Why is it that some wives accept us without a problem?

[Koka]

Girls,

I took my wife shopping to her favorite store today . I told her that I wanted her to get some clothes and shoes for herself (she loves clothes and shoes). I told her that I wanted her to give her a surprise in appreciation for being the coolest wife in the world. We had a great time while the children were running and playing throughout the store. When we got home, she started taking all the tags off and putting her clothes away in the closet and drawers. All of a sudden while I was reading emails, she came with a little bag and she told me that it was for me... and guess what? In the bag were the cutiest and sexiest little panties ever. She told me she never used them and she thought they will look great on me. There were a total of 6 undies from Victoria's Secret. Loved them!!! - I can't wait to try them on.
After a while, I started thinking about why is that there are wives who accept the feminine side of their husbands without a problem. As some of you know, I have a supportive wife (well, semi-supportive I'd say) and in my case, she says she does not make it a problem and she is the kind of person with a "it is what it is" attitude. She says, she won't analize it, or even stop to think why is it that I am the way I am. She says: "that is YOU and period". Sometimes I wonder if she accepts it as a sort of a trade for the tranquility and peace she loves to have in the relationship. She is ALWAYS calling me "girl", even when we talk over the phone; she is always making jokes such as "where are you girl", "I am sure you are flying wrapped in silk and high heels so into your pink fog that you don;t even notice the phone ringing" or sometimes she says "Hi beautiful, am I interrupting?... are you with your lovers driving them crazy?... Let me tell you, I love those jokes, they feed my desires for crossdressing so much that sometimes I wish I could stop working and go home to dress and get out to the streets. All this makes me also think / suspect that perhaps deep inside her, she loves to know that I love being a girl and perhaps it brings her some sexual feelings. She is not the type of woman who loves sex, in fact, I am the one who is always looking for her to have intimacy. I don't know. I am not sure and I might be wrong. Perhaps she is just a understanding woman and a very nice one. However, all I know is that she accepts me (at least in her own way) and that is what matters. She is a keeper indeed!!. Last night I showed her some pictures I took on Friday at home and she commented that I look hot. By the way, you can take a look at some of the pics here: http://www.flickr.com/photos/kokabonita/. Anyway, Why is it that some wives accept us without a problem?

I would love to see your commments..

Kisses

KK

[sissystephanie]

I think more wives would be accepting if two things happened:

1. The wife knew about the CD activities before the marriage. (So she had a fair chance to back out!)

2. She always knew that her husband was a MAN no matter what he was wearing!

These two things worked for 40+ years with my late wife. I told her before we married, and she not only accepted me "as is," but also supported me for the entire time we had together. I also took great pains to make sure that she knew I was her Man no matter what I had on!

It is very understandable to me why any woman who learns after the marriage that her husband like to dress and act like a woman doesn't like it. To put it bluntly, she has been living with a liar! Nobody likes that!

BTW, be sure to give your wife a big hug and kiss. She is one in a million!

[NathalieX66]

Not everyone is fortunate to have someone like Helen Boyd for a wife.

[Cheshire Gummi]

Originally, I was going to mention that most of the people who get rejected have been hiding it for a long time. It's a broken trust. It occurs to me, however, as closeted as I am, I can't say a thing about deceiving those you love out of fear. I'm hiding right now so I don't get hurt.

My girlfriend knows who I am and she accepts it because she loves me and wants my love, but she's not the norm. I've lied to her and she's lied to me. That's what hurts our relationship the most, but I don't know if that's what causes these kinds of rejections. If I had to put money down on it, that would be the place my dollars would go, but I can't tell you why some people think what they think and do the things they do. Sometimes it's because the trust is broken, I'm sure, but it's sometimes out of fear, too. Sometimes, people just want to hurt other people.

Did I really need to mention any of this? It's obvious enough, isn't it? People are people. Didn't we all know that?

[LaurenRenee]

Koka, you are a beautiful and very lucky gurl.

I can't see my wife ever accepting Lauren

I am jealous.

Lauren

[AndroRemi]

You might as well ask why someone doesn't like cheese, to be honest. People are born different, raised different, and think different, and that all has an impact on how someone is going to react to your crossdressing. It isn't like its as simple as, "oh, if she knew all along, she'd have accepted it for sure." Some people can tolerate it, some people love it, some people hate it, some people couldn't care less. Everyone is different, just like everyone else.

[Karren H]

You might as well ask why someone doesn't like cheese, to be honest.

Some people don't like cheese?? I'm crushed.........

[Miranda09]

She sounds like a real sweetie KK. Why some accept and others don't is a mystery to me. All I can say is that some woman have a broader outlook on life which came either from their upbringing or from their own life's experiences. Count yourself among the lucky few, which hopefully will grow in the very near future.

[Andy66]

I'll tell you why I would be accepting: Crossdressers (many but not all) are beautiful and sexy and have very likeable personalities.

And I'll tell you why I wouldn't be accepting: if he/she were a liar or selfish, or a jerk in some way.

[Samantha Kelsey]

Hi Koka,

Maybe we should put the problem back to front. The wives/SO's may be accepting of some but not all Cd's? Perhaps its the Cd's who are just not acceptable to the wives?

Sam.

.

[Jenniferpl]

If I knew the answer to the question, I would be rich. To have the ability to figure out what is on a women's mind would open up sooo many posibilities it would be heard to determine where to start.

Good thing my wife loves cheese.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I really think most of it is that each GG has thier own level of acceptance, tolerance, likes, dis-likes and it might not have as much to do with if and when the CD chose to tell them. Although it is proper and essential to tell as soon as possible and especially before engagement or marriage.

I think about my own wonderful wife, in that she not only accepts my cross dressing, she accepts so many other things about me (slob, long work hours, Star Trek fan, Fox News Fan etc.) that basically every other GG I dated before had issues with and did not really accept.

[Samantha43]

I can only speak from my personal experiences. My wife is accepting and supportive. She has even said she likes it when I crossdress. I told her....(and showed her)... well before we were married.

I am very careful to always be the man she married. I do my best to be a good father to our children. I never let crossdressing interfere with any family activities. I maintain my male traits at all times except when I am crossdressed.

I think a wife must feel secure in her relationship with her husband and be secure in her sexuality before she will be able to accept a crossdressing husband. Honesty and openness are very important for both partners.

I try to look at it from her perspective. What if she was the one who liked to crossdress? What if she wanted to get a butch haircut and wear Carharts and work boots? It would be difficult for me to be accepting and supportive, but I would because I love her. My wife is a very special woman and I make sure I let her know how much I appreciate her.

[TxKimberly]

I'll tell you why I would be accepting: Crossdressers (many but not all) are beautiful and sexy and have very likeable personalities.

And I'll tell you why I wouldn't be accepting: if he/she were a liar or selfish, or a jerk in some way.

Well, count me out then. My wife has informed me on numerous occasions that I AM a jerk. lol

[Rachel_Red]

Here are the two big things in my mind as to why some do and don't like their CDing husbands:

1st as stated before, tell your wife or future wife LONG before you get married that you're a CDer or that you like CDing. If they can't handle it they'll leave you but then you get the chance to search for a more understanding person.

The second part to that is that its only fair. Would you like it if your wife came to you with some big huge secret. It may not be that they can't stand your CDing it might just be that you kept such a secret from them, that you didn't trust them with all of your heart. When you get married to someone you're supposed to share everything even a bed so the key to any good marriage is no secrets. So yah first rule: tell them before you get to deep in a relationship.

2nd possible though. Your gal is socialy conditioned in the "old ways". What I mean by this is that from birth she may have always been taught that pink = girl, blue = boy and that this very important rule should NEVER be broken. If thats the case you have a hard battle ahead of you. Its a relatively new concept to be allowed to express yourself in any way you want and even then its still hard to do. If this is the case and your gf is iffy about your CDing and you know it'll never improve you have to make a choice, do you give up CDing or give her up? The important thing in any case is to be honest with your SO long before you get to deep. With luck she'll hear you out and you can convince her its not a big deal and regardless of what clothing you wear you'll always be her man and the love of her life, in which case thats most of what an SO would want.

The important thing to ask yourself is: would you be ok with your wife/SO dressing like you in guy mode? Also a good thing to remember is, don't go clubing or out without your SO/wife, thats not fair to them.

[Dutchess]

From an accepting GG ....

Here I am again ,, somehow I sometimes feel like I am butting in ..after this I will go over to the lounge lol

My acceptance is kind of unusual maybe ,,,in that I was raised through my teen years in the late 70's my my first cousin who was an openly gay performing drag queen. This started in 1977 when I was 15 and at that time in Texas the cops never bothered hidden gay clubs like these,, the management was well aware of my cousins situation and allowed me into the dressing areas with him. I saw everything you could imagine as of course in this club and in many others we went to I eventually mingled into the crowd ,,gay people of all sorts, crossdressers, the transgendered, married men looking for a gay fling or a trans on the side,, you name it I saw it . Most of these people became my friends.... I was born an ultra fem girly girl so backstage and the people that came with it were just a heaven for me. My mother was an avant guard artist that was gone all the time... so I see things in a different way. Also, even though my cousin was a few years older , I had played the role of his protector all our lives .. he was flaming from birth and growing up in conservative small town Texas was a nightmare .....

So I play the role of protector today. I knew what my husband was from the moment I saw him. He was totally hidden ,,he thought. I was shocked I could read a person that well just from my past experiences , and he cannot still see how I knew ,,,I just knew ..so as I have said many times before,, it was ME who drug him out of his closet..

I just talked to my beloved cousin a few days ago ,,no longer a drag queen but still living the good life in Ft. Lauderdale.

[Carroll]

Why? Cuz they are cool!

[kayfan]

For me was a thing of getting caught but how do you tell your wife of 20 years you like to have female time??? don't think it would have been any different if i told her.. some women are open minded and know it does not change who we are for who we like to be for a while..

Why do we like to dress????? have we got something missing in our lives or is it just normal????? well having the internet tells me its the being normal....doesn't everyone have their outlets in life?? ours is feeling sexy and female

[Rachel_Red]

well having the internet tells me its the being normal....doesn't everyone have their outlets in life?? ours is feeling sexy and female

Thats a great gem right there. Everyone has their outlets just as you mentioned hehe. What one person considers wierd another considers normal, I doubt that everyone will see eye-to-eye 100% all the time. The best thing everyone can do is be tolerant of eachother as long as they arn't hurting themselves or anyone then its fine.

[Karren H]

In my humble opinion, their is no such thing as total acceptance... Just varying degrees of tolllerence.. From 99.9% tollerence to zero.. They tolerate what we do... But there's always something that they won't tollerate.. Some crossdressing threshold.. A limit.. Then boom!! Things change...

[sissystephanie]

In my humble opinion, their is no such thing as total acceptance... Just varying degrees of tolllerence.. From 99.9% tollerence to zero.. They tolerate what we do... But there's always something that they won't tollerate.. Some crossdressing threshold.. A limit.. Then boom!! Things change...

The only limit my late wife ever put on me was No Being Dressed in front of our children! I could and did live with that. Everything else was O.K. At her request, we even changed roles sometimes! We both enjoyed that! Maybe her tolerance was 99.9999999999999%, but it sure was close to total!!

Again I will say, open and honest communication from the git go will win every time!

[PretzelGirl]

I think it also lies in the way that we treat them. The part mentioned about telling them early in the relationship is true. But I also think that the way we continue to treat and respect them makes it easier for them to accept us because they are accepting the person and not necessarily the presentation.

Take my wife for instance (no Henny Youngman jokes here, you can't have her!). From the beginning I have asked what her boundaries are. She has told me clearly how she feels. Whenever something seemed outside of anything we have previously discussed, I would sit down with her. As time has gone by, these boundaries have changed. But I believe her comfort has always been based on the fact that I ask for her boundaries and respect them.

[christinek]

I have seen a lot of negative responses from GG's in other threads.

I had a great marriage before I came out after 15 years. That said I still have a great marriage and like above my wife and I shop together and she gives me clothes too. A few of my best outfits were ones she bought for herself and did not like how the looked on her and she said "Here try this one and see how it looks on you". I think if your relations ship was not one of Gibraltar then the foundation was crumbling already.

I know I am lucky, I know I had tons of clues out there for her to pick up on and she never did. I am in love and she loves me.

She is going with me to Be-All in June, she is nervous, so was I before the SCC started, hell I wondered why I was at the SCC the first day and considered leaving. That would have been a huge mistake, glad I never made it.

Cheers to you and yours Koka, look to meet you at an upcoming conference.

Christine

[Andy66]

Well, count me out then. My wife has informed me on numerous occasions that I AM a jerk. lol

Aw, Kimberly. You're really going through it right now, aren't you?

[Speck]

I'm a genetic woman. On your scale of acceptance I'm way over to an extreme that most, including myself, find incredible.

I won't bore you with the details of just how much I love "her" and miss her when she hasn't been out for more than a week or so. Buying things for her has become my favourite pass time.

I can only share some things that I think have contributed but I don't think it's a recipe that works for everyone:

-I was the instigator
-She's gorgeous
-She looks and acts like a lady (makes me very proud)
-She dresses classy
-She's smart
-She's fun and funny

I also think that in male mode, he is attentive, he understands me, he's kind, etc. and that cannot be underestimated.

I don't want friends and family to know about "her" because I'm well aware of how intolerant the rest of the my world (and his) would be.

So she's my secret and one I cherish.

Cheers,

Tipyish