Still keeping little secrets?

[Stephanie Miller]

I guess this thread would be meant for the CD's with SO's, more so than those that are single.
I read all the wonderful posts and all the advise that are given to others, and wonder ..... how many practice what we preach?
Just how many of us would really be comfortable handing our keyboards over to our S.O.'s to read everything we have posted and imagine every thought pattern we have going? Do we still keep information from them for whatever reasons we have? ( I just don't want her to know because it might hurt her feelings, I would be embaressed, etc...)
Or are we as open with our S.O.'s as we tell the new members to be?
Good for the goose is good for the gander?
I personally really don't have a problem with it. My wife knows all my passwords. She has a question.... she asks and I tell. Makes it so I can sleep at night. She's just not so interested in this part of me that she wants to go searching.
Wasn't that way in the begginning though. And it made for a lot of grey hairs!

[Holly]

Sure, I still keep secrets from her. I'm not telling her what I getting her for Christmas or where we are going for our anniversary this year. Other than that, I'm a pretty open book. Things pertaining to my life she knows all about as I do hers. It works for us.

[Karren H]

Yeah!!! I'm exactually the same here as I am at home.. I have and will continue to have secrets about my crossdressing.. With her, with you, with damn near everyone.. She knows but doesn't want to know... And that's a system that works for us... I'm uber happy for everyone that has the prefect relationship and an understanding SO.... But for the majority of us.... the truth is not the be all end all solution to everyones problems if it were then we would be outing ourselves and the divorce rate would be significantly lower for crossdressers.. In my humble opinion.

And if my wife ever found out how much I spend on hockey.... new ice hockey equipment or the amount of time I spend on hockey blogs we would be divorced in a heartbeat!! Lol.

[tamela bell]

i am extremely open with my wife!! we share everything. she has full access to my closet as well as my computer, as well as passwords to all my sites i have even given her the passwords to by cell phone voicemail. she knows that if there is anything she wants to know that all she has to do is ask.

[Wen4cd]

I don't like to dress in my wife's face. But I also don't leave my forum/email etc. password locked from her. My private journals, however, are just that - private. It implies the mysterious, but it's usually just rewordings of the same things we talk about together, in rough form..

Another thing we've started doing is corresponding by email. 'I' talk to my SO face-to-face, and do not put 'her' up in her face, but 'she' and my wife write letters and notes back and forth.

Well, it goes a bit funnier than that. My 'friend of the soul' writes to directly and addresses hers, whereas she and I, as personas and as a couple, talk through more common filtering. Between the two, there are really no little secrets.

It's a nifty exercise, like having two separate marriages with the same person, one more mundane, and the other romantic and fantasy-driven. The conflicts usually only come from pointless questioning (often from both of us) of which one is 'the real one.'

[Andy66]

It's a shame we have to be embarrassed or whatever of our sexuality. It really can be worth the effort when you screw up enough courage to be totally honest wirh a partner.

***

Another thing we've started doing is corresponding by email. 'I' talk to my SO face-to-face, and do not put 'her' up in her face, but 'she' and my wife write letters and notes back and forth.

Well, it goes a bit funnier than that. My 'friend of the soul' writes to directly and addresses hers, whereas she and I, as personas and as a couple, talk through more common filtering. Between the two, there are really no little secrets.

It's a nifty exercise, like having two separate marriages with the same person, one more mundane, and the other romantic and fantasy-driven.

Omigosh! That's such a great idea!

[Bethany38]

Charlene said it no better than I could have. My wife knows all and has only to ask to know any more.

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I still keep secrets, live with lies, am frustrated - because my S/O cannot accept my need to express my inner feminity

I have so much frustration, anxiety and depression built up inside that I am about to burst.

My SRS sister knows my situation and how I feel.

JoAnne Wheeler

[Ralph]

I won't get on my soapbox yet again on the subject, just adding my agreement that I wouldn't have a problem with my wife reading everything here. Last night I marked some pages in Roaman's so she can order me some stuff next time she orders stuff for herself.

OK, just one soapbox-y holler: NO SECRETS MEANS A HAPPY MARRIAGE. There, all done

And Holly, if my wife came right out and asked me what I'm getting her for Christmas, I'd tell her (after asking her to think real carefully if she really wants to know). She's a big girl, if she wants to spoil the surprise she can go right ahead. The result: She doesn't ask, and I don't volunteer the information.

[Stephanie Miller]

Cute Charlene about the clothes sharing. I'm the same way - but with a twist. I really don't mind it a bit - in fact I encourage - when my wife borrows my clothes. (I guess it gives me validation that I at least have good taste in one or two pieces of clothing ) But I never wear her clothes or use her make-up. I don't want her to feel I'm intruding any more than I already am.

[Philipa Jane]

Hi everyone.
What an interesting and opportune thread.
For the times that I have replied to threads I have always been truthful and have written from the heart.
I will often put things down in print that I may not necessarily be able to frame as an adequate sentence in front of my partner. (I can’t always find the right words.)
To this end I will often mention particular threads and ask her to read my replies so that she can see how I truly feel.
Now here is the rub.
Last weekend I was discussing a thread on whether a CD/TG could have a friend who is also a CD/TG.
The reply was a definite NO as this might well encourage a more significant path on the TG trail.
Such as going out to clubs and shopping etc.
I have recently been in contact with another member here and hope to meet for coffee soon.
I don’t think at this stage she needs to know about this.
I am now lying by omission but why make my partner miserable.
What do you think?
PJ

[Ruth]

I don't tell my wife everything and she doesn't tell me everything, so yes, there are little secrets. We are two separate people with our own personal spaces and there has to be something that is our own and no-one else's.
Having said that, she knows about Ruth, she has seen all my clothes, make-up, wigs, etc., but there is a point beyond which she does not particularly want to know more (I think Karren referred to it).
We share so very much as man and wife but as woman and wife there is a certain distance, which I quite understand - she can't accept me as an intimate girlfriend and I think it would be awkward if we tried to do that.

[KayC]

Philipa Jane,
Yes, being as you talked about it, I think it'd be omission to not mention it...just assure her that she has nothing to worry about. All people are comfortable with someone they can relate to or have things in common with. Perhaps you could see this person sometimes with SOs and sometimes without. If she got to know this person she might realize for herself she has nothing to worry about.

[Ashley_in_Texas]

When I came out to my wife, I told her everything, and it was a huge weight off my mind. I am not about to start loading up with more secrets. I sleep much better, and feel as if I'm a better husband for having told her. I'd like to keep it that way.

[suchacutie]

My first time at all dressed was in front of my wife. Now Tina is her gf, has an e-mail address all to herself, and they gossip about me all the time. It's only fair as my wife and I gossip about Tina! Tina told her about suchacutie from day one, and almost everything on here is open posted, so if she is here..

Hi!!!!

Not only does it seem silly to have secrets from her about Tina, but the fact is that I want her to know everything about Tina! My wife has helped Tina from day one and if Tina can't be open with her then that help won't be very good! The point of this exploration of my feminine self was to find out everything, no matter what. We both need my wife so the more she knows the better it all works. Once I know it, she knows it!

[sandra-leigh]

Last weekend I was discussing a thread on whether a CD/TG could have a friend who is also a CD/TG.
The reply was a definite NO as this might well encourage a more significant path on the TG trail.
[...] What do you think?

As the originator of that particular thread, what I think was "I wish people would have been more open and posted about issues like that when I brought the topic up."



With respect to keeping secrets: Yes, I have a few, the outlines of the great majority of which she has an idea of, but which she has indicated that she is not ready to listen to / process / make decisions about. (But she has lots of time to think and talk about matters remote from our lives and our relationship...)

[sherri52]

I'm no longer married and partially because all my cards were on the table. My wife did not understand my dressing and would not even try.

[joann426]

well for me it started 10 years ago when me and the so were washing clothes and putting some in the dryer when she found a black bra and it wasnt hers she ask me whos it was and i had to tell her it was mine shejust looked at me and kept folding clothes that was in a mean way of course after a while she just got alittle easy with her and we just eat breakfast in fem together
what a sweety

[Jonianne]

.......Just how many of us would really be comfortable handing our keyboards over to our S.O.'s to read everything we have posted.......

Stephanie, not only in the case of my wife seeing, but this is the internet..... everyone in our lives could possibly see what we post. Therefore, I always write with that in mind and try not to post anything that would cause undo embarrasment to anyone I know, especially on the more open forums.

[MissyW]

While I do have a few secrets kept from the wife, this forum isn't one of them. She is not a member but has watched me participate here a few times.

[Fran Moore]

And yes, we have our little secrets, and no she is not accepting, but life is much more than complete transparency, or complete acceptance. Our decision to share our lives together had more to do with all the things we had in common than the few things that we did not. Do I envy those who have "all that". Yes, but at the same time, I love my wife for who she is and not for who she isn't and life is passing by so fast that I don't plan on making any major changes anytime soon, if ever.

I'll step down off the soap box now....

Suzanne

[samanthatiedup]

I keep my cross-dressing and self bondage a secret from the wife. She would not accept either on of them. I envy the ladies on the page, who have understand and supporting wife's and girlfriends.

[kiebec]

wife understands and helps me

[Jenniferpl]

No real secrets here. Wife is welcome to read anything I have posted here. There is little that I have kept from her and if she wants to know something I would tell here the truth.

[Sheila]

Debs and IO have been open and honest with each other about all the major things that have affected us in our lives ............. anything that could affect our relationship in any way large or small we already know about .............. does not mean we know everything about each other, nor will we ever, but yes

Originally Posted by Holly ........Sure, I still keep secrets from her. I'm not telling her what I getting her for Christmas or where we are going for our anniversary this year. Other than that, I'm a pretty open book. Things pertaining to my life she knows all about as I do hers. It works for us.

............ I did not tell Debs what I had planned for immediately after we got married and before we left the registry office (she got her first birthday card and present as my husband ) ..... good things to please each other, anything that will not harm your relationship if accidentally discovered, are in my book acceptable forms of non communication, until the moment arrives my

Sheila