Important CD'ing lesson that has eluded some.

[Meghan]

My wife is a lot like that, certainly not to those extremes, but she is a femme girl, almost never wears pants to work, almost always wears heels of some sort, always has her hair "done" in some fashion, she wears hats any time she thinks she can get away with it. She stands up for, and enjoys being clean, looking well put together, and ladylike. We are not fuddie duddies, she is 37. This is unusual for our age group most of whom seem to have fallen prey to the "casual friday / sloppy all the time" look and mindset. She takes grief for looking well put together, for not conforming to the status que, and is often asked what she is "dressed up" for.

Here is the rub:

She isn't trying to pass.

If I were to dress as she does, I would get grief too - but it would be completely different grief.

Wonderful, wonderful post! I great point and one I am sure we all could easily feel guilty about if we let it get to us.

Meghan

[Frédérique]

Ummm, folks, No need to put on your sunday best to go to WalMart.

[SIZE="2"]I was in Wal-Mart yesterday, and I saw a woman wearing a beautiful skirt – mid-calf length, with a floral pattern in blue. She also had gorgeous hair, jewelry, painted nails, and a lovely handbag. I was so shocked to see someone who bothered to dress stylishly that I almost ran right into the Hydroxycut display! [/SIZE]

[Fab Karen]

What's the sense of crossdressing if you look like a guy?? Lol.

The wisdom of Auntie Karren

[tricia_uktv]

I totally disagree!! No friggin way am I going to go out anywhere in jeans or casual just to blend in with the crowd!! I can't help it of they dress like rubbish?? So I'm wearing a skirt or a dress.. No not a cocktail dress.. And even though I maybe the only one in the store wearing a dress.. I really don't care.. if I want to dress like crap I'll just go in guy mode.. What's the sense of crossdressing if you look like a guy?? Lol.

Yep, definately with Karren here. I'll dress how I want to heck with everyone else. Some days I want to pass so I'll dress slightly down, somedays I want to be seen so I'll dress up. Who cares?

[Ralph]

Ummm, folks, No need to put on your sunday best to go to WalMart. When I go to walmart, I may or may not even bother with deoderant or combing my hair.

Wow, I could have predicted the responses to this thread without even the aid of my all-knowing Magic 8-Ball. You got your folks who immediately dismiss anyone who goes to Wal-Mart has subhuman scum lacking teeth, your stereotypes about mullets, your folks who criticize others as "trashy" for not wearing makeup and expensive clothes... didn't we just have this conversation a couple of weeks ago?

I was glad (and somewhat surprised) to see some replies that agree with you.

Seriously, gang, lighten up. When you mock or belittle someone because their clothes aren't as nice as yours or they wear a hairstyle you don't find attractive, how do you make the world a better place? And then you get offended when others mock us because of what WE wear. Woe unto you, you hypocrites.

[Princess Chantal]

Ah, but since it is a place that a lot of women go, if you want to be a "typical woman", doing "typical" womanly activities... going to Wal*Mart becomes part of "the experience of being female"... like getting accustomed to being expected to be the one changing the diapers.

I don't quite get your point..... Is there not as many men, boys, and girls parading around town while sporting Walmart fashions? When I went to get my dog some treats from Walmart today, I noticed that both genders were represented quite evenly.
And well going to Walmart, grocery store, shopping mall, or even doing "typical" everyday things is not worth MY crossdressing time and efforts. It is not a necessary part of "the experience of my crossdressing"

[Kerrylee61]

I totally disagree!! No friggin way am I going to go out anywhere in jeans or casual just to blend in with the crowd!! I can't help it of they dress like rubbish?? So I'm wearing a skirt or a dress.. No not a cocktail dress.. And even though I maybe the only one in the store wearing a dress.. I really don't care.. if I want to dress like crap I'll just go in guy mode.. What's the sense of crossdressing if you look like a guy?? Lol.

On the money Karren. That's the way I feel too. Either do it right or don't do it at all.

Kerry

[PaulaJaneThomas]

Seriously, gang, lighten up. When you mock or belittle someone because their clothes aren't as nice as yours or they wear a hairstyle you don't find attractive, how do you make the world a better place? And then you get offended when others mock us because of what WE wear. Woe unto you, you hypocrites.

Well said Ralph.

[sandra-leigh]

And well going to Walmart, grocery store, shopping mall, or even doing "typical" everyday things is not worth MY crossdressing time and efforts. It is not a necessary part of "the experience of my crossdressing"

And yet you are the one who complains at our meetings about people not cross-dressing to do "ordinary" things like going to museums or the various festivals, that too many people just dress for the clubs and events like The Ball. You are contradicting yourself.

Going to Wal*Mart, grocery stores, shopping malls (not just to shop for new clothes), taking the city bus, is part of cross-dressing, at least for those who wish to be perceived or treated as feminine by the general public.

You have said before that you "like to be read", because that helps show that cross-dressers are ordinary people going about ordinary things, not just overdressed over-makeup'd drama queens. Since the ordinary person goes to Wal*Mart or similar, goes to grocery stores or Home Depot, if you want to convince the ordinary person that we too are ordinary other than in how we dress, then you would cross-dress to Wal*Mart and similar places that everyday people go to as a routine part of life.

I think I said it in another thread: cross-dressing just to go to the clubs and CD-accepting social events, is just a bigger closet. I don't go to many of those events, because my cross-dressing is with me all of the time. This afternoon, I didn't go into Seven-Eleven dressed up for the "thrill" of it: I went in dressed up because I needed milk -- little different than the reason the GG in front of me in line was there in a dress, just an ordinary person doing an ordinary thing.

But then, I don't think of "my cross-dressing time" as a special occasion, don't think of it as "quality time" that has to be used to best show off or do something special. My cross-dressing time is, instead, time when I finally get to dress as I want to / need to, to dress as I would routinely if I could. I know that you personally have no intention of transitioning or going 24/7, but to anyone who to whom going "24/7" is an attractive idea, dressing as part of your "everyday life" becomes important. I doubt that I would transition (at least not in the SRS sense), but I am, in a sense, working on my RLT (Real Life Test). By going out and doing ordinary things.

[Fran Moore]

Once again, I agree with Karren! Life is short, live it the way you please, which includes dressing the way YOU want and shopping in the places that you choose.

[msginaadoll]

Maybe Im a minority, but I like to fit into the place that Im going to. I find it fun and a challenge. I like to look stylish and nice but that doesnt mean I cant wear slacks or jeans or leggings and a nice top. My dressing isnt fetish so I dont have to always wear latex or girly dresses or ruffles or skirts or capris etc. I want to look as much like the female version of me I can in whatever i wear. Heck I would love to fingd a cute sweat outfit that looked nice on me and a pair of tennies and wear them out to the mall, with a nice baseball cap or scrunchie. Do I want to pass maybe but at least I want to look cute!

[TGMarla]

Like Tiffany, I tend to agree with Karren on this one. I don't crossdress to wear pants. But it's a personal preference and I understand the sentiment of dressing down in order to blend. But if there's one thing that Kimberly has taught me, it's to be comfortable in your own shoes. People are going to read you, and it's not the end of the world. Most of the time, they will regard it with mild amusement, and nothing more. You can still go about your business, and no one get hurt.

Speaking of hurt, the mullet was really unnecessary, Nicole. I can't get the image out of my head no matter how hard I scrub, and it hurts! It hurts! Owwwww!

[brittdoll]

I never shop WalMart

I agree - I have never given them a dollar nor will I ever give them one in the future.

[Melissa_Z]

Seriously, gang, lighten up. When you mock or belittle someone because their clothes aren't as nice as yours or they wear a hairstyle you don't find attractive, how do you make the world a better place? And then you get offended when others mock us because of what WE wear. Woe unto you, you hypocrites.

I hear ya and agree Ralph. It seems like wal-mart is frequently a super contentious subject that drives ALL KINDS of issues, some of which you've highlighted. Egads.

I think the thread kind of has a few different themes running through it. The one that I focused on, and would like to reiterate is that dressing contextually has its benefits as far as blending in with the rest of the world goes.

In boy-mode (my nearly exclusive domain), I am not apt to suit up in my brooks-brothers best to head down to Pier-1 or Lowes just because I look really sharp that way (at least I think so). Alternatively, I am not about to walk out of the house looking like Tom Hanks in cast-away either. I pick something "nice," comb my hair, and make sure I take the necessary steps to ensure that my presence does not precede itself.... Why should that behaviour differ for going out in girl mode?

My point being that doing your best at looking great, and selecting your outfit/look to be appropriate for the day/event that you're going out for are not mutually exclusive. It seems to me that it is just normal behaviour (for lack of a better term). I read Nicole's original post to be on this point; in the context of subsequent posts I may have misread. Nonetheless, it would be nice if we could go easy on wal-mart shoppers (of which I am one, albeit only in boy-mode), and look at the bigger picture as Ralph has pointed out.

[Carly D.]

To me walmart will be the golden trophy.. I did wear my heeled booties in there but have yet to dress full up and attempt the store that way, and more likely won't.. unless I do it as a lark at Halloween night..

[Jodi M]

Look around you when you are in Walmart, K Mart, Target etc. You will see the occassional lady in a dress or skirt. They probably do geta little closer l
look than someone in jeans or sweats,ugh! And thats only because they are looking a little more attractive than most. Why can't I be that lady. A lot of the time I choose to do so!

[lori m crawford]

so wear did you find side or back zipper pants i wood love to have some

[Michelle_Sullivan]

Girls,

I've read a lot of advice on this subject over the last few days across crossdressers.com and other sites. I'm a 24x7 girl and have been for more than a year now. What I have learned is dress as you want, however do think on this if you want to "pass" or "blend"..

Look what GGs are wearing (particularly GGs of your age or perceived age).... you will find....

1/ Most do not "get dressed up" .. smart casual is the way to go.
2/ Don't use a lot of make up.. Have a good look at GGs you'll see that most don't use makeup to go shopping, and those that do usually use a little eye makeup only (Mascara and Liner) and/or a little lippy.
3/ No matter what your age, 5" hooker heels and a micro mini skirt will not make you blend! Nor will edwardian period costumes no matter how good you look!
4/ Hair is important, length doesn't matter, but if you have you hair cut short don't think that putting in some extensions at the back will make you look like a girl! Style it, but don't go OTT.

That all said, I have been shopping in 4" boots with fishnets and a mini skirt, studs around my waist, wrist and neck, with very dark makeup.... I drew lots of attention (ie didn't blend) but I did pass, because whilst I stood out, it was a Goth look, and there are enough goths around to not be too unusual, and the additional makeup is a given for a goth.

The pic on the right was taken at home after said shopping trip, minus the boots but with the addition of the new shoes I bought....

Oh and I'm 40, and if I can pull it off...

[erickka]

Wal-Mart customers....so many gums so few teeth !!!

ROFLMAO!! You said it! This is so true in my neck of the woods!

[Tracy_Victoria]

I totally disagree!! No friggin way am I going to go out anywhere in jeans or casual just to blend in with the crowd!!

Firstly I do get the point Nicole is trying to make, and it is a tactic that works well. the Ball Gown for Walmart/Tescos is a phrase I have used here myself on occations. however I think the better example of this is dress for the place, not to be out of Place!

I picked Karrens comment, because I think Karren is the prime example of the perfect passer. if you look at her flicker or album photos, each of the outdoor photos show Karren nicely, and very smartly dressed, but no more than you would expect any other Fashionable woman to be wearing.

ie you can wear long or short skirts, boots, big hair and makeup, so long as you look good in it. (and Karren does) Also note we have no proof of her wearing her purple wig out in the combat zone! (She'll prove me wrong now, )

I'm sure Karren will be the first to tell you, that no TV/CD passes out 100% of the time, but if you look good, and you look right most will not give you a second look, even if they have original doubts. Ie Karren is a prime example of the look, ie using clothes, a good wig, and makeover, and the right accessories to pass.

it doesn't matter if you small tall, short or fat, if you look the part, and play the part with confidence, you'll not draw the attention of others, in the same way, that you would if you wore a tu-tu to Tescos!!!

[Princess Chantal]

And yet you are the one who complains at our meetings about people not cross-dressing to do "ordinary" things like going to museums or the various festivals, that too many people just dress for the clubs and events like The Ball. You are contradicting yourself.

Wow, I'm so flustered considering that I'm very supportive of the local club and the BALL fetish events. There's possibly no one in the group that speaks as highly of them than me. The more crossdressing presence at the clubs and the Ball the better. Just because I mention many alternative places to wander while crossdressed does not mean I am frustrated (to complain) about the lack of interest.

You have said before that you "like to be read",

Yes, that is for sure

because that helps show that cross-dressers are ordinary people going about ordinary things, not just overdressed over-makeup'd drama queens

Your own words on an assumption, I presume.........
cause that is not one of the many reasons why I like to be known as a crossdresser when I'm enfemme. Maybe you misunderstood this statement that I had used before when talking about being read "I'm out there just enjoying who I am (a crossdresser) and what I love to do while crossdressed."

I think I said it in another thread: cross-dressing just to go to the clubs and CD-accepting social events, is just a bigger closet.

Clubbing with friends and CD-accepting social events are well worthy of MY crossdressing time and efforts. Socializing with people in a social atmosphere is a big part of my dressing.

[CD202Leanne]

Before moving to So Fla in 2005, I lived just south of Chicago. For a couple years I was afforded the luxury of being able to dress in public for 6 months of the year. By daylight I frequented malls, "trendy" clothing shops, Starbucks (YES i am ashamed of that now) gas stations/convenience stores, Marshalls . . . . . you get the drift. At that phase of my dressing the ONLY thing I would even consider wearing were mini skirts/heels, nylons (or tights), flashy tops, tight sweaters, etc. My favorite outfit was a red/black/white plaid mini, black tights and a black sweater with a "Christmas-y" sort of pattern on it . . . . . which I only wore at the end of the year.
Looking back on it, I CAN honestly laugh at myself for how goofy I certainly must have looked parading around a shopping mall in 4 inch heels and a mini skirt in the dead of a Chicago winter. And looking back on it I also realize now that 98% of GG's do NOT dress like that at the mall.
Nothing wrong with dressing as one sees fit, after all, this STILL IS the USA, no? But, shouldn't we dress appropriately for the event/location? And my question for Karen Hutton is: would you wear a micro mini and 5 inch heels to a wake or a funeral? If not . . . . WHY not? And if so, well . . . . more power to ya. And would you wear loose jeans and an Iron Maiden t-shirt to a formal dinner?
For Ralph: well said, my friend.
I haven't been shopping for clothes since I've been laid off, but the last couple things I did buy were capris and casual blouses. The best wardrobe, I think, is a [SIZE=4]sensible [/SIZE]wardrobe.

just MY . Thanks . . . . . . .

Leanne

[DawnRodgers]

I agree with Karren 120 %. The look is the thing. I know I'm not going to a formal occasion but I do want to be in a dress or skirt and blouse. Makeup and moderate jewelry. Casual heels. Kind of like I just got off from work. That is what feminine is to me. Otherwise, why bother.