Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 60

Thread: What do you really want?

  1. #1
    Aspiring Member helenr's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    northern Colorado
    Posts
    923

    What do you really want?

    I think that most of us on this section are reconciled that a sex change isn't a realistic option for a zillion reasons. We have to cope with the concerns of alienating others, risking marriages or relationships, worry about revealing the 'secret stuff',etc.
    I got to wondering what it is we truly want related to our crossdressing? I underdress always, wear Silk Reflections daily-sometimes without socks to hide the Little Color beige hose, ladies casual slacks, find myself pushing the envelope so to speak. Do others feel this same compulsion to sort of self out ourselves? what would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough? Helenr

  2. #2
    Member Laura_Stephens's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Location
    Southern Ohio
    Posts
    450
    If I woke up tomorrow as a GG, I would be truly happy. Sadly, this is the "real world" and it ain't gonna happen.

    And, as you point out, SRS isn't really there for a zillion reasons. Relative to that issue, for me, no matter what gets sliced, diced, chopped, or julienne fried, my chromosomes would still be that of a male while my brain still wishes ALL of the cells in my body were female.

    So, like many others on a wide personality scale, I do those things that let me know that I am both male and female without letting the "outside world" see the real me.

    In the words of a great philosopher, "Life sucks, then you die."

  3. #3
    Full-Time Duality NathalieX66's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    Northeast U.S.A
    Posts
    3,946
    I've been pondering the path of Betty Crow, the husband of Helen Boyd, author of My Husband Betty & She's Not the Man I Married. We are a lot alike in many ways, and in fact we come from the same culture an age group, and also my social circle is in the same geographic location.
    ....but where I depart from someone who is in mid-transition ( like Betty) is the fact that I have too much of a sense of my self as a man. Betty says, and I quote, "my dysphoria doesn't manifest itself in the physical, it always manifests itself in the social"

    ...sounds like a lot of fun to me.

    But for countless reasons, I decided to remain the simple crossdresser instead of persuing transition as the said name above. Making such a move as becoming a TS would be far to great a sacrifice that I'm not willing to give....thus a compromise. I would have more to lose than I could possibly bear. Half a loaf of bread is better than none.
    Last edited by NathalieX66; 10-30-2009 at 11:01 PM.

  4. #4
    Senior Member boardpuppy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Posts
    1,076
    Hi Helen,
    I heard Laura's philospheer's quote a little more litterly "Life suchs, then you die and you wake up right back where you started". The "reasons" list is endless and oh, I wish it wasn't so.

    Hugs,
    Alice

  5. #5
    Joanie sterling12's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    3,420
    To quote Henry David Thoreau: "Most Men (T-Gurls?) lead lives of quiet desperation."

    So, even though many of us feel that "pull," it's just not in The Cards. The question then becomes, "What are you going to do about it, within The Boundaries that you have set for yourself?"

    OK, probably we are back to working on that Self-Acceptance Thing again, aren't we?

    Peace and Love, Joanie

  6. #6
    ☣Bio-Waste☣ Cheshire Gummi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Ohio, USA
    Posts
    423
    To put it simply, I want to be viewed in a feminine light. I feel that's a reasonable expectation.

    If people acknowledge that I'm male, that's perfectly acceptable. I'm not asking them to tear down there perceptions of the gender, nor am I so arrogant as to say I would challenge those perceptions. It would just be nice if those at large take into consideration that not everyone is so easily or clearly defined.

    For instance, I'd rather be called "beautiful" than "handsome." If others choose not to say "she" or "Miss" it's to be expected.

    Now if you're just asking "would I want to be a real girl if I could?" my answer is simple; I already am. The body defines the soul like preference in pizza toppings defines shoe size.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    My writing thread

  7. #7
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Chicago area
    Posts
    5,151
    Sometimes I have that compulsion to self out myself to others, but at the same time, I'm not willing to let just anyone into my secret life. I'm happy with who and what I am, both male and female selfs..so with that, transitioning is just not in the picture. I would say that if I would want anyone to eventually accept both sides of me, it would be a SO, who ever that eventually turns out to be. I'd be happy with that.

  8. #8
    sunny with a high of 75!
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    Dallas-Fort Worth
    Posts
    181
    never seriously thought about transitioning. A genie granting a reversible wish? Sure, but I like me as male with the option of dressing up female.

    SRS isn't really reassignment- the genes are still the genes, as evidenced by where the fat is stored, build (especially shoulders), relative length of fingers, hair loss patterns, etc. Hormones can only do so much. Still, I admire the courage exhibited by those who go through it in an effort to be true to themselves. It is certainly better than faking your whole life, or taking your life in a fit of desparation.

    I self-out a little by "knowing too much" (been said by more than one female coworker, relating to appearance, mostly).

    Sometimes Robin needs to get some air, and it would be nice to let her out without endangering my job, reputation, or marriage.

  9. #9
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    New Hampshire ( recent transplant)
    Posts
    3,498

    Hope this helps you

    Quote Originally Posted by txrobinm View Post
    never seriously thought about transitioning. A genie granting a reversible wish? Sure, but I like me as male with the option of dressing up female.

    SRS isn't really reassignment- the genes are still the genes, as evidenced by where the fat is stored, build (especially shoulders), relative length of fingers, hair loss patterns, etc. Hormones can only do so much. Still, I admire the courage exhibited by those who go through it in an effort to be true to themselves. It is certainly better than faking your whole life, or taking your life in a fit of desparation.

    I self-out a little by "knowing too much" (been said by more than one female coworker, relating to appearance, mostly).

    Sometimes Robin needs to get some air, and it would be nice to let her out without endangering my job, reputation, or marriage.
    Knowing too much ? it isn't about the body, that's just cosmetics. It about what's in the heart, head and soul. We try and change the outside to fit what's on the inside. And we that can....do, those who can't don't, but whether we do or don't doesn't really matter because we are still the same on the inside. Now you "know" just a little more

    Kelly
    Last edited by kellycan27; 10-31-2009 at 12:35 AM.
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  10. #10
    Member MissyW's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    Midwest
    Posts
    213
    Transitioning isn't an option for me. My wife accepts and participates in my Crossdressing so I have as much freedom as I want which is good enough for me.

  11. #11
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Location
    New Hampshire ( recent transplant)
    Posts
    3,498
    Quote Originally Posted by MissyW View Post
    Transitioning isn't an option for me. My wife accepts and participates in my Crossdressing so I have as much freedom as I want which is good enough for me.
    Does that mean that you don't have the desire to transition, or that you are willing to settle for what you can?
    Just curious
    Kel
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  12. #12
    Aspiring Member Jenniferpl's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    West Michigan
    Posts
    794
    I agree with 100% with MissyW. Witha supportive spouse, no need to transition.

  13. #13
    Adventuress Kate Simmons's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    The Poconos PA
    Posts
    18,971
    It depends Helen. The crossdressing itself can become an all consuming entity bent on self interest if allowed to. This is where true wisdom comes in as sometimes being given an "inch" becomes taking a "mile". This is why it's a much better goal to work on ourself as far as being a person rather than being a crossdresser.

  14. #14
    Junior Member shannonFL's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    72
    Almost routinely, I reconcile my desires this way.....which is worse...repressed transexualism or self actualization with all of its chaotic effects on loved ones I have committed to, maybe I'm not really TS, I can only pretend to understand the feelings of someone like myself who has made a different choice...if it is really a choice....
    Flashback 20 yrs. ago...so much makes sense to me now....if I had the information...resources...like the brain trust of this forum...

  15. #15
    Silver Member Jonianne's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Tidewater, Virginia USA
    Posts
    2,102
    Quote Originally Posted by helenr View Post
    .......Do others feel this same compulsion to sort of self out ourselves? what would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough? Helenr
    Quote Originally Posted by sterling12 View Post
    ......many of us feel that "pull,"......
    I describe it as, there is a part of me that would love to be female, but I know I am not. So, I don't have a strong compulsion to go any farther than dressing occasionally.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cheshire Gummi View Post
    To put it simply, I want to be viewed in a feminine light. I feel that's a reasonable expectation.......It would just be nice if those at large take into consideration that not everyone is so easily or clearly defined......
    When I was seeing a therapist, she told me that I presented myself in such a masculine way, that no one ever would know I felt feminine in the least. She suggested that I find ways of presenting myself more how I felt on the inside so that others would see a more true representation of who I am. So I found ways of dressing and being a little more feminine without losing my masculinity.

    Maybe that is why we want to out ourselves in little ways.
    Joni

    "Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free" Bob Dylan

  16. #16
    Old Man in a Suit skirtsuit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    philadelphia
    Posts
    570
    I think that most of us on this section are reconciled that a sex change isn't a realistic option for a zillion reasons
    That is a HUGE assumption for a crossdressers forum. I have zero interest in any kind of permanent transition. I value my guy side and plan on keeping it. I have found I can enjoy the best of both worlds.

    what would make you happy-what form of acceptance, if this is possible and if so, is it ever enough? Helenr
    I found it recently when I started going out fully dressed. As I've mentioned elsewhere, I don't think I'll ever really pass, but I don't care. I have met many wonderful and friendly women and been treated like 'one of the girls' eventho I'm a guy in a dress!

    All the Best,
    Ann / SS

  17. #17
    Aspiring Member Carol A's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Southeast Missouri
    Posts
    504
    I guess at age 70 I have been there and done most all of it. I am a happy crossdresser and have gone almost as far as I can go or better yet as far as the wife will let me go.

    What more would I like?, well to be able to dress full time as a crossdresser and not have to get undressed after 6 or 7 hours but the wife said "NO" !
    But I am happy to dress everyday and enjoy as much as I can.

  18. #18
    The Anima Corrupt Wen4cd's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Outer Trannysylvania
    Posts
    948
    I want to treat people how I would be treated.

    I want integration to mean the she and I remain distinct in invocation and inner voice, so that she's always there for me, and I'm always there for her, and the syzygy is never lost.

    I want to want less. I want to hide up in these mountains forever and watch the seasons change and the animals live and die in nature's endless cycle. I want to sleep in a tent warm and cozy while a storm rages just outside.

    She wants to live. To be seen, heard, felt, and affirmed. She wants to meet you on the train platform once a year, stroll around the city, eat out, go to museums and galleries, and be and experience 'culture' with you, because she's that part which 'is' that.

    She wants to see you how you see yourself in dreams. She wants to treat you how you want to be treated. She wants to end your loneliness and fear and impossibility, to hold your hand through the scary spots, and to give you the strength of company, which remains with you after we part, with the assurance of knowing that we will meet again, and do this all again some time, because life is meant to be lived. This is what makes her feel alive.
    Last edited by Wen4cd; 10-31-2009 at 07:23 AM.
    And so we go, on with our lives...
    We know the Truth, but prefer Lies.
    Lies are simple, simple is Bliss.
    Why go against tradition, when we can admit defeat,
    Live in Decline, be the victim of our own design?

  19. #19
    Aspiring Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    S. Illinois
    Posts
    787
    What do I really want? I need to think about that for a minute. When I was little my mother caught me wearing a dress. As she helped me to undress she told me that boys don't wear dresses. When I asked her why she said," Just because." I couldn't understand that logic. Now I believe that I would like to be "out" to everyone; sort of like a third gender.
    Years ago it was acceptable in some circles for a boy to be raised by his mother to be a sissy. He could dress and act feminine and people would just say," Oh, he's just a sissy." Today if someone's openly gay son acts feminine people may not like it but most accept it. The problem is that I am not gay. A straight feminine person is considered to be impossible. Well guess what; we are out there. The general public either doesn't know it or won't believe it. Thanks for putting up with my rant. Leanne

  20. #20
    Old Man in a Suit skirtsuit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    philadelphia
    Posts
    570
    The general public either doesn't know it or won't believe it.
    I believe that that is slowly changing. If the young girls at the Claire's who pierced my ears are representative of their generation, I'd say things are definitely changing. They just sort of shrugged and said nobody really cares about that stuff anymore. They obviously know that gender boundries are not so clear cut.

    All the Best,
    Ann / SS

  21. #21
    Ginny Smith GinnySmith's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Location
    New Jersey
    Posts
    44
    I love your post, I feel much the same. I want to get Ginny out and into the group. BTW, you are very pretty!

  22. #22
    Pretty in Pink Amanda Shaft's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    I live in West Dorset, England.
    Posts
    333
    That’s such a big question for me: I am so confused! I used to think I was just a straight forward Cd’er: hetro male who since the age of four just liked to be a girl now and then. That carried on for years but now I’m not sure, I think I would, if I could, go full time and live as a female. I’m stopped in doing that by all the things that have been spoken of here: family, commitments, finances etc. and I guess a lack of true courage. I guess what brought it all home a bit was the other day a guy asked me to go out with him on a date. I felt really flattered and excited until I thought about it a little: the problem is I’m just a fraud! When I take my bra off my boobs fall on the floor, my wig slips when I’m asleep, I don’t have a waist and hips and I have other ‘bits and bobs’ that I keep tucked but are there. Don’t get me wrong I’m not the manic depressive I might be sounding; it’s just that ‘Amanda’ is and she deserves more. In the end though if God had wanted me to be a girl he would let me win the lotto tonight!
    So far in the closet, I've got one foot in Narnia!

    Never do anything that seemed a good idea at the time!

    Today I am the youngest I'm ever going to be!

    add me and message amanda.shaft@hotmail.co.uk

    http://amandashaft.hi5.com

  23. #23
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Hamilton ,Ontario (British/Canadian)
    Posts
    9,091
    Quote Originally Posted by kellycan27 View Post
    Knowing too much ? it isn't about the body, that's just cosmetics. It about what's in the heart, head and soul. We try and change the outside to fit what's on the inside. And we that can....do, those who can't don't, but whether we do or don't doesn't really matter because we are still the same on the inside. Now you "know" just a little more

    Kelly
    and for some of us srs is the only choice for a zillion reasons.
    if the truth be told we have no choice it who we are.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  24. #24
    I like to look pretty Prissy Linda's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Wyoming
    Posts
    285

    What do I want?

    It's rather simple what I want. I don't want to transition, I would just like to be able to dress however I want to dress without the constraints society has placed on how men should dress and act. It's not about passing 100%, in reality most of us don't so why try to fool ourselves into thinking we do (although I try).

    I have a supportive wife who has always accepted my feminine nature for which i'm very fortunate to have but that isn't enough for me, I just want to be able to go out and dress and live the way I have always felt deep inside. So why don't I ? Family, finances, yada yada yada. Ok, maybe it's not so simple. shutting up now.

  25. #25
    Member meri's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2009
    Location
    Third rock from the sun.
    Posts
    157

    What I Want...

    To simply be me, myself. To be able to freely express who and what I feel I am at the moment without fear or concern about what others may be thinking.

    I don't want to be a woman and frankly, I have never felt I was a "man". All my life, I have been wondering when I would grow up and be "man" like my father was. Finally figured out that it wasn't going to happen.

    Thus, I don't necessarily fit into any "bucket" or group and after much pondering have decided I don't need to anyway. Problem with trying to fit-in is you are always wondering if your behavior and manner of dress is compatible with the bucket you are a member of! Thus, I choose "no bucket", "no identity". I am unique, a million years of evolution has gone into making me. I simply want to express myself as I feel in any given moment.

    Sometimes this means wanting to be pretty, other times it means wanting to be dapper. Go figure....

    GG's do this effortlessly all the time and I have seen them make radical changes in outfits in a single day... I wish to do the same. That's the direction I am heading and I have made some progress....
    -Meri

    Central Ohio

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  


Check out these other hot web properties:
Catholic Personals | Jewish Personals | Millionaire Personals | Unsigned Artists | Crossdressing Relationship
BBW Personals | Latino Personals | Black Personals | Crossdresser Chat | Crossdressing QA
Biker Personals | CD Relationship | Crossdressing Dating | FTM Relationship | Dating | TG Relationship


The crossdressing community is one that needs to stick together and continue to be there for each other for whatever one needs.
We are always trying to improve the forum to better serve the crossdresser in all of us.

Browse Crossdressers By State