who catches hell from who?

[Nicole Erin]

Just an observation -

It seems those of us who don't pass well en femme catch a lot of hell from strangers, but seldom from family. (that is my case)

But those who pass almost without question never seem to catch hell from strangers, but they do get it from family.

It is just weird, the better one passes, the more likely the important ones in their life are going to have a problem with one being TG.

This is just going off reading stories here and some real life observations.

Your thoughts?

[ArleneRaquel]

I cant catch hell from my family because they dont know. I haven't caught any hell from stangers in almost three years, maybe longer, so I really must be passable.

[kellycan27]

If one passes well in public it would stand to reason that they probably wouldn't "catch hell" as you put it as they are not noticed. Where as their family knows. I don't know what you base your idea that less passable are more accepted by those close to them than the more passable other than your own example. I am not trying to argue your point, I am just curious as to how you arrived at this conclusion.

Kelly

[marie354]

When I was much younger, I caught hell from some that found out... And just giggles from others.
Now, though, since most in my life know me, it's not so bad at all. Most seem to understand. (Thank God.)
I still do get the odd giggle from teen-age girls from time to time and there are a lot of prejudice people out there that don't want to even try to understand, but for most, it's seems OK.
Family and friends are what really counts.
Hopefully they will all come around to understanding you as well as mine have of me.

[bobi jean]

I must be smack in the middle, half passable and half not. I have never caught hell from anyone while dressed in womens clothing. I do all the time when dressed as a male tho. should I re-think my male attire? OH WELL!!!
like several others on this site.......... I couldn't care less what a stranger thinks, and as far as family goes, I've never had any negitive remarks.

[Barbara918]

I just catch hell from friends who know me both ways ... when I'm in men's clothes they say, "You're such a slob! Why can't you dress nicely, like Barbara does?"

[Karren H]

I have never caught hell while dressed, that I know of.. But I catch hell at home BUT my wife has never seen me dresed so just because I may or may not pass (more the later) doesn't have anything to do with me catching hell at home.. I'm just a "catch hell" magnet!! And I may be catching hell for John Q Public but since I don't care, I have never noticed! I usually ignore my wife giving me hell at home so maybe I'm just oblivious to everything! Lol.

[Jonianne]

I don't pass, except as a crossdresser, and most just smile or give second glances. I have only had one negative incident. Also, my wife is very accepting and supportive. However my ex was extremely hostile to me about the crossdressing.

So I fell very blessed to have mostly good experiences both with family and with strangers, from what little going out I do.

[tricia_uktv]

My family accept me for who I am, but don't wish to see me (for now). I accept that but don't understand why it matters. We are surely just trying to ourselves?

[PaulaJaneThomas]

I have no idea if I pass or not. All I can say is nobody ever gives me a second look even on long train journeys. No bovver from my family either.

[sandra-leigh]

It seems those of us who don't pass well en femme catch a lot of hell from strangers, but seldom from family. (that is my case)

I don't catch hell from anyone these days, even when I gender-bend on city buses, or grocery shopping, or stop and chat with my neighbours, or go to the corner store 4 houses away, or sit for a few hours dressed in my doctors waiting room...

I've been getting bolder at work without problem -- though I haven't worn a skirt or dress to work yet. (If I were to do the Holloween thing, I'd probably just get some comments like, "Oh, so that explains it", or "I was wondering if you were ever going to..." -- I'd be too comfortable for it to look like a costume )

My immediate family knows and respects my interior exploration. My extended family doesn't know; I'm in touch with about 5 different generations, but since I was estranged from most of my extended family for better than 25 years, most of them are pretty much strangers.

The person most uncomfortable with it all is my wife... who alternates between wanting her own copies of some of the clothes I buy, and saying "Having a partner who dresses like a woman is kinda weird" (i.e., that she's not comfortable with it.) Or as she used to ask,, "Why can't you just wear nice guy clothes?"

[trannie T]

I do not catch much hell from anyone. The only family member who knows about my dressing is my brother who lives a thousand miles away, he has never seen me dressed. When I go out dressed I am amazed at how little notice I receive as I come nowhere close to passing.

[Satrana]

There is some logic to what you are saying.

For strangers, their main concern is how they relate to you. The more you meet their expectations of how a woman looks and behaves, the more at ease they are dealing with you. Strangers will appreciate you fitting in.

For family, they are concerned with your wellbeing and their emotional ties with you. The more you pass the more scared they will be that you will eventually go the whole way and have surgery. This will sever their emotional ties with the man they knew and they will believe your wellbeing will suffer.

[Samantha Kelsey]

My ex was okay with me until the day I turned out in full blossom. Then she became really scared. She thought that I looked too good to stay out of trouble.

.

[Kate Simmons]

Well, to be honest, usually everyone catches "hell" from me but I digress.

[Sammy777]

Hmmm
Well my whole family knows and I have gotten only compliments from them.

As far as strangers - I have gotten the occasional look or double take but no "pod people" screams and not a single pitch fork or torch in sight
Even sitting and talking with/getting to know strangers has not offered up any negative reactions.

Do I pass as a girl? Maybe
Am I just accepted as a Transgirl? Maybe
Either way - I'm not gonna ask if they don't.

[Charla McBee]

I'm not sure I will ever tell anyone I know, family or friend, even though I'm certain someone has to have an idea. Even if there was a confrontation, I beleive I have good answers prepared. I know I would never be disowned or anything like that but I'd still rather not burden anyone.

As for strangers, I have bought clothes, shoes and makeup all at once at the nearest walmart in broad daylight. I was actually less concerned then than I was in my first effort hundreds of miles from home at 3Am. It seemed to me that the more crowded a place is, the less likely people are to notice you wether or not they would have ever bothered you.

My current last ditch contingency plan is to ask the stranger if they really want to know the truth, which I doubt they do. If they happen to be a store clerk, I will simply remind them that their job is to take my money and leave it at that.

So far I have dealt with a wide variety of clerks and have yet to be troubled either by them or other customers, not even when I was the only man lurking around the cosmetic section.