Me being 'out' : excited & worried

[Violetgray]

O.k., so about 2 weeks ago I performed stand-up comedy for the first time as Violet. It was fun, but now a lot of people who didn't know about me before certainly do now. I go there this week, and the guy who runs the night has been telling a LOT of people. He's totally accepting, but it's like a new experience for him and he's kinda taken it upon himself to "champion the cause" so now he's telling everyone. I have mixed emotions about this:

On the one hand, I like the idea of being out to everyone, and would LOVE the opportunity to pursue standup comedy as Violet. I would love to be free enough to be Violet as often as I like in public (which is growing more and more, I feel like Dr. Jekyl toward the end of the story)

But on the other hand, my being out has taken a life of its own and its kind of scary to lose control. I just found out last night that my boss on my last job knew about me and had wish I'd come out to him. I'm now certain that more people know than I am aware. It's like I'm trying to get a cart full of heavy rocks down a hill, but I lose my grip and now it's accumulating speed. It's going where I wanted to go, but at this speed I'm nervous that it might take a wrong turn and do some damage. You follow me? Now if things, do go awry in some horrible way, I am perfectly aware that I have brought these things on myself. What does it say that I was willing to take that risk? Am I being brave or self-destructive?

Just can't help but wonder what this is going to mean for me, and what my life will be like a year from now?

[Rogina B]

Not sure how much baggage you have...family,job,etc. You are in a great position as an entertainer to have the excuse"just part of my act"..."something I always wanted to try"..etc.Your girl name is your stage name...easy! So,how much baggage do you have and what collateral damage do you expect?

[deja true]

Well I don't know about the rest of these hussies... but Violet, in a year from now, I expect to see you on the Jay Leno show!

[Amy Lynn3]

Take a nerve pill and hang on and enjoy the ride. Like DJ said we will see you on Leno or Letterman soon. May dressed people make a darn good living on stage. My opinion you are on your way to the top. Good luck !!

[tuck n9ne]

hey at least if its happening fast it will all be over soon! right?
good luck!

[Stacye Rose]

I don't think you're going to be able to catch the cart and slow it down or stop it. It's a scary thing to lose control especially of something very personal like this. Having stated the obvious, let me see if I actually have anything to contribute.

OK, 3 things

Insha'allah- Arabic for as god wills it to be

Worry is nothing more than the abuse of your imagination.

"I may be going to hell in a bucket. But at least I'm enjoying the ride"

[Sally2005]

Don't let go of the cart it will surely crash. If you can't steer it or hold it from behind, jump on top, go for the ride and lean a bit to guide it.

Since this is something you want, just go with it and do the best you can.

I see a benefit to having the world in on your secret...they will probably all bend over backwards to help.

[JiveTurkeyOnRye]

The thing I've been trying to keep in mind since I came out, also onstage in my comedy act, is that worrying about what will actually happen now that things are out there is much better than worrying in my head about what *could* happen if I came out. If any problems arise, which so far they haven't, I can deal with them as the occur and move on, where as the fake problems in my mind never got sorted because they were all imaginary.

[SherriePall]

Violet -- You can not worry about things that you have no control over. What you can control, you shouldn't have to worry about. It may seem as though everything is out of control right now, but it should settle down and you'll be able to get a handle on it. And you might as well enjoy it as much as you can.

["Mary"]

I would have loved to see the show. Speaking of comedy - keep a positive outlook on things , but just don't get reckless.

Thanks for sharing and best wishes to you.

[Joy Carter]

The best you can do is prepare yourself mentally. My being there several years, I can tell you your life may change.
Best of luck Violet.

[Fab Karen]

Worrying about the future is like paying interest on a loan that was NEVER TAKEN.

[Temptation]

It worked out pretty well for Tyler Perry.

[docrobbysherry]

" Oh, PLEASE! Do ANYTHING u want to me, but PLEASE! DON'T throw me into that BRIAR PATCH!"

U sound a bit like HIM! I think you'll LOVE it in there!

[sherri52]

Sounds lie everyone is accepting. You are even finding out that other people know that you didn't expect (which always happens). I would say be Violet. Good luck

[Josie M]

... What does it say that I was willing to take that risk? Am I being brave or self-destructive?
...

Neither, I think you pulled that trigger because it was time for Violet to come out. Based on your other post, it looks like she's been coming out for a while. I'd say this was inevitable. If not T Brad's show, then as part of LARP or something else. Ultimately, we all have to be ourselves.

Now, if T Brad is running with the ball a little faster than your comfort zone, you should tell him. However, that night, I heard a lot more positive and supportive comments about Violet than anything else.



(Kinda sorry I missed last Sunday, did a breast cancer walk in Philly and was just too burnt when I got home.)

[susanCD123]

Violet, GOOD FOR YOU!!!! I am proud of you, and would love to be one of your writers when you are rich and famous. It is not out of control, and you are a beautiful person.

[Nicole Erin]

It is new and fresh gossip, people will learn of it, people will talk and ask the regular questions, and then people will get bored with it and move on.

[Zoiq]

Go with it and be proud.

Gratz

[Angel.Marie76]

By standing up in front of all, and 'giving it your all' then you are basically not hiding from the world as-is. Even going out every so often (or once a week at least) like I do for an afternoon on the town is due to have its risks. We make our choices to step out into the world, and expose ourselves to the public at large /generally/ because we want to, though I know for some they are outted maliciously. If we truly didn't want to be 'known' to the world, then we would hide endlessly in our closets and not poke our noses out to save our lives. Any step out of the closet risks exposure, and there are always risks involved.

The reality of it is as others have said - If you have little to no /known/ risks, then your exposure to the world is likely to have less of an effect. If you have ANY family that are within 7 degrees of separation from where you live, then expect them to find out eventually if not sooner. If your employment and other things are supportive, then you certainly have some flexibility as far as 'what will come next'.

As we all know, once that cart of rocks starts rolling, there's not much to do to stop it, let alone contain it as it bounces along.. scattering debris all about. You must be out because you are happy with yourself, and proud to be who you are. Well, sweetheart, BE PROUD then, and know that many of us are exactly where you are, give or take, and are making the same decisions to put ourselves right out there beside you, each of us one step at a time on our own.

[Violetgray]

Now, if T Brad is running with the ball a little faster than your comfort zone, you should tell him. However, that night, I heard a lot more positive and supportive comments about Violet than anything else.

Nah, he's not actually doing anything wrong, I'm just worrying excessively.

"Hey T. Brad, I'll do your mainstream event, dressed as a woman in public in front of comedians I've known for years AND complete drunken strangers... but don't tell anyone ok?"

How much sense does that make?

[Teri Jean]

Violet, sweety if you can get on stage and do comedy the cart is nothing. I know when I came out and decided to transition it was like an LA wild fire. There was no stopping it and the ride has been furious but in the end we cannot always control everything. So girl tighten the bra strap one more notch and don't look back. By the way, Violet you look stunning, so knock them over.

Huggs Teri

[trannie T]

As a comic you are in a perfect position to come out. If something positive happens it is all for the good. If something negative happens it is a source for new material. Whatever happens you will benefit from it.