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Thread: Ask a MTF transsexual

  1. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Akira Shaolin View Post
    This is a great thread! This question is for all tgirls of any stage that have changed orientation to be with men because my gf has a hard time answering this with me. I need a clear answer here if you can, ladies.

    I notice a few tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition... I'm curious... did you feel attracted to men before or after your hormone replacement therapy? In other words, were you harbouring secret desires for men and just being dishonest with your partner for fear of being dumped or did your growing attraction to men take you by surprise?

    My other question related to this was - WHEN did you notice these changes?

    Thankies in advance, ladies.



    Akira
    Akira,

    In my perspective, you could say that I've been bi-curious for many many years, and while dating women all my life, I've not actually engaged the idea of dating / having intimate relations with a man... until I started my outward transition.

    You could say that I was afraid to go to gay bars, nervous about playing with my sexual orientation, etc. However, as I've been out now, and with SO very much support from other T-Girls in my area, I've been able to just let my fears fall to the wayside. As I get out more and more to TG/TS friendly areas and clubs, I have been hit on by men, flirted with, and so on, and have even begun to see some of my male friends in a different light.. all because I've basically been able to come to grips with the fact that I have either always been 'Bi' or 'fluid', whatever have you.

    Heck, the other night I was out at a casual STRAIGHT bar, essentially in classy pressed male drab, and I had a cute younger guy come up and start coming on to me... with my GF right there!! I smiled and thanked him for the compliments, and moved on.. but thinking back, I was floored with the realization that I was just hit on by a guy, and I wasn't dressed, and I didn't shy away from it at all! A few years ago, before I admitted to my TG nature, I probably would have run screaming... I must be radiating a more femme presence now or something.

    Hope that helps!

  2. #77
    Senior Member lisalove's Avatar
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    This came to me last night when I was going through some certifications I have.
    What happens with any certifactions, licences, degrees, etc. that you received as a male. Are they now worthless? As they are in your male name. Or can they be transfered to your female name?
    Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

  3. #78
    Just an average girl Carole Cross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lisalove View Post
    This came to me last night when I was going through some certifications I have.
    What happens with any certifactions, licences, degrees, etc. that you received as a male. Are they now worthless? As they are in your male name. Or can they be transfered to your female name?
    I think that you will have to contact the companies/universities that issued the certificates in the first place, just as youhave to notify the banks and other organisations about your name and gender change. this is certainly the case in the UK, I have heard that some UK universities have refused in the past to reissue degree certificates in a different name so you are really at the mercy of the policies of the organisations involved. It is just another hurdle that will be encountered during your transition,
    living the dream

  4. #79
    Kim's girl Faith_G's Avatar
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    Most organizations/institutions will just need a copy of the court order for your name change.
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  5. #80
    Senior Member pamela_a's Avatar
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    Might be a silly question idk, but here it goes. Did you identify as a crossdresser until you found out about being a transsexual? Basically im asking if you started out thinking you were a crossdresser and then later found signs that lead you to believe you were a transsexual?
    Brooke, I can't say that I ever took the label of crossdresser but I dressed completely somewhere between androgenous and female for several years before I accepted I was TS and started transitioning
    "Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self." - Wizard's Tenth Rule:
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  6. #81
    Senior Member pamela_a's Avatar
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    This is a great thread! This question is for all tgirls of any stage that have changed orientation to be with men because my gf has a hard time answering this with me. I need a clear answer here if you can, ladies.

    I notice a few tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition... I'm curious... did you feel attracted to men before or after your hormone replacement therapy? In other words, were you harbouring secret desires for men and just being dishonest with your partner for fear of being dumped or did your growing attraction to men take you by surprise?

    My other question related to this was - WHEN did you notice these changes?
    Akira, I can't say I was ever attracted to men until I started HRT. Since I started it I've noticed a definate shift in my feelings. It may also be combined with my recent transitioning at work resulting in me completely living full time now. One other factor may I became a widow in October after 26 years so now finding myself a single woman it's a little more on my mind.
    "Willfully turning aside from the truth is treason to one's self." - Wizard's Tenth Rule:
    "Life is the future, not the past." - Wizard's Seventh Rule
    "Deserve victory." - Wizard's Eighth Rule
    "Be justified in your convictions. Be completely committed. Earn what you want and need rather than waiting for others to give you what you desire."

    There is just one life for each of us: our own - Words from a fortune cookie

    Do or Do Not. There is no try - Yoda

  7. #82
    FTM ~ Andro ~ Boi Areyan's Avatar
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    Thanks to both Angel.Marie76 and you too, Pamela_a.

    I've been spending a bit of time trying to work out why on earth folks would change their orientation due to gender changes as I've always believed they were both separate issues. It seems from all of your answers that they could be intertwined and I'm no reproductive genius here but I've put two and two together and I am starting to think part of our orientation is made up of biological responses to our hormones. From what you ladies here are saying, my theory makes sense.

    My theory is that women produce oestrogen first and foremost for egg production and that our natural response to this is attraction to males so that we can reproduce. Although this is a natural response from genetic women it is something we can "go against" or fight if we are indeed bisexual or lesbian. I feel the same about MtF transsexuals... I think it's possible the brain confuses true orientation with hormonal response and it's easier to buy into hetero-sexism and the whole idea of having a boyfriend/husband and becoming a "real" woman than it is to go against the grain and become a lesbian transwoman. I can't think of another explanation for why previouslly female(only)-attracted MtFs actually change their orientation if they didn't consider it in their male lives. Perhaps I'm wrong (and I hope I am), but I think it's worthy of consideration. Absolutely no offense intended to any ladies with my ideas here, just throwing it out there.



    Akira

  8. #83
    Junior Member sempervirens's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Akira Shaolin View Post
    ...I've put two and two together and I am starting to think part of our orientation is made up of biological responses to our hormones. From what you ladies here are saying, my theory makes sense.

    My theory is that women produce oestrogen first and foremost for egg production and that our natural response to this is attraction to males so that we can reproduce. Although this is a natural response from genetic women it is something we can "go against" or fight if we are indeed bisexual or lesbian. I feel the same about MtF transsexuals... I think it's possible the brain confuses true orientation with hormonal response and it's easier to buy into hetero-sexism and the whole idea of having a boyfriend/husband and becoming a "real" woman than it is to go against the grain and become a lesbian transwoman. I can't think of another explanation for why previouslly female(only)-attracted MtFs actually change their orientation if they didn't consider it in their male lives. Perhaps I'm wrong (and I hope I am), but I think it's worthy of consideration. Absolutely no offense intended to any ladies with my ideas here, just throwing it out there.



    Akira
    Hormonal levels have something to do with orientation, that's true. Studies of testosterone levels of straight and gay men have shown no statistically significant difference. Or, gay guys aren't gay because of a relative lack of T. On the other hand, in other animals (these tests haven't been replicated with people), later changing up hormonal levels can change orientation. You can make gay frogs, mice, and so on. Actually, they act like "women," with the mice going into lordosis and so on. So, it's complicated. The implications of hormonal levels are most interesting when you talk about the embryonic hormone wash, but that's not as directly linked to suddenly switching attraction later in life, which is what you're talking about.

    I don't believe bi or lesbian women fight or go against their chemical signals. That's really too simple an explanation for how complicated attraction really is. There are social factors, too, for instance. In the end we're just into who we're into.

    I've always liked guys, hormones didn't change that, but I've dated women, too. In fact, I'm dating one now, and there's no fighting to be attracted to her; I've never been so into someone in my life!

  9. #84
    Silver Member kerrianna's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Akira Shaolin View Post
    This is a great thread! This question is for all tgirls of any stage that have changed orientation to be with men because my gf has a hard time answering this with me. I need a clear answer here if you can, ladies.

    I notice a few tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition... I'm curious... did you feel attracted to men before or after your hormone replacement therapy? In other words, were you harbouring secret desires for men and just being dishonest with your partner for fear of being dumped or did your growing attraction to men take you by surprise?

    My other question related to this was - WHEN did you notice these changes?

    Thankies in advance, ladies.



    Akira
    I consider that my attraction to men, sexually (they exhaust me in so many other ways! ) is not that my sexual orientation changed, just my gender POV. I was primarily heterosexual, and I still am. This is really made obvious to me because I still have a relationship with my partner, and we consider ourselves to be a lesbian couple. If I still was sexually attracted to women (I am, but not in the same way - there's something about the opposite sex I find exciting) I'd consider that being homosexual, and because I was hetero before, then I'd consider my sexual orientation changed.
    Does that make sense?

    And it should be clear that my gender identity wasn't fully formed before, and I was trying on the male shoes, so that's why I say my gender POV changed. It's really about my acceptance of who I am, and always was. Acceptance can change a lot of things and move you in unexpected directions.
    "I dwell in possibility."

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  10. #85
    Member lizlizzie's Avatar
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    My spouse said at the beginning that she felt like she was a woman in a man's body and that she preferred woman sexually so she must be a lesbian in a man's body. From the posts it appears many found there preference changed. Do you think the hormones changed things, that being yourselves just made it easier to admit your real feelings regarding men or woman being your preference, or did it not change for you at all? Do you find that you are attracted more toward those who have changed genders rather than those who remain the same gender since birth? My fear is that when she has completed these changes she will decide that I am not what she finds attractive physcially after all.

  11. #86
    GypsyKaren
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    I've always felt pretty much the same, I thought it natural to explore being with men. I'm now a "Katsexual", I'm only attracted and devoted to my spouse Kat. Having my surgery didn't make me want to have a life or relationship with a man, Kat and I have been married for 16 years and I could never want or need anyone else...I think the important thing is to be with the one you love, gender be damned.

    Karen

  12. #87
    Senior Member Melissa A.'s Avatar
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    My attraction to guys came on long before I started hormones. But it did coincide with the re-emergence and awareness of my true self. It was one of the things, but so, so far from the only one, that spurred me into therapy. It was something I simply did not see coming, or had even thought about before. Now it simply feels natural. I really don't know why, or care much at this point. I just wish men weren't such oafs sometimes!

    Hugs,

    Melissa

  13. #88
    An Otaku wehtam's Avatar
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    Akira Shaolin asked about tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition. For those of you that did, how did you react to the change?

    Are you still happy about your reassignment surgery or is it just a fact of your self now? (I don't mean do you regret it)

    Do you ever miss the thrill you had when you used to cross-dress now that it's how you dress 100% of the time?

  14. #89
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wehtam View Post
    Akira Shaolin asked about tgirls change orientation or seem to through their transition. For those of you that did, how did you react to the change?
    orientation well i'm not sure about that.

    Quote Originally Posted by wehtam View Post
    Are you still happy about your reassignment surgery or is it just a fact of your self now? (I don't mean do you regret it)
    yes i am happy with myself now best thing i ever did

    Quote Originally Posted by wehtam View Post
    Do you ever miss the thrill you had when you used to cross-dress now that it's how you dress 100% of the time?
    i have to say yes. the thrill was becoming the real me.. now it's just me all the time
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #90
    Felicha Felicha's Avatar
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    I think that I have always been drawn to men even though I have three xwifes. I tried for years to fight off the feelings and thoughts that were in my mind. I have never felt right being with a woman and afraid to be with a man until my last wife said I should to see if that was what I really needed.
    Needless to say we were not married much longer after that. Now I will only date and be with a man. The feeling was always there but after HRT it increased 10 fold.

    Felicha
    I LOVE BEING A GIRL !!!!. [/SIGPIC]

  16. #91
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    Did anyone start out crossdressing and start to wonder about having a sex change but than look at everyone else and think, how would they feel.
    this guilt goes through my head every time i cd. It usually ends with me burning some stuff but searching franticly the next week for cheep clothing and make up to dress in? SO MUCH$$$$$ waisted, i had a friend who was addicted to crack and it kind of reminds me of what he did? Has anyone thought of it this way or am i the only one.
    Hope i dont offend anyone im just confused and looking for answers
    higher Conscious minds no matter

  17. #92
    Kim's girl Faith_G's Avatar
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    Worrying about how everyone else would feel and what they would think had me stalled for about 20 years. As a teenager I found out that transitioning was possible and my immediate reaction was "Oh, no! I don't want to have to do that!" So I spent 20 years trying to hide it from everyone, even myself at times.

    I found your comment about addiction interesting. Some members of my family do see my "lifestyle" as a self-destructive addiction. Yep, I'm addicted to being me. I'd like to see them try to kick the "habit" of being them.
    "Impossible" is not a word, it's just a reason for someone not to try. Kutless - What Faith Can Do
    Quote Originally Posted by My sister Lilli
    Yes, your happy shows - you practically have unicorns and starbursts flying out of you.
    Physically female!

  18. #93
    Senior Member Sammy777's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wehtam View Post
    Do you ever miss the thrill you had when you used to cross-dress now that it's how you dress 100% of the time?
    Interesting question. The answer is Yes and No.
    Yes - Although the "thrill" I got from it wasn't really about "dressing up" as much as it was me being able to, well, be me.
    And
    No - The "thrill" of "being able to be me" has been replaced with more of a calm and general happiness of "just being me"
    and also being out/open and generally accepted as me.

    The clothes, while generally different, are really just that, clothes.
    I get no more [or no less] excited about a new "whatever" then any other girl does.

    The clothes don't make me, I make me, the clothes just help show it to the rest of the world. [If that makes sense]

    Wearing a pair of "his" jeans does not make me feel like "him".
    The same as putting on a dress doesn't make me feel any more like me.
    I am me, no matter what I'm wearing.

    In Closing:
    La de da the King is dead.......... Long live the Queen.


    Quote Originally Posted by brandy1985 View Post
    Did anyone start out crossdressing and start to wonder about having a sex change but than look at everyone else and think, how would they feel.
    Friends, Family, Spouses, Kids, Obligations, Responsibilities, Not upsetting the apple cart, what will Mom n Dad think, ect, ect, ect.

    Face it, the list can go on and on.
    As long as you let it.

    Not to oversimplify it, but the day you take those first baby steps towards transition is the day you realize that you need to put yourself first and do what you need to in order to stay/be/become a happy well adjusted person.

    There comes a time when you just have to be you and damn what they might think or say, it is your life and you are not being selfish for wanting to life it the way you were meant to live it.

    Face it - A happy Her is better then an unhappy Him.
    Or worse yet a depressed or even worse yet a suicidal Him.
    Warning: This post may contain up to 63% post consumer recycled Sarcasm ... or Peanuts."
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  19. #94
    Felicha Felicha's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by brandy1985 View Post
    Did anyone start out crossdressing and start to wonder about having a sex change but than look at everyone else and think, how would they feel.
    this guilt goes through my head every time i cd. It usually ends with me burning some stuff but searching franticly the next week for cheep clothing and make up to dress in? SO MUCH$$$$$ waisted, i had a friend who was addicted to crack and it kind of reminds me of what he did? Has anyone thought of it this way or am i the only one.
    Hope i dont offend anyone im just confused and looking for answers
    The hardest part of transitioning is telling family and friends and you can count on losing some of both. I let that stand in my way of being happy and content with my self for a lot of years. My fear of what my family would think and do put me in a very depressed state of mind and on the edge of suicide. I had two choices that was to die or to become who I was meant to be.My mother and I are closer than ever my dad will talk to me once in awhile my brother I have talked to one time since transitioning and my little sister is happy that I am a whole person now and we get along great. Now as for friends you will surely see who your real friends are. I have one and all the others well lets just say they were fair weather and they saw a storm coming and took cover. Yes it hurts but in the long run what is more important your health and happiness or that of someone that would rather see you miserable and hurting.
    Felicha
    I LOVE BEING A GIRL !!!!. [/SIGPIC]

  20. #95
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    Did anyone who didn't start transition until after their twenties, think back and not really have a time in their childhood where they really wanted to be a girl?

    Reason I ask is I'm trying to work out what dressing and gender identity is to me, and I'm easily led at times so have fit an article about TS people very, very closely to myself. However I don't recall feeling like the wrong gender until I examined why I was dressing and why I felt so much better (nonsexually) recently (though I have never had an attachment to "being male" or my genitals in particular.

  21. #96
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    Not me. I knew at four, but did not transition until I was forty. It is something I have not finished mourning I am afraid.
    It's Frances with an E, like Frances Farmer. Francis is a man's name.

  22. #97
    Meberette Hope's Avatar
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    I think I can safely say that there was not a time in my childhood where I didn't want to be a girl. It was excruciating at times, and more easily managed at others - but always there. Had the circumstances of my life been different I am sure I would have transitioned when I was much younger - and I can only speculate that transitioning in high school would have been easier than enduring high school as a guy - but that is just speculation.

    I too still mourn not having a real girlhood.
    "I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." — Marilyn Monroe

  23. #98
    GF MtF TG melimelo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Christina66 View Post
    Did anyone who didn't start transition until after their twenties, think back and not really have a time in their childhood where they really wanted to be a girl?
    I don't have a clear childhood memory of wanting to be a girl. I started crossdressing pretty early (around 6), without knowing why I liked it. And I started having fantasies about becoming a girl (with a strong arousal factor) around 12. But one thing I'm sure is that I've always felt like an incompetent male: too sensitive, definitely not into sports, too romantic. Of course, these could also apply to a very sensitive, very romantic non-athletic man. So that's why I did not see the full picture until much much later.

    Nowadays, I do feel more like a woman, but I don't hate my "male aspects". I don't know if it answers your concern.

    Cheers,
    Melanie

    -- "Always put your own oxygen mask before helping someone else with theirs."

    -- "You can't make someone else happy, but you can bring happiness into their life."

  24. #99
    Gold Member Kaitlyn Michele's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Christina66 View Post
    Did anyone who didn't start transition until after their twenties, think back and not really have a time in their childhood where they really wanted to be a girl?

    Reason I ask is I'm trying to work out what dressing and gender identity is to me, and I'm easily led at times so have fit an article about TS people very, very closely to myself. However I don't recall feeling like the wrong gender until I examined why I was dressing and why I felt so much better (nonsexually) recently (though I have never had an attachment to "being male" or my genitals in particular.
    I never ever considered myself a woman...but i desperately wished i was...i would see articles on ts women and i would think, why can't that be me? i was so jealous of them...i obsessively crossdressed and by my college days i would go outside and to malls and hotels and just walk around, always fully dressed and emulating women...i yearned for contact with people as a woman..some nites i stayed up until 6am and cried when i had to go to work

    and yet i never seriously considered transition..after my divorce at age 44, i was free to dress whenever and i almost immediately realized why i was dressing...and how guilty and ashamed i was on the inside...i realized how deeply i had repressed what i knew all along...only when i stopped punishing myself (for being me!) did i start to make progress...

    i have posted this link many times, but i'll do it again...
    when i read it , i immediately knew that the psychologist that wrote it was describing me and i decided right then and there that i would not age as a bitter person and end up regretting not living my own life..

    http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

    One thing I've learned from alot of folks since i've started transition is that you need to let it come to you...its easier said than done...when you start questioning things the way you are doing now, that means something, but you are going to need patience and learn to be honest with yourself...by the time girls get to transition, they are generally ready ..its like self selection...and the failed transitions are typically because the person rushed it or they ran out of money

    the thought that really nailed it for me was when i pictured myself on my deathbed...and i immediately knew that my last thoughts would include deep sorrow and regret for not living my life as a woman, as "myself"...

    i know i blab alot, but this is meaning of life stuff....

  25. #100
    Tammy's Transsexual girl. Joan Merrie's Avatar
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    Yes, I've wanted to be me for ever, I'm finally heading there. And yes I want my bits gone.
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