Ask a MTF transsexual

[pamela_a]

Listening to some of the responses here, (and I know I am new), I wonder how some make it sound so easy to go from being a man at work, to a woman the rest of the time. I wear panties, etc. to work, but that doesnt cover the fact that I have to keep the mindset to some degree. Or, is it just practice and experience?

I couldn't do it. I progressively changed my appearance and attire over several years until I got to the point of completely transitioning at work last August. No conflict and no switching

[pamela_a]

I'm really not sure where I am on the Trans spectrum. I've always had fantasies of becoming a girl but I don't know exactly. When I first heard of SRS when I was a child it sounded like exactly what I wanted. I've cross dressed off and on ever since I was 7. When cross dressing I feel at peace. It's morphed from more of a sexual thrill to a natural "at place." My mother (single parent) didn't accept my cross dressing so she certainly wouldn't accept if I was TS and that may be something that holds me back. I'm really not sure if I want to go 100% female or not.

Only you can provide the answer to how far you need to go. A good therapist can ask the right questions but only you can provide the answers. The TG spectrum is pretty wide and you need to find the place where you are comfortable with yourself. It may be you find you need to transition, but it may not. I understand the fear of what others may think or how they'll react but you are the one who needs to live your life.

Find a gender therapist and talk. The hardest part might be accepting the answer you find.

[NathalieX66]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

[Hope]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

For me at least - it has a LOT more to do with the individual than the label. I know that sounds trite, and like the "correct" answer - but it also happens to be true. The truth is that there are a lot of people, "normal" people, CDs, TS, whatever I don't particularly care for or think are particularly healthy... The fact that some one cross-dresses doesn't really influence that. I think one of the things that this site makes plain is that there are WAY too many different motivations for and styles of cross-dressing to ever consider the group as a whole.

I will say that I get annoyed by those who misbehave, and cast a dark shadow on the rest of the community. The last thing we need is more bad PR. The fetishists who want to wear a french-maid outfit to work, or a tutu to ballet class with kids. The guys who act like drag queens and then get horribly offended and act-out when someone assumes they are gay. The guys who have a full understanding of themselves, and yet refuse to be honest with their wives and friends. The wives who hold cross-dressing over the head of an honest spouse and/or use it as a club to beat a husband with.

But that doesn't have so much to do with there being cross-dressers as it does with their lacking appropriate social skills and boundaries.

I don't really understand the fascination with panties, or the desire to get all dressed up to sit on the sofa and watch sports, or the desire to sit (hairy) knees akimbo discussing war stories in a dress at the VFW hall... but I don't have to. I assume they don't understand my desire to lop my man-junk off with a hatchet - and they don't have to. But we can still be friends, and respect each other even without that sort of understanding of each-other's motivations.

[carolinoakland]

brain wiring...once you've been on one side or the other for long enough period of time, it stays put. I vividly remember the first time I did something and didn't think about how "he or she" would do it. I got into a car and smoothed my "skirt" under me as I sat...even tho I was wearing slacks.

booze... wouldn't know...never touch the stuff...never seen it do anyone any bit of good tho

SoC...i think the SoC needs an update. It has been a long time since it was written and for the most part its still a safe pattern. The problem is more people are finding the path of least resistance to "get out of their box" and that in its self doesn't follow the SoC...

Suicide...I think its like one of those volcano experiments we all did in elementary school...only no hole in the top for all the pressure to blow out of. We bottle up inside ourselves all the pressure we're under and some can't cope with it or funnel it out in a safe manner.

Chimes...Your bell went off late because you kept reaching over and hitting the snooze alarm...

Jenn

Snooze alarm. that explains eeeeeverything. I laughed so hard. thanks.

[luvSophia]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

Like Hope said, it is more about the individual than it is the activity. I don't "get" crossdressing anymore than I do people who are genderqueer. I also do not get the attraction to anime my BFF's daughter has nor my sister's compulsion to scrapbooking. I have quite a few crossdressing friends and I regularly attend a monthly social gathering they have. They know I am not a "heterosexual crossdressing male" as their membership requires, but that does not matter to them or to myself. They are my friends and I enjoy their (and their spouses) company.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Nathalie that is a great question.

My best best friends are crossdressers.

As I started coming out as trans, i did as a crossdresser for many years...i drifted away from old friends, and hit the gay bars and friendly places "en femme" living a cd lifestyle taught me about myself and here i am

i do see ts women that avoid crossdressers (and i am not above staying out of my local mall with a very unpassable cd friend) , and this can be confusing for cd's and is easily misinterpreted...

if you are living a stealth lifestyle folks generally avoid crossdressers for fear of being outed and this can cause a rift and cd's should understand this, and there's no reason for the transwoman to be dishonest about it!!!!

as pointed out before...people are people and as a transwoman i demand the respect to be treated as who i am ....and so should a person that is a crossdresser

[Angel.Marie76]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

I know several people who consider themselves 'only crossdressers', and I would consider a few of them acquaintances, and others friends. People CD for so many different reasons, and an old saying goes, 'and ye harm none, do as ye will' which I believe is a pretty fair way to look at things. I think that any person, CDer, genderqueer, non-conforming, whatever, should be allowed to just live as themselves without the fear of persecution.

Going to support groups of TS/TG and transitioning folks, and then communicating with CDer groups does confuse me at times, but mostly because of where I am in my transition, and in presentation semi-F/T and so on. I find that CDers, of course, have different priorities and concerns than TG/TS folks, and that can sometimes lead to uncomfortable situations in both directions. I've heard that TG/TS/Transitioning folks aren't as understanding of the whole clandestine nature of (some) CDers, and that CDers often feel like they're treated as lesser beings because they WANT to hide themselves for very obvious / personal reasons. That's just a few thoughts on it..

I will admit that, there are several times, when I've been out to dinner or a bar with a CD friend (one specifically out in NV) where I was just trying to wrap my brain around the person. I just wanted to learn a little about what makes them tick, and the deeper the conversation went, the more the person seemed like a walking contradiction. I didn't belittle him/her or anything, but I was clear with them that our thoughts didn't line up, and we had to agree to disagree just to let the night be.

As another person said, I won't generally avoid going out with Trans and/or CDing friends if we going out for a good time at a bar or club, etc. However, also in echo of what another had said, those CDers that are edge-pushers, the glam-queen, shockwear types that dress to the 9's to garner attention - those individuals I feel uncomfortable around. When I am out, I look to blend in as seamlessly as possible. I want to be considered to be just another one of the girls walking through the mall, generally relaxed and quiet. Attention for me is a no-no.. (and I do realize that GGs can be JUST as loud and flashy as any CDer in this example, and so, in that respect, I also would not generally want to hit the streets with them either). Call me shy or reserved if you will, but just like everyone else here, it's my choice.

I certainly am not looking to offend anyone here, these are just opinions.

[Traci Elizabeth]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

That is a difficult question for me to answer with any surety as I have had little exposure to CD's. And the two that I have met, where CD's for purely sexual gratification reasons and nothing else.

I am sure that those two where not representative of the majority of CD's.

But like others have stated and I mean this with no disrespect whatsoever but I just can't see myself relating to a CD who has a beard and/or mustache, hairy legs, raging "T", and watching sports while cheering on his team in a deep low pitched voice wearing his team colors or a team ball cap while dressed.

I too want to blend seamlessly into the female world and do not want to be thought of as a guy in a dress. And the only two CD's I have meet where definitely GUYS in a dress and really stood out.

So again, I realize that my very limited exposure to CD's is not worthy of an informed judgement. So I have simply related my experience nothing else.

[DizzyRose]

Okay...new question here, or maybe not so new:
What do transsexuals, and those who are actively involve with the process of transition think of crossdressers? Is this a loaded question or not?
Somehow I get the feeling that the respect for each other in some circles is not always mutual.

Personally, I have no issue with crossdressers. The only thing that is a minor pet peeve of mine, is that people can sometimes confuse the terms. Not that it's a huge problem, but I would imagine it being very uncomfortable if someone were to refer to me as a transvestite or crossdresser in front of others instead of transgender/transsexual.

[noeleena]

Hi,
Yes this ? can be a loaded one if taken out of the context of ,if the meaning is one group of people is better than another because they have had surgery , being trans ,

I was talking to a guy & his wife yesterday i have known for over 6 years ,

He is a male hard wired all male not even a tiny bit of female . now he did dress , not so much now because he has some details going on body wise & allso told me he is not as interested in wearing female clothes like he used to ,
so we talked about the dressing in the context of like a hobby , no problem . so this is not the problem ,

The difference comes with some who see them selfs as women & some have surgery . & some dont . no big deal .

What i see change is some , seem to think they are better because they had surgerys & are more female / or woman, this is then the can of worms.

Im not sure why this should be the case . or is it a ego trip going on or some thing like this ,

I have to be carefull here .
i did not dress in female clothes as many have & do ,
I am allso not a transexual , so why did i change if you like & really its not a change for me , as i have allways been both female & male i did not see a difference , what i did see was myself as a person who was different . just a mix of female & male . yet some would say i was a transsexual . it did not fit hence androgynous , it took me a very long time to see that ,

Now this guy knows what i am & knows what he is, we are both still human his wife does as well , he is a male , & because i live being a woman whats the problem . none that i can see,
Just because he like s female clothes some times & i wear them all the time who cares ,
Its not about one being better , its about being different , he can not do building or do many of the things i have & can do , he does other things that i dont do ,

Because i have had surgery to allow my body to be as close as to a woman does not stop me from accepting others who are differant from me . or the other way round .
The division i see is very distrutive with in our community & proberly more so than what i see with people out side of the community. this should not be the case yet i have seen it & have felt it & an other friend i have has been told not have any thing to do with those who are trans she is intersex, & shes a neat friend ,

So first hand i have seen those differences over the last 12 years ,

Now many if not most of my friends over in oz e are males who love dressing & i get on with them , even to the point of staying with some while i was over there .
So i dont have any concerns with them & they know im a woman & we are just friends & we talk on our chat room allmost evey night, our forum is TrannyRadio ,

Now heres a point many of them dress far better than i ever will & they look gorgeous, oh well what can i say ,,,,im just a woman ,
& its cool ,

...noeleena...

[Simply_Vanessa]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I am asking because I am starting to realize I am trans whether I like it or not...so I am looking for similar experiences to help guide my feelings

thank you.

[Karen564]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I am asking because I am starting to realize I am trans whether I like it or not...so I am looking for similar experiences to help guide my feelings

thank you.

[SIZE=2]I always felt like I was in the wrong body by the age of 5 or 6 for sure...but before that, I only knew something was wrong...just didn't know what it was..[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Then over the early the years I just dressed thinking I was a CDer, because I never heard about transsexualism (Yeah, I was a sheltered child...lol)....then in the early 80's, after the apple computer & the internet came into every home, in the I learned about transsexuality from many resources describing the differences between a TS & CDer..and thats when I knew that I was definitely a transsexual...[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]So in reality, I always did know I was a TS based on how I felt inside, but wasn't educated early on to know why I felt that way or what it was called..[/SIZE]

[SIZE=2]I was hoping I was just a CDer, but as my bad luck would have it, I was indeed as transsexual as they come...And I was Not very happy about it at all, although I did learn to accept & come to terms with it years later...[/SIZE]

[AmandaM]

I have a question coming up, I swear.

"Group Three (G3) is composed of natal males who identify as female but who act and appear normally male."

Yup, that's me. With all the problems he describes. I remember playing with marbles when I was four. I had a group of female marbles who would take the male marbles and turn them into girls. Then they were all happy. I didn't know anything about TV/TS stuff then.

Since that time, I've hard a hard time being a guy. I have to force it. I feel like I should have been born a girl. I am extremely jealous of women every waking minute. I see them, get obsessed, and then get depressed. I think as a result, I developed generalized anxiety disorder and depression. Most of my friends are women. During sex, ahem, most of the time I prefer to be female. My fantasies are always crossgender. I feel desperate about it at times. I've snuck herbal hormones, drank too much, had "too much" sex to try to help or hinder these feelings. And to top it off, crossdressing seems like too much work a lot of the time! Go figure.

I just got a new doctor. A young woman. She talks to me, is nice, pretty, and very emphathetic. Yes, I'm jealous of her too. Anyway, my question is this. Sometimes doctors prescribe female hormones as a theraputic or diagnostic aid. I don't know if I can ever transition with my life the way it is with a wife and young kids. But, I could really use some relief. If I could get a low dose, maybe it'll relieve some of my depression?

Do you think I should talk to her about this? Do you think a low dose would help?

[Karen564]

[SIZE=2]Amanda,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Yes, I would definitely discuss this with your doctor, but I cant say what she will do for you if she feels it's not her specialty....so she may prescribe something for you, or she may give you a referral to see a psychiatrist to help you..[/SIZE]
[SIZE=2][/SIZE]
[SIZE=2]Good Luck..[/SIZE]

[luvSophia]

...Sometimes doctors prescribe female hormones as a theraputic or diagnostic aid. I don't know if I can ever transition with my life the way it is with a wife and young kids. But, I could really use some relief. If I could get a low dose, maybe it'll relieve some of my depression?..

Amanda - It sounds to me more like you need to talk with a therapist and sort out your feelings. Unless there is a physical indication for doing so most doctors are not going to prescribe cross-sex hormones on their own. Using HRT as a diagnostic aid is a possibility, but that generally is done as a confirmation of a diagnosis of GID.

[TNRobin]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I am asking because I am starting to realize I am trans whether I like it or not...so I am looking for similar experiences to help guide my feelings

thank you.

I'm in the "just a crossdresser" mode, at least right now, but I've been wondering the same thing. The more that I go out dressed the more that I need to be dressed, both in and out of the house.

I've been wondering the same thing, at what point in the spectrum of life am I in? A year ago I didn't think that I'd ever go out dressed, and then I went to SCC last year and had my first outing in front of a ton of people and really enjoyed just dressing, casual and otherwise. Six months ago I said that I hated shaving everything, but I'd never want to get any of it permanently removed and now I'm spending a fortune on laser hair removal for the entire upper 1/2 of my body and most especially my face and realizing that I'm going to need electrolysis for some parts and will go through with it. My eyebrows are magically thinner than they used to be and I pay a fortune to go to a salon and see a stylist to get my hair done, highlights and all.

I just wonder how far things will go and how quickly. My SO is very supportive, but concerned about the possibility that I'll go to a certain point and lose interest in her in regards to a relationship. I guess that I'm just taking things one step at a time and whenever I get to where I'm happy I'll know it. But I have decided that I need to see a therapist about all of this. My biggest concern isn't that I won't go far enough, but that I'll go too far and not be able to return.

All in all I've got to say that it's damn confusing!

So I'm not really sure what to ask; I just have too many questions running around in my mind and can't lend a voice to them.

[kellycan27]

Are any of you into dudes? It seems like 99% of the 'dealing with so' type posts here are about wives/female partners. For those who are into dudes (there has to be some!), dp you feel outnumbered here?

It's guys for me and, no I don't feel outnumbered at all. We all have our preferences....Remember it takes all kinds to make the world go round

Kel

[Super Amanda]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I am asking because I am starting to realize I am trans whether I like it or not...so I am looking for similar experiences to help guide my feelings

thank you.

I know you asked a while back, but I'd like to tell you when I realized I was transsexual. Unfortunately I'm a windbag and the answer is complex, for me anyway! I hope it helps you though!

It was not a single event, but more like a Keyser Soze moment where all the little things made me realize.

I never fixated on a piece of clothes, like heels or hose. I like almost all women's clothes equally.

I always kept taking the dressing further, to try to look more convincing. I wondered when I would be satisfied. What was enough? To look totally like a woman? Why? These questions became very consuming to me, and it got to a point that it was all I could think about.

I had thought that enough shapers, and control tops and shapely jeans could create the illusion, and they can, but to do that every day? Always?
When I had all of that stuff on, bird seed boobs, taped chest and all, I liked what I saw in the mirror, but physically I felt fake, and uncomfortable as hell!

It made me depressed to think that I had to go through such great lengths to look female, and "GG's" could throw on a wife-beater and boxers and still look like a woman.

In summary, none of these thing on their own mean a whole lot, it took me to put all of these things together to realize that I'm more than a casual crossdresser. That and tons of research on transsexuals on the Internet. Once I heard so many stories like my own, and saw transitioned women who were not only living full time and happy, but beautiful also, I knew in my heart that my future was as a woman, it had to.

It took about two more years of building courage to come out to everyone and begin actual transition.

Now I'm about a month full time, and I just cannot tell you how complete and happy and full I am!

[Faith_G]

Now I'm about a month full time, and I just cannot tell you how complete and happy and full I am!

And beautiful also.

[Super Amanda]

And beautiful also.

Awwww Thanks sweetie!

[TNRobin]

Awwww Thanks sweetie!

I'll second that. Both you and Faith look wonderful. I just wish that one day I reach that point.

And by the way...any diet tips would be GREATLY appreciated. How do you develop a feminine body?

[Super Amanda]

I'll second that. Both you and Faith look wonderful. I just wish that one day I reach that point.

And by the way...any diet tips would be GREATLY appreciated. How do you develop a feminine body?

Since starting hormones around 8 months ago, I have barely began to notice a slight, and I mean slight shift in fat distribution and reduced upper body muscle mass. I'm actually starting to like my body shape for the first time ever.

But what helps me more is that I sometimes use body shapers like Spanx. Admittedly since going full time, having layers of shapers under everything else makes me too uncomfortable, so I usually give up the extra curves for comfort. I even stopped using the Chic Shaper because, well dang it hurts to wear that thing for 12 plus hours! I'll use them for shorter periods, like out to the movies.

As far as diet, I am not the one to ask about that. my weight rubber-bands if I don't watch what I eat, so I'm cutting out all drinks except 100 percent juice and water, and trying to limit portions when I eat, and that is working so far.

[Kaitlyn Michele]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I am asking because I am starting to realize I am trans whether I like it or not...so I am looking for similar experiences to help guide my feelings

thank you.

Hiya! Lots of answers...my answer is that i knew something was going on from very early childhood, but didnt think of myself as a woman...i constantly obsessed about becoming a woman and wishing i was and wondering why not...but i never allowed myself the thought..

so i think there is alot of confusion we all have as we grow up and we all cope differently, including sometimes repressing it...

very few t-women i know say they didnt have any idea as little kids..most say they knew "something" or they just knew they were girls...its figuring out that "something" that drove me crazy for many years..

another "tell" is how you feel around guys...i had a very strong disconnect with all my guy friends, and i always felt like i was just watching them and pretending...at first i found it rewarding and easy but over many years this got very depressing...

[pamela_a]

Heres my question.

at what point did you realize "maybe im not just a CDer afterall. I am a woman trapped in a mans body." ?

I knew most of my life something was wrong, I could never figure out exactly what it was. Given how and where I was raised you didn't question anything like that either.
It wasn't until I stumbled onto a site about crossdressing that I realized that 1. there was a name for what I did and 2. that I wasn't alone. Fast forward more time and I begin to realize it's more than that. I'm dressing nearly full time and it's better but I'm still not right.

After more research, talking to people and finally being honest with myself I begin to understand that I'm a woman, I'm not "trapped" anywhere, I have a birth defect that I'm working on getting corrected.