i only ever felt shame if i masturbated during dressing,when that happened i tore my girly stuff off as quick as i could.i dont do that now i just enjoy dressing
i only ever felt shame if i masturbated during dressing,when that happened i tore my girly stuff off as quick as i could.i dont do that now i just enjoy dressing
[SIZE="2"]There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you -- it sounds to me like you’ve found the secret door! Why not lock arms with the rest of your sisters and walk triumphantly to the land of magic? Embrace the excitement you feel, don’t waste any time feeling guilty about it, and be happy that you are different. Why can’t you be a man?Originally Posted by ashgagal
Please don’t waste any precious time thinking about such nonsensical questions – you’re in touch with yourself in more ways than one (pardon the pun)...[/SIZE]
[SIZE="2"]Excellent advice, Mary! If I get the slightest bit aroused whilst dressed, I peel, get it over with, and return to the land of Freddy as quickly as I can…[/SIZE]
Yes, I agree with you, Why should we feel guilty as while it's god's gift to certain class of people.instead you should feel proud as in one birth we use to get both gender feelings. shame thing is why we have to hide from our daily life ? we have got high moral ,peaceful life feeling. nonviolence,nofake,no froud no jelousy We are a special greed whom god has especially , seperately created.We won't hurt anybody,noselfish nature,loyal.noble,humble leaving beings on earth. In India our god lord shiva's pictures are falleded one half with maa Parvati half i.e. Siva & Shakti both gathered & created the earth & living beings, So It's a proud moment when we c.d. or even think of c.d.ing
vjaducd
ive been trying to get over some of the shame myself and with me i think it is a relatively sexual arousal related issue because the shame never is there until after climax
When I first started CDing in my teens I felt a bit strange about it but not ever guilty. After orgasm the desire to CD had usually vanished and so I removed whatever feminine clothes I was wearing, but not any more.
Now, many years later, I am quite happy and relaxed with all aspects of my sexuality... cross-dressing, a bit of bondage, lots of body piercings, etc.
I CD only for the sexual charge it gives me, I do not want to go out in public, I do not long to become a woman.
I had hoped to find a thread like this. I to have had this problem,feeling dirty and un natural. But after a few min's time "and it get's less each time" you realize that your not sick,everyone has done it. Im at allmost the plane the other girl's have talked about,where you are not bothered by it. hang in there. were all hear for you
Your life is a series of moment's,for each one passed is another one lost.
Hi I am another "lady" who has gone through the same thing and has lived to tell about it. Don't let shame rule your life continue to dress and try not to let the sexual side rule your life. It will take time but the mastrubation will slowly let loose it's grip I am a new member here but have read many posts and have learned a few things already, there are many ladies here to help you
Cathy
i will only speak for myself, but i was terribly abused by other kids when young. i was the one kids yelled 'faggot' at and bullied daily. as an adult i have always been very sensitive to any minority. ( i also have a very sesitive, but male persona without being macho) my conclusion has always been that people who are gay must truly be that for whatever reason. this view has been based on the question of why anyone would voluntarily join a minority group that is routinely targeted with ridicule. until recently, i never even thought of myself as an actual CD'er. just a guy who secretly dressed up in girls clothes from time to time to get off. well, its much much more than that.
due to my childhood peer conditioning (not my father, he is a loving sensitive man) the idea of being considered as anything other than heterosexual terrified me. at this point, after reading extensively on the matter, i still feel that i am heterosexual, but a lot of blurriness comes into play when we find ourselves on these sites calling other men hun and sweetie, signing off with 'kisses', etc. for the group i am referring to we are all genetic males- but somehow transcend the hardwire thinking when dressed. in the end, i find myself, finally, in a place where i am not terrified to know that some people who see me dressed in girls clothes (not dresses or wig/forms/full makeup) while out will assume i am gay. i also have no qualms about letting my friends know about this and let them make a decision where they stand. and even if i were to find out eventually that i have some kind of bisexual side it would not destroy me. yes, even if i recognized that i am actually gay i could live with that- even with the self perception at this time that the likelihood of that is nearly impossible. have you taken any time to contemplate this? i know i never did until just recently. denial of that possible reality could cause a lot of misery. not saying thats it, but its worth really exploring.
Happiness is a choice.
I think this sums it up better than I can say myself.
I know exactly how you feel Ash.I have done the same for years.I don't understand how the urge to dress is so strong until the big O comes.I'd like to get passed this and hope I will.I spend way too much time getting dolled up just to rip it off and the feelings are unbearable at times..........I still question my crossdressing,why me?
As the girls here say, we've all been through that. I can remember the first few times I dressed in public and how ashamed I was of my male self. Now I kniow that is rubbish. It is about me me, not whether I am male or female. And you know what? Since discovering that, the guilt melted away in all forms. Keep going hon!
I strut my stuff, I feel so proud,
I need to shout, to scream out loud,
I am Tricia I am she,
I am who I want to be
http://tricia-dale.blogspot.com/
I have to admit I was once much like you, but with me I discovered I really wanted to be female. For me that was when I accepted who I am, and now enJoy the time I spend as my self. It will come, there is no reason why you can't accept and love your self for who you are.
I wanted to add my newfound hope to this topic. I always felt guilt & shame over my CD'ing and masturbating until just this last week.
When I realized that the porn I watched was the real problem with my shame I felt much better. I only enjoyed watching girls & lesbians in porn, no men except for an occasional 2 girls 1 guy scene. I decided that if I love women sooo much that I want to dress and act like them, how can I objectify & rudely lust after them? I can't anymore!!
That night everything changed for me. I CD'd inconspicuously at work the next day & slept in girly pajamas that night. I woke up severely turned on and enjoyed myself. The key there was I enjoyed myself & the way I felt & didn't think about anyone else. Know what? I felt perfectly fine afterwards!!
I just had to quote this post Lorileah.
I was born with that gene!! I used to enjoy getting drunk, but can't anymore due to the medications I take now, and would puke sometimes. That made me want to not drink too much anyway.
However I do still have the urge to drive a motorcycle/car really fast, but not over a cliff. I'd love to learn to race cars!!
Best of both worlds for me now!!
Dani
The only way through this issue is (as others have said in one way or another) to separate the emotional/hormonal flow that is associated with any physically pleasurable act from the emotional/hormonal desire to be your feminine self. You really have to separate these issues or you will just twist in the wind over it. This may not be easy to do, but I do have one suggestion as a starting point.
Keep one "outfit" for the sexual/feminine self and all your other clothes for your platonic feminine self. Then, in whatever direction you are headed you have separated these two heavily charged emotional situtations.
Good luck with it and please let us know how you are doing with it.
hugs
tina
Dear Ash-
<big hug, girl> I so feel for you and understand what you're going through, I think it's a phase that many of us, perhaps not all, but a lot, have gone through. For so many years, dressing in girl clothes, usually just panties was so erotic and so emotionally charged, and yes, I felt guilty and hid things and vowed never to do it again...but of course I did...and the feelings happened over and over.
To be honest, I don't know how it happened really, it wasn't some blinding flash of light or anything, but I just got tired of living my life how other people thought I should, or even worse, how I thought they thought I should, which made it all in my own head. I was the one shaming myself and making self feel guilty over something which is, in the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. Nothing about being TG/CD is wrong, bad, illegal, or immoral. Nothing.
Absolve yourself, girl, give yourself permission to be you. You're the only one who can do that, no else can do that for you. Don't let others dictate how you should live your life.
Hugs...Joni Mari
"Because equality is not a concept. It's not something we should be striving for. It's a necessity. Equality is like gravity. We need it to stand on this earth as men and women. And the misogyny that is in every culture is not a true part of the human condition. It is life out of balance, and that imbalance is sucking something out of the soul of every man and woman who's confronted with it."
--Joss Whedon, to a reporter who asked, "So why do you create these strong women characters?"
I think many of us should have been born female. Now we wrestle with the fact that we feel normal when we transfer into the female world where we were meant to be in.
at the risk of boring you with clinical etiology and psych sterility...I will take a crack at condensing a novel into a cheap "Cliff Notes" reply...lol
Most paraphilic (CDing included) activity has a "compulsive" quality attached to it. ("inability" to control the impulse) Stress, anxiety/depression increases the desire. Resolutions to "stop" are usually followed by a return to the behavior, acting out and then strong feelings of "guilt". (exacerbated by the inability to abstain).
Generally speaking, there is only a moderate success rate in trying to stop or "control" these behaviors. The most constructive approach is acceptance in this part of your life, and finding a way to comfortably incorporate it in a well-adjusted manner that allows you to be happy.
As far as the "guilt" following orgasm...this is partially the result of normal sexual excitement "phases". Skipping the details...there is a chemical change involving the neurotransmitters (brain chemisty) that follows orgasm. Think of it as a kind of "tank" which is full of dopamine, serotonin, etc...which is "emptied" or "depleted" with the onset of orgasm. (you are "exhaused"...which is the way the body makes you "rest" (both of your "heads", lol) while it replenishes the supplies for you to "perform" again.
anyway, when you "combine" the natural resting phase of post-orgasm with your "guilty" state of mind...it appears that one is causing the other...etc. Actually, you are simply attaching negative thoughts to the time your body is doing a natural process. This "fools' you into thinking they are connected causal/effect...not necessarily so.
ok, I will quit now. 100 lbs in a 5 lb bag...lol
moral of story...you are just fine...
havefun/behappy
been there done that.
I think that it's in the way that you use it. For most it is healthy and it is so much fun but CDing is something that can also be abused. I do feel the same way, immediately after acting out, from either being dressed up or looking at other photos of myself dressed up. Once I do that I feel totally exhausted. I can blame it for my lower energy level throughout the day, if I gave up badly needed sleep hours for doing it, if I feel it raised my blood pressure, if my heart palpitates too much or if it has taken too much time away from important responsibilities during the day.
At such time it then can make one question CDing as self-destructive behavior or addiction.
What I think is going on is there are the CD issues which are normal but something underlying taking place which is causing it to become a negative behavior - like in my case I have had to deal with a fear and anxiety disorder since the late 80's (and for some there can be other psychiatric conditions present that are combusting with the CDing that make crossdressing seem like it's the problem). Again, it's in the way that one reacts to - and uses CDing to whether it is good or bad.
I answer to the original post....
I would say you were a fetishist rather than a crossdresser.
Regarding what is written above: Avoid friendly fire, it causes unnecessary tension. Seek clarification if theres any hint of misunderstanding.
Take care.
I used to be this way. Then one day.....walking down the street in drab (I still remember it clearly) like I bolt out of the blue - I realized that I needed to accept myself as I was, or my life was gonna be a failure. Acceptance leads to a lessining of guilt and stress, and allows you to more fully embrace and express our fem side.
With the self acceptance, the guilt disappeared. Immediately. And that was about 20 years ago. Since then, I've never purged my clothes, and was able to open up to my future wife on our third date (once I decided she wasn't going to pull the fire alarm when I told her).
I believe that, in many of us, we struugle with this. This is the EXACT reason so many marriages fail - we have problems accepting ourselves, and when it finally happens, OOPS, been lying to the wife for that last XX years.
Good luck
Crysten
"Addicted to Victoria's Secret".
Well yes, that's true - having better self acceptance certainly can keep it from being a problem.
Well I can't speak for anyone else, but it works well for me. I used to go throught the binging thing often - because I felt guilty, and needed to get rid of the evidence of my "crime". Up to the age of 20 or so. Since then, I've pretty much dressed continuously (at least 3-4 times a week) and over the last several years, incorporated dressing into my every day existance. No guilt. No shame. It's great!!
Crysten
"Addicted to Victoria's Secret".
ok anouther person posted on a simular issue, the responce was due to the feel good chemicals in the brain wich are released after orgasm, endorphins i think there called, dressing u feel good and tingly inside and when u orgasm all those feelings are gone and u want to hurry and get all this stuff off u as soon as u can But just like after sex if u sit and wait for a little while the feeling will return and you wont feel the need to rip all your stuff off , and it true resist the urge and just watch tv or something to take your mind off it and wala youll feel just fine in about ten minutes or so
only thing i dont like about u saying this is what if he didnt have a orgasm or even try his urge to strip it all away wouldnt be there so if and when he learns to control this even after orgasm what would u call it then. theres people that dress for less than an hour and people that dress for weeks on end needles to say there all crossdressers are they not
Posting Permissions
