A little amazed and disapointed

[Marcyme]

My co-workers are so clueless to anything outside the gender bianary. We had a client in the office today that was mtf and half the staff were acting like Jr High kids. This is a group that prides themselves on fairness and equalbility, yet someone that doesn't fit in their box shows up and they stutter and don't know what to do.
I really wish I would have gotten the case.
These people are so clueless! They see me everyday, my appearance, my persoality, and the are still completly insensitive to who I am. And to the fact that I can identify with and am not much different than the woman that came in today.
It hurts to hear their comments, as it means they would feel the same about me if the opened their eyes to who I am....
I wish I could speak up, but the risk is to great and likely the effort would be wasted on them.

Sorry just had to vent.

[Vieja]

Venting is good for the soul. Also it feels good.

Vieja

[ashcrimson]

Now Im starting to wonder what the people here at work do think or say about me...

[Miranda09]

Vent as much as you like here Marcy. We all have the same feelings about how people react to us.

[Michelle S]

If you work for a large company or in government office you can go to HR, even anonymously, let them know what happened and request your unit get diversity training that includes gender issues.

[Marcyme]

If you work for a large company or in government office you can go to HR, even anonymously, let them know what happened and request your unit get diversity training that includes gender issues.

Already in the works

[Sarah Doepner]

We have quite a mountain of ignorance here in Zion. I've tried to deal with it for years and haven't made much of a dent. Best of luck to you.

[Teri Jean]

Venting is good and falling down the first few time when we learn to walk teaches balance so now if you want to help them grow give them something to think about such as a comment in the next office meeting. "The other day when so-in-so stopped by and I noticed you had trouble during that meeting, maybe we need to look at how we talk and work with people who are special clients" Do you follow me? Education doesn't happen with the encylopedia but the basic learner. JMHO

Teri

[mklinden2010]

Years ago, I was having some property inspected and I happened to make some comment that provoked the inspector to stop what he was doing and say:

"I've been in a committed, loving relationship for 20 years with my partner and I love him as much as I could love anyone."

Now, this was coming from a guy who was sitting in a hot attic over a clattering business warehouse - and with me being between where he was and the nearest exit.

First, I was surprised... I was wondering what I said to bring that on. Then, I was impressed... He was speaking very frankly and addressing my off-hand comment in a "No s***" style. Got my attention and it got my respect - both then and for always.

If something bothers you about what people say (and do), speak up and say, "Take a good look at me. Do you really want to keep your poor attitude and say such foolish things?"

If they do, to h** with 'em... They'll never be on your side in life or work anyway and you might as well move on.

If they don't, you just scored all the points you'll ever need - for both of you.

Speaking up now is better than stewing forever.

[Shari]

I think this type of reaction is to be expected.
We're the very last group that hasn't been recognized or had any sort of laws passed concerning our rights to do what we do. There is no "political correctness" when it comes to crossdressers.
You can't whisper a word about anyone or any group or any creed any more- except us.
This will not go away for a very long time.
sad to say, rather than outing yourself and risking what can only be negative exposure, it's best to try and turn a deaf ear and go about your business.

[DiannaRose]

As in all cases, we can't control what other people do or say, but we ARE in charge of what we do about it!

[JoAnne Wheeler]

Where I work, I am the "Boss" - my GG employees must suspect something as often as the UPS comes to deliver my feminine purchases - my eyebrows are very feminine as well as my fingernails.

So far, they have not "dared" to say anything.

JoAnne Wheeler

[donnalee]

Look at it this way - you got a chance to see how they really feel and it didn't cost you a thing. This is knowledge gained with very little outlay, always a good thing.

[carolinoakland]

I look at this times as an opportunity to educate. your co workers laughed the nervous laughter of fear. the fear of what they don't know. did you laugh too? or were you an ally? I think that going to HR is a good start. but do you WANT to transition yourself? I made a list of everything I would lose. and one day it wasn't enough to keep me from finally being me. and about 98 percent of what I thought i'd lose I didn't. what I did get was a 98 percent in the amount of living I do now. pretty much worth it by that math, and yes, girls ARE good at math!

[TSchapes]

I work for a large regional bank that has a big diversity program. I belong to the LGBT enterprise resource network group. I participate in LGBT diversity sessions and get to tell people my story. In fact we just started a program where those that feel secure about themselves post an "LGBT Safe Space" sign in their cubes.

So PM me if you need help setting something like this up and running. I really think this is one of the ways we can safely change hearts and minds.

-Tracy

[Jamie001]

Marcy,

You really should speak-up. I strongly believe that it is wrong for us to ignore such attacks on anyone that doesn't fit the gender expression binary. If we don't speak-up, we are allowing incorrect stereotypes to propagate and gain a stronger hold. We have to begin taking risks especially in matters such as you experienced.

Jamie

My co-workers are so clueless to anything outside the gender bianary. We had a client in the office today that was mtf and half the staff were acting like Jr High kids. This is a group that prides themselves on fairness and equalbility, yet someone that doesn't fit in their box shows up and they stutter and don't know what to do.
I really wish I would have gotten the case.
These people are so clueless! They see me everyday, my appearance, my persoality, and the are still completly insensitive to who I am. And to the fact that I can identify with and am not much different than the woman that came in today.
It hurts to hear their comments, as it means they would feel the same about me if the opened their eyes to who I am....
I wish I could speak up, but the risk is to great and likely the effort would be wasted on them.

Sorry just had to vent.

[trannie T]

There are so few of us that are 'out' that any one who is a novelty. We are a group that most people know very little about. I do not know if the diversity training most large organizations do includes us.

[Rebecca Jayne]

Marcy some good will come out of this

notice all the little ripples
that appear in the still pond
after the grain of sand fell in

[Hope]

Sounds to me like there was a teachable moment. Even the Zion natives can be taught...

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]I fully understand how the crowd turns insensitive to you and how they so soon forget that you are amongst them. As pointed out, the novelty is still threre in spite of you being in their presence.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]The novelty has worn off where I work simply because I am with them all the time and we discuss what their insecurities are after a subject client leaves. The girls I workd with are much more open and aware and will have a serious discussion with those that do not subscribe to the program. Of course, I work in the beauty industry where those that like to be different are the norm...[/SIZE]

[sometimes_miss]

As one who is deep in the closet, I get to see the real responses from co workers after 'diversity and tolerance' training classes. It doesn't change much; they still think we're freaks, they just have to be careful who they say that to. I don't think it makes anyone more sensitive to the plight of others, they just guard their words and actions a little more to avoid lawsuits. Out of earshot, they're just as prejudiced as before.

[Anna the Dub]

As one who is deep in the closet, I get to see the real responses from co workers after 'diversity and tolerance' training classes. It doesn't change much; they still think we're freaks, they just have to be careful who they say that to. I don't think it makes anyone more sensitive to the plight of others, they just guard their words and actions a little more to avoid lawsuits. Out of earshot, they're just as prejudiced as before.

Oh, I so agree with you. I am completely out at work as a ts, although I haven't transitioned yet. I can see the looks I get from some of my co-workers and the looks of horror and disgust on their faces when they look at me (my body and facial changes are becoming very pronounced) cannot be covered. However, they cannot say anything untoward or HR will come down on them like a ton of bricks. No amount of sensitivity courses will ever change their opinions. However, there are lots of people who are the opposite, who are 100% supportive, and these more than make up for the bigoted ones.

[Lorileah]

I don't know who said it but "“Prejudice cannot see the things that are because it is always looking for things that aren't”. You can change ignorance by educating people. You can't change stupid. If they don't want to learn, they won't learn. The workers had a chance there that they chose to let go because they didn't want to learn. They are happy with their current "truth" that they are better than someone else. They know this because that is what they were told and no one has attempted to correct them. Knowledge is power. I understand how fear can keep you from stepping up, but if you don't who will?

I have brought this up before and although TG's are not as of now at risk of imprisonment or death, it is a good lesson

First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak out for me. Attributed to Pastor Martin Niemöller

It would not take much. Just a gentle reminder that even in "Zion", tolerance and compassion ARE part of the teachings.

[Tess]

As one who is deep in the closet, I get to see the real responses from co workers after 'diversity and tolerance' training classes. It doesn't change much; they still think we're freaks, they just have to be careful who they say that to. I don't think it makes anyone more sensitive to the plight of others, they just guard their words and actions a little more to avoid lawsuits. Out of earshot, they're just as prejudiced as before.

I agree totally. All the training does is to teach people how to behave in public, it doesn't change deep seated feelings.

[boardpuppy]

Hi Marcy,
Lorileah is so right and the worst part is the "they" are most people in the US.

Hugs,
Alice