The TRUTH about CDs being "passable"!

[docrobbysherry]

Ok, Gina started a "truth" thread. Now, it seems to be changing into a, "Am I passable?", thread! I don't want to hijack it, so here goes!

I recently attended the SCC in Atlanta. It was my FIRST time around 1000's of CDs. So, how many did I see that were REALLY passable? At close range, and in MY opinion, maybe a dozen! And, if they spoke, most then failed!

How many there did I think may have been FEMALES? I remember having questions about 2! And, I only heard one of those 2 speak. So, I'm fairly sure she was someone's GG SO! If not, she could pass ANYWHERE, ANYTIME! So, MAYBE one, out of a 1000!?

Now, did that BOTHER the other "girls" there? NOT ONE BIT! They strutted their stuff in the hotel, out of the hotel, and all over Atlanta!

Here's the message I got about passing from the SCC:

You're NOT going to pass everywhere, every time, with everyone! If that bothers u, stay in the closet! Like me.

Try to look your regular, everyday female best, if u desire to "fit in". And, be a drag queen at the clubs.

The girls I went out with, didn't give a darn if someone noticed we weren't females. ( Good thing, because a number of us didn't!) We weren't bothering anyone, and if someone started bothering US, I would have felt SORRY for THEM!

If I got a big thrill going out dressed, I'd do it! And, I'd go out in a minute, to be with other girls!
Otherwise, I believe going out dressed, has little to do with passing for CDs that do it regularly!

Ok, blast away, all!

[AllieSF]

Sherri,

You hit the target well. I have some regular Tfriends with whom I go out regularly for dinner, drinks, plays, museums and bars of all types. Only a few of them are truly passable in my old eyes. However, passing for me and the others is more focussed on not being read from a distance, fitting in with the attire for the occasion (and none of us dress our age!), being proud of who we are with the correct attitude and confidence to go where we want. Each of us has a different level of sensitivity regarding being read, hearing comments and seeing some of the "looks" of others at us, individually or as a group. Attitude, passing, fitting in and confidence are only just words used to try to describe us and others. In reality, for me and my friends it is primarily about going out where and when we want to have an enjoyable time together and with everyone else out there, conversing and interacting with whomever we can.

[skirtsuit]

Doc-
You're right, most of us have no hope of ever really passing ourselves off as women. Anyone who gets a close look at me or hears me talk will know. Do I care? NO! That's the trick to enjoying yourself out & about, as you saw in Atlanta.

I think the best I can do, and I have mostly achieved this, is to not really be noticed on the street. The trick is to look femine enough so that people don't give you a second look. I don't dress to blend in, but modestly and nicely, so hopefully that's what people notice.

We'd love to see some pics of you on the street!

All the Best,
Ann / SS

PS - I have met fully transitioned transexuals that definately 'pass' by any standard, but there is a lot of expensive surgery and hormones involved, not just clothes and makeup.

[Sophie_C]

Now that's proper reality. I do like hearing this over the nonsense of "if you're confident you'll pass." If you're not going to fully transition, accept that you'll be somewhat read and embrace it. Be a CD and be proud of it. Be comfortable in your own skin. Be a little comical about it (but never in a negative way). Have fun with it. You only live once, so make your choice, and make the best of it.

[Hope]

NO ONE will pass 100% of the time.

I once dated a GG who was 6'1" and she told me that there have been times where people have asked her if she was TS (she wasn't). Which by the way is why you don't ask that question - think about how that girl will feel if the answer is "no," but I digress.

On the other hand, I would also wager that most folks are not as hyper vigilant and don't pay nearly as much attention or have nearly as high standards as someone who thinks that only 1 in 1000 girls pass. I would bet that the OP might be the type to assume that my girlfriend was a guy.

Will everyone pass all the time? Of course not. But with sufficient practice, and work, most of us can pass most of the time. But there will always be that one jerk who has to ruin it.

[sherri52]

Sherry most of what you say is very true. The number of cd'ers that pass is low. Theere are a number of girls here that not only pass but get hit on by other men who don't know. The voice is the definite killer though. There is a select few that can speak in a passable manner, the rest just think they can. I can't pass or speak, but I know it and still go out occasionally and go shopping. I have what you may call "the I don't care Syndrome".

[KateSpade83]

I PASS 95% of the time and have an ok enough femme voice for short lengths of talking but my voice is not good enough for long conversations. I've successfully shopped, used crowded women's washrooms, used dress rooms, went to church, and went through downtown Chicago and passed.

[windycissy]

You can't fool all of the people all of the time! It's a bell-shaped curve, on the one extreme are the truly unpassable-at-midnight-in-a-coalmine, on the other extreme are few lucky ones who strut their stuff at clubs like AsiaSF, and in the middle are the rest of us who, with practice, the right clothes and makeup and insane self-confidence, can fool some of the people some of the time. I love the challenge of moving that needle as far as I can.

[Karren H]

100% of the time..... I don't pass anywhere and I could care less!!

[SuzanneBender]

Right on Sherry.

For me it use to be about trying to pass and then I realized no matter what I may not draw attention but true honest passing isn't going to happen without hours of plastic surgery and a heck of a lot more voice training.

I used to live in fear of being clocked, read or whatever you call it. I realized it was preventing me from being Suzanne in the world. Once I got over having to be the woman that I can never be going out became a lot easier and actually fun.

Most people are too busy to notice or care. Those that do notice typically are to polite to ask just incase you are a GG. I have also found the younger generation to be very accepting. As an aside, I had a wonderful shopping experience this weekend where three young ladies, fellow shoppers, helped me find shoes to match an outfit.

I fly en femme, shop en femme, and go out en femme every opportunity I can. For me it is more about representing the TG community in a way that moves us towards societal acceptance. Allie hit the nail on the head and you saw it first hand at SCC its about pride in who we are. Its time for us to move out of the shadows.

[kellycan27]

Passing in your own mind because you have self confidence, or your I don't care what anyone thinks attitude?
Or passing as in being out there doing your thing, being noticed, and not being read?

[NathalieX66]

My mind is so programmed to look at the female hourglass figure, that if something is not in the right place on some way or another, I just have to look twice.
Women have a very distinct shape in their thigh-to-knee area, that if that shape ain't there, something weird is happening.

[Salene]

And you should remember that were experts on the subject. It's alot harder to "pass" in the eyes of another CDer as opposed to a random dude at wal-mart.

[NathalieX66]

My mind is so programmed to look at the female hourglass figure, that if something is not in the right place on some way or another, I just have to look twice.
Women have a very distinct shape in their thigh-to-knee area, that if that shape ain't there, something weird is happening.

Oh, and I forgot to mention that women's femurs have this ability to rotate at the top socket in certain directions that men can't do, at least naturally....thus those sexy stances. This is one of those things that God gave women the ability to do in order to get that little head through the cervix during childbirth. IMHO, that's what makes a woman a woman.
The rest is superficial and cosmetic.

[weekend woman]

I know I don't pass, but that doesn't stop me from going out and enjoying myself. I even engage in small-talk with GG's in the nail salon while in the nail dryer, and no one ever ran away screaming "that's not a real woman". In fact never even got a dirty look. A little confidence goes a long way towards being accepted, which I think is just as important as passing if not more so.

[CherylFlint]

The question isn't "100% of the time", but rather "100% of the people", and the answer is no, I don't pass for 100% of the people that I come in contact with. I do, however, pass for some people 100% of the tiime.
For instance, when you're driving while dressed other drivers will see a woman. At the mall just walking around, and dressed like other women, I pass. And that's all I want. I don't particularly want to get into a conversation with everyone I see, nor do I want to push the issue. To "pass" isn't an "in your face" issue. "Passing" is to be accepted as a female on first glance, we're not talking about a full flege exam.
Anyway, some of us "pass" for the occasion and have fun doing it, I know I do. And if I'm not 100% convincing to 100% of the people who see me, that's okay too, all that does is make me try harder the next time I go out.
And, yes, I know that I'll never be 100% ALL of the time, but I sure have fun trying.

[lingerieLiz]

Sherry had the right message, but maybe the numbers were a little extreme. It really depends on the scrutiny one receives. Murry P used to have contests on his show where the audience would guess male or female. Most of the time they were right. On the other hand most people don't look at others. I'm constantly amazed at how people walking toward you will avert their eyes. I dress to blend in, not because I have to, but the clothes I wear and am comfortable in are what others normally wear. This week I was at a store and one of the women shopping there was wearing as my aunt called them a costume. She had on a whole nautical outfit that made her look like Gail Storm. While she carried it off she drew attention. If a CD had on the outfit the result would have been the same with people noticing.

A while back I was at Home Depot and a CD came in. He was tall, overweight, and dressed in a tight skirt, red blouse, stockings and heels. In another store he probably would not have noticed as much, but there the clicking of his heals on the cement caused several people to turn around and look. Because he was larger than most women customers spent time analyzing him. No one said anything, but the reactions were interesting. I got the impression that he didn't care what people thought and was doing his thing, which was fine.

My point is that few if any of us can truly pass. Even those who have transitioned seldom pass. When I was young I was repeatedly told that I would make a very pretty girl. While some of my features were passable others were not. I never really tried to pass because back then if you were caught you went to jail. I just didn't want to be any of the guys in there girlfriend. I absolutely prefered real ggs.

[Lorileah]

You mean...you mean...I don't blend in with the other 6'plus 190 pound size 11 shoe women in the world? Oh no!!! what ever will I do where ever will I go?

I'll do what I always do and go where I always go. Thanks DRS for exposing one of the myths here. Like I say it is perspective. From 100 feet away with nothing to compare me to I can "Pass". I agree no one here will pass 100% of the time probably not even 50%

[Rhonda Jean]

Let's see... How often do I detect some reaction from someone that indicates they've just seen a crossdresser? Almost never. How ofen do I truly pass? Almost never. The only thing I truly pass as is a nice person who goes way out of her way to look convincingly like a woman. That's what I am, and that's all I am.

I openly crossdressed for several years before I first came across someone who OBVIOUSLY read me. I was in my mid-20's, very skinny, mid-back length roller-set hair, stylishly dressed in a skirt suit (my wife's). To me at the time it was undetectable that I wasn't a woman, an opinion expressed by my wife. I agreed. I won't go into the whole story, but I was quite shaken by this revelation that someone, anyone, could possibly tell I wasn't quite what I pretended to be. In the mirror it was still undetectable. I've been around long enough to know now that this was just delusional. I saw what I wanted to see.

I think the prevailing public opinion of me would go something like, "I'll be damned! There's a guy dressed like a girl, and it's not nearly as repulsive, threatening, or off-putting as I thought it'd be!" That's about all I can hope for these days, and that's quite enough for me.

[sterling12]

You got it Doc! I think. Hopefully, you now understand.

We don't have to pass to be out in Public....and, you don't have to wear that mask!

Simple, ain't it. Now, if we can get about ten thousand more who hang out around here, to understand Those Concepts....Voila'!

Peace and Love, Joanie

[Tasha McIntyre]

You mean...you mean...I don't blend in with the other 6'plus 190 pound size 11 shoe women in the world? Oh no!!! what ever will I do where ever will I go?

Seriously good post Doc.

I'm not fooling anyone that takes a proper look at me, but that's fine.....I don't care about that. What I do care about is presenting myself the best I can, and having a great time doing it.

Tash

[Jenniferpl]

Without a lot surgery, I will never pass.

[Jonianne]

.......I was quite shaken by this revelation that someone, anyone, could possibly tell I wasn't quite what I pretended to be. In the mirror it was still undetectable. I've been around long enough to know now that this was just delusional. I saw what I wanted to see.

I think the prevailing public opinion of me would go something like, "I'll be damned! There's a guy dressed like a girl, and it's not nearly as repulsive, threatening, or off-putting as I thought it'd be!" That's about all I can hope for these days, and that's quite enough for me.

Execelent post Rhonda! I love where you are at on your journey.

[Frédérique]

If I got a big thrill going out dressed, I'd do it! And, I'd go out in a minute, to be with other girls!
Otherwise, I believe going out dressed, has little to do with passing for CDs that do it regularly!

[SIZE="2"]I would rather pass in a peripheral way than anything, but I’m sure we all have our own levels of comfort with passability. In my dreams I might enter that room with the thousand crossdressers and enjoy myself, but in reality I don’t show myself much, avoid groups, and engage from a distance. This is a private activity that I derive great pleasure from, so I keep my cards close to my cropped vest and shun the opportunity to lay my vulnerable self at the feet of others. That said, I think being among a group of crossdressers would be highly amusing – I wouldn’t be able to stop laughing, crying tears of joy, or both simultaneously. It would be great fun, with no real need to “pass” at all…[/SIZE]

[Claire Cook]

Let's see... How often do I detect some reaction from someone that indicates they've just seen a crossdresser? Almost never. How ofen do I truly pass? Almost never. The only thing I truly pass as is a nice person who goes way out of her way to look convincingly like a woman. That's what I am, and that's all I am.

I

Exactly! Even though I am "ma'am'ed" most of the time and have no hassles in the ladies' room, I know I'm probably being read -- if anyone has taken the time to worry about it. I'm getting more and more comfortable and confident, and people probably sense that. If I'm read as a guy who looks at least OK in a dress, my smile will say it all -- and that's a smile of pride!

Claire