Serious Topic...Have you thought about dying?

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Yup...can't wait...greatest mystery to all of mankind, so why not?????

Seriously it's a far more complex issue and one each and every one of us will face at some time in our life...or is that when our life here ends....

Now reading the initial post are we talking death and dying or are we talking suicide???? Two different questions here....one is a fact of life the other involves the idea or concept that we can end our life....

I think anyone at one times or another thinks about the fact tha tone day we will no longer exist and we go through that process as everyone who has come before us has faced and that is dying....so that is normal and also most of us at one time or another will think about throwing in the towel as well...life is generally filled with peaks and valley's for all of us....and at tiems we all think about "checking out"....very few of us however reach that point where we carry out the thoughts....

But dying in and of itself is a natural part of the living process.....for there is a time to be born and a time to die....simple as that....

[Teri Jean]

Sure I have but that is natural to contemplate death, whether natural or self inflicted. I thought my world was destroyed when I was told my wife had passed one morning 2-1/2 years ago. Everything kind of exploaded in my brain but as time went on the idea of death took a huge backseat to my CDing and since then I have started my transition. I'm glad that the death thing died and left Teri to carry on.

Teri

[Yolanda_Voils]

Many days I wake up disgusted, I think "What For"

I've lost my job.

My favorite cat got killed.
A stray moster dog killed 5 cats, my dog and my neighbors dog.

My ex G/F's daughter commited sepico at 18

My G/F cost me nearly my life's savings.
I have legal crap looming.
Spent almost 3 months in jail, 4 of my "Good Friends" were seen here day after day. Oddly they sold over $4,000 in scrap metal while I was jailed.
One of them I loaned $1k to get them into a rental home.. NICE HUH?

My Family is disfunctunal, has been forever.

I have no home ins. and it caught fire, thieves mangled the rest.

My Credit Score went from 0.5mil credit[1200] available to Zero[475].

Close friends, turn out to be NOT.
When times are good everyone loves you, When the rain comes, even if it's not your fault, they don't return calls.

I have a major operation soon, I'm taking care to make sure the one person who has been a real friend gets my 401k and what's left of my stuff.

Yeah, I think we all get severely depressed sometimes.

[Joanne f]

Yes many times but then i think "oh that is what you would love me to do so i am going to stick around just to annoy you ".
A bit like coming back on here

[Sarah Doepner]

There may be more than one or two people out there who would like to see my go by my own hand but fortunately I'm not one of them. I need to be around to say "I told you so." and wear a red dress when dance on their graves.

It may not all go my way, and sometimes it feels like none of it is, but life is still interesting and I seem to love the challenge of figuring it out. I know I've joked about life and death issues in the past, but it's just the way I'm wired (reinforced by working with first responders for a long time). I can't guarentee that I'll always feel that way, but it's worked so far. I have tried to understand suicide as an option at times in the past and that puzzle piece just doesn't fit in my view of the world. Maybe one of these days I'll be able to understand how powerful the impulse for self destruction can be, but I'm willing to wait.

I wish those who have those feelings the absolute best.

[sherri52]

I have never considered death in any fashion but when I die and I'm dead and gone there'll be one child born in this world to carry on (Blood sweat and Tears). Suicide is the cowards way out.

[julia ann]

I have thought about this subject alot since I had a heart attack 3 years ago, and actually did die on the table before they brought me back. It has taken some time, but it has enhanced my dressing desire and pleasure knowing just how short life can be and just deciding to enjoy the time I have left.

[Sharon]

I was "this" close to doing something almost four years ago, but I finally came to realize that I wasn't selfish enough to do it. The heartache and headaches I would have inflicted on my family and loved ones would have been nothing short of cruel. And that's not to mention that I reached out, found the help I needed, and that I am happier today than I have ever been.

[PaulaJaneThomas]

There's a difference between "have you thought about dying" and "have you ever contemplated suicide". I'm having far too much fun being a cantankerous old b*st*rd to want this to end although end it inevitably will. Even if I were to live another 100 years (which is not possible) it will not have been enough.

[Joan Merrie]

YES, it was last July. I was so down that I came up stairs to the computer room, got the exacto knife, and was just millimeters away from my wrists, when my little cat, Callie jumped in my lap and just looked at me. I couldn't do it then. so with her sound asleep in my lap, I just started free writing. Any thing that popped in my mind went on that paper. It helped allot. So now we call Callie the life savor.
kitty 002.jpgThis is my life savor.

[Yolanda_Voils]

Joan Merrie,
Your post made me cry.
My cats have been the only real reason that I care at all to keep trying, people forget you, soon.

When I lost my job I was devastated, I was super popular, lots of friends, management, labor, everyone.
400+ EMPLOYEES
One very small problem and several decades of "friends" GONE
In 2 years how many people called me,, ???

ONE.

Asking family for ONE loan to get out of jail on bond to protect my $30,000 misc property, what do I get ?
No answer, this AFTER loaning them things, my NEW Corvette, and money.
3rd call gets me a "we're still thinking about it"
I had money, it just takes a couple of weeks to get it.
They let me rot.



I too love my cats..
They're the only living creatures I can "depend" on..

[dilane]

Yes, but only natural death -- those contemplations are more frequent as one gets older.

I've known three families which had suicides -- all young sons. Suicide is immensely selfish and cruel, in my opinion. It leaves deep lifetime scars in all who loved them, and really destroys both parents emotionally.

[Terri Andrews]

I ,like others have had some low times and felt as you did ,but I am soooo glad that I kept on going . Live is to short not to live it to it`s fullest .
I am almost 65 and realize that every day is precious and try to enjoy my Gender Blessed Life .
I hope that you are doing better .

[GaleWarning]

Close friends, turn out to be NOT.
When times are good everyone loves you, When the rain comes, even if it's not your fault, they don't return calls.

The only really good thing about landing in s**t street, as you have, Yolanda, is that you find out exactly who your friends are.

Treasure the true friends and know that they will always be there for you.

[cd_jamie]

i love living and have not givin suicide a single thought. my body isnt gettin any younger but in my mind i am still in my teen most of the time. i did buy my cemitary plot a few years ago only so noone would have rush around looking for a place to plant me someday. me and the wife got the lawn cript thing where they stack one on top of the other. got a real good deal since my parents had recently bought their lots there.

[Sara Jessica]

There's a difference between "have you thought about dying" and "have you ever contemplated suicide".

Excellent point!!!

My take, and this isn't meant to look down on anyone who has been in the personal depths of contemplation of taking one's life. It's simply my outlook.

Try receiving a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness. Fight through a horrific treatment regimine and come out the other side free of disease, but never free of fear. Fast forward about 17 years and endure a scare that said disease may have returned and because the previous treatment F'ed you up so badly before, it no longer remains on the table as a treatment option.

In a nutshell this is my story and I'm glad to say that as of a couple weeks ago, a pretty definitive test has shown that I am disease free. Yes, I cannot help to have contemplated my own demise but I'm far from being in a hurry to shed this mortal coil. Life is a wonderful thing, family, friends, fulfillment, whatever it is that floats your boat. Live it to the fullest, it can be yanked from you without regard to whether or not you're ready in a blink of an eye.

[kristinacd55]

When you become DEAD you can not later become UNDEAD....
Just stop and think of what your family and freinds would think. How would you feel if one of yor friends thought the way you are thinking.
Death is the final solution and one there you can not un do it.

Amen Rachel. Live your life to the fullest while you've got each and every breath because you're dead for an awful long time!!

[Rebecca Jackson]

I have never considered suicide because I always believed there was never any situation that was worth killing yourself over and that would not eventually get better. However, at times during the past six or seven years there were times when I was so worn down and discouraged that I honestly wouldn't have cared if God struck me down then and there. I was tired of the constant struggles and ready if it was my time to go. My ex wife is bi-polar and schizophrenic and attempted suicide numerous times and I saw the toll that took on my kids, and I would never put my family through that. I'm generally rational enough to realize that things will always get better, but there are times when I don't know if I can deal with all the cr@p anymore. But I keep going and take it one day at a time.

[arbon]

Yep. Thought a lot aobut dying, or feeling like wanting to die, throughout my life. Not from the point of thinking the world would be better without me, but rather just not knowing how to cope with myself healthier way.

Have felt a lot of shame about myself. I'm amazed at so many of you here that seem to have dealt with crossdressing so much better then I have....

This last year was tough, getting outed in a way and having people think they know something about me really sucked!! Loosing control over my secret it just felt like OMG I want off this ride now!!

but I am still here!!

[karennjcd]

I have no desire to end my life before it runs its course. I'd like to live as long as possible, to see what the world has to offer and of course see my offspring progress in life as well.

I don't want to digress into something off topic, but I blame religion for putting thoughts into people's minds that death is a preferrable alternative. This "better place" they speak of, the alternative place with the pitchforks one goes to if they are bad, etc. I think the "better place" is right here in life and I intend to make the best of whatever my life faces, no matter how good or bad.

I lived with somebody, my ex, who was bipolar manic depressive, so I've seen first hand how someone can become so unhappy with their lives that they want to go to that so-called "better place" sooner rather than later.

To come back to our favorite topic, we all share something that makes us happier than we were before we started doing it, or we would not be here talking about it. Perhaps the act of CD'ing is a means to escape life's unhappy situations and doing something that makes us comfortable in our own worlds.

But here's another thought, and something that I thought the topic was about before I read the entries. What if you died at home, of natural causes, and were CD'ing at the time? Not that you would be able to show embarassment, but if you're living in the closet would you want those who discover you, the coroner, the police, etc. to remember you by how they found you?

Karen

[Sally2005]

Yes, I have. It was in the past and it took a lot to admit I needed some help. Go talk to your doctor...it doesn't have to be for treatment, s/he can tell you their opinion and may have some very helpful tips. It sounds like you are depressed, even though you can fake it and convince yourself and others you are not doesn't mean it is not true. If you can not enjoy life you need to find a way to get off that path and on to a better one.

I have also thought about death from another point of view...like what things do I want to finish before I die...completing one or two of these really can boost your spirit. Actually...there is a connection...I was so scared of going out dressed in daylight I would have prefered death if I got caught...but, I thought about it and decided I might as well die doing something fun!

[aggi123]

I went through a very long period of depression when I was 23-25. (well, not long in the grand scheme of things, but seemed forever to me)

It was March 14, 2009 at 9:51. I was in the bath tub with my boxcutter ready for a grand adventure. I had planned this moment for months and had picked 25 years to the minute after I was born to do it.

I couldn't do it. Since then, I have adopted a new outlook on life called "The Secret". It has truly changed my life.

[jazmine]

Allie. I don't know the depths or the extent of your thinking....but with me, yeah, i've said it once or twice before,,,,mostly me thinking it. I would never do it ofcourse:
(1) because I have a lot of cool things still to do.
(2), all my family and loved ones would be CRUSHED. I can't do that to them.
(3)....I don't want to start the equivalent of the "1st grade" over, on a grander scale. I already came this far.

I mostly get pissed about this crappy, planetal society us ......um.........supposedly,,"evolved" species have created. We have literally painted ourselves into the corners. Such an "in the box" mentality, led by the .01 percent that actually own & run the planet. Our assignments of worths & values are exponentially becoming askewed. I'm not even going to get into it. But many times that song by Radiohead,"CREEP" plays through my head........."What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here"

Girls,........ don't lecture me on I have it wrong or whatever..blah blah blah. It's just my reaction sometimes, to what I see take place here, on a daily basis.

The only rule in my book for running a planet is: Don't Be A Dick.
That covers the ENTIRE gamut! Maybe not as beautiful or well versed as Plato's, Republic......but ends with similar results.

[Fran Moore]

No No Never Never, uh uh uh.....Life is a gift, being transgendered is a surprise gift. I embrace it and try to live life to it's fullest. Besides, what would happen to all my stuff!

To those that have those thoughts, I hope and pray you never give in to them, as death will come to all of us, all in good time. Please don't leave early.

[noeleena]

Hi...
For some of us suicide is very real . two of our trans girls took thiere lives some 4 years ago in christchurch n z . not the only ones i know of . & a close friend of ours allso . & some from our schools here .
living withJos my s o . who has depression major & with out meds has tryed . this is over 36 years .
For me coming out as a woman 11 years ago . a hell for family . in many ways it would have been better if i had . at lest family would not have had to go through what we did .they would have greaved a loss . not a change . so yes a part of my life depression . or opression . & being so down that it would have been a good way to end the hurt . & all the rest of it . when you hit the bottom . & depression hits you you know full well . after 8 years of mental hell. yeap . it looked good .
Yet ..... i have 4 words . that i use . on one of our forums.
....................................
love life live life
--------------------------
i look at that. why give away what i have for no reason . when i have been given so much . i m not saying its a bed of rose s what i m saying is . we have been given our life . to enjoy . & to hold on to while we are here . its a gift . so i accepted that gift . & enjoy what i have .
as a aside i would have been killed . at age 10 . I was stoped from instant death . i had 4 sec s if i had not been held from falling . i ll only say there was no human behind me . yet i was pushed forward as i steped backwards off a platform . in to thin air ....
so yes i count every day as a plus . even having thoughts of suicide are not in my plans . life is given . & can be taken . just dont give in .....theres ..to much to lose .....
...noeleena...