[SIZE="2"]Hello, dear friends! I’ve come over from the MTF section to submit this thread for your approval…
In the immortal words of Ze, I’m curious – what do you all think about gentlemanly behavior? I don’t mean common courtesy, good manners, or chivalry, I mean the idea of a gentleman.
Way back in 1854 (I know, but bear with me), Cardinal John Henry Newman wrote about the “modern” ideal of manliness:[/SIZE]
[SIZE="2"]"It is almost a definition of a gentleman to say he is one who never inflicts pain. This description is both refined and, as far as it goes, accurate. He is mainly occupied in merely removing the obstacles which hinder the free and unembarrassed action of those around him; and he concurs with their movements rather than takes the initiative himself…
The true gentleman in like manner carefully avoids whatever may cause a jar or a jolt in the minds of those with whom he is cast – all clashing of opinion, or collision of feeling, all restraint, or suspicion, or gloom or resentment; his great concern being to make every one at his ease and at home. He has his eyes on all his company; he is tender towards the bashful, gentle towards the distant and merciful towards the absurd; he can recollect to whom he is speaking; he guards against unseasonable allusions or topics which may irritate; he is seldom prominent in conversation and never wearisome.
He makes light of favors while he does them, and seems to be receiving when he is conferring… He never speaks of himself except when compelled, never defends himself by a mere retort; he has no ears for slander or gossip, is scrupulous in imputing motives to those who interfere with him, and interprets everything for the best…
From a long-sighted prudence, he observes the maxim of the ancient sage, that we should ever conduct ourselves towards our enemy as if he were one day to be our friend. He has too much good sense to be affronted at insults, he is too well employed to remember injuries and too indolent to bear malice. He is patient, forbearing and resigned, on philosophical principals; he submits to pain, because it is inevitable, to bereavement, because it is irreparable, and to death, because it is his destiny.
If he engages in controversy of any kind, his disciplined intellect preserves him from the blundering discourtesy of better, perhaps, but less educated minds, who, like blunt weapons, tear and hack instead of cutting clean, who mistake the point in argument… and leave the question more involved than they find it. He may be right or wrong in his opinion, but he is as too clear-headed to be unjust; he is as simple as he is forcible, and as brief as he is decisive.
Nowhere shall we find greater candor, consideration, indulgence; he throws himself into the minds of his opponents, he accounts for their mistakes. He knows the weakness of human reason as well as its strength, its province and its limits. He is a friend of religious toleration, and that, not only because his philosophy has taught him to look on all forms of faith with an impartial eye, but also from the gentleness and effeminacy of feeling, which is the attendant on civilization."
I know what you may be thinking – how can 19th century ideals have relevance in the 21st century? This is what has kept me from submitting this thread, but I thought I would try anyway. Personally, I see a template for behavior that may be appropriate for this site, but I digress…
That last part about “effeminacy of feeling” may rankle a few here, but I included it to make a point. Are there any here who wish to be a gentleman? In other words, what is your conception of manliness? When I leave my personal MTF sphere of influence and go drab, I am most definitely striving to be a gentleman, since that “effeminacy of feeling” is always with me. In this regard, you could argue that being a lady or a gentleman is pretty much the same thing – a civilized person with refined sensibilities, acutely aware of others (as well as him/herself) at all times, but it all takes effort.
What do you think? Is gentlemanliness something you avoid, or something to embrace? I’m eager to know. Thanks for reading – I hope my wordiness hasn’t “inflicted any pain” on you…[/SIZE]
xx Felix 
Originally Posted by Felix
Serrus ain't dead! 
Either way, I feel this ironic fear of "effeminacy" is one of the reasons why gentlemen seem like a dying breed in my generation. It seems fathers in particular are afraid of their boys become gay or whatnot, so they drown them in contact sports and rudeness. (What Lori pretty much already said.) But yeah, big freaking paradox going on here.
