I was "outed"!

[Emily01]

"well you're the one who wanted to have sex with a girl!"......nah, i couldn't have said that, would have been cruel and i don't want to be a cruel person. i don't think you do either. it must have been a terribly difficult few minutes....minutes that seemed like hours perhaps.

i'd take the call, let her apologize, accept the apology if you believe it is heartfelt and sincere, and calmly and kindly tell her that you want no further contact, ever. then execute on that.

and some people wonder why we aren't more open and more accepting of ourselves.......this too shall pass, don't stop being you and please don't be ashamed ~ have compassion for the less fortunate (you know who she is).

[Joann0830]

forget about it. move on your better than that

I agree with my sister MJ. You at least foundout what kind of person she Really was and as MJ stated you were a better person, You were a TRUE Lady and kept your composer and just left. As far as the other people in the place they also probably looked at her as an ass. She tried to make herself look like something she was not a Lady. She knew about you when you were going out and you probably knew things about her but again you were trustworthy and True and did not play her game. In my book she made herself look like an ass and she has realized that and is trying to appoligize but as I said before, You are way above her and you dont need her appologeze. Continue on with who you are and ignore stupidity. I Bow to You as a Great Person and a True Lady. I would not return her call and just ignore her and realize we ALL make mistakes in ourlives and we learn from them. I am sorry that she put you throught that, You did not desrve that. Joann0830

BTW I would not let those faces haunt you as you said you will never see them again nor will you hang out with her friends.

[trannie T]

You have done well. You have survived the humiliation of being outed to a large group of people. Do not call your ex-beloved until your emotions are back to normal, she said things that she should not have said, you need to be strong and be careful what you say.

[Shelly67]

Golly , nice lady ! I know for a fact you should stand tall and proud , what a horrible experience . It does'nt matter what we are , or indeed how we live our lives - it simply is'nt right to be publicly scorned and embarressed for the entertainment of others . How infantile .
If I were in the position , I'd put a hundred years between us , ignore her and never have anything to do with her again . I would'nt be nasty , just cut all ties and be grateful I'd seen her true colours ..............

[mklinden2010]

For all sorts of reasons, cut her out of your life.

People like that do NOT change. She did what she did because she is who she is, not because she "goofed up" or "made a mistake." That was her mouth running and that mouth is connected to her brain - the brain that decided to ambush you and kept going when she had the advantage over you. Friends do not do that, nor do true lovers. Deal breaker.

My SO offered that your ex was still hurt over the break up. I replied, "It's not OK to destroy someone over your hurt at some dating thing that didn't work out. You bow out and move on - or you make trouble... Either way, you don't make trouble to get back together. Most people figure this out in Jr. High School. Shame on her for kissing and telling." Many others will see or hear about what she did and the net damage will be to her, not you.

Begging you to talk to her is her effort to manipulate you into being part of her craziness in life again and again and/or to claw her way back to respectability among civilized people. That's her problem and her cross to bear in life. Take the high road and do not look back.

Been through this with cr*ppy people before. If you get sucked back into her orbit, the day will come when this sort of thing will happen all over again - and it will be your fault for having had anything to do with her.

Keep the bonus points you get for walking. It's good for your self respect and your confidence.

You did the right thing. Keep it up.

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Look on the bright side: you could have ended up married to the evil cow Be proud of who you are and tell anyone who doesn't like it to eff off.

[Bethany38]

[SIZE=4]Natalie, wow what a horrible thing to have happen to you. I have to agree with everyone else that you are sooo lucky to be rid of that horribly ugly person. No matter what her outer looks are like, on the inside she fell out of the ugly tree, and hit every single branch, twig, and leaf on the way down. I always try to remember Karma is a b---h, and what she put out toward you in that instance will come back at her. So I would keep on laughing `cause she'll never see it coming when it happens... [/SIZE]

[Paula W]

Being put on the spot like that and humiliated is never fun but the good part is that it is over and you really wont have to worry about it unless there were people there that you see from time to time. The way it sounds her friends might be sympathetic towards you because of the way she treated you.

Personally a good comeback can always turn around a humiliating situation. I know its tough to think of instead of standing like a deer caught in headlights but it would have been awesome had you said "She broke up with me because I looked better in her dress than she did" but your reaction is completely understandable. Dont fret though, its over and done with.

[Kristen-Gaye]

When someone belittles you in front of others it somehow makes them feel better about themselves. It's small & petty & is a sign of weakness & insecurity! I guess a lot of us have done it in one way or another. It's human nature. Maybe hear what she has to say for herself but know you are the bigger person out of this!

[randi32869]

I agree that she was out of line and also that she has regrets - we all say things we would like to take-back and it is usually around friends that we are trying to "impress" or perhaps cover for our own flaws. You should be "man enough" to accept her apology and it may take your friendship to a different level.

I am sure that all girls have to "save face" when a relationship does not materialize - particularly around her girlfriends, so you need to have some understanding of her position as well. A smart-ass comment about the dress size would have put you in the villan position so maybe it is good that it did not come to mind that quickly.

You need to have an appropriate cache of comments available for times like these. My favorite is "if all men spent 3 days in a dress they would be much better husbands" or "I admire a woman's world so much that I found that I enjoyed it occasionally" or "You wear a dress for 24 hours and you will NEVER again drop into a 7-11 so your wife can pee".

If you were friends enough to still see each other - don't let a good friendship get away - lovers are easier to find than friends! Who knows - maybe she has changed her view and considers you one that got away.

Sometimes our quick comments reveal more about what think than we know and while these comments are usually unbecoming - they do make us think. So don't waste an opportunity to explore what she is really thinking (she may not even know) while you have the upper hand in the relationship.

[Jonianne]

What is that popular saying now? "What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger."

.......To the person who said, "Are you for real", I would have replied, with a smile, "Yes, I do it all the time, I especially enjoy the leather (or whatever)." And let her draw her own conclusions.......

That was a horrible thing to do to you, but know that in the long run this may turn out better than you now think. My ex threatened to tell everyone, my kids, my family, my church and my work. I have no doubt she was in the process of doing just that. So I took the initiative and began to tell each of them on my terms. I never lost a single friend. Even my kids were OK, except that they said "Dad, we just don't want to see you dressed". I said "Agreed". The next time my ex threatened me, I said go ahead and tell, I've already told them. I never did anything wrong, so she lost all of her ammunition.

Just keep being your self with others, let them see that you are still just you and in time you will be able to reply with a smile when someone confronts you and say yea, that's just a part of who I am. Actually, when I shared this with some of the others, they ended up feeling free to share some personal stuff about themselves with me.

[Vicky_Scot]

Just remember one thing.

You are more of a man than she deserved and more of a lady than she will ever be.

[KateW]

Her horrible actions were just a reflection on her as a person. Regardless of how your relationship ended, you trusted her with information and she broke that trust. Just be glad that you are now free from her! There are a lot of open minded GGs on the planet, and she has just reinforced that you are much better off without her!

[Angelofsomekind]

Maybe one of her friends will be thinking about it more and like the idea of it, let us know when she tries to get a hold of you.

[Violetgray]

Wow. I think maybe I'm more forgiving than most of the girls here. Don't get me wrong, what she did was horrible. But I think most of the girls here are outraged for you, but without the bond of friendship you had with her to put things in perspective. It's easy to say "never speak to her again" about somebody you've never known. Speak to her or not, the choice is yours. In my case, I would at least re-establish a dialog with her, especially if she's so remorseful.

[Chari]

Natalie, Great advice from all previous posts, but only you can decide what is best for you in each moment of your life! Did not read in your post you admitting to "dressing", which leaves doubt if you do, with her friends and the patrons of the restaurant. You are very wise to walk away from that situation and individual! Please do not be foolish (again) and accept her back. She has lost control of you and is hurt you are not responding to her "pulling your strings"! She is as a leopard - and cannot change her spots. Always be proud and comfortable in who you are!

[boardpuppy]

This was a terrible situation to be placed in and you handled it very well. Having stated how I see the situation, the best thing for you to do is get on with your life. Only you can deside if you want this girl in your life again (not me). Except her appology if you want but you are aware of her true colors, and don't let her closer than arms length. If you pass her, say hello and keep walking, this says volumes about your character. You are a fabulous person and there are other GG's out there looking for the right girl, maybe even one of her friends. All things pass and this is just one of them.

Hugs,
Alice

[LisaElizabeth]

I heard a quote recently that was attributed to of all people... John Wayne!

"Life is hard, it's even harder when you do something stupid!"

Seems to apply to your ex!!

LisaE

[Renee Demarea]

Lick your wounds and move on, If she did it once she will do it again.Go buy some new heels and find someone else.

[Engendered]

Get the dresses and do a runner!

Sorry, I saw a chance at pretty dresses and got carried away. I've had a little experience with people lashing out, and I think she does still care and is still hurting, so I would probably start talking to her again, but I'm a bit of a sucker when it comes to other people.

[Sally2005]

Sometimes the best payback is no response at all. You may feel bad to not responding to her multiple phone calls and her "I'm sorry", but the fact is, she is NOT sorry, she never respected you or she would never have embarrased you like she did. She only said she was sorry because her friends told her it was wrong? ...you didn't break up because of your CDing...you broke up because your partner didn't respect you for who you are.

That being said, learn to accept yourself and there won't be anything to be embassed about. If you need a good comeback, just tell her friends that it was the only way to get your SO to sleep with you at times... ;-) But, if you are secure in who you are you could have responded with something like "I keep it private mostly because many people do not understand it, I am shocked that my ex has said this because it was a private matter between us and it just shows how petty she can be. It is the one unusual activity in my otherwise normal boring life as a man..." You might get some offers to go shopping and some support, maybe a new girlfriend. I think depending on how YOU deal with it, other people will respect you and some might even think it is cool. Showing shame for it is like walking around with a "kick me" sign on your back.

[Karen Born]

Natalie,

What you did was appropriate for the moment. Made her look like a 'jackass' and likely opened the eyes of her friends - maybe even shook a couple of them up if they had any secrets your ex knew about.

I would listen to her apology and then let her know that you need 'a lot of space and time' in order to calm down and consider whether or not you will continue to associate with each other. If, in a couple of weeks or so, she is still remorseful, CAREFULLY reestablish contact but make it clear to her that you will not be treated so callously now or any other time.

Keep your head up! You did well!

Karen.

My mind is like lightning.... one brilliant flash and it's gone!

[dilane]

She said hello, and then before I knew it, she was saying "this is my ex fiance that likes to wear ladies clothes!" I choked. Her friends looked at her and then looked at me and one said "oh really?" She responded with "yeah, that's why we broke up , I was afraid he'd be wearing my favorite dress while I wasn't home! hahaha". Her girlfrinds, looked at me in horror and one said "Are you for real?" I didn't speak, I was too shocked. So my ex said "He's a bit too wierd for me to marry but otherwise he's okay!" And she laughed and laughed.

So, now I am thinking, what next? what do i do? Do I really worry about this? Its not like I hang out with her friends at all. Probably will never encounter those folks at the restaurant. I guess I can't seem to get passed this feeling of being an alien, or a freak. The looks on those peoples faces are haunting me....

OMG! I can't imagine a nastier thing to do to someone. I feel awful for you.

Wow, what a piece of work this woman is! (to borrow from Shakespeare.)
Be very thankful that you broke up!

Nothing you can do, don't waste time worrying about it and go about your life.

My advice to you is to look back very carefully and see if you could identify the cruelty and hostility in her character when you were an item. There were probably clues. Then, resolve to keep away from any woman who even hints at that kind of meanness!

Sorry you had to go through that,

Diane

[joandher]

Maybe one of her friends will be thinking about it more and like the idea of it, let us know when she tries to get a hold of you.

That is what i was thinking ??

The same threat wasgiven to a friend of mine and his reply was WELL GO AHEAD AND I WILL TELL THEM YOU MADE ME DRESS UP


J-JAY

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

She also said that 4 people casme up to her in the restaurant after I walked out and told her basically, "shame on you!". And that I had no right to embarass you that way.....wow. You were right Reine, they were embarassed by her actions. That really puts allot of faith back in me about others......

THis to me seems to be the positive thing that came out of it, between this and the friend that called you, at least you can see that most people don't really seem bothered by what you do and were on your side when she did what she did.

Hopefully this will give you the confidence to slowly come out to the people in your life so that this sort of thing will never threaten you again. Next time you can show her friends those heels in your bag and say "I can't help it if I've got style!"