In trouble....need help please!!

[Melissa A.]

Well, for starters, it isn't the end of the world. You may feel humiliated and the next few months in your life are going to be hard, but this too shall pass.

As for the girlfriend, she wasn't a keeper anyway. If she could drop you like that, she'd have dropped you sooner or later anyway. Look at it this way. If she couldn't stand this characteristic of you, how were you going to live the rest of your life with her? in constant fear that the axe was going to fall at any minute?

As for the friends, well they weren't that good of friends either. Move on. Make new friends. Get a new job if you have to, but this isn't the end of the line. Life is full of surprises, many of them a wonderful.

This is your chance to start a new; find some people who understand, people who can love you for who you are. Like it or not, you're out. You might as well take advantage of it.

Good luck

Hi anisha,

What Laura has said is completely true, even though it may be hard to believe right now, and life may seem like an uphill climb from here. As time passes, hopefully you will come to realize a couple of things:

-You really didn't do anything wrong, and though it's hard, you don't have anything to be embarrassed about.

-The people judging you now about something that is none of their business have alot to learn about compassion and about what is a big deal and what isn't. Especially your girl. She's not required to like cding, and if she can't handle it, fine. But it sounds like the way she handled it, she could learn a thing or two about loyalty. Your'e still the same guy you were yesterday.

I got caught when younger, several times. By friends, family, etc. At the time, I was mortified and thought it was the end of the world. In the end, it made me stronger. I don't go around dressing in front of people who would feel uncomfortable with it, but I don't care at all who knows. I really don't. I trust you will get there too, honey. Have faith in yourself and don't define yourself by the last few days. In the meantime, I am thinking of you. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk. Use this forum. It's here for fun, but also just for times like this. Our arms are open.

Hugs,

Melissa

[Jesse69]

My friends know I crossdress and they just laugh at that. They still like me. But one of my friends don't know.

So what's been happening lately?

[Adrianne]

Sorry to hear that but if you need to talk you can pm me or my yahoo or msn id are in my profile.

All the best Adrianne.

[MelissaAndProudOfIt]

"If there's trouble, all us freaks have is each other" ~ Abe Sapien, Hellboy ....

I realise that this was said in passing and wasn't intended as an insult though or by quote etc... Thanks Hellboy for noting it, though really doesn't reflect on us people here. I for one am not a freak and niether are the others here. I realise you yourself didn't say it though, unless your real name is Abe Sapien!!!

All of us here are all human beings that deserve equal status as all the rest. We are different from the run of the mill in the respect that we have taken to our otherside from our physical gender by way of clothing and appearance. In some cases even further, but this doesn't make us freaks. We are unique in our own special ways, and should the truth be known their are many what i would call sleepers too. Sleepers meaning hidden dressers. This is where the biggest percentage of xdressers are at the moment, but every once in a while more surface and face the world head on, bless em.. there are freaks in the world, but please be careful who the label gets stuck on. Sorry to have had to write this.... I sincerely hope all the other members and in fact yourself agree with me on this issue.


Melissa

PS. I hope this message came over as polite..

[Valerie West]

Listen... You've got a lot of people telling you that things are going to be alright in time, and I choose to join my voice with them at this time. (go back and read that sentence again) I didn't say girls, I didn't say CD'ers, I didn't say wierdos, I said people. That's what we are. People. We are all different, regardless. Period. Granted, if we had our wishes of our own choosing, then terror, panic, and grief would not be in the mix. Not being allowed to live freely (or living in constant fearof being found out) is nothing short of self defeating and criminal to yourself. This can be a good thing FOR YOU. Although it does not feel like it right now, years from now it will. I know it.
Mom was preggers 7 times, gave birth twice, and I'm the only one left alive. My sister died at birth. I was born 5 years later and was supposed to be a girl. Live up to that!! Yet, I still feel good about myself because I allow me to be what I want, when I want. Although I wish I could do more. The clouds will pass. It's just like I heard last weekend, "Just whenever I think I'm no longer full of $h!t, here comes another batch!!" Things happen, life goes on. I'm sure it might have embarassed the g/f, but would she have acted the same way if she came in by herself? Lets say it happened after the wedding... wanna loose half of your stuff? I can't say good riddence because I don't know her, but you just might be better off. If dressing makes you feel good, then for goodness sakes DON'T pick up the ball of guilt and change yourself. It is not worth it and it just won't work. You have to be true to yourself. My wife is not supportive of my dressing, so I don't shove it up her nose. Nor do I dress up as often as I wish I could, but then again I'm heavier than I was 15 years ago. Your good friends will understand. Believe that. If not, then they were only in it for the pizza and the beer. Forget 'em.
Whatever you decide, just be happy. The misery is optional.
Val

[caitlin]

I can't add anything except my best wishes and support. You have a community of loving and caring people here and we are all here for you if you need to talk, dump, whatever...to be used as a sounding board if need be.

Don't "off yourself" !!! Keep talking to us/whomever...the help is there. I will say I am glad you mentioned thinking about it though, it shows you want help and are willing to accept it...hang in there...you have my best wishes and prayers. I offer my e-mail address to the list:

katiemnh@yahoo.com


Caitlin

[Ophelia D'Void]

"If there's trouble, all us freaks have is each other" ~ Abe Sapien, Hellboy ....

I realise that this was said in passing and wasn't intended as an insult though or by quote etc... Thanks Hellboy for noting it, though really doesn't reflect on us people here. I for one am not a freak and niether are the others here. I realise you yourself didn't say it though, unless your real name is Abe Sapien!!!

All of us here are all human beings that deserve equal status as all the rest. We are different from the run of the mill in the respect that we have taken to our otherside from our physical gender by way of clothing and appearance. In some cases even further, but this doesn't make us freaks. We are unique in our own special ways, and should the truth be known their are many what i would call sleepers too. Sleepers meaning hidden dressers. This is where the biggest percentage of xdressers are at the moment, but every once in a while more surface and face the world head on, bless em.. there are freaks in the world, but please be careful who the label gets stuck on. Sorry to have had to write this.... I sincerely hope all the other members and in fact yourself agree with me on this issue.


Melissa

PS. I hope this message came over as polite..

Um, I think you may have misunderstood the signature.... uh, it's a movie quote, and I'm not calling anyone a freak. Hmm... I think you'd need to see the movie to understand the context. And in this case, being a freak is anyone who is not "normal", which is us. The spirit of the quote is that we as people outside the status quo, those who are not "straight" in the strictest sense (as far as only wearing men's clothes), should stick together. As crossdressers, we shouldn't judge others, and should think inclusively, finding similarities in all those that feel discriminated against, rather than acting exclusively. But I digress.

Anisha, just hope you're hanging in there, and make sure to let us know how you're doing. Please keep us updated, k?

O

[susandrea]

I know this may seem hard to imagine, but what if you turned the whole thing around and, instead of allowing them to be in charge by giving you the cold shoulder, YOU be in charge by deciding they just aren't ready for your friendship and that's their LOSS. Feel sorry for them! But do be open if one of them realizes their mistake and apologizes, and you'll both be the better person for it.

At the risk of sounding like a Hallmark card, we're all on a journey in this life and I believe at the end of it we will have an opportunity to see, in an umimaginably clear way, how we affected others by our choices and our actions.

You've been given a remarkable gift of awarness, like everyone here, and the people who don't get that and also react badly to it are lagging way behind on their spiritual progress.

So----you're the one who's ahead in the long run and that's a good thing.

[misspartner]

Anisha,

My heart goes out to you. I agree, if your g/f had been a keeper, she may have stepped backfor a bit, but she would have loved and accepted you for who you are. When my fiance told me he loved to dress he did it the first couple of weeks we met! Yes, I had to stop and take a look at how that would affect us. I didn't love him then, nor was I expecting him to be the love of my life. We have been together almost three years and in that time, I have come to realize that my life without him is incomplete. In that time I fell in love with him. ALL OF HIM. Each side makes up who he is. Without those pieces, he isn't the man I love.
You, wonderful Anisha, will survive this. Hell you are going through, but it made the way clear for you to dress all the time, in the comfort of NOT LOCKING DOORS. You are now allowed the freedom to be who you are. Without knowing you or history, I wonder why she didn't already know. But I promise that you will find the love of your life. At the same time, you will find THE RIGHT WOMAN who will love you, love all of you. Give it time. Get out, enjoy dressing. Don't stop. Discover you.

Love and kisses,
B

[BethCD]

Anisha, I'm sure this is not the way that you wanted anyone to find out, but you can't go back in time. Some or all of your friends may come around and realize you're still the same you. If not they weren't very good friends.
Most of us cds have tried to change, but 99.9 times out of 100...this IS who we are. And there is nothing wrong with that!!
Give it some time, maybe the gf will realize HER mistake too.
Just hang in there. We're all here for you. Lean on us !

Beth

[Mx Justina]

"Freak" as used by clubbers is not an offensive term (IMO)...It's a kind of loose, generalised phrase... Often employed to ilicit social comraderie and group identification (like "brothers in arms"). People who exist beyond the "status quo" or who lead "non-straight" lifestyles is most appropo... I'm quite at ease with such usage...aand since I am a nightperson, like nightlife and "night music" (acid jazz, club and triphop)...and am decidedly "non-straight"... the tag fits me (IMO).

Now "freaks"...as used for convenient catch-all for all TGs, by media talking heads, or unctuous, opportunistic late-night TV talkshow hosts, or disinforming politicians... Well, that's a whole other matter for me!

J.

[Katie Gray]

Well it is actually really hard to get over friends. These just aren't people you can talk about in a third person point of view. Sure they weren't good ones in the long run, but its still tough to get over.

But things will work out in time. Hope the best to ya'.

[liz lesbow]

That is a heavy burden to carry. Please send me a PM if you want so that you can express your feelings. I can only hope and wish that you will accept your feelings and find a way to let yourself grow from the experience. As others and my mom used to say . This too will pass. Use this as an opportunity to find new friends that will accept you for your self. Try inviting any one that will listen to come over for dinner and talk about yourself and your feelings of being lost. Let them ask you questions and express yourself. If you can not bring yourself to that then go the local mental health clinic and talk to one of the staff. You will find them helpful and non condemning.

Please go to the local telephone book right now . In the front you will find the suicide hot line for your city. Write down the number and keep it in your pocket. Do not hesitate to call them. They are well trained to help you through this period in your life. Believe me they do not care what color your panties are they just want to help you through this problem


After you get through this (AND YOU WILL) then join the hot line staff and help someone else get through their difficulties .

You have my best thoughts , Remember accept yourself, love yourself and wear your feelings on your shirt sleeve . That way you will never be lost and can always find your way through life’s curves and bends.

[Jamie M]

Anisha ,

if you're still reading this thread , please can you just drop us all a quick post just to let us know you're still okay ? You've got some worried friends here . Just a quick 'Hiya' ?

[Rainbow6562005]

I'm very sorry that this precious aspect of you was revealed without your permission. I can only imagine the pain you felt and feel now.
The inadvertent "outing," though, is a blessing in disguise, I believe. After the pain abates, you will find that some of your old friends are likely to show that they love you just because you are you, and, because you don't have to hide your passion for being a CD from them, you will allow them to get closer to you.
In addition, those who choose to leave you open up opportunities for new, more satisfying relationships.
I wish you the very best in your new life.

Rainbow

[caitlin]

Anisha ,

if you're still reading this thread , please can you just drop us all a quick post just to let us know you're still okay ? You've got some worried friends here . Just a quick 'Hiya' ?

I need to second that...worried and concerned...write to us in the forum or wherever...let us know how you are...

[FROCKYHORROR]

what you described is like one of my nightmares come true,like the other day i left my door open too and just realised in time, i thought f** me what if someone... ? so i really feel for you cos for you it actually happend.But please don't feel too down,turn it round,they're in the wrong!!not you! you're in your own place doing you're own thing,your place is your castle and in it you have your own rules,not society's,people just can't come in like that,surprise party or not.People are entitled to a private life you know.Give your G/F some time to digest the situation,you've both had a shock,she's just lost a relationship too and is probably feeling just as bad.If shes doing a complete carpet blank on you ie no contact,then wait it out,don't contact her at all.Don't do the sorry begging forgive me routine,she'll lose more respect.Just do the carpet blanking back.Gradualy she'll miss the Good side of you,she may do some of her own research and stumble on an article in a mag and find a section like "my man in a skirt" or something,her anger will soften,and if your relationship was good before this happend then she'll get back to you.I'd give it 2 wks at least.I remember with my last g/f when she found out about me,she blanked me, then after 2wks got back to me saying "Well I s'pose Posh was ok with David wearing her knickers".We split up again later tho, but not because of the crossdressing.

I wish you all the best,and honestly,don't worry too much or feel too bad about it,don't let other people make you feel too bad about it either here's my attitude "f##k em" they shouldn't have been in your place unanounced,so what i dress up-- Big deal !! get over it!! at least i don't live in a one dimensional frame of existence comforming to my peers.You could explain it to you g/f that you were just experimenting,and just always wondered what it feels like to be a women,you only live once you know,you can't help having an enquiring mind its how we evolve..

[Tristen Cox]

Interesting fact, Anisha has been on twice since this thread started. Yet not replied to any of you who have been pouring their hearts out with support?


Hmm, I don't geddit?

[Melissa Ryan]

Yes, and was still on line when I posted first off. And still online when I pm'd. I must say that it does seem to have the look of a title for a new thread. I have wondered for days, given information that maybe I should not have. Why? Because I answered a cry for help. I have checked every day to see if Anisha has been on line, and she has. The same as all of you, I want to help, in whatever way I can. Julia Coined it when she asked for a response. Courtesy does need to be. Sorry Anisha, and to all, if I seam harsh I dont mean to be. But you asked, you got. If my support is wanted it is there. Still. If your reasons for not answering are real........JUST contact any of us! No one is mad just worried.
...........Melissa.............

[caitlin]

... I want to help, in whatever way I can. Julia Coined it when she asked for a response. Courtesy does need to be. Sorry Anisha, and to all, if I seam harsh I dont mean to be. But you asked, you got. If my support is wanted it is there. Still. If your reasons for not answering are real........JUST contact any of us! No one is mad just worried.
...........Melissa.............

Anisha,

You have us all wondering the same thing at this point, I imagine. Melissa, I don't think you are being harsh just cutting to the chase...


...The ball is in your court, Anisha...whats up?

[emmicd]

Anisha,

I know you are going through a crossroads in your life and you are scared. It's never easy when you have to face something you've been putting off for so long. Now is the time to seek counseling and try to help yourself. Never mind what others think. Youn need to fix yourself so you can have healthy relationships with others. We all are going through our own self discovery and we all need to resolve our issues before we can share with others.

It will take time and some guidance from a professional doctor/therapist to help you sort things out.

If your gf is a true gf she will come back or try to contact you. If not you can try to talk to her when you are feeling better and seeking some help. Ther is no shame in crossdressing if you are not hurting anyone.

You need to take a look from within and bear your soul to someone you can trust.

Based on your suicidal feelings I think it is urgent that you seek out help immediately and do it with the intention of helping yourself understand and gain a better perspective. In life you will realize friends will come and go but your true friends will stick with you no matter what.

Please take good care of yourself and please pm me or e-mail me if you need to talk. I will certainly listen!

Emmi