Friend at work

[JenniferZ2009]

Here is a question for you wonderful men in here.

I have a friend at work who is female and she is lesbian and very open about it. We talk about her SO sometimes at work.

She dresses extremely like a guy and we are becoming friends I think and would like to come out to her as being in transition.

Today we were talking about our degrees (she has a mnasters and I have an AA). Somehow we got on the ubject of me borowing her Master and then I said hey we can trade lives. I can be you and you can be me. I sorta implied in the essence of "everything". She had this look for a second and she said that would be a raw deal for her since she would only have an AA after that.

I think that she may "transitional'ish" and I am not sure if this is clouded by my own transition to Female.

So my question is, is it kosher to find out if she is transitional? (I am thinking not) and how would be the best way to come out to her?

[Felix]

Hi Jennifer I don't think there ever is a best way to come out to anyone I have personally tailored it to the person I'm telling. It sounds like you get on with this person quite well? Have you ever thought of bringing gender issues up in the conversation you could talk about a documentary you have watched or something you have read or just ask what she thinks of gender variance? Be ready for a shock though coz she may not like the idea coz I know a lot of lesbians here who don't coz they see it as jumping ship Hope this has helped? Let us know how ya go anyways xx Felix

[Ze]

Yeah, coming out should always be catered to the individual person. I can't really add any more suggestions than Felix did, though Kieron Andrew here once suggested wearing a TG piece of jewelry around the person and seeing if it starts up a conversation.

The tricky thing about lesbians is I've found many of them can look, act, and come off very butch (and easily pass for guys...curse them!), but still not be trans. Basically, if s/he ever wants to share with you that s/he transitioned/is transitioning/etc, s/he'll tell you. I would assume you coming out to him/her would prompt that, though, if it's there to begin with. Don't pry, though. I'm sure you already know that nobody likes that.

Good luck!

[JenniferZ2009]

Thanks guys. That help me out a lot. We do talk about movies alot and I just picked up a new movie called "Out at the wedding" that I am going to watch tonight,It is made by Logo.

I think that I'll use that as a sounding board. (Gotta see how the movie goes first).

Haven't watched or read anything on gender variance so not sure there and not sure what to look for. Do you guys have any ideas or suggestions for a mtF?

[Ze]

Hmmm...there's a nice handful of FtM resources out there...

In what respect would you want FtM materials? To learn more about them in a social setting? About the surgeries and hormones? How to talk/approach an FtM?

Just trying to get an idea so I can point you in the right direction. In the meantime, maybe browsing around the transmasculine sections here may help.