My Wife outed me....twice.

[Ashley_in_Texas]

When I came out to my wife, I asked her not to tell ANYONE at all.
Last week, my wife and I were talking, and she told me that she informed her friend T_____y about me. Here friend told here that it is more common than most people think. (her mom is a therapist, so she hears from her) At first, I expected to be absolutly IRATE about it, but I wasn't. I actually felt a little more at ease about the whole thing. Maybe because that is one less person I have to hide it from.
Then, yesterday afternoon, we were sitting on the deck watching 12 or more hummingbirds buzzing around. We were enjoying the peace and quiet, and started chatting. She looked at me, smiled while biting her lower lip, and said "I told A___e as well. (her brother's wife) I immediatly knew what she was talking about, and again expected to be upset, at the very least, but I was not. I did react by saying "WHAT, excuse me, but didn't I ask you not to tell ANYONE? Who else have you told?" "Thats it, just T_____y and A____e" she said. Again, I felt more at peace, when she said that A____e thought it was cool. "COOL" is not the reaction I would have expected. "WTF" would have been my guess.
I think the fact that my wife was able to talk to them about it, has helped her and I both. Both T____y and A____e live about 3 hours away, so they are not people that we see that often. Which is good, because I need time to process all of this, and decide whether to chat with them about it, or just be quiet. At this point, I actually like the idea of the four of us sitting around and talking. Then maybe some shopping and a makeover. That would be nice. I just want to hug them for some reason.

[Rhonda Jean]

Wouldn't you have loved to hear those conversations! Cool that she was comfortable doing that. You're very lucky.. Outing usually occurs under, let's say, less than loving conditions.

[icequeen]

I will not tell anyone about my SO dressing, that is for him to do when he is ready. I came here to get guidence and find people to talk to about it when I'm lost upset or confused. I want to accept him for who he is...all sides of him, it's not something I can just blurt out to anyone, I don't want anyone to judge him, he is a beautiful person inside and out and it's our lil secret until he is ready for anyone else to know.

[Julieanne]

It's great that things turned out so well, but it's unclear whether or not your wife agreed with your request not to tell anybody. If she did and then told anyway...

[Bethany38]

[SIZE=4]Ashley,[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4] I am glad you are having good feelings about the whole coming out deal, and having your wife tell two people that y'all know. I know what you mean about feeling relief at the fact of them knowing. I felt the same way when I started telling people. It makes one feel so much more free to be able to express ones self freely. I hope everything continues to go good for you. [/SIZE]

[sherri52]

My first wife outed me to my sister. Too bad my sister alresdy knew. Good luck in the future, You'll be dressing for the three of them soon. You know they will have to see you dressed. Make the best of it.

[Jennifer_Cross]

For me.... That's the TRUST out of the window!

Jen

[5150 Girl]

Well,, my SO tells the tale all the time. Almost bragingly in fact. I guess it's partly my fault, as when we got together, I just assumed that people just automaticly knew that this kind of thing was a secrete to be kept.
So after I realized that she had been bragging to her kids, family, and all her freinds about what a gorgus girl I made, I had to tell her that, ummm,, hey,,, I'm not really all that "out" about this stuff. So I gave her a list of folks that I'd just assume not be told. As far as I know, she hasn't told those I said to keep it quiet when arround them.

[Glenda58]

All women need to talk. And they have something that is important to them they will tell their best friends or a therapist if they one. They can't keep it inside but it helps them to understand. The things said to her must have good or you would have been having a ruff time now.

[trannie T]

My secret is much more important to me than it is to someone else. Once you tell somebody there is a chance that others will be told too. Happily it seems that you have not suffered because of your being outed. My belief is that the more you are out the less you have to hide.

[Angelofsomekind]

One thing I hear a while ago that I never thought about before is that when you come out of the closet to someone, at the same time you are bringing them right back into your closet with you. My wife has told a couple of our friends, she asked me first though, both have worked out well.

[Sally2005]

A couple years ago, if my wife had done that I would have seriously considered divorcing her. That was before I really learned to accept myself and was 100% in the closet. Now, I think I wouldn't be thrilled because of the impact it could cause to our family (kids and all), but I wouldn't freak out about it. I have prepared by letting my friends and family see me dressed up on halloween en fem (actually I'm starting to make it manditory every year)...so it is a just a matter of degree...I can respond with 'I thought you knew", "you have seen me dressed up before, what's the big deal' to 'hey, its all just a fun prank'.

[patricia 402]

my best freind outed me three times her s.o.her sister and her mom. i was mortified i felt betrayed because i trusted her so much.but it turned out lucky for me that two could care less and her sister wants to give me a pedicure! to bad she lives too far away.

[brenda lynn mwe]

hey ashley
thank u for sharing your story I think that was wrong for your wife to tell when you said don't the same thing happened to me but like you said those that know now you don't hafe to hide it or werry about it now but like they said get ready and be prepared to dressup for them because its going to happen but we got to come out of the closet sometime right hugs
brenda lynn

[serinalynn]

In my case both of my sisters in law and both of my brothers in law know I CD to some extent. also their families know as well, because I treat my wife as a loving careing husband should. My wife and I talk a lot about lot of things Including my CDing and my ladies clothing wardrobe which is about 98% of all my clothing. While I am visiting in the upper midwest right now most of the clothing I packed is womens.

[mskanuchi]

My wife hasn't said a thing, I don't believe. We have a great, open relationship, and have always accepted each other for what we are, from the start. I'm sure one day, with as many women as she works around, one will be upset that she discovered her husband dressed in lingerie, or something else feminine. I can count on my wife to be supportive to that person, if she's open for it, and let her know it's not a marriage killer, or anything that will assinate her character in any way. If most wifes really take the time to think about it, it really opens so may doors for them. Just a thought.

[Olivia]

Three people can keep a secret, if two of them are dead (Thanks Ben Franklin!) Yes, I know that too well. Close friends betrayed me. They are not that close to me anymore either. As trannie T said, one's secret is more important to them than it is to another. For myriad reasons, some just have to share the story with others. It's hard to put the cat back in the bag once 'it's' out. I'm glad your situation worked out! O

[Rebecca Jayne]

Lets face it, for women in general, a husband/boyfriend who cross dresses is stressful to handle, whether they agree with it or not. All of a sudden, you expose a secret side of yourself (men aren't allowed to do this) and you get a little to close to their comfort zone (intimates, make up, dressing up, hairdos etc) for most of them to handle.

Its very possible that in telling friends about your cross dressing, she may be alleviating her stress of the situation.

My wife tried to understand, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't.
She talked to her mom about it and it has never been brought up again, so I don't bring it up, yet I am still a cross dresser, and I know she knows, but doesn't comprehend. I might as well be talking about quantum mechanics.


I know that when I am uncomfortable in a situation, my stress relief is joking, laughing, humorous antidotes. That's how I deal with stress, wearing women's clothes helps more.

[Rachel Morley]

Both T____y and A____e live about 3 hours away, so they are not people that we see that often. Which is good, because I need time to process all of this, and decide whether to chat with them about it, or just be quiet.

Yes. I can totally understand that. When my wife told her sister I wasn't sure what to think, and I was very nervous about what would happen the next time I saw her sister as at the time she only lived 5 miles away. When she did next come over she didn't mention it to me which I was very glad about. It took me about 2 months to come to terms with the fact that now two GGs that are close to me knew about it. It was all for the best in the end as the three of us spent the whole of SF Pride weekend together as girlfriends and even shared a room.

[Joann0830]

Wouldn't you have loved to hear those conversations! Cool that she was comfortable doing that. You're very lucky.. Outing usually occurs under, let's say, less than loving conditions.

i agree with Rhonda and now for my experience I would not bring it up again with those parties just treat it that it is done and they know it and accept it or not its done. Enjoy the release of someone else knowing and now you can be yourself if they are around. I speak from experience as my daughter 19 had explained it to her friends and after that I explained one of the Moms of one of her Girlfriends who I know and have a great relationship with as a parent and everybody accepts me and understands . So when in the comfort of my house and wearing my denim skirt and sandels with painted toe nails. They come in and its a normal day for everyone, except I have been invited to a sleepover at my house LOL as long as I am Joann which they all do enjoy. My Soft side that they love so much, Aunt joann as I am called. Joann0830

[TSchapes]

I like the fact that she is comfortable telling other people and is not using it as a weapon. That to me is very reassuring. It would have been better if she kept to your wishes, but it seems you took it well.

I wish my SO was comfortable telling others.

-Tracy

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Some people just can't keep a secret

[dilane]

My wife told a couple of close friends (one is a licensed therapist) years ago when I first started going out. It's unfair to burden someone with such a secret, and leave her with so much to process and be unable to talk with friends about.

She told me in advance (I think ).
She has since told two other friends, and several others have undoubtedly put two and two together having seen me at Halloween.

I've had Zero problems. It helps that there is no connection between anyone who knows and my family. They are all mature, high quality people.

[marny]

tell two people, and they tell two people. and they tell.......

[TJ Tresa]

Ashley if you are comfortable with them knowing and aren't afraid of more people finding out then enjoy the feeling of not having to hide. Just remember the more people that knwo the more likely it will get out to someone you really don't want to know, unless you are ready for the world to know. If that be the case why not just tell everyone yourself.