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Thread: Need Advice pls, should i come out?

  1. #1
    Alicia zora's Avatar
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    Need Advice pls, should i come out?

    I come from a very traditional family , i am 27 yo and since i dont have a gf yet my mom thinks i might be gay, so she started sending pictures of prospective brides and wants me to get married soon (my ethnic background is Indian and thats how it works there). I do love my family a lot and will always be grateful for all the things they have done for me but i dont want to marry anyone without them know about my little secret, cuz i think that would be unfair on my future wife, one of the reason i dont have any gf's.
    Im am in a bit of a dilemma now, i would have to either come out to my mom (i dont want to hurt or loose her) or i would just have to go ahead and marry someone and hope she might accept me. What do i do???
    Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth - Oscar Wilde

  2. #2
    susie evans susie evans's Avatar
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    HONESTY IS ALLWATS THE BEST

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  3. #3
    Looking for a good women! Christina Horton's Avatar
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    No one can tell you to come out to your mom only you can know if it would be ok. If you do you need to prepare yourself to have a strained relationship with her if she has a big prob with it. I told my family when I was 22 or so and everyone surprised me . I knew my dad would hate it but he was ok with it , he just wanted me to be safe with it.

    My sis was fine with it etc. The only person I knew was going to be really fine with it was my mom and she is the one whom hated it so much. It did not change our day to day relationship with each other and she still loved me the same. That did not change , but what was the hardest thing to take was the fact mom did not want to have anything tho do with my CDing ....until a few months ago. If you click the link on my signature and read my stories Plus the one where my mom excepts my CDing after 17 years you might find out that telling her might not be the worst thing in the world. She may already know. You say she thinks your gay well maybe when you live at home she found you stash and that's why she thinks that.

    Like I said it should turn out ok you just need to make sure that she knows that your the same person you were before just that you have not shown her you fem-side and that is just a big part of your life.

    If you want to make sure she knows your not gay then say I am not gay.....but..... And what ever you want to tell her. Make sure you think about what you want to say fully and then sit down (with notes if you need ) and have a heart to heart with her. Explain you won't be able to give her all the address all her questions cuz YOU don't know them all yourself. I should be a sit down face to face talk with her. After that you can decide whether to tell the rest of your family. I hope I have been a help to you and good luck on it all.
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  4. #4
    Just an everyday girl Karen564's Avatar
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    Not sure what to tell you, but if this is strictly about you cross-dressing, then I dont see it imperative that you tell your Mom or Dad, but only the woman your interested in for any long term relationship, but if this is something that you may feel turn into something more than just CDing, & have GID issues, then it would be best for all concerned to know about it now..

    Good Luck..
    [SIZE=3]Karen[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]I really do have the...Right To Be Wrong.. [/SIZE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkSTG...eature=channel [SIZE=2]and my mistakes will make me strong![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Just call out my name...and I'll come running...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxTo...eature=related just lovin classic JT again...[/SIZE]

  5. #5
    A California Girl Rachel Morley's Avatar
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    Well, Monday the 11th is National Coming Out Day so if you do decide to do it your timing is prefect! In my signature is a link to the River City Gems monthly E-magazine and in this month, as a precursor to Coming Out Day, it has lots of articles and suggestions that you might find interesting. Why not check it out? Ultimately only you can decide what is best for you. For what it's worth, I chose not to tell my parents but I know lots of other people who have told their family and it was fine. It's a tough call that only you can make as only you know how your parents are likely to react. Good luck
    .
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  6. #6
    Platinum Member Shelly Preston's Avatar
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    Only you can decide if its right to come out to your Parents

    I agree with what you say about letting your future wife know

    I think you may want too suggest to your parents that you can find a GF without them pushing you into a relationship

    Good Luck whatever your decide
    Shelly

    Super Moderator....How to tell your partner......Abbreviations

  7. #7
    Silver Member Mollyanne's Avatar
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    Well maybe you should "break" with the tradition and marry the person with whom you fall in love with!!!!! You are 27 and all grown up(I think) so this is your life and you only get to do this once(living your life), LIVE IT, LOVE IT AND DO THE THING(S) YOU WANT TO DO!!!!!!

    Mollyanne
    "To thine own self be true"

  8. #8
    Gender Variant Badger PaulaJaneThomas's Avatar
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    Lets imagine for a moment that you never had the urge to cross-dress and that you're married with a son. You somehow discover that your son cross-dresses. Would that break the bond of love between you? Of course it wouldn't so why would imagine you mother's love for you is any less? Obviously she's going to be a bit shocked by the news but she'll still love you. It's just a matter of finding the right way to tell her but only you can work out exactly how and when to do that. Your resolve to be open from the start with any potential parter shows real courage and puts many on this forum to shame. I wish you the best of luck
    Best Wishes

    Paula

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  9. #9
    Member carrie-ann's Avatar
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    It's up to you to be honest with every one you need too. If youare going to get married or have a so then yes you need to be honest with the form the strart. Youre parents If you know how they feel about the subject first it willo help. Then you can decide from there with them.

  10. #10
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
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    That has to be entirely your decision my friend.

  11. #11
    Member Ann Thomas's Avatar
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    I agree that it is strictly your decision, you have to live with it.

    If it was me, in your position, I would come out. Life is hard enough without hiding something from your future spouse. You and she will be so much happier if there's no secrets.

    If it's a case of alienating your mom, that's a hard choice, but really on one hand she's been there all your life, but on the other hand it is not she that will be married to you. And if life for both of you goes as normal, she will be gone long before you (I hope you both live long lives!)

    In weighing those things, I would choose to come out. But, I am not you, and you have to live with your choices.

    Hugs,
    Ann

  12. #12
    Gold Member sherri52's Avatar
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    I'm all for telling mom. Let her know that you are straight but like to wear womens clothes. This may slow down the future bride looking. She is your mom, it won't stop her just slow her down. My mom was the first one I told. I was caught before that but the admitting came out to her. She didn't accept or reject it, she just went on like nothing happened. She loved me always.

  13. #13
    Alicia zora's Avatar
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    Thanks for all the advice girls, ive been breaking my head with this and did not know who to talk to, you gals are awesome.
    It is a tough one, so i might think it through and carefully weigh in my options, i think i would just come up with an excuse to slow her down looking for a spouse, hopefully i'll find a partner before i meet her in December (fingers crossed)
    Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth - Oscar Wilde

  14. #14
    Just an everyday girl Karen564's Avatar
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    Zora,
    You dont need to offer any excuse for them, nor do you need to lie about it, just tell them your not quite ready to settle down yet or you just haven't met that someone special yet your looking for to take it any further than a date..
    Wouldn't you consider this to be true??

    So it's not an excuse, just an honest reason to do what you want & when you want, since it is your life to do as you wish & it's only up to you to decide who you want to share it with.. not theirs..

    [SIZE=3]Karen[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]I really do have the...Right To Be Wrong.. [/SIZE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkSTG...eature=channel [SIZE=2]and my mistakes will make me strong![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Just call out my name...and I'll come running...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxTo...eature=related just lovin classic JT again...[/SIZE]

  15. #15
    Senior Member Rebecca Jayne's Avatar
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    Truth be told, dear Zora

    It may be hard to fess up to mother about crossdressing, but in my experience's mom's have a unique ability to understand their children better than the children understand them self.
    A gift of motherhood. Be honest with her and she will understand it, and who knows it may bring you to to a new level of understanding and caring that you never had before and that would be a good thing. Your mom, may or may not appreciate your crossdressing, but I would believe she will respect your honesty, and that speaks volumes.

    I also think it is harder to lie and keep track of all that, and what you told who and when and on and on and on.

    Yo are so young, there is no need for you to stress yourself out for a lifetime over this, its best out in the open.
    A Rose by any other name.....[SIZE="2"][/SIZE]

    Love Rebecca Jayne

  16. #16
    Member Ralph's Avatar
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    Zora, I don't think it's necessary to come out to your mother, but I absolutely advise against marrying someone and then just hoping she'll accept.

    Even if you never come out to anyone else, you need to tell your prospective bride as soon as it gets serious enough that marriage is likely. Otherwise you're setting the both of you up for failure. What if she can't stand it and wishes she never married you? What if you try to hold it in but just can't?

    Now, there's no need to come out to every girl you meet. Build a relationship around what's important to you both... things you have in common, things that make her happy, things you enjoy doing together. Once she sees you for the kind, sensitive man that can make her life wonderful, but before you pop the question... that's when you need to give her full disclosure so she knows what she's getting into.

    Whether you start making friends or you start accepting the ones your mother sends you, I do think you need to at least try to form a relationship or you're going to end up very lonely.

  17. #17
    Transman Andy66's Avatar
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    There are many things we do just to make our parents happy. Life-changing choices should not be one of them. That is much too much for them to ask of you. Whatever you do, do not get married to make your parents happy! This is very important.

    It's great to hear that you are an honest person and want your future wife to know about your crossdressing. If you do want to be married some day, when you are ready, you will need to be brave and take a chance. You can't be so afraid of rejection that you never try, but just do it on your own terms.

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