Welcome to the wonderful world of crossdressing.
I think you're overthinking it.
Just do what I did and stop treating CDing as if you have to fulfill a weekly dressing quota. If you feel like dressing, then dress. If not, don't. Just go with the flow. You'll end up pulling your hair out if you think about it too much.
I purged many times because I thought I had to either be a crossdresser or not a crossdresser. I never thought about just being myself. When I realized that I stopped worrying about everything and just enjoyed life.
[SIZE="3"]Hi Tina.
Like you I have gone through similar periods of not dressing. Often I wake and think ( o.k I will dress today " then I'll open my wardrobe and feel it's too much hard work for nothing as the only one who sees me, is myself.
Thoughts of purging sets in but I never get round to doing it.
Age HAS crossed my mind as the cause of this malaise ( I'm no longer a spring chicken any more )
Then last week there was a crossdressing group meeting, so I thought going would perk me up. I had a friend do my make up, then got dressed, finally putting on my wig ( some of us have too ) then suddenly the transforrmation was complete and I realised, yes there may be times I seem to loose interest but know that it is a part of who I am and will never leave me.
That night as I removed my make up and went to take off my lovely green nail polish, I decided to leave it until the morning
On rising the next day as I sat there on the bed realising I was going to have to get dressed in my male garb, I suddenly looked at my hands and the nail polish on the fingers, I thought, how much I wished that I could just dress as Joanne every day and feel the joy, the pleasure and the calm that transforming into Joanne brings to my life.
I know as time progresses, I will inevitably have to forgo Joanne because of aging but until then slowing may just be part of my life with Joanne.
Love Joanne [/SIZE]
I am sure we all have doen it I know I have even through every thing away then had to buy new now there is no stoping,
i'm very seasonal. if the high temp is more than 75, there is VERY LITTLE chance of me wanting to CD. Then, the first cool nights hit, when it's 75 at about 8:00PM, and I start wanting to and thinking about getting an outfit together. I few weeks later and I'm full in it again, until I reach kind of an equilibrium of him and her, until the weather warms up.
And I've met my counterpart, too, who doesn't do cold. She's a spring-summer-fall gal, and I'm fall-winter-spring.
Could be you're something like that, only perhaps with something other than seasons...
I think TrekGirl is onto something here Tina. Because of the compromise with my wife some days the only motivation to dress is that I'll lose the day if I don't. (I couldn't sell her on roll over days )
Since I don't wear wigs or form or more makeup than lipstick and nail polish I've been back and forth about whether I am a "true" CD or not myself. I've decided that if on a day I'm happy in a mens t-shirt and a skirt great and if I want my semi formal dress with heels and as made up as I get that's okay too.
"You are not an accident, nor are you malfunctioning. You are performing EXACTLY as coded." For many "Man in a Dress" is the worst atrocity commit-able; for me it's just reality. Click to Learn About Me. Click to Complain About Me! There is a fine line between brutal honesty and honest brutality. It is rarely in the same place for the sender and the receiver.
Since my time to CD is limited I take the opportunity when provided. There are times that I CDed and my heart was not fully into it but I knew that if I didn't I may form that Pink haze (new term for me thanks to a recent thread).
Hi Ladies,
My feelings about dressing wax and wane as well. However, I know it will never leave me so I don't purge or anything. I do remained clean shaven and always wear panties, and I know this sounds real girly, but sometimes I don't feel like doing the hair or nails and putting on make up. I know I'm a t-gurl and always will be. Peace, Charlene
I have gone from days,weeks,months and years without dressing but I always dress again.I don't know what it is but I do know what it feels like and how I feel when dressing.Dressing I believe will be with me till I leave this world.
It happens to me too sometimes it seems like I just have to cd but then after I have spent some time cding and getting comfortable as Salle I just have to stop It losses its thrill I use to thinkit was me but I guess I am not alone That is a good thing
Dowhat feels right
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Sallee
Sometimes, for days or weeks at a time, I won't especially feel like dressing up. In fact, I've been in that mode for the last three or four weeks now. However, I have standing appointments for hair, nails, eyebrow waxing, and a pretty much monthly trip to the tattoo/piercing place that I always keep enfemme, no matter how I'm actually feeling about it at the time. Therefore, I have to dress up once or twice a week just to satisfy the others who have never seen me any other way. This keeps me from completely losing touch or letting my body get too fat and hairy, and I think it's good to help maintain a more even keel. When the urge comes back, it's not uncontrollable, and I don't do silly or risky things in the fog.
- Diane
I would say I'm the same way. Times when I dress ALOT, and spend hours, and sometimes go weeks without. Where I'm at right now, I'm free to dress up all the way whenever I want. As it happens, I've only dressed a few times in the past month. mostly because it DOES take a long time getting into all the foundation garments, makeup, etc. and so it seems like too much trouble. Also, I've just sort of been there and done that so many times. It seems I've outgrown this stage of CD'ing. What excites me now is the prospect of going somewhere out in public.
First of all, I am a newbie CD of about 30 years, so great to finally be learning something, and about myself!
I have found over the years, that the times when I slow down or stop for however long always coincide with an especially bad feeling of guilt over what I was doing, for lack of better terminology. I'm sure many more here have experienced something similar, but before finding this site, I did not understand at all why I was compelled to do the things I do(still don't fully, but I am cool with that), and thought I must be some sort of deranged lunatic. That's exactly how I was raised in an old-school, southern baptist Texas household. (Nothing against religion, but in my case it certainly didn't help.) I was taught that any male who liked dressing in female clothes was most assuredly gay, and I knew that I was not, so this did not help. Oh also, apparently, god said that gay people don't get into heaven. Such a wonderful nurturing environment of openness and understanding!
I have noticed lately since lurking on here for months and reading reading reading, then finally joining recently, that I no longer feel these feelings of guilt and confusion(ok, still some confusion, but now about all NEW things!). Consequently I have probably saved myself from at least 2 purges, and who knows what else. I am so very thankful to have found all of you unbelievably supportive people!
Just my , oh and like you, every time I dressed again after taking an unintentional break, I knew it would never go away, which has made me , basically.
Oh yeah, for sure. My entire CD-ing life has been up and down missing months at a time, even to this very day (have not dressed for at least a month). But then, with me, I'm just getting into it and still trying to find the right pieces/places/times.
Yes I feel the same, in fact I'm just coming out of one now.
I was really looking forward to dressing but suddenly when I had the chance I couldn't be bothered.
I put it down to the fact I wasn't feeling too good for a period of about 2 months, a cold I think but I couldn't shake it off and it really dragged me down. Then we hit the xmas hols and my family are home for their break so it been a long stretch and now I can't wait for them to go back so I can have some "me" time, abit selfish I know but I'm looking forward to it now.
So your not alone, I expect these are the times when alot of us "purge" or feel guilty though to be honest I don't anymore, I just ride it through as I know I'll feel "the urge" sooner or later.
hugs
Sue xx
I'm not sure if it's the temperature or just that I'm much more active with hobbies and whatnot in the summer and I get distracted. It seems like every time the weather gets cold, though, the Pink Fog settles in.
I completely agree with what the others have said: don't over-think it; just enjoy it. In the grand scheme of things, you could have much worse compulsions than the need/desire to dress up en femme from time-to-time.
I'm so far back in the closet that I'm finding Christmas presents!
"Women often don't seem to have a problem with us, as long as we're not romantically involved with them of course." - goofus
Three months is nothing and there will be much more to come.
I was watching the film Bll Durham yesterday. A baseball pitcher has to have arrogance but be scared also. I think we need to work with that!
I strut my stuff, I feel so proud,
I need to shout, to scream out loud,
I am Tricia I am she,
I am who I want to be
http://tricia-dale.blogspot.com/
I agree we all have gone through that, I know I have, once I even got rid of everything, and a monuth latter I wes out buying it all over again, and even now I have times wen I don't want to dress but it does not last long now as I ress most often now,
I've done the same...I went a year without dressing up, hell I didn't even really think about it. Then the urge came back and I've dove into it...I'm sure the feelings come and go, just do what you want, when you want.
"It makes no difference whether the voices in their transformations have each other to depend on or not. Smooth them out on the whetstone of the universe (tian), use them to go by and let the stream find its own channels; this is the way to live out your years. Forget the years, forget duty, be shaken into motion by the limitless, and so find things their lodging-places in the limitless." ~Zhuangzi
"everyone here hates everyone here for doing the same thing that they do." - Less Than Jake
I have slowed and stopped plenty of times but it always comes back.I'm still in the closet so to speak(a few people in the past seen me as Bridget,I told is no more).I continue to think about it and find new ways to aqquire the things I need to bring her out.I've always considered this a curse and I'm still not sure why it never goes away.On the other hand I enjoy it and treasure the moments I'm Bridget.
The same thing happened to me - stopping for a few years. I made the mistake in thinking that I'd somehow "gotten over" crossdressing and spent another five years fighting the urge that had (of course) come back. Thankfully I came to a greater sense of self-acceptance and have been becoming much more comfortable with my Jamie side than in the past.
Relax, don't make a big deal about it. Just don't think you've stopped forever or get rid of anything! You'll regret that sometime down the road.