Are there really an genetic woman out there who approve of cross dressing

[tanyacross]

Hi,
My name is Tanya and I am new to the forum. I am really keen to hear some opinions from genetic woman. I am married to a wonderful woman who I love very much but is neither understanding or accepting of my cross dressing.

On the one and only time she saw me cross dressed for a fancy dress as "Heidi" she asked me is I fancy myself as a woman in a playfull way, told me I looked cute, had a good figure and could dress as a girl. I was head over heels and thought all my dreams were coming true after 18 years as a closet CD. I thought I could use as an intro to come out, unfortunately the fairy tale ends there.

Everytime I try to raise cross dressing I get either the cold shoulder or put downs.

In other respects we have a good marriage and beleive it or not i think one of the things she values in me is my feminine side (good listner, sensitive, kind and considerate and love endless shopping) I am not the arrogant macho type that she dislikes so much but my freinds and colleugues consider me to have a good sense of humour and in my career (in a make dominated world) I have been extremley successful. I have mostly female freinds and we are close (as they are freind of both of us and because of the children I have never come out to them).

Question is are there no woman out there who could accept someone like me? One of the reasons for "outing myself" to my wife was that if I revealed my darkest secret it would not only releive lots of stress and anxiety but would bring us closer together and enhance our relationship (secretley I hoped that it would maybe lead to other things to enrich the relationship) and more importantly show her how i trust her so much as to be able to tell her.

Any idea where I am going wrong?:

[PhillyGuy2Girl]

I know two women who don't mind crossdressing,my Wife and my GG Cousin.

Its sad that a lot of Wives/SO's don't accept their Husbands/Boyfriends crossdressing. I think the reason some don't is because they see that their guys look good or even more feminine then them and get jealous. Some might get jealous because its the "other women" thing and feel like they're cheating on them.I might be all wet on this but that's my opinion.





Felicity

[ginafaye]

honesty is very important,and you only have control of yourself,my wife helps me ,dress and truly enjoys this side of me ,but that said our family kids and life situations dicate that all our fun stay private. this is enough for me . i guess you and her need to find your own balance

[Carroll]

there're out there. I got one

[Tina B.]

For me it's a private thing, I keep in in the house, but in my castle I am queen! My wife knows and supports me in many ways, including shopping for and with me, giving gifts to me that are very feminine in nature, and if she is out and comes home and finds me dressed, will complement me on my look.
She has known for over 30 years, and has always supported me from the day I told her about it. So yes there are women out there that can and do support men like us. And there are many of them on this forum, so there is a good chance you will hear from some of them.
Tina

[sherri52]

If you have been reading this site you have found many ladies here that are lucky enough to have found one. I'm not one but thier here.

[Aska]

My wife is very accepting and seems to be having fun with it. She did tell me she better not come home and catch me in her clothes but we are shopping together for my clothes.

[tinalynn]

I'm one of them. Can't say that my wife helps me, and she doesn't want me to go out in fear of my safety, but at home its all fine. She found out before we married by finding my clothes when I went out of town. She's told me that she's glad she found out then, rather than after we were married. Something about trust and openness, and all that touchy feelly stuff... So, yeah, they're out there...

Find your own balance with her. If she doesn't want to see it , don't let her. It can be worked within any relationship... (If its a strong relationship.)

[mklinden2010]

People usually take their cues from the person they're nearest to... Your problem might just be you, not her.

If YOU're not comfortable enough to go about your life without her approval of your every thought and act, then she's probably not going to be comfortable with YOU either.

So, you keep this stupid secret, that you wear clothes (Clothes!) from your wife for 18 years. Hearing of this n-o-w, she plays along for a bit, gives some lip service to the idea, and you seem surprised that's all that happens. Surprised? How about being surprised she didn't leave, shoot you, or, both? How would you feel about her having a living "boy toy" stashed in the spare bedroom for 18 years?

Soooo, since then when you slyly bring it up, she gives you the cold shoulder and put downs. Why shouldn't she? Why shouldn't anybody? So, you do this thing... So what? What else is there to this to her except that you do it on the sly and seem ashamed of it and crawl around seeking, what is it.. Oh, yeah, "approval."

Look, if you like it so much, give yourself the extra approval you "need" and put some things in the closet and in the dresser. If she bitches, that means two things:

First, you now have something to talk about, and, second, you can note, "They're just clothes. They're paid for. It's our house... What's the problem?"

All you've done so far is dump a "problem" on her and leave it dumped there to annoy her as you seek... "approval." Approval? Look, she's still living with you... Does that not tell you anything about her approval-to-date? Act on your declared interests and new willingness to be open about them and get on with life.

She may not like it, but you have as much right to a "hobby/special interest/porn collection/stamp collection/firetruck as anyone else. And, if you "run off" later to pursue one of these interests... Well, that's life. So, too is her "running off" because you ain't what she wants either. Those are "common" worst case scenarios, but, from reading all these posts about CDers, not the most common thing at all. More often, people keep trying to get along, CDing or not...

So, odds are that if you (finally) show some good sense about managing yourself in a way that she can more easily relate to, i.e. be a little more open about your harmless interests and manly self, life will be more pleasant for both of you.

You brought it up - do something helpful about it using your own steam, not hers.

It takes some work, but what bridge gets built without it?

Oh, and please take your high heel off my pet peave...

You do not have a feminine side any more than your wife does. Which side would that be? The left, the right? Some other angle?

You have "a" personality and numerous characteristics. If you like talking more, emoting more, than the next person, fine. But, it's not a "guy thing" or a "girl thing," it's a people thing - and not so special even to people, as it turns out.

Give yourself a break, Tanya-not-your-real-given-name, and recognize that you're the same person no matter what you do.

If you aren't, your wife and most other people would be justified in walking you to the judge as a pit stop on your way to the looney-bin...

You think and talk like that and you wonder why your wife acts the way she does?

Please... There's no pink fog that thick - only people that thick.

Think this over for a bit, and see if you can't try a more useful approach to working things out with your wife.

What you're doing is not working... And, worse, your post sounds a bit like you're shopping for a new woman if this one won't, by some miracle-mind-reading process, come around to being interested in your "new" (but not so new to you) ideas.

Yeah, small wonder she's being cool about all this.

Who are you? An unusual question after 18 years...

Good luck working this out.

It can be done. But, YOU have to DO it.

[suchacutie]

There have been many discussions about the issue of support from SOs. If I may summarize, the two issues are 1) trust, and 2) personal position vis a vis crossdressing.

The trust issue seems to be the big one. Since she knew nothing of your crossdressing desires until well into your relationship, she may have trust issues that you don't know exist (or at least you didn't mention them).

Getting the conversation going is the only way to "solve" this, and that, unfortunately, is individual. However, you will certainly get idea from the various threads stored here on this site.

"His" wife is my terrific girlfriend. She is fantastically supportive by being helpful and even critical when I'm not quite up to my feminine best! She really is teaching me what it's like to grow up a girl and I love her for it.

all my hopes for you and yours!

Tina

[Laura Evans]

Mine does but only she knows the reasons why, it is not from what I do or do not do.

[SusanMarie]

My SO...

[Gisele]

I've got one too. She is sitting here next to me saying "Yes, we are out there"!

[Terri Andrews]

I have had one of each .
The first ,who knew from day one ,would not talk about it and did not want it in our lives .
The present ,who also knew when we were dating,is very supportive and accepting .
It takes compromise from both of us to make it work but
we both think it adds a lot to our marriage .

[martha mars]

and yes i do know when my wife like me to dress she well lay every thiing out for me that she would like me to wear

[alexis GG]

Hi Tanya and welcome... Yes accepting GG's (wives, g/f,s, SO's etc) do exist... I am one to my wonderfull partner az_azeel... We have been together for 5 and a half years now and he told me just before we started dating. It was weird at first but after much research and plenty of talking and loads of question I fully support him with his cd'ing

[Angelofsomekind]

I have one as well, she likes when I dress.

As for where your going wrong, I don't know what your doing, but everyone is different, everyone will deal with this in different ways.

[Olivia]

Yes.
O

[KayC]

In answer to your question, yes there are GGs that approve of cross dressing. How many did right off the bat? Probably not a lot. When someone leads you to believe they are one way and then you find out on down the road that they are different than they presented themselves to be, particularly if you find out after entering into a LTR, then you feel deceived. That is why, on this site, it is greatly encouraged that CDers be up front to begin with.
When a GG first finds out that her partner is a CDer, it affects her in many ways. She may question her own femininity, wonder where she fits in to the partnership, worry about what it'll lead to, if you're going to leave her, and so much more. It's important that you be ready to answer her questions and reassure her...in so doing you can also direct her to this site where, upon reaching her ten posts, she can apply to the FAB section where there are other GGs who have been through it and can help answer her questions and help her not to feel so isolated. There is so much more involved than meets the eye...you are asking her to share in your secret/lie, and that wasn't something she bargained on. You are asking her to deal with a lot of things she never wanted to deal with. To top it off, she has to deal with your dishonesty to her, and it takes time for you to rebuild her trust.
There are some GGs that have fun with this and say they feel this has brought them closer together...I doubt most of them felt that way at first, but education is the key to adjustment and it helps to learn what this is all about...not only to the CDer, but to his SO.

[Kaitlin the cd]

On of my woman friends told me today that she loves it when guys wear womens clothes. In fact shes going to crossdress her boyfriend in a couple of days for fun.

[goofus]

On of my woman friends told me today that she loves it when guys wear womens clothes. In fact shes going to crossdress her boyfriend in a couple of days for fun.

Sure, for fun...but he'd better not enjoy it!!

[Raya]

Yes. In fact, many women have told me they found me more attractive for it. My SO is one of them.

[Kate Simmons]

There are those who tolerate it as evidenced here but most hererosexual women want a man, plain and simple.

[Barbara918]

Sad part, in my experience, is that most GGs who approve of a man who CDs already have one. Are there any GGs out there who are actively looking for a CD?

[Kaitlin the cd]

Sure, for fun...but he'd better not enjoy it!!

Knowing this guy he will enjoy it.