Which would your partner find easier to accept?

[DemonicDaughter]

This isn't the right place to get a real objective opinion or honest answers.
The gg's that are on here probably won't even bother much with answering. They already support their husbands. That's why they're here.

It's like going to a bar and asking the patrons if they supported a liquor tax.

[SIZE="3"]Some of us GGs had already answered by the time you posted this.

Not every GG is here because they support their partners. Many come here seeking answers because they DON'T. [/SIZE]

[BLUE ORCHID]

Yeah, there's that word again. "Normal". My wife watches a lot of Lifetime, Dateline, 48 hours, all of which have a nasty habit of portraying the seedier side of men as louts, wife-beaters, cheaters, crumbs, slobs, murderers, two-timers, self centered boors, and any number of other really fun adjectives. So had I ever cheated, she'd get all the negative reinforcement of that unfortunate stereotype she ever needed. But she'd see it as normal. She'd leave me for sure, but view it as normal.

But this crossdressing thing, well, she never ever wants to see me en femme...period. It's just not normal.

Hi Marla
Don't even get me started on Lifetime channel that's
tha most man hateing channel that ever came
down the cable wire.
.
.................................................. .......thanks........ORCHID

[KayC]

It would be easier to accept his being a transvestite...although more permanent than an affair, they are two totally different things. An affair breaks vows, disregards you as their mate, and does lasting damage...the other is just how they are as a person and is not something against you but rather something to do with them. An affair is more about choosing someone over you, even if only for a moment.

For those who think an affair would be easier, I'd have to ask, have they ever BEEN on the receiving end of that news? I've been there in previous relationships and let me tell you, that's the hardest thing in the world. CDing you can get used to...affairs, never!

[AKASadieGG]

Having an affair is something someone consiously does to you. CDing is part of who they are, not something they do to you to hurt you.

[Allsteamedup]

Can I offer a couple of alternative viewpoints?
The cd part of my husband long ago took over our relationship. He will deny this, but he never buys me gifts; he shops on the sly for her even when he is supposed to be on Business. Then no gifts for birthday nor Christmas, "Well, I never know what to get...". He spends enough time shopping for her...
Another woman I could handle. she would be the competition I would know what to do with. In our relationship He is the other woman, much older than me, grey-haired and smelly.
Usually one would denote an affair as a serious level of mis-trust and betrayal, but at least it's a level playing field. Trying to maintain a relationship with someone who's head is somewhere else and whose attraction is actually part of him is much harder, and without end.

[AmiFL]

My wife did not react well to either.........

Although the woman I han affair with loved my crossdressing, go figure.

Ami

[Karren H]

By accept if you mean embrace or forgive or continue to live with in some maner?? Well she would divorce me in a heartbeat if I had an affaid just as I would her.. And since she has known for some 3 years niow and we are still together.. She accepts me as her husband..... who crossdresses but by association she doesn't accelt crossdressing.. So she really doesn't accept either..

[Hope]

Wow... really? We are going to compare crosdressing with an affair?

Lets see what other sorts of BS dichotomies we can assemble to slander people with!

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or having HIV?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or having cancer?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or being gay?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser or being a wife beater?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or being a thief?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or being unfaithful? (oh wait, that is the question the OP actually asked!)

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or being black?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser or a drug dealer?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or being in the mafia?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or molesting children?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or being a Jew?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or being a woman?

Which would be worse, being a crossdresser, or being an alcoholic?

I'm sure we could go on for days - especially when we start swapping things around a bit. What is worse, being black, or being gay?

I don't know about anyone else, but I find the very nature of the question insufferably insulting, the sort of thing I expect from Fox "news" not a member of a crossdressing community.

WE - members of the TG community need to STOP thinking and talking, and posting about ourselves as if what we do makes us the worst, most dreadful, wretched members of society. At least we have to stop thinking about ourselves that way if we want anyone else to stop thinking about us that way.

If nothing else, we need to stop thinking that we are the world's biggest perverts for our own mental health.

And this is how we do it. When someone makes a joke about crossdresser, don't laugh nervously, say "that isn't cool dude." Just like you would when some jerk tells a joke about a woman being nothing but a life support system for a vagina, or when some KKK wanna-be calls African Americans "porch monkeys," or when someone asks if being a crossdresser is worse than being unfaithful. Stand up and tell that jerk that saying things like that, and behaving like that is not acceptable in a civil society. You stand up for other people, stand up for yourself.

Maybe it is time we rip off the skateboarders "Crossdressing is not a crime!"

[DanaR]

Wow... really? We are going to compare crosdressing with an affair?

Lets see what other sorts of BS dichotomies we can assemble to slander people with!

.................................................. ...............................

Maybe it is time we rip off the skateboarders "Crossdressing is not a crime!"

I'm having a problem with this subject as well. Wow!!

[CDgirlfriend]

Either one would bring trust issues for me, if kept as a secret for a long time. But I guess the affair would really hurt. I couldn't stay with someone who cheated on me, that is the lowest thing someone could do in a relationship.

[PetiteDuality]

I'm having a problem with this subject as well. Wow!!

Me too. I think it's intended for people who feels guilty about their CDing to make them feel better about themselves.

[Rebecca Jayne]

Found this note on the fridge...

Hey honey by the way...
I like to dress in women's clothing and I'm having an affair with your best friend.

That would be a real bummer
Period

I don't think you could work your way out of that bucket of ______!

[Karen564]

To me, both can be bad & no doubt violate my trust..

But any affair would break my heart more..along with the sanctity of our marriage..I wouldn't be able to cope with that very well..

[Ashley Williams]

Wow... really? We are going to compare crosdressing with an affair?

I'm having a problem with this subject as well. Wow!!

Well - I'm so glad that there are some of you out there who are so comfortable with who you are, what you do and how you go about it that a genuine question as a result of a genuine partner's response gives you problems.

Happy Days!

Me too. I think it's intended for people who feels guilty about their CDing to make them feel better about themselves.

I do feel guilty - and I am trying to feel better about myself; but do you think it is just OK to say and do something that causes deep pain and hurt to a partner one committed to for life?

I thought the reason for this site was to be able to share both the good and the bad reactions. There are plenty of 'feel better about yourself' opportunities - this is serious!

[Connie D50]

I agree with your post however


I have too say this bring politices into a post was wrong has nothing to do with the question.

Connie

[DemonicDaughter]

[SIZE="3"]

I do feel guilty - and I am trying to feel better about myself; but do you think it is just OK to say and do something that causes deep pain and hurt to a partner one committed to for life?

I thought the reason for this site was to be able to share both the good and the bad reactions. There are plenty of 'feel better about yourself' opportunities - this is serious!

When sharing your good and bad reactions, you have to expect good AND bad reactions to them!

This site is about support, yes, and that includes people who feel quite differently than you do. People who are going to offer their opinions on your posts because that's what this site is about, everyone sharing their experiences.

A lot of people on here think there are FAR worse things that someone could do other than CD. I'm one of them and I'm a GG. I think comparing CDing and the sanctity of marriage is ridiculous in that one is a matter of personal expression and one is a complete violation of trust and love! Many are right to compare it to the extremes!

Perhaps your wife means it, or perhaps she said it as a comparison to her pain, not the actual deed. Many people do extreme comparisons when hurt. And many can easily associate the behaviors of CDing with an affair. But until you actually do... well then we'd have a true comparison on which would be worse.[/SIZE]

[Ashley Williams]

[SIZE=3]When sharing your good and bad reactions, you have to expect good AND bad reactions to them![/SIZE]

[SIZE=3]This site is about support, yes, and that includes people who feel quite differently than you do. [/SIZE][SIZE=3]Perhaps your wife means it, or perhaps she said it as a comparison to her pain ... But until you actually do... well then we'd have a true comparison on which would be worse.[/SIZE]

A helpful reminder - thanks! Hopefully my wife will soon be able to share too - as she has applied to join the site.

[TorieGG]

I was actually afraid my husband WAS having an affair. I knew something was wrong but couldn't figure out what it was. While I wasn't THRILLED that he was wearing women's clothes it was better than finding out he was having an affair. Everyone is different but that's how I felt.

[KateW]

My wife already has accepted that I am a crossdresser. I reckon she'd kill me if I ever had an affair - not that I would!