue and to work to desolve prejudice on all aspects of life.

I have had 3 attempts at suicide, my desire to survive was higher than the desire to die, I didn´t want it enough, take people out of our society and just be yourself, would you then want to die, if you still do, then it is not the gender that is the problem, if we could have a prejudice free society, I would be the happiest women alive. Today there are many places to get information on gender, so look hard to find the correct help, it is there, usually on the internet, the high street doctors are not that up on gender, or didn´t seem to be able to give me that much advice.

If you are reading this and contemplating suicide, then it´s not a place to be, I have been where you are, tears rolling down my face, tablets in my hand, and the room pulsing as my heart starts to slow down as I was drunk and dying at the time, I had taken the tablets. I managed to get a perspective by thinking about my children and clinging onto the fact the they would need me at some point in their lives, I did manage to pick up the phone and call a friend, they advised me to vomit and get the tablets out of my system, which is what I did, they called a doctor and lucky for me I managed to recover. I had 2 weeks where my heart was slowing and speeding up, but it leveled of and I am here today.

Happiness and laughter make things feel better, join any type of friendship group of people, whether it be a church, sports centre, womens institute, what ever surround yourself with nice people, I play keyboards and I have joined in a jamming session, I play every week, I have a passion for music, so I use it as my outlet to make me feel better when I am having a blue moment. I have a fantastic circle of friends, I have entrusted them with my feelings, they are my councilors, they keep me strong when it is tough, get that network in place for yourself. Getting a network of friends is something you have to work at, but make it happen, go out, they don´t come to you. The picture below does reflect how I feel now, the words are apt to me, love life, I never thought I would, but I do have so much laughter now.

Never take tablets like paracetamal, if you survive the attempt, they can give you liver damage that is not recoverable from, this in turn can give you a slow painful death, sometimes many years. GET HELP, talk to anyone, your friends will always love you, pick up the phone, how would you feel if a best friend just quite? you would have wished they had called you, they will come to you in the moment if things are that bad. Before you take anything, please go and get some sleep, if you have been drinking sober up, these two things alone may be aiding your feelings, all 3 of my attempts were alcohol related, I only drink in company now and very moderate, it changes my perspective, so long as I am sober then I can keep my feelings under control.

MAN AND PREJUDICE

My father was a very macho man, I am aware that their are men out there that think we are strange and weird people. Please understand that as masculine as you are, we are feminine, we did not asked to have a brain that was the incorrect gender, you are very masculine to enjoy your body, we are very feminine and want the same freedom as yourselves. We do not try to hurt people, we are not molesters of any kind, we are simply women that need an operation to correct our bodies.

WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO TO CHANGE IT

When we go through changing our bodies after teens we have to do a lot of things.

We have to go through electrolysis, this is to remove any traces of facial hair
HRT (HORMONE REPLACEMENT THERAPY) hormones will have to be taken for life to balance the body
Our voices can only be changed really by speech therapy, once the voice has broken it has broken, its very difficult to operate on
GRS, (GENDER REASIGEMENT SURGERY) surgery to correct the male organ to female, this creates a vagina
FFS, (FACIAL FEMINISATION SURGERY) correction of facial features that need to be feminized for a more easy life
Breast enhancement, not all people have to have breast enhancement, some breasts develop after hormones are started to correct the body imbalance
Some people have to have a tracheal shave, that means to remove the adams apple
The above can be very costly and take many years to achieve, you need to plan to do this, you cannot just decide that you will change on a whim. You will have to let your nearest and closest friends know in advance, family can be difficult but not always.

[Deborah Jane]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs

[Shikyo]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs

Simple answer: Yes.

Complicated answer: Even though deep in my mind I know that I'm right about my decision to transition there are times a fear comes into my mind. Not because I'm afraid of doing a mistake but more so what am I'm doing to everyone around me. How my choice has effected their lives. My transition has an effect on the lives of many not just me. It is the closest to me but there are other issues that surround the matter. My wife, who I love from my whole heart. What I'm doing to her is what scares me. Because of my choice and desire I'm rubbing her the husband she once married.

The biggest fear I have because of my transition is that I'm afraid of losing my wife, afraid of not being able to give her what she desires.

[Joan Merrie]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs

Yes, and still do. The most scarey thing is what I'm doing to my family and friends. The say that there ok, but it's hard on them. After all I've been dealing with this for 32 years, they have been dealing with it since last May.

[GypsyKaren]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs

Scariest thing I've ever done in my life, even as sure as I was about having to do it, but you find ways to deal with it.

Karen

[SirTrey]

Okay....this question was asked of us by an MtF, so I will ask it the other way....When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it? (Not a comment, but glad you ladies are doing a Q&A, too).

[joanlynn28]

#1 there was no going back and forth, once I made the switch to full time female mode I knew that I was where I should have been my whole life in the first place.

#2 Alcohol has nothing to do with male or female thinking, yes I was drinking quite a bit early on in transition but there was a lot happening during that period. Loss of family, home, spouse. Since being post-op I hardly have a drink at all, maybe one a week if that.

#3 I feel that the Standards of Care are fine the way they are. The SOC exists for a reason to segregate the ones that are not ready for transition from those that are ready to. Once you go through transition there is no going back to what once was. The SOC are there to protect those that are not proper candidates for SRS.

#4 Reason I transition so late in life, like everyone else in similar situation scared, fear of losing everything, what if I wasn't really transsexual took time and life to finally realizing that I was.

#5 If only I found the resources that are available now a lot sooner I would have seeked help and started a lot sooner than I did.

And to answer Deborah Jane's question for me to not transition was what was scarey for me.

[MJ]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs

My god yes. i had no idea how my family or friends or work mates would react. but this is who i am. i had no choice

[Shikyo]

Okay....this question was asked of us by an MtF, so I will ask it the other way....When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it? (Not a comment, but glad you ladies are doing a Q&A, too).

To be honest, I did have hard time to understand that. I think it's because of my own hatred for my male body makes it harder for me to understand why would someone desire to be male. Now, especially after getting to know few FTM better, I've changed my mind totally. I realized that I was concentrating too much on my own mind and feelings about being male. After all this thinking I've come to the conclusion that I do understand your desire to be male. In the end it's the exact same thing as it is going on with myself and that I was only blinded by my own hatred and desires of wanting to be born with a female body. However, my eyes have been opened.

[GypsyKaren]

When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men?

Not at all, I understand your need as much as mine.

Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it?

I've always seen you guys as men because that's who and what you are, and when it comes down to it, we both want the same thing, to be our true selves.

Karen

[Sharon]

How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

It was always "wired." I simply had to come to accept myself, which is much easier said than done.

Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

No.

What can we do to change the Standards of Care to fit the changing times?

More than anything (IMO) we need more educators willing to explain gender and sexuality differences in sex-ed courses.

Why is the suicide rate for the T community so horrablely high?

For the expected reason: Fear. This includes loss of family and friends, loss of income, loss of social standing, loss of learned identity, loss of blending into the background in public places, and on and on.

Why did my bell go off so late in life?

I haven't a clue. Why did I try to hide and disguise myself for a few decades even as I knew what I was?

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scary?

I was the all-time champion of being scared. I knew I had no choice but to proceed, however. So, step by aginozing step, I eventually became completely comfortable with myself in any situation. Believe me, if I can do it anyone can.

... do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man?

No, I would expect it to be reciprocal, just as some people prefer male partners more than female and vice versa.

[Sara82]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization? Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

thanks!

[MJ]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization? Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

thanks!

yes and no ..

i have always know i should have been a girl. but at first i had doubts i could transition. like the how to dress , pass etc
for me it was time the longer i left it the worse i became. till one day i just had to tell my doctor after that i was on my way. i did go to therapy it did help a bit .

i tend to think of this site as the best therapy

[kellycan27]

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

Thanks Debs

Yes it was scary,but not nearly as scary as the alternative.... Living a lie.Living as someone who I wasn't, or one that I could never function as.
Kelly

[Veronica_Jean]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization? Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

thanks!

I had doubts for many many years. I would go back and forth as my apparent need to dress as a woman would seem to come and go. What I found was depending on the immediate need to focus on other things (like getting income and putting food on the table) I could focus on those instead of my own needs. When things were calm I would immediately go toward the female side. Eventually I realized this was my biggest fear come true... I was a woman and just didn't want to admit it.

Therapy for me came in different forms. I was part of a local CD/TS group for a long time and had a chance to see the differences and measure where I fit. I have used therapy as a way to confirm what I believe I konw rather than figure it out. I spent 40 years figuring it out, now I simply neeed to get on with it and therapy is how I am doing that.

[Sammy777]

1)How do you get your brain hard wired, so no switching back an forth?

2)Is it true that alcohol helps you stay male (in the brain)?

3)Why did my bell go off so late in life?

1) It came from the factory like that.
I never had a his n her sides, it was just varying degrees of me.

2) uuu No. I guess enough of it can keep you from minding that you are/were one for a little while.

3)OK, so it didn't happen at 12 [for either of us]. Just be glad it did now and not another 20yrs down the road. No use crying over spilled milk.

Even though you knew you were on the right road, did you find the whole idea of possible transitioning scarey?

I will put it this way:
If someone was to put a gun to my head tomorrow...
I'd probably laugh, turn to them and say: "Yawn..... Is that all ya got?"

When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men?

No, Not at all.
You just so happen to have/had something we want, just like we have/had someone you want.

Now if somebody out there could just perfect brain transplants already!
We never got our flying cars, at least you can give us that..

Besides, F2M's prove M2F's aren't alone in all this and that we aren't just a bunch of sex crazed guys running around wanting to be women just to have sex with ourselves, lol.

But seriously, I think of you as men the same way you think of us as women, not matter what stage of achieving that any of us might be in at any given time.

1)did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

2)If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization?

3) Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

1)Sure. But I got through it.
2)I worked through them, with the help of a good friend.
3)For me, no. Unless my friend is a therapist and never told me.

[GypsyKaren]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

Never.

Karen

[Joan Merrie]

did any of you MtF's ever have doubts about whether or not you truely are a transexual?

If so how did you deal with those doubts, and what made you finally come to the realization? Was therapy the only way to reach that answer?

thanks!

?1 yes and no, I knew I was different. I just didn't know what it was till the Internet came along.
?2 I dealt with the doubts by, trying to be the mans man, but, I just didn't fit in that category. Was never good at any sports, I don't realy know how to talk to guys.
?3 It finally came down to to suicide, or just be my self. It was a little of that and the info on this site, and therapy.

[Joan Merrie]

Okay....this question was asked of us by an MtF, so I will ask it the other way....When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it? (Not a comment, but glad you ladies are doing a Q&A, too).

Yes I used to. But like Kitty, now that I've gotten to know Y'all, I understand.

[MJ]

When you think of FtM's, do you find it hard to imagine why we need/want to be men? Yes, we all understand transsexuality, but, beyond that, do you ever sit back and think, wow, why would anyone want to be a man? Or, they have everything I want, why would they want to change it? (Not a comment, but glad you ladies are doing a Q&A, too).

put it another way why would anyone so pretty and cute want to be a man then yes.... But i do understand the needs of f to m