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Thread: I need advice about dating a crossdresser.

  1. #1
    Eager to learn! CDgirlfriend's Avatar
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    I need advice about dating a crossdresser.

    Hello! I'm new to the forum, obviously. I was reading a few threads and learned soooo much from them.

    Anyway, I came here because I met this wonderful guy who is a crossdresser. I knew it since the beginning and felt ok with it, in fact I found it interestingly odd that I was ok with it. I have to be honest though, I do not find it sexually arousing. But I don't mind him dressing in front of me and wearing girls underwear all the time when we go out. I'm still getting used to it, because it is new to me. He is Bi, as am I.

    The thing is, if things get better with us, we might start officially dating. So I wanted to know from those of you who are in relationships, what can I expect. I'm a little nervous because it is all so new. How is it different from a 'normal' relationship?

    thanks so much!!!!

  2. #2
    Sallee Sallee's Avatar
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    I think it will be the same but different. It might get to weird for you if he begins to dress to much which could happen and I can understand how If a women wants a man a CD might not cut if he dresses all the time. but maybe you'll like it I guess that is what I mean is all relationships are different. As are all people which is why it will be the same but different.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee

  3. #3
    Gold Member sherri52's Avatar
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    The biggest difference is when you go looking for that special blouse your partner may already be wearing it. As for the dressing being sexual, many of us here who cd do not get sexually aroused. We love the feel of womens clothing on us and for those that can passing. He is the same person inside of either type of clothing.

  4. #4
    New Member gottajet111's Avatar
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    My advice is to tell him exactly what you feel comfortable with him doing/not doing before you guys start dating officially. If you aren't comfortable with a particular behavior of his, just let him know.

    Now is the best chance to let him know what you're truly looking for/expect before the relationship gets any deeper.

    Good luck and I hope it works out!

  5. #5
    Eager to learn! CDgirlfriend's Avatar
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    Thanks for the responses!
    He doesn't crossdress in public, just in private cause no one really knows.

  6. #6
    Aspiring Member Jenniferpl's Avatar
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    Find you comfort level and tell him what it is. Setting boundries helps a lot. Tell him what is acceptable and what is off limits. Over time you will probably find your level of comfort change.

  7. #7
    Isn't Life Grand? AllieSF's Avatar
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    Just be yourself always. Be honest open and do not hide your feelings. Since communication is key for any successful relationship, always work hard at that.

    Depending on how long your CD friend has been dressing, you may enter a stable phase of his/her activities, or it may be a development phase. A new dresser normally has no idea where they are going with this. I have been doing this for about 3 years and still do not have a clear view of the future. Plus, finding a mate is hard enough and adding the CD activity into the equation makes it really difficult for find that someone special. So, he/she, with you, may actually blossom more, dress more, get lost somewhat in the "pink fog", and want to push the envelope (yours) more than you may be ready to accept at the moment. That is where good communication becomes so important. Many CD's tend to turn inwards versus discuss their feelings, frustrations and issues with their SO. If you can communicate well, this can be worked out. Also, you may find that your feelings change over time too. You may find that you like this activity less. So, you too need to be honest and explain as best possible what your feelings are.

    You sound like a true winner and keeper. I wish you both the best of luck. Please let us know how it all develops.

  8. #8
    Ice queen Lorileah's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CDgirlfriend View Post
    Hello! I'm new to the forum,
    Welcome. Hope you have fun and learn all sorts of new things



    Anyway, I came here because I met this wonderful guy who is a crossdresser. I knew it since the beginning and felt ok with it, in fact I found it interestingly odd that I was ok with it. I have to be honest though, I do not find it sexually arousing. But I don't mind him dressing in front of me and wearing girls underwear all the time when we go out. I'm still getting used to it, because it is new to me. He is Bi, as am I
    Not being sexually attracted to a CD is probably the norm in most cases, even if you identify as Bi. As was stated most of us have outgrown or never had the fetish part of this "hobby". You have at least separated your BF's dressing from that fetish and you accept him as he is.

    How is it different from a 'normal' relationship?
    Is there a "normal" relationship? Like Donna Reed (ok kids google that...and quit calling me old)? The relationship is what you make of it. Personally the knight on white horse happily ever after head over heels thing is so rare it belongs on a pedestal. Ah, but being best friends, laughing with each other, sharing experiences and also keeping who you are, that is a relationship worth keeping. When out in public I envy the "goths" because they look like they just enjoy being together no matter where they are. I don't envy the people who are trying to impress their date with fancy dinners or jewelry because you know that relationship is built on either false hopes or fake identities. You have the start of a great quirky and exciting relationship. Don't buy the conformationist crap. Life is short, have fun, be who you are and be best friends for as long as you can (that does not exclude being lovers BTW). Looks fade, money is fleeting but having fun with someone that can be forever. There ain't no re-rides in this carnival kid, go for the brass ring. (Crap another outdated saying from the old queen )
    The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
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    “Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by gottajet111 View Post
    My advice is to tell him exactly what you feel comfortable with him doing/not doing before you guys start dating officially. If you aren't comfortable with a particular behavior of his, just let him know.
    good advice there
    Quote Originally Posted by CDgirlfriend View Post
    He doesn't crossdress in public, just in private cause no one really knows.
    If he has an accepting partner that may change and quite quickly ..... it may not of course ......... you may look at how you would feel about it if you two get tog and if he decides he would like that ......... being a good friend to an alternate lifestyle friend is very different to being the partner of one but it can be true, we accept "quirks" in our friends that are difficult to live with in our partners

    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post
    Not being sexually attracted to a CD is probably the norm in most cases, even if you identify as Bi.
    Some of us GG's can enjoy being intimate with our partner, some don't, there are no hard and fast rules on this one sweetie, whether u are heterosexual, bi or lesbian, it makes no difference to the sexual attraction to him dressed as her, some folks think if you are Bi it will be easier, it would appear not to be the case ............. I am a heterosexual who has no trouble being intimate with Debs, but hated every minute of being intimate with my ex partner when he was dressed
    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post
    The relationship is what you make of it. .......... being best friends, laughing with each other, sharing experiences and also keeping who you are, that is a relationship worth keeping.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lorileah View Post
    Life is short, have fun, be who you are and be best friends for as long as you can (that does not exclude being lovers BTW). Looks fade, money is fleeting but having fun with someone that can be forever.
    She is right hun, have fun with your friend, have even more fun if your friendship develops into something closer............. Debs and I started out as mates and we developed into something closer & we crack each other up ... actually we are just cracked but thats a different story

    Apply to join us in FAB (for Genetic females only)when you have your 10 posts
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
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  10. #10
    Gold Member DonnaT's Avatar
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    If he's not CDing in public, I don't see how dating him will be much different that any other relationship.

    Of course, that depends on topics of discussion while out on your dates, which could be a little different, but not necessarily so.

    Many women have no idea that the person they are dating may be a CDer.
    DonnaT

  11. #11
    Aspiring Member
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    Good relationships are all the same, normally.

    >>The thing is, if things get better with us, we might start officially dating. So I wanted to know from those of you who are in relationships, what can I expect. I'm a little nervous because it is all so new. How is it different from a 'normal' relationship?


    It's different in the obvious ways from the social norm - which is a statistic, not an actual relationship or couple.

    Every relationship has stuff. You're has dual bi-sexuality and crossdressing. That seems normal enough so far or you'd be doing something else.

    You may note some problems later about having too much on your plates and needing to "cut back and settle down."

    That's pretty much normal for everybody. Do it when it feels right and works well with the life you'd both like to have.

    That's normal and it's good for you, long term.

    However, take your time. You've got plenty and it may take several times to get things right.

    Normal, normal, normal...

    Good luck.

  12. #12
    Unofficial CD Mom Holly's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by CDgirlfriend View Post
    ...what can I expect. I'm a little nervous because it is all so new....
    What would you expect from the relationship if he were not a CD? It shouldn't be any different. On the plus side, shopping trips should be more enjoyable than with a more traditional male.
    Fulltime girl on the inside.
    Lipstick=confidence

    [SIZE=4]Holly[/SIZE]

  13. #13
    Member Amymonroe's Avatar
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    best advice I can give

    COMMUNITATION is the key to any relationship. The two of you need to know how the other feels about all aspects of your relationship. I know this doesn’t seem like much but once you get in to it, it can make or break any relationship. Have fun and the best of luck!

    Amymonroe

  14. #14
    Junior Member tazthis's Avatar
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    I think each relationship different no matter if they dress or not. The differences you may experience are different than say I experienced depending on you SO. I would say take it all one step at a time and figured out what work for you and him, then as couple. I've notice we all have a different level of acceptence just on this site. I was attracted to my SO dressed at first either, now I do. So something take time or you may never completely accept certain things. I hope this helps!

  15. #15
    Making a life for Tina! suchacutie's Avatar
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    communication

    I also agree that communication is key. Here is where I think you will find dating a CD quite refreshing! He will be more interested in everything you do than other men might! After all, he really is interested in issues and details that other men want nothing to do with.

    Then there is the difficult issue: his trust in you must be pretty high already if he has shared this with you. CDing is not always socially accepted, and clearly he will sensitive to you and open. If there are any difficult issues, it may revolve around his insecurities about his CDing and what he views as making that CDing public in any way.

    In general, it sounds like you both have a great view of all of this and we all wish you incredibly well!!!

    tina

  16. #16
    Eager to learn! CDgirlfriend's Avatar
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    Thanks!

    I couldn't be happier that I came here! I feel so much better about it now. I'll take it slowly to see what I'm comfortable with.

    Like another poster said before, being Bisexual really makes me more understanding as to why he likes to wear women clothes. I guess with him I get a man and also get the cute little lingerie I love so much on girls, lol.

  17. #17
    Member ggtracy's Avatar
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    I could sum it up by saying "Expect the unexpected". Expect to see, say, and do things that you never imagined. some are gonna be fun and some may surprise you.

  18. #18
    Rebecca Ras's Avatar
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    it is not so much what can you expect or how different it is. But what do YOU want from it and how active of a participant do you wish to be.

    It will be different as you will be able to have a girls night, go shopping and do primping together is that is what you both decide. SO there are many paths you can take.\

    Enjoy it for it can be an awesome thing to share!

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