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Thread: My wife is leaving ...

  1. #1
    Junior Member Lauren1973's Avatar
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    My wife is leaving ...

    Well the inevitable has finally come. I like many go through it I guess. In a way I feel like its my opportunity to be me again. I will miss her but I have been dieing inside too. I can say she left me I was honest with her,I was good to her and never once cheated on her. So I guess the journey begins. Thanks you for listening and being there when I need you guys.



    Lauren
    Always Remember....There could never be sweet if there were no sour.
    http://www.myspace.com/laurentg1973

  2. #2
    Junior Member Viv's Avatar
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    awww, Lauren, I'm sooo sorry to hear this. I wish I had some sage advice or something to lift your spirits. All I got is "times heals all wounds"

    Hang in there kiddo

  3. #3
    Silver Member Tina B.'s Avatar
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    So sorry dear, but sometimes it is for the best, losing my first wife was the best thing that ever happened to me. My second wife is very understanding and excepts me for who I am, and that saved me from a very destructive life of drinking away the pain and frustration that I was heading into.
    It's sounds like you have the right attitude so I think you will do fine!
    Tina

  4. #4
    happy to be her Sarah Doepner's Avatar
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    So sorry to hear that

    Lauren,

    I'm so sorry to hear about the end of your marriage, it's never easy. I don't know that I can offer anything more than these words of support. Good luck and try to find any positives you can to hold onto while you work through the rough times.
    Sarah
    Being transgender isn't a lifestyle choice. How you deal with it is.

  5. #5
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    Join the club.... and enjoy!!

    Mine left about 13 years ago, with nothing to do with my dressing (as she never found out). Right now, I'm in flowered capri slacks with a back zipper and a cute white girly top. There's lipstick on my coffee mug. .......and all the rest! You'll be able to do this any time you desire. Kick back, and start enjoying your life. Mine's never been better! Good Luck...

  6. #6
    Member meri's Avatar
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    If you have done everything....

    If you have done everything you could do, been honest with her the entire way, not cheated, etc., then there really isn't anything else you could do. The decision is all on her. You let the chips fall where the would fall, this was her decision.

    Hiding, cheating, lying would not have improved your situation one bit....

    My heart goes out to you, but realize that another door will open as this one closes.
    -Meri

    Central Ohio

  7. #7
    Silver Member Teri Jean's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this and it is hard to make marriages work these days. I wish you the best.

    Teri huggs

  8. #8
    Member ~Seana~'s Avatar
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    I so totally understand your feeling of relief. I ended a 13 year relationship several years ago and never felt better.You dont see so many things when you are that close to the situation , but afterward so many things said by so many friends makes sudden sense.
    It sounds like you realized you had to be you, and that didnt necessarily mesh well with her.
    Hugs, be strong, know that it will all work out in the end.Oh...and close the joint chequing account.

    Amanda

  9. #9
    Member Sedona's Avatar
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    Sorry to read this. Sorry things didn't end as well as you would have liked. Here's to a bright future.
    -Sedona

  10. #10
    Silver Member SherriePall's Avatar
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    Lauren -- Sorry to hear about your break-up. I read some of your old posts and I can not say that I am surprised. I assume you are still taking hormones and wonder if you have any other plans.
    Take care.
    Sherrie Lynn Pall

    Sometimes I make sense and that frightens me.

    Please don't let me be the last post on this thread

  11. #11
    Member
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    It takes time...

    The loss of a deep commited relationship takes time to recover like a death.
    I went through a divorce, pneumonia, and a badly broken/reconstructed arm in 6 months.
    You have a lot of really good sensitive people here to talk to.

    Karen

  12. #12
    Member bobi jean's Avatar
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    wife is leaving

    Lauren
    I am so sorry to hear this.
    I have a pretty good idea what you must be feeling. My wife left me on Nov.19, 05. but I am happy to say she came back after a lot of phone conversation (actually with my sister-in-law). She still doesn't want to see Bobi but she knows almost everything about her. she knows I dress here at work every day. she knows that everyone here at work knows and has met Bobi and she has seen me with bra and boobs and high heels on but with male jeans or shorts and polo shirt on. all she has ever said is "you said you wouldn't wear that stuff in front of me" to which I would reply, "you need to make more noise when you come out of the bedroom so I'll know you are up and have a chance to remove it before you see it. that is about as far as it goes. Any way don't give up hope yet, there is still a chance for her to come around..... GOOD LUCK DEAR
    and knw that it is not the end of the world......
    No these are not womens clothes!! THEY ARE MINE, EVEN THE HEELS. (update 4/01/10) THEY ARE NOW ! ! !

  13. #13
    KatelynMae's SO KayC's Avatar
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    I am so sorry. Is it the CDing or does she say? Would she consider coming to this site to the FAB section and at least give it enough chance to learn? Did the two of you try counseling? Yes, you need to be you, but you CAN be you inside of a marriage...yes it takes effort on both parts and no you can't control whether she's willing or not, but it sure seems a shame to throw away a marriage without it being given every chance.
    Enacting life's lessons into positive change...

  14. #14
    Senior Member carolinoakland's Avatar
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    and you are excited aren't you? now you have to be you. Carol

  15. #15
    New Member pinkballetshoes's Avatar
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    Even though many of us have gone through this....it doesn't make it any easier when it's happening to you. Best wishes to you as you go through this transition.

  16. #16
    Pausing To Femme-flect melissacd's Avatar
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    Lauren,

    I am so sorry that it did not work out, however, I can also relate to the sense of relief that one has when a situation finally reaches a state of closure. For me it took a decade to reach a decision that should have been reached long before that. It is unfortunate that there are just some spouses who can never reconcile themselves with this side of who we are. It does not make them or us bad people, just people with different views and truths that we each feel equally valid. In the end each and every one of us must be true to who we really are and live life accordingly.

    Perhaps it is time to start a sub group for those who wish to focus their discussions on how we deal with the end of a relationship and move forward to build a new life and new relationships. It is not easy but it is very liberating to not have to pretend to be someone or something that you are not.

    I wish you the best on your journey and will lend an ear if you need one.

    Melissa
    What stop do I get off at? Hmmm...

  17. #17
    Silver Member Jilmac's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about it Lauren but I guess in many cases it's the only way a spouse can deal with our desire. As you said though, now you can be yourself and not have to worry about hiding. I had to hide my dressing too but after my wife passed away I was able to dress openly. The irony is that even though I can dress and be myself, I still miss her daily.
    Luv and Jill


    Straight, into Fantasy Land

  18. #18
    Just finding my way.... StaceyJane's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry to hear about your wife leaving. I worry so much about what will happen with my wife once I tell her.
    Stacey

    I'm not a doctor, I just play one on TV.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wob7zmvVTb8

  19. #19
    Senior Member
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    Lauren,

    I am sorry to hear about your wife. I hope you both find the peace we are all looking for.

  20. #20
    Silver Member Marcia Blue's Avatar
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    [SIZE="3"]All I can say is, I am so sorry. I hope only the best for you.[/SIZE]
    Marcia (LOVES) Blue

  21. #21
    Senior Age Member sissystephanie's Avatar
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    Lauren, like the others I am sorry this has happened. Only those CD's who have experienced what you have gone thru can truly understand. I lost my dear wife 4 years ago, but to cancer. She had been totally supportive for 40+ years we were married.

    Put this behind you as an experience, and move forward. I know that sounds hard to do, but you can do it!! There is a big ocean out there with a lot of fish in it!! Catch one!!
    Stephanie

    Lady on the outside, but man underneath!

  22. #22
    I yam what I yam,
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    Divorce

    I'd been married 25 years when I was told: "Oh, by the way, I went down yesterday and filed for divorce. I want you out of here no later than Friday." I had 4 kids with whom I had a close relationship (still do after 30 years single). I was as nearly totally destroyed as possible and still be breathing.

    It took years to heal, but now I realize she did me the best favor she could possibly have given me because she SET ME FREE... As I said, it took years for the devastation to heal.

    The week after the "announcement" I was standing in my office and seemed to have a waking dream.. I saw two piles of parts of my being.... and knew I had the chance of sorting thru all the things of myself, choosing the parts of me to keep and the parts to discard. I discarded a lot and have never looked back.

    The pain you feel now will go away eventually. You will have learned much. Learn what you can, choose of your former self what is worth keeping, begin anew constructing a YOU as a SELF you find suits YOU the best. Figure out who, how, and what you really are deep inside and build on that. Granny

  23. #23
    Christian Crossdresser DiannaRose's Avatar
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    Lauren I'm so sorry. This is my greatest fear once I tell my wife, too. The up side is that this place seems to be overflowing with love and support, judging by the wonderful replies you've been getting!

    -AE

  24. #24
    Luv doing girl stuff CherylFlint's Avatar
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    I am sorry to hear this. Time heals and, like Joel Osteen says, you have brighter days ahead. Good luck.

  25. #25
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Ouch...

    A few months ago, my wife and I came within a fraction of an inch of her leaving. CD'ing was only one part of the reason (but the worse the arguments got, the more my gender identity became the line beyond which I refused to retreat.) We are currently in detente, living day by day, getting closer in some ways, but probably further apart in others.

    When it looked like it was certain that we would separate, I unquestionably had a mix of feelings. I didn't want to be "rid of her", I wanted things to be different -- but still with her if possible. As an example: I was getting really frustrated at how often she interrupted me, often after only one or two clauses of something I was trying to say. Made me feel like she didn't think I had anything to say that was worth listening to. It was a form of put-down, and it occurred a lot. I could have broken up over that alone -- but I didn't want to leave her, I wanted to leave the implicit disrespect. Which, I am pleased to say, has considerably reduced since the day we realized how bad things had gotten, and decided to try to work things out.

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