Came home and all my clothes are gone

[Dutchess]

I am always sad and a bit shocked when I read posts like this ,, I agree with it being a gross violation ,across the board.. I am a GG married to a CD-er and I have always protected him and really coddled him at home due to our outside lifestyle . He simply cannot be identified at all outside the home ( his words) I understand this and I try to make his inside the house dressing as happy as possible.

We have one child left in the home, an 8 year old daughter , she just sees him as artistic and thinks he just cant seem to find a mans bathrobe that he likes ( thats all she sees of his dressing at her age ).

I too had this happen to ME by my controlling ex ,, he piled my clothes up in the front yard and burned them because he thought I was trying to look " like a model" yeah .. ok .... I am not ready for the polyester house dresses yet sorry ..

I stayed wayyy too long but yes I divorced him..

I am sorry , what she did was unacceptable behavior.

[Dressing Jill]

OMG I can only feel the pain you must be feeling. That is so not right on so many levels.

You have the right now to go and throw all of her clothes away that a man might wear. If you can't be your self neither can she.

That is a little agressive but she was very ugly with her BS.

[Miranda09]

Anyone remember debate class?

Given, you should have been up front years ago
Given, what your wife did was childish and unnecessary
Given, you should not have lied
Given, revenge won't help the situation (see childish and unnecessary above)
Given, you love your children (your wife right now not so much but we will leave some room for forgiveness later IF you both can agree) and you don't want to lose them (which we assume was the reason your wife did what she did...to save the children which may now end up in a broken home with two bitter parents, but that is next weeks debate).

We all agree on those givens?

Now what can be done to correct the problem?

Every problem can be corrected, provided both parties are willing to see the other side. It's NOT a one way street here. Compromise is just as important as understanding.

[AKAMichelle]

This is one of the reasons when my wife moved back in with me, the clothes went to the mini-storage. The other thing that a wife could do is take pictures of the clothes and stuff and use it later. That's why my stuff is out of my wife's view.

Sorry you had to be done this way. Her actions have now drawn a line in the sand which nobody will want to go over.

[christinek]

If I was to wrap up all the posts in this thread, blend them up and pour it out it would like like this:

The marriage is over, she is spiteful, so she will hold your lying butt to the fire in court, the plus is you will get to be you a new.

Does that sum it up ladies??

[LilSissyStevie]

I feel like I want to run somewhere ...--Wendy

Do it! If she wants you back, it will have to be on your terms. If not, then, oh well, better luck next time. Sometimes things get broke and aren't worth fixing. There's no use to crawl before her for the rest of your life (unless you like that sort of thing) because you made a mistake. If the relationship is based on a lie then make amends for your part in it and move on. I got divorced. I lived. I prospered.

[tazthis]

I'm sorry to hear about what your wife did! I personally would talk to her and see where her head is at. Taking your things to the dump seems very irrational. I would have to argee, it seems like something triggered her behavior....maybe you can figure out what that was. Good luck!!

[Sheila]

Females are true hypocrites

Please please tell me I did not read that right ........... he lies and lies to his wife, and you call us females hypocrites un-bloody believable

If you cant wear a skirt, then she shouldnt wear pants, as simple as that.

Again please, please tell me I did not read that right ...........you are bl**dy joking right !!!!!!!!!! he can wear what he damn well wants, when he wants, despite how his wife feels about it, cause lets face it he alreasy does behind her back at least

As for the child, its bull what she says, as she can easily tell the boy those stuff are hers if she loves you

Great lets make the wife into as big a liar as the hubby .......... jolly good

we make compromises and adjustmens all the time during a day when we esteem and love somebody, dont we?

No it seems we the GG's are required to compromise all the bloody time in some CDing relationships ....... not you don't if you are certain trannies you don't .................. if it were not for the majority of decent folks in here somedays I wouldn't bother coming in here, especially when I come across this load of I just wanna

[suchacutie]

Wendy, whatever you do, do not treat this as if nothing has changed. She has chosen to end a dialog without warning. Something did trigger this off, and that trigger could range from a social interaction to a medical depression.

While you figure out what the devil happened, please protect yourself. If she is capable of this kind of unilateral action one has to ask what else might be next. What else that she doesn't like does she think she can "fix"? Having a preliminary meeting with a lawyer would, in my opinion, not be too drastic of an action.

Secondly, the discussion needs to be had about why she felt she could take this action without prior discussion. During that conversation, it is not unreasonable to explain to her that you are justifiably in fear of what else she might do, and that your trust in her is greatly shaken. Hopefully she will reconsider further unilateral actions, but if she stands firm a re-evaluation of your position is not out of order.

Lastly, I don't think a retaliation is appropriate, but the discussion of how she would feel if you did retaliate is a worthwhile topic of conversation.

There are problems here, and maybe outside intervention is the only way.

Really frightening but our hopes are with you,

tina

[Sandra]

If you cant wear a skirt, then she shouldnt wear pants, as simple as that.

What a pathetic childish reply..

As for the child, its bull what she says, as she can easily tell the boy those stuff are hers if she loves you,

Oh I wonder when sommat like this would come up, it seesm to be a favourite get out, "if she loves you"

we make compromises and adjustmens all the time during a day when we esteem and love somebody, dont we?

Really ask most SOs and they would say that they are the ones compromising and making adjustgments, otherwise partners have hissy fits because they can't get their own way.

Females are true hypocrites

Really, you do talk a load of

[AKAMichelle]

If I was to wrap up all the posts in this thread, blend them up and pour it out it would like like this:

The marriage is over, she is spiteful, so she will hold your lying butt to the fire in court, the plus is you will get to be you a new.

Does that sum it up ladies??

Unfortunately you are most likely right. The most question is why would you want to live with somebody that accept who you are. Granted that doesn't mean going out with you dressed, but at least a certain level of understanding of your feelings.

[Ralph]

hun I cannot defend your wifes actions, nor would I want to but if I can give perhaps another view point to dictatorship and oppression, it my be that she was trying in her own way to protect your son, and the family, from someone else finding out and destroying everything, the fact that her actions may do this is ultimately sad, and like I said before what she did was wrong, but please, please do not buy into the oppression and dictatorship theories

Totally agree, except for the "hun" part which drives me crazy but that's a whole 'nother rant. If at all possible, I think you should try to explain to her how much a part of your personality is, and get both of you to counseling ASAP. In addition to her needing to understand more about that side of you, there are obviously communication issues that need to be resolved.

Above all, I sure hope this doesn't end up in your child getting caught in the middle or losing his father.

Several of the posters here have revealed a lot about themselves when they write off your own son as easy to walk away from. Sigh. Ditto for those who think that escalating this tragedy with vengeance is the right answer.

Hope the two of you can work it out...

[sherib]

So sorry that your wife threw out all your clothes. It's obvious your wife is not going to except your dressing. You can try counseling, but if she is like my wife she''ll only accept the counseler that say cross dressing is WRONG.

[SherylynJade]

I actually had this happen once with an old girlfriend. She had just moved in with me. I had to go to a job meeting that night and came home and she had thrown all my girl stuff into the trash. I was fit to be tied when i found out. And I let it slide and just slowly started rebuilding my collection. And I stayed with her. Honestly, the reason I stayed with hee was more out of feeling like I had to due to her sitiuation with her family and her medical conditions than love at that point. I wish I hadn't. It ended badly about 3 years later. And yes, dressing was a part of it
And yes, she knew soon after we started dating (which was about 2 years before this) that I had my feminie side. It wasn't something I kept from her (except maybe the first month).
Your situation is of course different, but I just wanted you to know that there have been some of us that have been there before. I'll be praying for you.

[angpai30]

My feelings go out for you wendy. That has happened to me to often with my own family. My parents always threw out my clothes when they found them. It was almost a personal vendetta because they didn't like me dressing and tried everything to get me to stop. My father even took me and my brothers to a super market and pulled out some panty hose right in front of everybody and said here these are for you misses. That was my most embarrasing and humiliating day of my life.

[donnalee]

Wendy, I'm so sorry to hear of this. As others have said, you have to try and think this out. What changed? There was a do-able, if difficult, relationship going on; suddenly one of the parties decides to commit major aggression against the other. Was it an outside influence, something you unknowingly triggered, a long simmering hostility that finally reached the boiling point?
This is a good time for some feminine intuition. Meanwhile, be VERY careful. Consulting an attorney may not be a bad idea. Do not over react, but asking your wife why she did this (I'm pretty certain your son was the first excuse she thought of), after things have cooled a bit, may be worthwhile.
I hope you are able to resolve this somehow. The training curve for new wives is a steep one (I've been with my SO for 42 not always peaceful years now).
Best wishes for success,
Donna

[AlannahNorth]

Ouch! That's not right. Marriage is a two way street, although it may not be easy. Keep your head on - think before you act. What you do in the next little while will be important to your relationship.

Good luck.

[wendy68]

Thanks again to all the responses from everyone. she hasnt said much since her raid on my room, except that she was decieved all those years and that shes just been acting like she was tolerant over the last two years. Shes been pretty quiet around me since this morning. We had company over this early evening and she acted as she always would. I didnt feel like socializing much with her girfriends, so I stayed out of it. Music has been my best outlet along with work believe it or not. I actually drove to my job site and did paperwork on my day off just to keep my mind busy. unforuantely work hasnt been great either . Im a counselor of 19 years that got laid off from my county job six months ago now at a job that wants me to use a type of therapy that is the opposite model of what I was taught in school as well as expiereced in other jobs. After six months my supervisor is not optmistic about my future there. I already have a interview with a company next week to attempt new options. Oops well I guess I got off tract there alittle --apologies--Wendy

[sherri52]

Wendy this is a tough thing for anyone to go through. She tells you she loves you but doesn't confide with you in her feelings. What made her do this to begin with. Especially if she hasn't seen you dressed. She should ahve taken time for a discussion or even counciling for the both of you together. I'm sorry this has happened to you and unfortunately this is no quick or set cure. This is sonething the two of you have to work out. Love will find a way.

[giuseppina]

...
Several of the posters here have revealed a lot about themselves when they write off your own son as easy to walk away from. Sigh. Ditto for those who think that escalating this tragedy with vengeance is the right answer.

Hope the two of you can work it out...

Perhaps, but if I was in Wendy's situation, I would insist on counseling as a condition of continuing the marriage. If she refused, I would leave, and take my son with me. Wendy's behavior demonstrates unfitness as a parent, and sets a terrible example for her son.

If she insists on someone who thinks crossdressing is bad, then the therapist is taking her side, and that, to me, is a recipe for disaster. No competent therapist would do that.

Control freaks, in my experience, must be dealt with fairly, but very firmly. If it means breaking up the marriage, so be it.

Sorry to hear that things are not working out very well for you, Wendy. You probably already know your son knows something is up, and it's not very nice.

Cheers
Giuseppina

[Sally2005]

I'm not sure what I would do, but I think part of my reaction would be to remind her hourly for the next 2 months how I contribute and support her and my family and how sad her actions have made me feel. I'm not sure I would accept any response from her other than a full appology and her credit card so I could replace what she took with new stuff. She has disrespected you, not only for what she did, but also for not telling you her feelings for so long. How is she going to make this better?

[Karen564]

Wendy,
1st off, I feel bad for you, I really do..I know it seems like a chitty thing to have done to you..or anyone for that matter..

But.......

Lets all be brutally honest here for just one moment,,,,and get out of fantasyland the others are in for one moment,,,,

Most wives wouldn't of just stopped at just throwing all your girly stuff out, they would of kicked you out to the curb too!!!!

But since she didn't do that, that says something right there & shows me she still loves you, but obviously, totally hates the CD'ing & she very well could of been feeling your relationship together as a Family a bit threatened by what's been going on with you lately, (your going to TS/TG meetings, huh) after all, you've been together for some time now & had a child before you came clean to her, & so this could be her way of trying to save it before it gets any worse..
But seriously doubt it will work out the way she hopes it will..

I TOTALLY disagree with ALL the negative comments the others are saying about your wife, and think it's just total BS & VERY ignorant for anyone to say those things about someone they don't even know, Regardless of what she did..

Just sit down with her & have a good civilized talk together about it, and go from there.......

Sorry, I'm not the one to sugarcoat things here..& just trying to keep it REAL..
Just wish more could do the same here..

Good Luck..

[Joann0830]

Hi Wendy

I am so sorry to hear your wife took the action she did
This was a breach of trust in my opinion She had no right to dispose your property without your permission
I suspect she has no idea what effect this will have on you

As a couple I fear this is a blow you may not recover from
You will both need to sit down and talk. Counseling may also help both of you

I agree with Shelly Preston and she is so right about Breach of Trust, To just assume that you would go along with this decision of hers is wrong. You entered into this relationship as partners which means side by side, there is no leader no follower, Together you walk. You talk things out if there are issues. I am so sorry for you, I am here for you if you need to vent as everyone else is here for you. Joann0830

[ashlee chiffon]

a good reason why most of us are single

[Tracy_Victoria]

Wendy

I have not read every post here, However I will say you certainly both need to talk. I really can understand how you feel right now, and to a point I can also understand your wife point of view and actions too. ie I sit here a 48 year old man, that enjoys dressing up as a woman, even I don't understand it, so I really can understand the difficulties a Woman and more to the point a Wife would have.

There really is two side to this, there is your needs and desires, Sadly many do not understand the drive this "hobby" or should I say affliction, has, ie I had not only the desire to not only dress as a female from a young age, but pass out as one as well (and did so for the first time at the age of 15! Yikes!) I'm not say that as a boast, and I realise now just how bloody stupid it was to do it, but all the same, it just shows how the desire to crossdress and go out, is strong, and also difficult to ignore too.

However there is also your partner, and her fears, Yes what she has done is very, very wrong, but I can feel for her as well. if you have been hiding away, keeping a secret in a way from her, even if she knew you were dressing, maybe what you where up to,and doing was causing the problem ie the time factor, or the fear of the unknown! ie we can very much agree to things, and yet, sadly both have totally different understanding of the meaning of what has been agreed too? ie her mind will have been working overtime, whilst you were hiding away with your "other woman" so to speak.

Personally I see her actions as one of love, over one of hate, ie she didn't just ask you to leave, and she tried to remove the source of her problem. She probably knows she has made a big mistake, she probably hoped all would be fine and dandy after doing so, however it probably clear to her now, thats not the case, so your next step, really to see how she feels about her action, not US!!! ie if she relises she has made a mistake then hopefully that will give you a door to talk to each other, and see how the ground lies, avoiding one another will only put more anger in your mind as time goes on, and fear in hers, so you really need to talk.

All I can say is take time to look at her actions, and the period leading up to them, Was this just a action of malice, or was it one of desparation and dispair, only by understanding how she feels fully, will you begin to understand why, and only by talking to you, will she understand your hurt, and frustrations as well.

Sadly crossdressers are a Beast unto themselves, we live in a dream world mostly of our own creation, some are luck and have understanding partners, others have partners that know but don't partake, others have ones that are totally in the dark. However there is a forth option, and those are the ones that know and are told to like it, or lump it, and you really need to know which one your wife felt she was. if she did feel she was the forth option, then you can start to see reason for her action. (none of us are Saints!!!)

I hope for all the bad in this situation, some good will come of it to. hopefully it will give you a chance to talk, and her a chance to understand we do what we do out of need to do it, and not a need to be different, or deceptive or most of all hurtful. Many of those that have not told there loved ones, do so, to protect them, as they are just totally unable to do so. in reality they have no wish to lie or decive, in the perfect world, we would all be able to wear what we wanted. however you also must understand that wendy takes you away from her, and that being the case, it puts a slightly different light on her actions. therefore as I said the only way forward now is to talk, for both of you.

Good luck.