Very worried

[KayC]

Okay, you've both got me crying now. That was very touching. But the proof is in the pudding, so that means you've got to show her what she needs to see...put your CD on hold for a little while and spend some time showing your family what they mean to you. You will always be CD, it's who you are, but they will likely be more amenable to your needs when you are attentive to theirs. I am so happy to see Daybreak on here, welcome to the forum! Please get your ten posts in and apply to the FAB section where you can meet some of us GG, it feels more safe and private in there somehow. I am hoping and praying for the two of you to make it! It sounds like you do love and care about each other and that's a huge part of it. Communication is often challenging between the species but it does sound like you are both on the same page...

[mklinden2010]

It strikes me again that the matter of "trust" keeps coming up as a big deal.

It is, and, it isn't.

Some SOs seem to want "all the answers" from someone who they already feel is suspect and untrustworthy in many ways. It's like asking the guy who just robbed you if you can get a receipt... Do you think he really will? And, if he does, will he use his real name?

People, you need to put these CD conversations in the context of "coming out." You need to admit you didn't trust yourself, the situation, the outcome, enough to say something sooner. And, now that you ARE talking about it, you're probably messing that up too.

"Trust me... I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm doing this. But, here it is... Can you help me figure this out?"

That's what they're there for.

You can both take it from there...

[suchacutie]

As has been said, please post often and quickly so you can join the GG forum and all the rest. There are some terrific people here.

I'm only 4 years into my exploration of Tina. My wife and I started it together so that was never a problem. However...

I found out a tremendous amount about being a feminine being when I tried to do it myself! My wife has been incredibly patient with me trying to explain what it's like to grow up as a girl and then a woman. From my perspective, I have been trying to soak up every detail of growing up female. It is a different world!

What that has done is to give me an insight and perspective of the thought processes and experience that most men consider "unfathomable". They are not. They are just different. For me, to cross dress effectively, it's much more than just putting on heels and the rest (although that's important too!) and involves the mindset of being feminine.

My primary conclusion from all this is that we, as men, do have the ability to be empathetic, sensitive, and...feminine. We can be the best partners! We can actually use what we know from being en femme when we are males. Thus, if our mates are willing to educate us, and if we are willing to be educated (and it WILL become a two-way street of helping them to figure out our wierd male selves) the relationship can become simply incredible.

We did it...and I'm sure you can too. The two entries from you lovely people are awesome! If you can recommit to helping each other, and learning from each other, and to supporting each other, I can't imagine what could stop your relationship from being just fantastic!!!

all my best wishes,
tina

It quickly became clear to my wife and "us" (Tina and the male side) that sometimes Tina needed to talk and sometimes "he" needed to talk. To separate this out cleanly, Tina got her own e-mail address and when there were some longish explanations that we really wanted in writing, we would e-mail back and forth, but then it was clear who was speaking.

Also, my wife has conversations with both my masculine and feminine sides, talking about the other self! This tends to release any stress there might be about the "third" person. Tina and my wife have had some incredible conversations about me...some of which really cleared that air about how my masculine self was acting. It really can work, as odd as it may sound in the beginning. Heck, my masculine self even complains about Tina's high maintenance!

This can be an exciting experience when it's going well. I do so hope that this can work out between the two of you. You both sound just fabulous!!!

tina

[JulieC]

If you haven’t figured it out already, I am your wife.

Daybreak, a big, giant, huge,

I can't tell you how great it is to see you here, even if you utterly and completely reject CDing in your husband's life and never want to see it, etc. The simple act of you being here shows a great deal of love and caring for him, warts and all. It also shows great courage on your own part to learn. Very, very impressive.

If there's anything anyone can do here for you, just ask. I'm sure one or more of us will step forward and offer whatever insight, assistance, ears, etc. that are needed.

[Daybreak]

Thank you for hello's and welcome's. I'm a bit surprised due to the nature of my previous post.

Keri (ok that's hard to write) and I did some talking yesterday. I left work shortly after posting. We are on the right track now, hopefully we can stay on it. I do love him very much and it is worth the effort.

I do want to post more but I feel like I don't know how to contribute. I feel like I'm on Mars and I don't know anyone. I also feel like I'm invading someone else's space.

[KellyV GG]

I feel like I'm on Mars and I don't know anyone. I also feel like I'm invading someone else's space.

Mars isn't such a terrible place once you get used to the atmosphere! This forum is the main reason I am able to not only accept but understand and even share in and embrace my BF's CDing. You will find so much support, incredible advice and truly amazing people who are more than open and wiling to share. You'll learn alot here and you'll find that you are so not alone in this and it's probably way more common than you think.

It's great that you're talking. It does take awhile for it all to sink in to the point where you get past the shock and betrayal part and move in to understanding. If you have a loving relationship, you have everything. And you have so many people here to help you along the way.

One more thing...if there is anything at all on your mind, start a thread about it you'll be amazed at how working things out discussing them here will help your level of understanding.

[LindaMarie]

I hope Daybreak and Keri continue to communicate and work on trusting and respecting each other.

Keri, I especially hope you realize the courage it took for Daybreak to post on this forum. The fact that she's taken that step and that you've both declared how important you are to each other is so encouraging.

I wish you both all the best.

[tricia_uktv]

Sadly, you are in worrying times as I was a few years ago. We have now split but that was not because of my crossdressing (though it has certainly helped it). We came to an arrangement when I could dress occaisionally but it must be away from home and apart from the family. All other times I was to be perfectly male. So, about once every two months I would go away to dress for a couple of days. Could that work?

[Satrana]

I find that if you can manage to do what she expects you to do, be there FOR her, almost any other interest can be worked around.

Yes the most powerful message you can send right now is to tell her you will be there for her especially since she is not ready to talk to others.

At this moment she is at a complete loss. It is not just about the loss of trust but anger. How did I end up with this? How could I not see this in him? I must be an idiot. How could he do this to me? Our marriage is just a sham, a cover for his homosexuality/transsexuality. Why would I want to continue in this relationship. I need to get out now to save myself.

As well as devoting as much time to her as you can, also try to get life back into a regular routine. She needs to see that the relationship is not turned on its head because of this revelation. And while you need to keep the communication going, do not attempt to have heart to hearts every night, it is too emotionally tiring. The CD issue should not become the dominant topic. Some nights should be nothing more than watching TV together preferably hugging on the sofa.

Good luck and hang in there.

[JulieC]

Thank you for hello's and welcome's. I'm a bit surprised due to the nature of my previous post.

Keri (ok that's hard to write) and I did some talking yesterday. I left work shortly after posting. We are on the right track now, hopefully we can stay on it. I do love him very much and it is worth the effort.

I do want to post more but I feel like I don't know how to contribute. I feel like I'm on Mars and I don't know anyone. I also feel like I'm invading someone else's space.

You're not on another planet, and you're not invading our space. You're welcome here with HUGE open arms, even as I said if you utterly reject the CDing aspects of your husband.

What impresses me is how much you obviously love him.

I'd like to pass on one thought here. Just something for you to think about; reject if you want, accept, whatever. Just something to ponder.

My wife says that CDing is a part of me. She fell in love with me. Even if she hadn't known about the CDing (I told her early on in our relationship, after I knew it was getting serious) she still would have fallen in love with me..which includes CDing. I.e., she loves the me that is a CDer, whether she's aware of it or not. There's aspects of me that wouldn't be there if I wasn't a CDer. You fell in love with this wonderful man. He was a CDer all along. You also fell in love with the part of him that is a CDer even if you didn't know it.

He's still the same person he was before. You just know more about him now than you did before. You will still be learning things about each other 10, 20, 30 years from now. If you stop learning about each other, your relationship will be harmed. It's in part the learning that makes it strong.

I'm sorry you learned about the CDing when you did. That was wrong, and nothing can fix that and make it right.

I also echo what many said here; get to ten posts and get into the GG (genetic girl) only forum, where you will find many, many wives of crossdressing husbands. You might feel a little closer to the planet (say, the moon) than Mars