My 4 year relationship has been plagued by the "crossdressing elephant in the room", and as such I have kept it a very tightly controlled secret, so as not to risk societal implosion and loss of reputation for myself and my girlfriend. Only 2 or 3 people know, going out requires a week of planning and subterfuge, all of my clothing is cleverly hidden to avoid detection... But as time has passed, the need to self express and just be myself has greatly increased, and it's to the point now where I feel like it is impacting my relationship. I feel resentment having to cover up my 'secret', hearing the negativity whenever I even mention dressing, knowing that something so harmless as me wearing a skirt and not jeans would affect my life were my friends to find out.
I have reached a point where I want to further explore dressing, but am being held back. Social revelation and acceptance are the toughest barriers to cross, a point of no return; once this genie is out of the bottle, my reputation is forever changed. For the good? For the bad? This uncertainty makes is such a frightening proposition, mainly because I risk alienating and losing my best friend and companion in the selfish process. Is it worth risking that, or is it better to just shut up and stick to the status quo because things are comfortable now and shouldn't be messed with?
It's still only a theory at this point, but I think that the frustration and anger in my life has been caused by this repression. When I feel the need and want to dress, and I am denied, I feel hurt, denigrated, just plain sh****, and the rest of the day is changed for the worst. It's downright unpleasant. I believe that I am at the precipice of the rest of my life right now, and if I don't get it out I am going to explode! If my theory is wrong, I have uselessly exposed a private secret to the world when it needn't have been; if correct, my life changes for the better emotionally, the pent up frustration is released. Do I take this risk based on a theory?
So many thoughts in my head, hard to write them all down. Help!