We've been married for over 28 years.
I crossdressed before we married but didn't tell my wife because
1) it was 1981, I felt guilty and ashamed about my wanting to crossdress and there was still so little information and support available
2) I really thought that once we were married, the need for me to crossdress would end.
As you can guess, the need to crossdress never went away.
After a few years of marriage, I tried to tell my wife about my desire to crossdress. I wasn't as honest as I should have been. I didn't tell her that it had been a long term need for me. I told her it was something I was interested in and wanted to explore.
She was initially somewhat accepting. However, I took things too quickly, dressed too often and she became very uncomfortable with it.
Since then, my crossdressing has been the "elephant in the room" in our relationship. Whenever we try to talk about it, we get into a big fight. I know she thinks less of me because I want to crossdress and I've begun to resent her less than accepting attitude.
I can't fully understand the shock she must have felt when she learned about my crossdressing and I wish I had been more honest when we first started talking about crossdressing. I've made plenty of mistakes and didn't always try as hard as I should have to understand her feeling or what she was going through.
But, it's been over 20 years now. I've been a good husband. I've been out as Linda just a few times but have mostly dressed at home when my wife is not at home. I've really tried to be understanding about how this is all difficult for her.
Still, I've begun to feel more and more resentful of the way she treats me and her attitude toward my crossdressing. It would be wonderful if she felt like some of the SOs and wives here who say they don't care what their husbands wear as long as they're happy. I don't expect that will ever be the case. I would just like her to acknowledge that I'm not this terrible person.
Her attitude towards me has become less affectionate and I find that I'm feeling the same way towards her. I've become tired of being the one that almost always seems to be making the first move or the one who shows affection. I don't like the path we're on but I don't see how we're going to change it.
She's always been somewhat controlling, even in matters not related to crossdressing. I don't know if that's at the root of our problems. She seems to think she should know best what kinds of things I should do in the little spare time I have.
I don't know what kind of answer or response I'm looking for. I really don't have anyone to talk with about this. We tried couples therapy years and years ago. The therapist seemed to feel that my crossdressing, while an issue in our marriage, really wasn't the awful thing that my wife thought it was.
Has anyone had good results from seeing a couples therapist?
I am so jealous of those of you who are married to women who accept you for who you are.