Driven to Tears becuase of a Video game feature?

[Myojine]

so i play an MMO game called Flyff
in the game there is a little marige system where you can make a "couple" with someone(of the oposite sex)and it has little benifits and blah blah
well its was realy insignificant to me at first but after a few trys at it... it has all of the sudden its become like REALY important and i dont know why...
So After a while finally i found some guy whod "marry" me.
and we did... but bad choise of a spot to doit...
another player who was sitting around blurts out "you know hes a Guy right?"
because well i play a female character, and cant stand playing a male character.
so i was all happy that this guy married me(hes realy powerful in game and stuff...) but all of the sudden this other idiot pops off some nasty comments and we leave.
then the guy asks me...(oh god here it comes)
are you realy a guy?(my heart sinks)
i try and talk to him but he fiannly breaks off the "couple" and says i cant be married to a guy...
"thats just to creepy for me"
dont be mad at me we can still be cool
but your a guy so i cnat be married to you..."

it doesn hit me till my friend on yahoo starts typing back to comfort me becuase he can tell im distressed
then i jsut loose it
i type in big captial letters
ITS JSUT A STUPID GAME WHY DO I TAKE IT SO SERIOUS and i close out EVERYTHING...
and i burst into tears....

why would i be sitting ehre crying about that...i dont under stand how a stupid little game feature has gotten me so upset...
i feel kinda stupid and well Extremely depressed about this....i feel sick to my stomach now...

[ReineD]

I feel for you, Myo. I'll play arm chair psychologist and guess that you got upset because the game mirrored something that could possibly happen in RL? I mean your femme self got rejected by someone you admired because he found out about guy self. It just seems like a situation that is very difficult to resolve.

Maybe when you get to know in RL how the CDing will play out in your romantic life and in your non-romantic life with friends, and when you find a partner and friends who will accept you for everything that you are, you will feel more confident in yourself and you won't get so upset over something like this.

Just be kind with yourself and honor your feelings. You did get upset because the game stood for something that perhaps worries you right now, which is how your femme self will be accepted throughout your life.

You'll find your path, I'm sure of it.

Of course if I am wrong about why you got upset, just ignore everything I've said.

[Myojine]

this whole event broke the bottle that held al the pent up emotions.
the peices are lying on the floor and my towel is wet from all my tears.
I think your right ReineD, but one thing led to another
my pain first of all that iwas born this way, i mean i could change to being a female, but then id always have that secret id never want to tell anyone that i was male
that i could never bear children. or that illhave no experiances as a young girl, or pictures even, or that ill never have periods(i know Why in the hell would i want that).
that i joined the Army and now even if i wanted to transistion and get SRS id have to wait for years now...or risk being screwed over forever...
i feel so betrayed that i was born this way why couldnt i have simply been born a girl so that way i dotn ahve to cry over a stupid little feature in a video game about some stupid guy...

[ReineD]

I think that crying over the video game is a good thing. It is helping you get in touch with how you really feel. From there, you can start making concrete plans for yourself, which is hard to do if you don't know what you believe in.


But since you are in the army and you aren't free to transition right now, why don't you use the time to figure out if transition is what you really want. Pay attention to see if there are any guy times that you enjoy. Also do you have a gf, I mean are you attracted to girls? If you are, then find a gf first to see if your desire to be a girl would be as strong. Maybe you will decide you like to be both ... a girl sometimes and a boy at other times.

Or maybe after trying different things you will decide you want to be a girl full time.

So being in the army isn't such a bad thing for you right now, IMO. It will help you to take your time, get to know yourself better, try different things, since the last thing you want to do is to rush into making such a huge change as transition without having explored all the alternatives.

You're OK Myo, I'm glad to know you, and as I said earlier, you will find your path.


P.S. If you ever do decide to transiton, remember that there are GGs who never have kids and it doesn't make them any less GGs. Some GGs even for medical reasons have to have hysterectomies early in life and they stop having periods. Other GGs get breast cancer and have to have mastectomies. Not trying to be a downer here, just trying to point out that if you decide to transition, you can be just as much as a woman as GGs without having the natural female body functions.

[girlalex]

I think that crying over the video game is a good thing. It is helping you get in touch with how you really feel. From there, you can start making concrete plans for yourself, which is hard to do if you don't know what you believe in.

ReineD is right. the video game was a good simulation of what would have happened in real life. so if next time you will be encountering a similar situation in real life you would know how to avoid it since you know what to expect. just like astronauts practice hours upon hours on how to dock the shuttle to the international space station so they get it perfect in real life.

[txrobinm]

rejection sucks! in any form. You are NOT ALONE.

Better to have it happen in a game scenario than in real life with house, kids, career plans, etc. Listen to Reine- she's wise. Hang in there, be true to yourself, take your time to discover everything. I'm still learning about me and I'm 39! Oh wait, a lady shouldn't reveal her age....

[Nicole Erin]

Well, as a player of Second Life, I know how it is easy to get emotionally caught up in these things. Strangely, those RPG things do mess with your RL emotions at first

The thing to remember though is that even tho the character might be awesome in-game, behind it is probably your worst nightmare, like if you met them RL you would be like "HOLY F'ing HELL! Where did THAT come from?"

I am guessing you are new to MMO games but once you get settled and all that, it is easier to keep things in perspective.

[Joanne f]

ReineD has covered it very well so there is not much i could add to that ,only that my son plays on Flyff so i do know how addictive it can become as he will get up in the middle of the night to play it (steps have be taken to stop this) but remember it is just a game it is easy to loose the difference between fantasy and reality especially when you have hidden emotions and issues.

[Stephenie S]

Geez, sweetie, it's a FANTASY game. You can be whatever or whoever you want. Why take the fantasy only halfway? You could have told that guy whatever you wanted. It's FANTASY.

Lighten up and enjoy life.

Lovies,
Stephenie

[DiannaRose]

Myojine, I'd listen to Reine. She has a good head on her shoulders and--to my mind at least--has hit the nail on the head at every count.

You play this game because it allows you to be something to wish you could be in real life. That's what RPG games are for..it's their draw, and also their curse, because when you become too involved in your character's life, you start to lose track of your own. That's when your thoughts and emotions become a bit tangled. Seems to me you were investing a little too much emotion into the character, and didn't leave enough for yourself.

If I were you, I'd do as others have suggested...take a step back and a few calming breaths, and begin an inventory of your life. What you have, what you want...and try to leave the emotion out of it to start with. Write these things down, because this helps keep your thoughts organized. I bet you'll start to see pretty quickly how the pieces are fitting together.

There is also no shame in seeking counseling to help keep your emotions from getting in the way of your living...and there are many counselors out there who specialize (or at least are comfortable working with) transgendered people. Again, there is no shame in this...if you run across a math problem you just can't figure out, do you continue to fight with it until your brain turns to oatmeal, or do you ask for help?

Also know that there are several *thousand* members on this forum, and many have gone through similar things as you, so you are so not alone.

And finally, know that many of your sisters and brothers here have you in their prayers, and that we're here to talk privately if you just want a little one-on-one time. For me, that's an open invitation...I don't guarantee any answers, but sometimes just talking things out a little can help you find those answers.

Hugs!

[Stephenie S]

Nicely said, Dianna.

[Wen4cd]

I've seen articles and such which report that a clear majority of MMO players swap gender online. Your almost-e-hubby, as powerful as he may appear in-game, is a rank n00b. He's also probably 12 years old by the way he talks.

When someone asks you 'if you're really a guy,' a good answer is to question his definition of 'real.' Does he mean emotionally, socially, physically, psychologically? It's a good way to measure someone's maturity before you go 'marrying' them.

"So liek, are you really a guy, or wat?"
"Does it 'really' matter? Are we 'really' getting married?"
"Whoa that's just too creepy for me."
"Thanks for letting me know who the real creep is, so long. BTW, you've got a lot of growing up to do."

[Myojine]

I am guessing you are new to MMO games but once you get settled and all that, it is easier to keep things in perspective.

hahahahaha Bad Guess ive been playing MMOs for Quite a while this one in particular i have nearly 4 years and years of MMOs before that trying to find one sutiable, i think its just this one has well become 95%of my freetime Flyff is very important to me.

Geez, sweetie, it's a FANTASY game. You can be whatever or whoever you want. Why take the fantasy only halfway? You could have told that guy whatever you wanted. It's FANTASY.

Unfortunately Flyff Players a very prominate about knowing who all each other is exspecially the high lvls and the Been there Forevers(like me) so we have this thing in the forums on my server called the Mia photobook(mia servers post your pic and you goofy IRL flyff buddies too) i posted some of me in my army Uniform. so if the guy went and looked at the photobook i couldnt lie, i cant lie i put to much value on honesty becasue of its part of honor. im a Death Before dishonor kinda person.

[Nicole Erin]

how could someone be on an RPG for so long and get THAT emotionally wrapped?
Second Life is my first RPG, and I think for the first couple months I went thru the whole emotional thing but after a while it ws like "who cares?"

Like I said though - often when we think someone online is just so great, we would probably shit ourselves if we saw the real life version.

They always talk about men playing female avatars but often times a male avatar is played by a woman. It is for this reason thast most people in RPG's don't care about others' real lives. Finding out the beautiful person is some gross 40 year old living in their parent's basement would kind of ruin the fantasy.

[Jenny Brown]

"So liek, are you really a guy, or wat?"
"Does it 'really' matter? Are we 'really' getting married?"
"Whoa that's just too creepy for me."
"Thanks for letting me know who the real creep is, so long. BTW, you've got a lot of growing up to do."

I agree. also - tears because of a video game?
My advice is to seek some counseling.

[Sara82]

I agree. also - tears because of a video game?
My advice is to seek some counseling.

Thats uncalled for... If you've never played a MMO, then you obviously don't realize that real relationships are created, and real emotion can be brought into the game. Some players invest a great deal of time and energy into these games mainly for the social aspects. Whether or not that is healthy, is another debate. But everything in moderation is always better.

[VeronicaMoonlit]

I agree. also - tears because of a video game?
My advice is to seek some counseling.

No, and you'd be just as wrong if it was a song, or commercial, or movie.

Practically anything can cause an emotional response, because humans are emotional and are emotions can get tied up in anything.

Veronica Rogers

[Myojine]

please dont turn this place in to a battle ground. i was just seeking understanding...no harshwords
ReinD is right about what she said because ive done alot of thinking and now i dont know what i wanna do, if transitioning is still a good idea or if im just out right stupid for wanting to be a female...

[Jenny Brown]

Thats uncalled for... If you've never played a MMO, then you obviously don't realize that real relationships are created, and real emotion can be brought into the game. Some players invest a great deal of time and energy into these games mainly for the social aspects. Whether or not that is healthy, is another debate. But everything in moderation is always better.

sorry, I just don't buy it at all. it's a video game. game over. end of story.

[ReineD]

ive done alot of thinking and now i dont know what i wanna do, if transitioning is still a good idea or if im just out right stupid for wanting to be a female...

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Being transgendered doesn't come with a blueprint. You identify as femme while all your life you've been conditioned and possibly internally you also identify as male. It will take some time to figure out what is right for you and this is natural.

It always struck me that my SO had a good approach. She was OK with not having all the answers, preferring instead to take it as far as she felt comfortable, while giving herself permission to change her mind at the last minute if she decided to not engage in a planned activity. The point was to have fun while she was learning who she was without pressuring herself to make choices she wasn't ready to make.

If you are TS, you will one day know this beyond a shadow of a doubt. If you are not at that point, try to enjoy being who you are in either mode, and/or a combination of both modes until your life experiences dictate the path you are meant to take. So just go out there and give yourself permission to try all different kinds of things to see how they fit.

sorry, I just don't buy it at all. it's a video game. game over. end of story.

It was not the game that Angel was crying over but how the situation applied to her real life.

But more to the point, if you had a dog that died, and you were heartbroken about it, how would you feel if someone told you to get over it, it is just a dog? You may decide that someone who gets emotionally involved in such a game needs counseling, and someone else may decide that you should get counseling for being so unfeeling.

People have different emotional responses to events and it is not your place to judge how important something should or should not be to someone else.

[donnatracey]

sorry, I just don't buy it at all. it's a video game. game over. end of story.

I agree.....

[Jenny Brown]

But more to the point, if you had a dog that died, and you were heartbroken about it, how would you feel if someone told you to get over it, it is just a dog?

Not the same at all...it's a totally different scenario. A dog is a real living breathing creature. A video game is just plastic and wires...just a game - not real.

[ReineD]

Jenny,

I don't understand why it is so difficult for you to be able to see someone else's point of you.

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion. It is perfectly acceptable for you to say, for example, "I would not allow a video game to affect me this way." But telling someone else they need counseling because they react differently than you would and debating the point ad nauseam with other members is trolling and it violates forum rules.

Any more posts from you here along the same lines will be deleted by me for trolling and for taking the thread off topic and your profile will be noted accordingly. Please consider yourself warned.

[jenniferishappy]

Hey Myojine, I like your name. It might be helpful to give youself a certain amount of time to commit to gaming each day. Like anything that can lead to obessive behavior it can throw us out of balance. Easy to happen. I dont play them, but I am not going to judge those that do. Good luck and give yourself a break, dont get too trapped in your own head!! Make sure you get outside around other people as often as you can too. Good luck Girl!

[sherri52]

Myo it's not the game that bothers you. It's the small minded person who said something. Try to stay away from him and enjoy the game.