Are there really an genetic woman out there who approve of cross dressing

[JulieC]

As others have noted, there's plenty of women out there who approve of crossdressing, even in their spouses. My wife does too. Am I "lucky"?

I don't see it that way. I think you make your own luck. I'd been through enough relationships with women who were supportive and women who were not supportive of my crossdressing to know that I did NOT want to have a wife that was not supportive. So, I told her long before we were engaged, doing so a few months after we started dating. It went well. It's not always been peaches and cream. There's been some bumps in the road. But, she's an absolutely wonderful woman, and she is 100% supportive of my crossdressing.

Had I not said anything to her before we got married, I'd have no idea whether she'd be supportive or not. In that sense, it would have been luck of the draw. But I didn't play to lady luck's desires. I told myself I'd break up with my then girlfriend if she didn't accept crossdressing, and go find another person to date, and keep repeating that cycle until I found someone that was supportive.

Any idea where I am going wrong?:

Yes. You're not going to be able to convert her into being supportive. You've tried to cross the bridge, but she's not accepting the overtures. Drop it. She's already effectively told you where she stands on the issue, and doesn't want to contend with a crossdressing husband.

You're in a rough situation. You will continue to crossdress, but your wife won't approve. I wish it were different for you.

[Katie Layne]

My wife has known since the day after our engagment. I hadn't really thought of it as an issue, but realized she needed to know exactly what she was agreeing to marry. She said it was "odd", but she didn't see it as a problem. For the next year or so befor the actual wedding day, she would help me shop, dress, apply makeup, and even ventured out with me on a couple occasions.
About a year into our marriage, and just prior to the birth of our son, (probably a connection here) she started feeling and speaking quite negatively about it. We discussed the issue in grave detail and came to the concluson that the child should be kept from such confusion of sex roles. He could learn later on at a more appropriate time, and I've been prepared to explain and help him understand since I came to terms with my cding years ago.
It's been three more years now and I haven't been able to touch my wife in seven months. She even stated last night that she bought it was just a fad I would 'grow out of'.
She left the relationship emotionally and physically (touch wise) with the passing of her father, which occured only months after our son was born. Her acceptance of cding also left the building. There is no more tolerance, just an embarassed and ashamed look on her face when she asks "did you go out dressed up while I was out of town"? I'm always honest and we have discussed more. I will not subject her to seeing me dressed and she understands that cding is a part of me, which isn't going to change - at least that was the understanding until last night.
So I do and do not have one... She accepts it, yes that is true. But to what level and at what sacrafice? I am still a man and have physical and emotional needs (more so than most from what I read in this site about my fellow cders). So now I have the question - "do I leave my wife in hopes of finding more and subject my child to a broken family, ignore my cd urges even if it means insanity for the HOPE that my wifes appeal for me will return, or just continue down the same old road of talking myself into a dead end?"
we have discussed therapy, of which my wife is an advocate for to anyone except when it comes to herself and 'sexual' issues... or her fathers passing - becuase she thinks there's a sexual connection (sexual does not = sex btw).
This is not a game, there is no winning answer, just a question that I will have to answer on my own.
For any single cd out there I would recommend one thing - be open from day one and ensure her stance is true and that she understands this is not going to change - it is not fad - yillsill not simply put your cloths away one day - though you may occasioly burn them as the self destructive cder you can be

[mklinden2010]

KL,

You're simply in over your head with everything.

Go to counseling yourself. That, at least, has her approval and if you're lucky you may pick up some information and develop some skills at dealing with these and other life problems.

If you go and don't get satisfaction with a better life situation, try another therapist, read another book, ask another friend, see another movie, etc.

As noted previously, we do make our own luck in life and it's usually, "the harder I work the luckier I get" luck.

There's no connection between CDing, being gay, being straight, and how kids turn out. If there were, few us would be anything but what our parents were. Kids turn out the way they turn out mostly because they were kept free of physically dangerous things and situations long enough to chose their way in life.

Parents don't form children so much as keep the form safe until it (they) produces a thinking, self-supporting, person. Most good people don't want perfect kids, just healthy and happy kids.

Your wife's situation, moving from single gal, to married woman, to mother is not an easy path under any circumstances. There are always tears, doubts, stress. As you wish she'd love you through your issues, you will just have to try loving her through hers.

Love is patient, kind, etc. If it is love... If it's just timing, convenience, "liking..." Well, that's OK too, but don't wear dress shoes to a ditch digging contest. Fit right things with right things and do better in life.

I hope you and your wife work out something happier. CDing is just something you do, not the totality of who you are. Very often, if you demonstrate other "good" qualities - in this case perhaps study ways to ease her stress and worries - it will be easier for her to encourage/support/laugh about your CDing... Which at this point may seem to have no positive value to her.

Sometimes, I think my SO humors me in my personal interests because she realizes, in part, "Well, that's just the way HE is... And he's quite wonderful."

Works for me. But, I've been working at it for a while too.

Good luck and good living.

[KandisTX]

My wife, mother, roommate, most of my GG friends, and my baby sister are all supportive of my crossdressing. Most of them buy me femme clothing items or other femme things for me.

Kandis

[KayC]

Both giving birth and losing someone close to you can affect one to the extent they could benefit from some counseling. I'd start with a trip to the doctor to check it out and continue on to a counselor for grief counseling. There's also grief support groups she could attend. Marriage counseling with someone trained in TG issues could also be beneficial.

I'm sorry this is your experience...you tried to be honest and in your case, it was her that was dishonest...she led you to believe she was supportive when in fact she was not...she was secretly hoping it'd go away. You deserved better than that.

Have you tried getting her on line here, it'd be great if she could meet other GGs here, it might be of help to her acceptance.

[tanyacross]

Thank you for all feedback.

It appears clear that I committed the mistake of wiating so many years before "outing myself". I have learned that life is really no dress rehearsal (no pun intended) and I have no intention of going back in the cupboard. I really do like myself as a girl and feel totally comfortable as a woman. I am neither ashamed or embarrased of my desire to dress and present myself as a woman. In fact when purchasing clothes shoes or make up I take delight in leaving the sales assistent in no doubt that all the purchases are for me. Perhaps in the past I had a fear of being outed in public, at the moment I think my wife has a greater fear than I do. Ideally I would like to tell everyone and make a clean break.

On another point does anyone think it is easier or harder for a CDer who looks more femine and dare I say convincing when dressed than one who does not. I always thought that if I looked good when dressed it would be easier for her to accept. Strangely enough once a very long time ago we were taking about something we read and I asked my wife if she would not like to dress me up as a woman. She said no but to my surprise said that if I had a heavier build and a few more muscles it might be fun. Could this be what one other reader mentioned about competition or simply that a CD who looks fairly convincing when dressed is simply off putting to a GG.

Love
Tanya

[bumblebee]

The younger the more likely to be "approving" whatever that means.

I, personally, wouldn't date someone who had a rigid view of gender. But, then again, I don't hide who I am either.

[Rebecca Jayne]

Tanya as life goes on there are certain things that you find were not a good idea to bring up to your wife, been there done that, same boat as you. But if she still gives you lip service about it, next time there is a thunderstorm, give her a golf clup and tell her to go outside and practice her swing.

My advice, do what you want on your own time, be on your best behavior around others.


People usually take their cues from the person they're nearest to... Your problem might just be you, not her

maryklinden please don't sugar coat, it tell us how you really feel

[mollytyler]

Mother, sister, cousins Aunts (and 1 uncle).....but then there are some relatives who just did not get the issue.......plenty of women during my college years and last many years at work....they are there...it is just the manner that you approach the subject......

[sissystephanie]

Thank you for all feedback.

It appears clear that I committed the mistake of wiating so many years before "outing myself". I have learned that life is really no dress rehearsal (no pun intended) and I have no intention of going back in the cupboard. I really do like myself as a girl and feel totally comfortable as a woman. I am neither ashamed or embarrased of my desire to dress and present myself as a woman. In fact when purchasing clothes shoes or make up I take delight in leaving the sales assistent in no doubt that all the purchases are for me. Perhaps in the past I had a fear of being outed in public, at the moment I think my wife has a greater fear than I do. Ideally I would like to tell everyone and make a clean break.

On another point does anyone think it is easier or harder for a CDer who looks more femine and dare I say convincing when dressed than one who does not. I always thought that if I looked good when dressed it would be easier for her to accept. Strangely enough once a very long time ago we were taking about something we read and I asked my wife if she would not like to dress me up as a woman. She said no but to my surprise said that if I had a heavier build and a few more muscles it might be fun. Could this be what one other reader mentioned about competition or simply that a CD who looks fairly convincing when dressed is simply off putting to a GG.

Love, Tanya

Tanya, you are very correct that you made a HUGE mistake not telling your wife about your CD activites 18 years ago! That means you have been living a lie all that time, and now you want your wife to just forgive and forget? You said that you like yourself as a girl and feel very comfortable as a woman. Do you want to be a woman? If that is the image you present to your wife, no wonder she acts the way she does. Her statement about you having a heavier build and a few more muscles before she dressed you seems to indicate she wants you to be the MAN she married. After all, she did marry a man, not a woman!

I had a very happy 49+ year marriage to my late wife, and she was totally active and supportive of my CD'ing. I told her when I proposed to her, and her major comment was, "will you always be my man, no matter what you are wearing?" Of course I told her yes, and made sure that she always knew I was her man! Of course, I may be different than you, Tanya! I love to wear feminine clothing of all types, but have absolutely no desire whatsoever to become a woman!! Since my wife is no longer here to do my makeup and fix my wig, I just go out dressed totally enfemme, as I am right now, but looking exactly like the guy that I am! My Tag line say it all for me!! Maybe that is what your wife need to know!!

[Astera]

I accidentally mailed a GG friend (ex-girlfriend, really) from my femme email account. Ugh! When she asked me what was going on, I just told her. I figured if anyone would be accepting, she would. (She's always been quite wild!) She thought it was awesome. I'm not exaggerating. She wished I had told her when we were dating, it would have been so much fun going out as girls and wearing lingerie together. Sadly, we live in different parts of the country now, so we can't go out together, but there are women out there who not only tolerate it, but think it's cool.

[Sarah_GG]

Yes. There are loads of us out there... GGs who are in a relationship that has strong foundations built on honesty, trust and openness.

That's what most people want in a relationship really.

[Sheila]

Yes. There are loads of us out there... GGs who are in a relationship that has strong foundations built on honesty, trust and openness.

That's what most people want in a relationship really.

I am another accepting GG .......... I met Debs on here and am marrying her in 4 days she has been open, & honest from the get go it makes it so much easier

[BRANDI66]

Well my wife had me do it at first... I did not want to.... I also have had 2 girl friends that were totally turned on by it.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi there,

YES there are many accepting SO's and many other people too.
I reckon that there are more 'Accepting' SO's than we realise, just have a look in the members list. However we shouldn't expect any one to be accepting of lies and deciet.

It seems to me that the Cd community just thinks that most SO's are not accepting, therefore they are afraid to tell their SO. Also from what I read on this and other Cd sites I get the feeling that it is the Cd'ers themselves who are the most unaccepting. If the Cd'er can't accept this, how on earth can he/she expect anyone else to.

Answer these questions yourself and be honest.

1. do you really believe that what YOU are doing is acceptable?
2. Have you at least told your SO about yourself?

If you answered No to any of these then how can you expect the SO or anyone else to accept you.

This is not aimed at any individual, just a collection of thoughts.

.

[MyLoveMillie]

I think that honesty is the key, like I said on another post they will either accept you or they wont.. but you are pro longing the end result... Millie (kaylee3012) told me 4-5 months into our relationship.. That was the hardest thing to get my head around until she had told me she would have told me from day one if she had accepted it herself... She now does and we have so much fun with it and I love her more for trusting me with something so precious to her.. The change is amazing and I wouldn't change her for the world nor would i want her to change for the world

Hannah xx (GG)

[Josephine 1941]

Hi Tany, Well let me put it this way for me . We both wear size 16 cloths,10 1/2 shoes , have the same style and color hair use one anothers make up and jewlery . we go out as girl friends , been to P town 4 times for a wk Key West 2 times. I told her right off the bat and she loved it. That is my Melissa, I'd like to say she is one of a kind but she is not. Before her I told any women I met, when things started to look as if we might get serious . I would like to say get her on here to see how many of women don't mind. Good luck Josephine

[loardata]

my wife doesnt approve of ANYTHING that i do so why should it be any different for crossdressing?

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Yes, there are a "few" - I think you probably have heard from all of them so

far on this post - the girls that have approving GGs are so fortunate.

However, approving GGs for the rest of us are "few and far between", I'm

afraid.

I hope I get bombarded on this, but that has been my

experience - I think a lot of GGs don't mind, so long as it is not their husband.


JoAnne Wheeler

[CherylFlint]

maryklinden said it best.

[melissacd]

In my own personal experience there are some women who head for the hills when you tell them, there many women who are okay with it so long as you are in a romantic relationship with them, there are those special few who can look past all the cultural trappings and see outside the box. They appreciate the person for who they are not what they wear.

More importantly, as stated by others here you must first be okay with it within yourself before you can expect anyone around you to feel okay with it too.

While Maryklinden made her statements in a very terse in your face way (and yes she did say it best - the truth hurts) I must applaud her for how she laid things out. If you cut away all the crap, do not care what others think and just be yourself - that is the pathway to happiness. When we have been in a relationship for a long time and then dump something like this on a partner it is not surprising that they react as they do. It takes a very special person and a very special relationship to weather this sort of thing.

I have many bumps and bruises from past relationships that have shown me that the best way is to be open and honest about this from the beginning, but also not to modify who you are for another person because that always leads to unhappiness and troubles. If someone does not accept who you are, all of who you are, then move on. Life is too short not to be yourself.

To thine own self be true...

Melissa

[tanyacross]

Everybody keeps saying they you should tell your partner at the very beginning of a relationship. In an ideal world this is hard to argue against, however sometimes if you tell someone too soon you risk the rejection of somebody who might otherwise have been prepared to try to understand you if they had a deeper and more emotional committment & knew the whole person.

Don`t we all find out new things about our partners over the years i.e their likes and dislikes etc. My wife told me she was bi-curious at least 10 years after we were married. It made no difference to me but another person would say that was "deceit and dishonesty".

[sometimes_miss]

I think a lot of GGs don't mind, so long as it is not their husband.

That's pretty much what it amounts to. Women are generally sexually attracted to masculine traits, behavior and appearances. Those who are attracted to feminine things, well, they want a female. We fall between the cracks. I've heard that the best chances for us are hanging out in gay bars, because that's where you will find more open minded straight women, usually hanging out with a gay male friend. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to mean that she's attracted to crossdressers, it just means that she isn't bothered by us. And the search continues........

[audreyinalbany]

GG's correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that it is generally for women to accept crossdressing in a male with whom they are not in an intimate relationship. I think in a casual acquaintance it can be kind of 'cute' or 'endearing,' but in an intimate partner it becomes somewhat of a threat to the relationship, what might be thought of as a 'violation' of their mental image of the man they married...

[Miranda09]

I'm sure they ARE out there...problem is, they're all taken!!!