So now what . . . . . .

[CD202Leanne]

[SIZE=4]The Scenario: [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]My fiancée and I had been together for 9 or 10 months. I was working out of town when my she stumbled upon “the clothes”. Long story short, it took me a month or so but I finally admitted/explained that I am a cross dresser, which of course sent her into shock. She had never been exposed to such a thing, and where she’s from the men wear jack boots and flannel, they hunt and fish and ride snowmobiles, and simply put . . . . They’re “manly” men and they don’t wear mini skirts, as I like to do.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]The “usual questions” were then asked, I assured her that I do not wish to be a woman, I am not gay, “transitioning” is not something I intend to do . . . . You know the drill. She took it upon herself to do some rather extensive research on the topic of X-dressing, and in time decided to not only attempt to accept this side of me, but to also somehow work it in to our relationship. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]* Now might be a good time to add that I believe she is very much in love with me, and we do intend to marry one day.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]The Facts: [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]while I was still out of town, she purchased a copy of “My Husband Wears My Clothes” and has read it twice that I know of. She sought out the local chapter of Tri-Ess, met the couple who “run” the chapter and even attended one of the monthly meetings. She continued to research and read up on CD-ing. In the beginning, she even bought me a few skirts, which I thought was very cool.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]We took turns visiting each other once a month, and on one of my trips home for a weekend, she suggested that I “get dressed” . . . . . No wig, no makeup, basically just a guy dressed in a school girl outfit in platform heels. Needless to say, it didn’t go well. She had a very negative reaction, and there seemed to be a LOT of distance between us the rest of the night. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]We got past it, moved on, then when she came to visit me, we planned to attend a Tri-Ess meeting out there. She left the hotel room and went downstairs to let me get ready. When she came back to the room, helping me with my nails and such, she couldn’t even look me in the eye. We finally left the room and headed for the elevators . . . . Again, it wasn’t pretty. The entire night turned to tragedy, as the meeting was cancelled, there was nowhere to go, and we both felt alienated from one another. Back to the hotel, I removed the makeup, showered and changed into some dressy man clothes, and we hit the town. it was COLD for the rest of the night.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Eventually the work came to an end out west, and I returned to Florida. Since then, we’ve talked about it from time to time, dabbled in it lightly, and just a few weeks ago we attended a Tri-Ess meeting together, with me completely en femme. Her reaction this time was much more positive, and she seemed to be “fairly cool” with the whole thing. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]The Questions: [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]How exactly are we supposed to handle this, and “work it in” to our relationship? What are we supposed to do with it? I’ve only told one former girlfriend about my dressing, but have never tried to incorporate it into a relationship. The local Tri-Ess badly needs support, I’ve searched but there doesn’t seem to be a lot of resources for the CD or trans-gendered in this area, and we really have no clue at the moment. We would like to find other couples nearby who are close to our age, and preferably close to our level of “experience”. IE; people who are at roughly the “same stage of the game” as us. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]What can we do and where can we go, while I am in girl mode? What can we expect out of this? She has asked me what my expectations are of her . . . . . I wasn’t really sure what to say. All I ask is that she reach some level of comfort with me being a CD, and that I be allowed to dress. We have yet to set any parameters in regards to “how often” and such . . . I had thrown “some numbers” out there but haven’t had any feedback yet. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Ultimately . . . . My being a cross dresser has done more harm than good, and has created a lot of negativity within our relationship. I have even mentioned that if it came down to deciding between her or the dressing, that I value our relationship much more than I value being en femme, and that I would give up cross dressing if I had to. I think she believes this, but says she would never ask me to choose. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]We seem to have a hard time talking about it, which really only makes it worse. I have no idea which way to turn at this point, I’ve reached out before on this site, but didn’t get much. She is a member here as well, and the last I knew, her request to join the FAB forum was “under review”. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]So . . . . For the “successful” CD couples, how do you do it? And WHAT do you do? What part, and to what extent, does dressing play within your relationships? We could really use some sound advice here, please not just theory or speculation, or “in an ideal world . . . . .”[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Thank you in advance . . . . [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Leanne[/SIZE]

[Ralph]

LeAnne, good on ya for being open and willing to work on the relationship. That's more than half the battle right there!

The important thing is to find out what SHE wants. Find out what makes her uncomfortable, and don't go there. Ask her if she'd feel better if you did not (go out dressed, dress while she's around, whatever). Once you have both established what she does and doesn't like, never EVER push those boundaries.

If you do not already know the activities that are her passion, find out and encourage them, too. The relationship isn't all about you or your dressing. Do stuff -- in full guy mode, dressed, whatever she wants -- that really lights up her life.

If you can manage that, then working the dressing into your relationship or not will take care of itself.

[Shari]

There are as many varied reactions from SO's as there are degrees of dressing. Nothing is cast in stone and each case is unique.

My wife accepted me almost two years ago when I finally came out to her. Recently, it's been almost like don't ask, don't tell.

Remember, as much as we try to emulate women, we can never think like them or begin to imagine what makes them tick.

One step at a time. That's the best advice I or anyone could possibly offer.

[Carroll]

Have her join here, and give us a mind picking. I give her tons of kudo's for really wanting to learn about our little "club". The biggest thing you both can do is communicate. That, my dear friend, is the key to all that is good in a relationship.The one thing you dont want to do is get the "pink fog", for that will blind all involved.
Hugs to the both of you and good luck!

OOPS; I see you said she is a member. Come one sweety, please ask us questions. Most of us have gone through what you two are going through

[Tina B.]

I agree with Ralph, don't push her beyond her comfort level. My wife excepts that I am a cross dresser, shops with me and buys me feminine gifts at times, but beyond that she does not "participate" it's my thing not hers.
I dress at home, and have no interest in going out. But if I did, she would not be comfortable going out with me dressed. she has no problem with me being dressed here at home, and we watch TV, cook, work on hobbies together, she just sees it as clothes, and thinks nothing about it in the privacy of our home.
But for the two of you, you have to figure out just what you need from her, and just what she is comfortable giving, and find a happy place for the two of you.
Tina

[mklinden2010]

This thing, crossdressing, is going to be a part of your lives together, always. Even if you quit today, "So help me God," the subject has already been broached and you've both been dealing with it... So, it is what it is, even when it isn't.

If you're going to be together, you're going to both have to wrestle this issue to the ground and figure out how to handle it. Already, you have both done 110% of what can be done. So, yeah... What now?

If you want to incorporate this into your lives, reaching out to others, supporting others makes a lot of sense. It's a healthy choice; it's good for the community, etc.

On the other hand, if you both don't care to be a part of the entire CD/TG/Gay scene then one or both of you might as well take a pass on any such arrangement of people or ideas. Being a couple is living your lives together, with the same goals and working always towards the same ends.

You can give this up, but to do so you'll have to turn against CDing, etc. to keep it at bay. Sort of like those homophobes who secretly worry they might be gay. It's a crude method, but it works to keep you from doing what you don't want to get into - again.

But, what are the odds you'll be able to do that? At least if you're dating you can break up and try again with someone else. If she's not happy now, after all she's tried to do to get into this with you, she's probably not going to be any happier later.

Long term, there are few places to go with CDing. It's not an Olympic event (not officially), you can get hassled by anyone at anytime, and, you usually have more to loose than gain - as you have just found out - than it might actually be worth.

Your situation sounds familiar... First, your GF needs some kind of medal for doing so much so smartly. Second, it may be that you and she can work out something along the lines of any "man" with a keen interest in something. She doesn't have to play football, she just has to understand you feel like you need to play it with the other lads on Saturday. You're happier doing it than not doing it, but you have no interest in turning Pro: "A person could get hurt!"

My suggestion would be that you two take it back to the closet and see what you can work out at home. Rather than hide your things, hang them up, put them in the dresser, and see if they bite or set fire to things. Those are just clothes. How you behave and make use of your time - most the time - seems more important to both of you than clothes.

It may seem silly to keep them around... But, then again, it might be worse to get rid of them. Your interest may wax and wane; her concerns may do the same. In the end, how you handle this, now what you both know you are handling this, should turn out about the same as how you handle the bills, what color to paint the kitchen, and other things in life. It's just something you two will figure out, work out.

As to the Tri-Ess groups, etc.... Nahhhh. You sound like smart people. You'll graduate out of such groups pretty quickly anyway because you'll notice they spend of lot of their time going, "OK, now what?"

You're already there when it comes to that.

Move on.

Good luck.

[tinalynn]

Great thoughts on a fantastic question, Mary!

Leanne, my situation is eerily similar to yours. I was away on business when my then GF found my clothes and some pictures (packed with the clothes). We went through the same questions you did, only without the investigation into CDing on her part. Eventually went through all of the clothes together, and I wore some heels around so she could see me in them. I ended up doing a partial purge (~75%) and storing away some of the favorites for almost two years. Then I started getting into them when she was out of town and when I travelled. She didn't become okay with it until a friend of hers she outed me to didn't care one bit. Just clothes... Now I can pretty much dress whenever I want.

Our balance is dressing at home, but not every night. She needs time with her man, too. When dressed I try to do as much as I can for her and make her happy. Its as much about her as it is for me. It has to be that way. She doesn't go out with me, and actually pleads with me not to go out at all for safety reasons. I also don't wear a wig or make up at home so she's more comfy with it. I do those things on my own to keep the balance working, though she does know about it. Some things she just doesn't need to be a part of.

It sounds to me like your fiance wants to be married, but doesn't really want to be part of going out with a CDer. Maybe she did at first thinking you needed it? You need to communicate, understand her feelings and limits, and stay within those boundaries. Let her get more comfortable before gently trying to expand boundaries (if you think you need to). Once you find that balance, your life together will be much better.

[Fab Karen]

If you have trouble communicating about an important issue in your relationship, a couples therapist would be a good idea. It'd also be wise to research and make sure you don't have one of the dinosaurs who thinks it's a deviant fetish.

[Melanie R]

Leanne,

Where do you live in Florida? Perhaps I can help you find resources to help you and your fiancee. It was positive that she read my wife's book. The answers for both of you are found in that book.

Hugs,

Melanie

[CD202Leanne]

[SIZE=4]well first off, thank you all for your replies, and a BIG sincere thank you to Melanie, what a cool suprise. [/SIZE]


[SIZE=4]

If you do not already know the activities that are her passion, find out and encourage them, too. The relationship isn't all about you or your dressing. Do stuff -- in full guy mode, dressed, whatever she wants -- that really lights up her life.

[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]thanks Ralph, however we do plenty of that already. I actually spend very little time dressed, and am in guy mode probably 99% of the time. I am well aware that it's not all about me OR my dressing, and we DO "do stuff" in guy mode all the time. We've been to a couple concerts, the Colts/Dolphins game recently, have a concert to go to Thursday night, etc. [/SIZE][SIZE=4]I am out of work at present, so we don't do as much "going out" as either of us would like, but . . . . [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]

Your situation sounds familiar... First, your GF needs some kind of medal for doing so much so smartly.

[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Mary, I agree whole-heartedly, and in fact I think she really deserves 2 or 3 medals . . . . . . . when she found out, i actually told her to throw it all away, and i had intended to leave cross dressing dead in the water. But she took it upon herself to not only do the research, but suggest that we try to integrate it into the relationship as well. [/SIZE]



[SIZE=4]

Our balance is dressing at home, but not every night. She needs time with her man, too. When dressed I try to do as much as I can for her and make her happy. Its as much about her as it is for me.

[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]in our situation, she feels that "it's my gig" and states that it has little, if anything to do with her, per se, only that it affects her and us, overall.[/SIZE]


[SIZE=4]I must speak my mind here, and say that I am extremely disappointed in the overwhelming lack of response to my original post. "I could be a witch" has 29 replies so far. "snubbed at Ulta" = 57. "cross dressing fantasies" = 232. and "how many panties" reaped 20 responses . . . . are you people kidding me ? ? ? [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]I've issued a genuine call to "my sisters" for some advice and guidance here . . . . and there is more interest in how many pairs of panties people own ? ? ? I am truly disappointed . . . . . [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Thank you again, Melanie for the email, and I really hope we do stay in touch. I can't wait to show my fiancee our correspondence, and I will certainly try to follow up on your suggestion of meeting.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Peace . . . . [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Leanne[/SIZE]

[Kolokea GG]

It takes time to figuire out where it fits into your relationship...its takes time and will change over time as things become easier. Work with her comfort level and go from there. I have know for a year and I still haven't gone out in public with my cder yet. Try to have fun with it, if its not fun...then what's the point. I would start slow. Judge your surrounding. You want to have fun..not a stress filled day. What to expect...I say that part depends on you and how far you try to push things...she's accepting...but that can easily be turned if pushed to far to fast.

[DonnaT]

My wife initially enjoyed it back in 1975, then did a 180 degree turn.

We've been married 34 yrs now, and she still finds some things uncomfortable.

However, basically, she just treats the clothes I'm wearing as normal every day wear, no different from a pair of shorts. In the house, that is.

I don't wear a wig nor makeup at home, and don't really need them to feel right about myself. My needs can be met just by wearing a skirt.

We've tried going out a few times, and she's had fun with my CDing friends, but wasn't comfortable with me. I reckon she just gets embarrassed knowing other people know I dress.

Basically, we don't incorporate it into the relationship in any manner that differentiates from the relationship when I am not dressed.

Just treat the clothes as just clothes, and not like they have some deeper ulterior meaning.

I suggest just doing going about your daily at home interactions like normal, while you have simply changed from trousers to a skirt. It may take a while for her to become use to this, but give it time.

You can promise to give it up, but you can't predict the future. Note that not many have been able to give it up for ever.

[mklinden2010]

>>I must speak my mind here, and say that I am extremely disappointed in the overwhelming lack of response to my original post. "I could be a witch" has 29 replies so far. "snubbed at Ulta" = 57. "cross dressing fantasies" = 232. and "how many panties" reaped 20 responses . . . . are you people kidding me ? ? ?


Your responses to date, considering the length and complexity of your original post, have been very good.

Repeating the good information you have gotten another 50 times would not make it better.

Further, if you read the other post's numerous responses and consider the value of each, a great number of them are actually useless. Who needs another "Me too!" response unless it's some kind of poll?

Think of your few good responses, and your lack of numerous bad responses, as "quality over quantity."

If you have other questions, or, think some issues need more discussion, either say so in this thread, or, start another.

There is no harm in asking, and, much to be gained by doing so.

Keep in mind that 6 x 7 is 42 and that no further answers are needed to that particular question.

Unless, of course, you're a Douglas Adams fan...

But, that's a different forum.

[Ralph]

Me too!

Just kidding (sort of). I totally agree with Mary that it's the quality, not quantity, of the responses that matters. And since mine was one of them, you know that the overall quality of this whole thread went up quite a bit.

What I find (and this is a VERY rough average, there are always exceptions) is that the threads with the highest response rate are often silly fluff (case in point: the endless, inane discussions about type, quantity, and color of one's underwear) and the more serious articles get fewer responses -- partly, as Mary said, because smart people don't reiterate what someone else has said (which is why I'm doing just that, right?) but also because the serious threads scare off people who are just here for some light fun and encouragement (not that there's anything wrong with that).

[CD202Leanne]

thank you Mary and Ralph . . . . points well taken

Further, if you read the other post's numerous responses and consider the value of each, a great number of them are actually useless. Who needs another "Me too!" response unless it's some kind of poll?
Think of your few good responses, and your lack of numerous bad responses, as "quality over quantity."

good job on setting me straight. "Quality over quantity" has always been one of my catch phrases, and no matter what it is I happen to be doing, I always try to do my very best. I suppose I over-reacted a bit, and I do apologize, but also trust that you can see where I'm coming from? When I first started posting on the forums, everyone was all smiles and "we're here to help" and "you're in the right place" , urging my fiancee to get involved, actually seeming concerned. I'm a straight shooter, always have been. I try to deal only with the facts, keep it concrete and not throw "fluff" around. And while the ultimate goal IS INDEED to have fun with it, and actually enjoy cross dressing, it's not a game to me. And when I see there is more interest in how many panties people own than answering a call for assistance, I find that a little discouraging.

and the more serious articles get fewer responses

which led my fiancee to surmise that "maybe we're just chasing something that isn't really there". I could never have hoped to find a mate who would allow CDing into the relationship, and i KNOW exactly how fortunate I am to have found her. She's made it more than clear that she would rather not have this "thing" to deal with, but because she loves me the way she does, she's willing to try to integrate it into "US" and TRY to make it work. Yet, neither one of us has any idea on how to do that. We have a few hours one night a week; no shave, no makeup, no wig (just clothes) and every other weekend is ours to do as we please. We would like to meet others "like us" in this area but haven't had much luck yet. Hopefully that will change soon.

thank you all again,

Leanne

[Miranda09]

Hi Leanne. Not to be a me too post here, I just wanted to say that what the others have mentioned regarding posts here is right on. Quality better than quantity, but don't forget to view the number of views to your post as well which is over 700! We are looking at it and reading. As for me, unless I have something really valuable to contribute here, I usually won't post, and from what I have read, you're getting advice from those here that have experience with your type if situation. With that said, I just want to say that it's encouraging to see that your SO is trying to understand your CDing and not just tossing it out the window and forcing you to make a choice. I know things will work out for you, so keep us posted...I'll be reading.

[mklinden2010]

>>which led my fiancee to surmise that "maybe we're just chasing something that isn't really there".


Spot on!

As I said before, you're really smart - and so is your girlfriend.

At the level you two operate on, you'll find you're at or near the top of the behavioral pyramid in this world - and the view from the top is just a view of other things in the distance without any connection between where you stand and what you can see from there.

As I said before, for the time being take your issues back to the closet, put everything out in plain sight as you do everything else, and see what you two can work out on this issue between yourselves. Your particular interest in crossdressing is a personal matter that won't translate to a public matter unless you want to be out in public - either a little or a lot. What you do at home is mostly up to you. But...

Once beyond that door or curtain, all the operating rules change - and some of those need changing. If you want to support that change and work for it, great. But, like all politics it's someone (or, a few) doing most the work and everyone else getting the free ride - while complaining it's not fast enough, far enough, etc. Somebody's got to do it, but it mostly only gets done when someone (like you) gets tangled up in the unfairness of it all. "It's not a problem until it's your problem."

Meanwhile, expect that this pyramid is like all others - lots of panty collectors at the bottom and a relative few intelligent, well dressed, well behaved people at the top.

Since there may be very few people like yourself and your girlfriend, you may in practical terms be chasing something that isn't there in any large amount. In short, there's probably no large community of people like yourself. But, there could be...

Hard to say what the next "best" move could be.

[mklinden2010]

At the risk of double-posting, I think I need to answer your question as asked:

>>So . . . . For the “successful” CD couples, how do you do it? And WHAT do you do? What part, and to what extent, does dressing play within your relationships? We could really use some sound advice here, please not just theory or speculation, or “in an ideal world . . . . .”


If you have read my earlier posts, I have been in a number of relationships while being a CDer. While it has never been a major plus or minus in any, each has been different.

The first was, "Oh, this might be fun..." And, it was. The second was, "Just do whatever you do right - don't make a mockery of real women's lives." The third was, "Oh, wow! Really? Have you thought of..." The current is probably the most normal of all:

"That's a good color for you."

"Real women don't wear that stuff at home."

"I saw that skirt first and I'll wear it more at work than you ever will."

"Do you want to play some cards after dinner?"

Our home life is very normal. She takes little note of what I wear or when; she makes remarkably few comments one way or another. But, we both ask each other about our clothing choices whenever we like.

I probably mention a "forum issue" daily as part of our "How was your day? conversation.

I manage myself very well. What she says most often to me, besides, "I love you." is: "You work harder than anybody I know."

We plan our trips and our common interests as a couple, crossdressing has little to do with any of that.

Which brings up the public issue. Outside the house, you're dealing with the public. Over the years, my experience going out is that I get less and less out of it and thus feel less interested in bothering with it.

I do not like being "a walking monument to justice." I just want to go about my business and not have to engage in conversations that I've had many times before. Such as, "Does your wife know?" "Which bathroom do use?" and so forth.

Frankly, I could be petty and ask, "Does your wife know you're at this football game?" "Does your wife know you have to shake it twice before you zip up?" I could, but I don't.

I do support a wider range of issues besides any "right" to wear women's clothes. I don't need to: I bought them and these are my clothes.

I support freedom; freedom to do what you want without harming others.

Most of what "harm" there is to most things is a matter of opinion and it's like TV viewing (no pun intended); if you don't like what's on, don't watch that program. To each their own.

Long story short, people work out all sorts of arrangements in life - between themselves and within their community.

Fit in somewhere, be your best self, and, be as happy as you can be.

Works for us.

[CherylFlint]

First of all, you're NEVER to stop being a crossdresser. It's part of you and if she fell in love with "you" she also fell in love with that part of you that is the crossdresser. I have a feeling that you are kind and considerate to her and that may come from your crossdressing side, who knows? Who cares? You're just as much "you" today as you were "you" a year ago. You've done your job, I'd say it's up to her to not only to have a best guy friend but to have a best girl friend all rolled into one. She doesn't know how lucky she is. She can "drag" you along to shop and you'd never complain!

[Monica93304]

Girl, I would not let it be her choice whether you dress or not. If you allow her that choice, rest assured that you will be very unhappy. I'm sure she's a great person, but I would rather be alone, than to be with a woman that would give me the cold shoulder for being who I am. In fact, I had to do that. I'm very happy with the decision of being alone.

Granted, I'm now mainly dating men by choice. But if I wanted to date women, they would have to know right off the bat.

Good luck sis.

[Rogina B]

It will never work for you to have someone tell you how often and when you can dress.That is a part of being you and won't go away.Seems like you do lots of things and dressing is just one of them.Your dressing can't get looked down on...don't allow that to happen.

[erickka]

Just to put in my, go slowly, don't push, and by all means keep your lines of communication open, and above all, honest.

[Sarah_GG]

[SIZE=4]The Scenario: [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]How exactly are we supposed to handle this, and “work it in” to our relationship? What are we supposed to do with it? [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]What can we do and where can we go, while I am in girl mode? What can we expect out of this? She has asked me what my expectations are of her . . . . . I wasn’t really sure what to say. All I ask is that she reach some level of comfort with me being a CD, and that I be allowed to dress. We have yet to set any parameters in regards to “how often” and such . . . I had thrown “some numbers” out there but haven’t had any feedback yet. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Ultimately . . . . My being a cross dresser has done more harm than good, and has created a lot of negativity within our relationship. I have even mentioned that if it came down to deciding between her or the dressing, that I value our relationship much more than I value being en femme, and that I would give up cross dressing if I had to. I think she believes this, but says she would never ask me to choose. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]We seem to have a hard time talking about it, which really only makes it worse. I have no idea which way to turn at this point, I’ve reached out before on this site, but didn’t get much. She is a member here as well, and the last I knew, her request to join the FAB forum was “under review”. [/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]So . . . . For the “successful” CD couples, how do you do it? And WHAT do you do? What part, and to what extent, does dressing play within your relationships? We could really use some sound advice here, please not just theory or speculation, or “in an ideal world . . . . .”[/SIZE]

[SIZE=4]Leanne[/SIZE]

Ok. I found out at exactly the same point in our relationship together. First of all I was shocked, but I was in love with this person so wanted to understand. I did know enough beforehand to know that it wasn't something that my SO 'chose' to do, but that it was as much a part of him as his eye colour, his right-handedness etc.

I researched, read, read some more, trawled the internet and my SO and I kept on talking and communicating. One thing I would urge you - at this point in your relationship - is NOT to apologise for who you are.

18 months on my SOs crossdressing is no longer on my mind 100% of the time (although it may be on his! ). I have a complete understanding of where he is on the transgender spectrum. I'm still reading (we're still reading!) and talking.

Personally, CDing is just something that we have fun with. My SO loves to dress - sometimes I join in and sometimes I don't. If I don't want to join in then I do something that I like doing and my SO doesn't sulk or make me feel guilty for not joining in. Some couples have no problem bringing it into the bedroom, others would rather leave it out of the bedroom. It's up to you two. But, you have to talk and discuss and - above all - have a bit of a laugh about it and retain a sense of humour.

I hope your SO can get the support she needs on this forum and in the FAB section tool

[Rachaelb64]

1st dont worry about the lack of responds, peolpe always like to skirt the big issues until they hit them in the face.

I have been with my GF now for about 5months I told her from the begining, lessons learnt and all that being the reasons. We talked usual Q&A stuff. It took my GF 4months to see me dressed fully, no half way house, just jumped in both feet. She has seen me dressed about 3times even done my make-up once.

Point I'm getting at is take it slow go at her pace, she found out there is a complete different side to you. On the positive she not run away screaming exposing you to the whole world she trying to understand you.

[~Seana~]

I'm deliberately not reading others replies because I wanted to give my own heartfelt reply to just what you have written.

First, do a jump for joy! She knows, AND she seems to be accepting, and even wanted to join here and find out more. From what you tell me there's something wrong when she sees you dressed or something making her uncomfortable.
Since you are comfortable telling her, and going to a tri-ess meeting, why arent you comfortable enough to ask her what's bothering her? It sounds to me like she's accepting, curious, and in it for the long haul but still not 100% on all of it. As odd as it may sound, maybe you look better in a skirt than she does? Girlfriends / wives ( even accepting ones) can be competitive with other girls, and that includes you in a dress.Sometimes seeing it creates conflict because they are both curious and accepting, but it brings out other feelings.
I think more talking and listening is needed between you and this gal. With you being uber-honest.

Amanda

Amanda