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Thread: Much ado about nothing

  1. #1
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
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    Much ado about nothing

    Last night was an interesting one for me, conversing via the internet with family members far away. Somewhere way back when I started on this forum, I shared some of my early life so I don’t suppose I’ll rehash it all here and now, but I guess you have to know a little about it for this to make any sense.

    My mother had been married at least once before her marriage to my father, and from that marriage she had two children – my big sister Karen, and my big brother Donny. My mothers marriage to my father didn’t last long at all, and they separated when I was somewhere around the age of one. Nah, don’t go offering condolences and all of that, because for me this was the normal way of things, and it was you people with both parents together in the house that were the freaks.
    My father was a major alcoholic that liked to abuse his children and his wives, both physically and mentally, and so it was fortunate that with a few exceptions, I spent most of my young years with my mother, sister, and brother. Now the down side is, my mother went through marriages like most of us go through cars. Now that I think of it, I’d be pretty damned pleased if I could get a new car as often as she found new husbands. Don’t get me wrong, though I might question her judgment in marrying them in the first place, I’m not blaming my mother for the marriages coming to an end – most of these guys really were jerks or worse. I suppose the point is, I grew up seeing that the men in my life came and went, were generally less than honorable, and I had no desire to be anything at all like them. I have of course learned since that time that there are a good deal of decent men out there, but by then it was too late and the damage was done . . .
    The flip side of that is that most of the women in my life were strong personalities. My grandmother, who often had all of us living in her home, to include my cousins. She worked like a dog to provide for us when we needed it and that woman would literally storm through hell itself if that was what it took to take care of children. She was a formidable woman and I’m sure the devil himself would have backed down from a confrontation with her. I suppose her only major drawback as regards my life, is that due to her own life experiences, and what she had seen her daughters and grand daughters go through, she really appeared to hate men and she wasn’t at all shy about saying so. It was not at all unusual to have something set her off, and you would hear her mumbling “God damned no good for nothing men!” under her breath. Countless times she would shake her finger towards my brother and I “So help me God, if either of you boys hurts a girl, I’ll kill you!”
    My mother, who struggled with serious health problems from birth, was strong in some of her own ways as well. Her doctors were constantly astounded that she had managed to walk for most of her life, despite their dire predictions that she would always require crutches and wheel chairs. My mother was very open minded, loved to learn, and despite her lack of a formal education, I’m fairly sure she would have qualified as a genius had she ever been tested. Ironic considering that much like myself, she did some remarkably stupid things for someone reasonably intelligent, but I suppose that’s for a different story.
    Now we come to my sister, who despite the long winded text above was really the main point of this post. In many ways, my big sister was very similar to my grandmother – fairly opinionated and very strong willed. She was well known in our town, at least by those any where close to our own age. Though she might try and argue about it today, she was drop dead gorgeous, and I do mean heart stopping beautiful. When you combine that with a strong personality, who knew what she wanted, knew what she was and was not willing to accept, and who would most definitely get in your face if you got between her and her goal, she was a truly awesome force to behold. In a world where I was tossed back and forth from my mother to father, moving from school to school where I had little chance to develop friendships, my sister was always one of the few constant and stable things in my life. Always there, always taking care of me, always someone I was so very happy to have and hold.
    When I joined the Army and was drunk, or depressed, or both, it was always my sister I called. Over and over she would listen to me and give me something to hold on to and for. When I couldn’t afford to fly home for Christmas, it was my sister that bought my flights, never asking me to repay her though I’m sure she couldn’t afford it any better than I could. When I got out of the army briefly, it was my sister that helped to get me a job. When I needed an apartment, it was my sister that made it possible. When ever I needed someone, my sister was there.

    My sister is, and has always been, my biggest hero, and last night I told her what I am. My sister reacted as she always has – she loves me.

    Here’s some irony for you. I’ve wanted to tell her for more than a year, but just felt that I had already burdened her with enough in my life and didn’t want to add any more to the load I’ve already placed on her. It wasn’t a question of trust, it was a question of whether I had the right to ease my own mind at the expense of placing a load on hers. None the less, the thought has haunted me to the point of obsession lately, with my stomach flip flopping every time I thought about it. Last night I discovered that all of that was for nothing because she has known for years. It seems that the very same mother that warned me that it would be a bad idea to tell my sister because her husband might not deal well with it, told my sister herself shortly after I’d told her. That was a lot of years of anguish and anxiety on my part for absolutely nothing.

    Did I mention how cool my sister is?

  2. #2
    Gold Member
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    Well, that was a short story.

    OK Kim, it is nice to have someone really cool about things.
    My big sister/best friend knows about Erin, and she often will help me with fashion advice and stuff. Maybe your sister and you could kind of do the same thing.

    IN fact, if I were to magically change to a woman one day, then I would just be her little sister from then on.

    So nopw that this is out in the open, it will maybe open doors to new things.
    Broader range of discussions or whatever.

    You know, the way someone feels about us is not going to change because they learn we are TG. Loved before. loved after. If someone doesn't like us before, they won't after.

    Hey that is great though that your best friend in life knows.
    It takes a true Erin to be a pain in the assatar.

  3. #3
    The best of both worlds Kathi Lake's Avatar
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    Oh my!

    Thank you for that tale, Kimberly! I am so glad that, like me, you were able to go through life with strong women looking out for, and shaping you. Sometimes, I think that the "weak woman" stereotype is more of a creation of Hollywood, rather than reality. I have known no women that were anything but strong. Their lives shape them to be this way, and their circumstances usually demand it.

    I'm so glad that you no longer have to tiptoe around your "secret" to your sister anymore. I'm glad that you were met with love, rather than some of the things that may have been in your imagination.

    Kathi

  4. #4
    I yam what I yam,
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    Sister

    Kimberly,

    Your sister sounds like someone WONDERFUL. Reading your post makes me almost jealous since I was an ONLY child. You are blessed with her. Give thanks. Next time you feel like getting out and about, drive over to Marble Falls and imagine me enjoying, as I did for years, those hills and hooks on a fast motorcycle. Have lunch at the Blue Bonnet, and whisper thanks to old Granny for the suggestion. "Yer' welcome, Lass. Thanks for sharing the story of your sister with us." Granny
    Last edited by Holly; 10-05-2009 at 02:53 PM. Reason: No addresses.

  5. #5
    Eager to learn! CDgirlfriend's Avatar
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    Wow, that was very inspiring. You're very lucky to have a sister like yours.

  6. #6
    Unofficial CD Mom Holly's Avatar
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    That your big sister reacted the way she did does not surprise me in the slightest. You have a way of attracting loving and compassionate people around you. That iws no in any way to diminish her love and compassion. FWIW, you are a living testament to the influence she had/has on you. Looks like you have some wasted years to make up .
    Fulltime girl on the inside.
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  7. #7
    Senior Member Stephanie Miller's Avatar
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    Just from an outsiders viewpoint - I think you should print out your post and insert it in a card and snailmail it to her. It's kind of a neat way for you to let her know how much she means to you.

    P.S. Your outings, your wardrobe, your looks - nope, never did it.
    But a sister like that? Yep, now I'm jealous.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Stephanie Miller's Avatar
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    Oops! Just noticed that P.S. could be taken wrong
    Didn't mean I didn't think your outings weren't great or you weren't geogous looking. I do think that. It was that I really meant it took a lot to get me jealous.
    You rock sister.

  9. #9
    Girly Girl christinek's Avatar
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    Thats great Kimberly,

    I have told everyone I truly care about in my life (family). My wife and son.

    Maybe one day I will start telling friends, other than all I know from this forum

  10. #10
    Cant help smiling Mirani's Avatar
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    If I had your sister's address, she would be receiving a bouquet of flowers from me.
    I think she is wonderful.

    Thanks for sharing Kim. Sometimes threads here are uplifting and raise my spirit. Yours is such a thread.
    Hugs.

    Don Pedro: By my troth, a pleasant-spirited lady. (Much ado about nothing; W. Shakespeare)
    Last edited by Mirani; 10-05-2009 at 03:43 PM. Reason: add quote
    Mirani - [meer-rahn-nee] Beauty to Behold; to "See" beauty

  11. #11
    Clear Air Turbulence Joni Marie Cruz's Avatar
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    Dammit, Kimberly, you made me cry. Again.

    Hugs...Joni Mari
    "Because equality is not a concept. It's not something we should be striving for. It's a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women. And the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who's confronted with it."

    --Joss Whedon, to a reporter who asked, "So why do you create these strong women characters?"

  12. #12
    Style Icon Sara Jessica's Avatar
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    Nice story Kimberly, makes me wish I weren't an only child, that there'd be someone out there who I could share this side of me with (outside of my wife, of course, and those I know in the community). Glad it turned out well, even if it was much ado about nothing. You had no way of knowing otherwise.
    Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
    Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)

  13. #13
    Just an everyday girl Karen564's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joni Marie Cruz View Post
    Dammit, Kimberly, you made me cry. Again.
    Me Too

    But I am happy for you Kim

    Just makes me want to give your sister a huge hug...
    [SIZE=3]Karen[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]I really do have the...Right To Be Wrong.. [/SIZE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkSTG...eature=channel [SIZE=2]and my mistakes will make me strong![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Just call out my name...and I'll come running...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxTo...eature=related just lovin classic JT again...[/SIZE]

  14. #14
    Gold Member TxKimberly's Avatar
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    Awe thanks everyone! My sister is the last person in my life that I love and had not told. I guess that means I can cross that one off the list. lol
    I LIKE the idea of sending her flowers - I may do that - thanks for the idea!

  15. #15
    Fab Karen Fab Karen's Avatar
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    You're lucky to have such a sister. Sucks that your mom planted that idea in your head & then never bothered to mention she was wrong about it. Sometimes it pays to ignore what our parents tell us.
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  16. #16
    Silver Member SherriePall's Avatar
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    Kim -- thanks for sharing that story. Add me to the list of the misty-eyed ones here.
    Sherrie Lynn Pall

    Sometimes I make sense and that frightens me.

    Please don't let me be the last post on this thread

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member pattyv's Avatar
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    Kimberly-I have never met you in person, but from reading your posts one can create a general profile of you. Your candor and honesty are very inspiring.Your story touched me. What a beautiful relationship you have with your sister. She is very special, and I know she feels the same about you.Yes send her flowers. You also write very well, and you always look like a GG.

  18. #18
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    Way cool...

    Really, waaaaay coooool....

  19. #19
    Banned Read only Olivia's Avatar
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    What a great, inspiring story Kim! Thanks for sharing it with us here. Your sister deserves to be your hero, she's a good'un! O

  20. #20
    Silver Member Teri Jean's Avatar
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    Kimberly, tears and smiles seem to be the moment tonight. I always thought of you as the adventureous sole who could not have any concerns with her CDing. But this wonderful girl has her moments also and to find your sister knew and never said anything until you were ready says a lot about her respect for you. Hug her and cry with her because she is supper sweet. Without seeing her but having seen you, she has a intense beauty that goes beyond the surface.

    Huggs Teri

  21. #21
    Gold Member sherri52's Avatar
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    Kim: that was a great story, and it is no wonder how you think so much of your sister. I have eight brothers and sisters, all of them know but none of them wan to here about my cd'ing. I'm still loved but only as a brother. Oh well. I'm glad for you

  22. #22
    Complex Lolita...
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    Quote Originally Posted by TXKimberly
    My sister is, and has always been, my biggest hero, and last night I told her what I am. My sister reacted as she always has – she loves me.
    I’ve wanted to tell her for more than a year, but just felt that I had already burdened her with enough in my life and didn’t want to add any more to the load I’ve already placed on her. It wasn’t a question of trust, it was a question of whether I had the right to ease my own mind at the expense of placing a load on hers.
    Did I mention how cool my sister is?

    [SIZE="2"]I should tell my sister about what I do, but I hesitate for the same reason you hesitated, Kimberly – why burden her with any more of my baggage? My sister is a very cool person, too – she loves me and I love her, we support each other, and we’re pretty much all we have left after a lifetime of ups and downs. So, why don’t I tell her about me? I’m not sure – I’d like to, but I began my crossdressing during a period when we were living apart many years ago. To me, it’s a secretive and magical activity that I cling to like a precious object – I only share it here, among my friends. I suppose I’m being selfish, but I really don’t need (or seek) encouragement, a sense of well being, or some form of acceptance from a non-crossdresser. I couldn’t explain to someone why I do this, so I don’t want to. I avoid anything that detracts from the simple pleasure I feel when I dress this way. To a certain extent, “coming out” to my sister would be good, but I’d have no more secrets left. The magic would be lost forever, and I really need this magical world to survive… [/SIZE]

  23. #23
    Senior Member boardpuppy's Avatar
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    Hi Kimberly,
    I understand about talking to your sister, I told my sister while on vacation this last summer. You are right nothing will change the connection that forms between a brother and sister. A lot of sisters deserve hugs and kisses for the understanding way they are.

    Hugs to you,
    Alice

  24. #24
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    Hi Kim,
    Another amazing adventure from you! We all have "secrets" that we fear others will discover, but as Winston Churchill said "We have nothing to fear but fear itself". It takes alot of courage to "confess" to another some of our personal truths, and again you have set the good example for many here. You will find much comfort in all your days for telling your sister your secret. Share those times past and create new memories with her. Thanx for sharing.

  25. #25
    Platinum Member Sheila's Avatar
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    Kim I am glad you told your sister and thrilled that you got the reception you did. And your grandma sounds very very much like mine ........... she has been gone 34 years now and I still miss that wonderful woman
    I allow myself to set healthy boundaries ..... to say no to what does not align with my values, to say yes to what does.
    Boundaries assist me to remain healthy, honest and living a life that is true to me

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