Blonde highlights - a step too far?

[KateW]

hi girls,

i'd really like your opinion on something. Over the past several years I have taken small steps to let my guard down a bit and feminise my appearance by shaping my eyebrows, getting my ears pierced and most recently, growing my brown hair down to just below shoulder length. However I still represent as a guy (or a close approximation!) 100% of the time in public.

Recently I have really wanted to get blonde highlights in my hair. While it certainly isn't uncommon for guys with short hair to get their hair highlighted, I wonder if long (straightened) blonde hair might be too big a giveaway for someone that isn't "out". I wonder if the pink fog is clouding my fading common sense in these matters, or if I'm simply over-thinking it?

I'd really appreciate your thoughts!

Kate xxx

[Tamara Croft]

My Tam has blonde highlights, 'his' hair isn't that long, but he's (I say he, cus she wears long wigs)... had them done for a few years (well i do them lol).. so go for it

[sherri52]

I've thought of two toning my hair but it would have to be two new colors. I have white hair. The only reason I haven't done it is that I get alot of compliments on my hair now. I think it's because it is long and thick. At 57 that's a good thing.

[Kimberly Marie Kelly]

Depends on your age, if your younger you can get away with it easily. If older may be better to just color your hair blonde. I'm 53 and colored my hair blonde from Dark almost blackish brown hair. Took a few days to get used to it but most people didn't have issues. Women color hair all the time and most women complimented me on how well I did it myself.. Recently I went to copper red color which I like, easier to maintain than blonde... But I'd just go and do it. Don't be afraid or concerned with what others think.. Kimberly

[Jannis]

I have been wondering about this too. I am getting my hair colored next week, a tawny blonde color is best I can describe the color. I decided to go blonde rather than just get a drab prime color with highlights. I am a guy with long hair, mostly gray and white that is getting his hair colored. Imagine that! So I said to myself go for the whole look and get the comments over with. Then I will be free to do anything with my hair.

[Veronica75]

It would be very easy for me to say go ahead and do it, but honestly depending on your personality, the way you dress in boy mode, your circle and other similar factors, it easily could be a giveaway or at least raise questions. You'd have to either share more about your life with the forum members than is appropriate, or look at your own situation objectively and decide for yourself. Clearly you have your doubts, so the least I would say to you is don't rush into it and try to look at it from the perspectives of your friends, family, and coworkers before you jump.

[Diane Smith]

My hair is just shoulder length; wish it was longer, but it grows very, very slowly. It was turning quite gray and so I started getting it colored a reddish-brown with blonde highlights about five years ago. Two people that I can recall noticed and commented on it; one was neutral and the other rather complimentary.

Over the years, my stylist has gradually increased the amount of blonde highlights, to the point that there wasn't really very much dark hair left on my head. About ten days ago, I took the plunge and went blonde all the way down to the roots. It looks very different to me in the mirror, but so far, zero comments from anyone who knows me.

I think people notice changes in hair styles and colors, but generally just accept it as fairly normal nowadays, and don't comment.

- Diane

[tamarav]

[SIZE=4]I cannot even begin to tell you how many men get hair color in the salons I work in. Highlights are so common that the only real thing we look at is the hair length to determine if we can foil it or use a brush technique to highlight/lowlight the hair.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Many men have their hair highlighted, totally colored, or color altered in some way. I have probably done 100 highlights on men in the past 2 years.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4][/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]Let 'er rip!![/SIZE]

[Gisele]

I have been getting my hair colored for the past year now. I have had the grey coming in on me. Now, I am back to my dark burnette almost black color. However I have been thinking of having a dark auburn lowlights put in.

Wonder how that would look now that my hair is a little more past my shoulders?

Almost all of the girls noticed the first time I colored my hair. I had all good compliments on my hair.

[erickka]

In today's society, highlights on guys is a real common thing. It is no longer a culture shock thing, so go for it and enjoy.

[irmichelle]

53 years young and my wife and I get our hair done together about every 8 to 10 weeks. I asked the hairdresser if many guys got their hair done and she said there was more and more of her clients that are men. Apparently men go for highlights and that younger look. Nobody at work said a thing to me. Go for it. It's only hair and if you try it and take too much ribbing you can get it stripped and start from square one. Life is too precious to worry about what others say.

[Marcyme]

I started coloring my hair in highschool, and haven't seen my natural color in almost 20 years. Coloring is FUN and addictive!! It is very acceptable today for guys to color their hair. For me its one way to show the world who I am even in "corporate" attire!
I say GO FOR IT. First couple days are wierd when you look in the mirror, but you will love it!!!! I bet you get bolder and bolder each time after the first.

[Rhonda Jean]

I have collar bone length hair and started coloring my hair 10 years ago at home. Did it for a year or so then quit. Acouple of years ago I started again. When I started getting foil highlights they looked great, and quite natural. The thing I learned about highlights is that they never look the same twice. I ended up almost totally blonde, which was way too drastic in boy mode, and really didn't look that great in girl mode either. I've now gone back to just an all-over color, which works well for me.

I'm not at all self-conscious about coloring my hair anymore. After the blonde highlights, it all seems pretty tame. I got one comment of shock and surprise from my boss. The other comments have all been from women, and entirely positive. There's no question that everyone who knew me noticed, they just didn't comment. I'm beyond caring about such trivial things. I look better in boy mode and girl mode, and that's sufficient reason to continue.

[KateW]

Thanks for your feedback so far girls! I spoke with my wife about it and apparently its best to pick 2-3 tones to go in your hair. I really like Jennifer Aniston's hair below, as it looks more like shes been out in the sun rather than dramatically blonde highlights. What do you think?

[Fab Karen]

No. You'd be seen by most as a guy with long blonde hair. Unless you have a time machine & go back to the 50's, no-one's gonna think of you as femme.

[Jamie001]

Who cares if people think of you as "fem". I believe that one of the things that guys need to get over is worrying about being perceived as "fem" because they are wearing something that is "fem". Women don't get all worried when they wear something that is masculine or do something that is masculine. In fact, there are even articles in women's magazines like Cosmo that describe how to incorporate masculine items or clothing into an otherwise fem look.

Don't worry if you will be perceived as "fem". If you like the look, just go for it and don't be insecure. If you are insecure, then everyone will pick-up on your insecurity and they will treat you accordingly. If you wear whatever you want to wear with confidence, then you will be treated with respect. That is how women do it and also how the first men that wore earrings did it.

Jamie

No. You'd be seen by most as a guy with long blonde hair. Unless you have a time machine & go back to the 50's, no-one's gonna think of you as femme.

[ReineD]

Here's a good link on tips and tricks.

The most useful information is this: "If you have highlights or lowlights, you can avoid having your whole head colored by asking your stylist to do your hairline, crown and part. A word of warning: Foil highlights require precise application and fixing dark roots is nearly impossible. Ask about easier to maintain highlighting techniques."

In other words, once begun, the highlighting looks best when it is kept up.

I had foil highlights and lowlights, and went to my hairdresser faithfully every six weeks for about 3-4 years. This hairdresser has an excellent reputation. Over time, all my roots had to be colored in order to fix the hair root growth, which resulted in an even more noticeable root growth, and very fragile, brittle hair where it had been highlighted. I am now in the process of letting the color (or lack of) grow out of my hair and it is very noticeable.

Be sure to discuss this with your colorist, and make sure you get references. It is not unheard of for a colorist to overestimate his/her abilities. They do like to have a returning clientele.

Another word of warning: professional and home-coloring products affect individuals differently, so it is important to test the product first.

[trannie T]

Kate, I thought the photo in your last post was of you. In which case you would appear to be a little bit femme. If you like the highlights in your hair go for it!

[Samantha B L]

Hi Kate, Nowadays I wear wigs but I used to have have shoulder length hair which I dyed with frost and tip streaks and miss clairol. I dyed my hair so much in a years time that patches of it were turning orange and green. So it's probably best that you have it done by a cosmetologist. A lot of young guys have highlights in their hair and they have had for years now. So if it matters, not many people will take notice.

[Kerigirl2009]

If you are nervous about putting highlights in your hair then just make sure that you choose a darker shade of blonde. I have been highlighting my hair for about 2 years and I have a natural medium brown color so when I highlighted it I chose the color Caramel. My hair turned very blonde but after a trim and wash I LOVE IT. So highlight but go with a darker highlight and adapt.

[Toni_Lynn]

About a year ago my sister in law (who doesn't know about me but is super cool) did some high-lights to my hair. Its normally brownish-black or blackish-brown if you want. She did it very subtle, but my wife sensed my need for more.

Fisrt -- my wife straighten my hair. I have always wanted straight hair that I could part in the middle and have it one length all around. And so now it was .... dare I say it -- just like a girls!

pause here to say this -- I LOVE MY WIFE! she is the best and fulfills my every need with little things like this

Next -- yep the highlights -- nicely balanced blonde. I've had long hair since forever -- only 2 trims in 11 years. All I can say is it is all I ever wanted right now.

Actually - it needs a touch up and straightening again. My Christmas present to me!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[KateW]

Thanks for all your encouragement. I am actually getting quite excited about this! I think the key is to pick some darker shades of blonde that will blend more naturally with the brown as it starts to grow out.

Toni Lynn - I use straighteners almost every day. At this point I couldn't imagine leaving the home without doing it! I got my wife some great ones last christmas that add vitamins to your hair as you use them, rather than drying the hair out.

[KateW]

As a few of you have PM'd me regarding this - I thought I'd provide a little update. I have booked tomorrow off of work so I'm going to try and get a same day appointment to get my hair highlighted. I am really excited in it. I just hope that I don't have to do the skin test and come back the following day, as I've psyched myself up now! That's all provided I can get an appointment! Wish me luck!

EDIT Nov 16
There weren't any appointments today so I have one for 12pm tomorrow! I was disappointed when they said on the phone that I'd have to wait 48 hours for a skin test, but when I went in to have it done, they said that I didn't actually need the test for highlights, only if I was having my entire hair coloured.