Are we freakin nuts or.....

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Enlightened in our pursuit of our "enfemme" side?????

I've been thinking about this for awhile now and it's bothering me some, but not a lot, but I wanted to put this out and see what some of you think about this....

I'm not talking about those of you who have gone and had medical proceedures to change your appearence, nor those of you who really are a female in a male body....I'm talking about those of us who are drawn into this lifestyle which to most it seems in a "one way ticket" in and no way out situation. Some go though great amounts of emotional distress and pain....all for this "being weird" and looking like "a guy in adress" as some would call us....we all go through a great deal of finding the right wig or breast forms or this dress or that dress and what size jeans or can my make up work better...all the stuff we do to look "enfemme". Are we weird or do we really possess some of the make up that women have...more than most men?

I'm sitting here typing this wearing a thong and a pair of heels...my "normal attire" when I'm home alone....I have two piecings in my ears tweeze my brows, paint my toenails 24/7 and had my first pedicure and brought my own polish to have them painted and wear panties and womans jeans 99% of the time. I've gone in drab and dressed to have make overs. I go out clubbing at least 2 - 3 times a month and have been out several times dressed to shop and have no quams about buying women's clothing...so I don't think I can be classified as hiding my "secret"...and if I do then I don't think I'm doing a very good job....

It seems that most of us once we get into dressing become addictive in some form shape or manner and can't stop. We progress from dressing at home secretively to telling our wives or SO's at risk of having the realtionship/marriage go south...yet we continue to dress...

From there we or some of us become bolder to the point of needing to step out the front door and go into the "real world" as a woman....in doing this we risk riducule, exposure of "outing ourselves" to people we might know and in doing so let "our little secret" out to the wolrd at large. Even better, we go to complete strangers who, if not at first glance, will at first voice will know we are no a female but a guy dressed as one. This is often called by sociaty in general as a guy in a dress or a weirdo or a freak...but we still go forth and let ourselves be labled as such.

Sure we go to the cosmetic counter or dress stores or shoe shops to purchase the latest and greatest womna's clothing for our own wearing and satisfaction...and these SA's all treat us (most of the time) as if we are jsut another customer i.e. "normal customer although we know and they know that this isn't "normal"...and I often wonder what they are really thinking while they are assisting us with a smile on their face and graciousness in their service....they even help us into the woman's dressing area and are there to fetch this and that article of clothing inorder for us to find that "just right outfit".

Don't get me wrong...we all enjoy this for those of us who have or are going out to shop and and enjoy that aspect of "being out". We go to clubs or out to eat or movies or other events as one of the girls...

I do enjoy all the things I've done outside as a girl, and I don't ever see myself stopping...in fact I see myself getting more and more bolder in what I do "enfemmed"....

But I ask myself this question. If I am doing this now and I know that it's very much not something that society in general will accept, approve or otherwise show much embracing for this life style, then why do we do it knowing that

A) 99.9% of us will never pass...

B) we do so with a fair amount of risk involved for some "yo yo" to decide to thump on the "pervert" just for fun....

C) we go to great lengths and expense to buy everyhting we can that will help us to achieve our best "girl look"...

Do we go through all we go through because we're "nuts" and have this "thing" we've just got to do...or maybe it's because we're different...different in a way that makes us "enlightened". We are truly special in the sense that we have come to terms and have accpeted this female side that exists in all men just as a male side exists in all females. Most of the human race never reaches the point of expressing there "other side" be it female or male....but we do. So I ask "why"? Why do we go out and become so attached to this lifestyle that it is not far from describing it as "addictive" and that's a term that I can say would possible apply to my involvement in dressing at this point. But I also would that I have also acknowledge the fact that I have a female side, I accept my female side and I validate it though my dressing...so for me to reach this point this place this existance for me is a evloutaionary process that I have reached though my ability of being enlightened to what my inner self is....and that is simply a male side and a female side of sellf and by embracing and accepting this fact I have brought myself to a place where I truly feel I am now a complete and whole person....and it's not as much of how I look outside to others as it is to how I feel inside to my self....

So if you have reached this point in reading what I have written, what are your thoughts about all of this???? How do you feel about yourself and dressing???

[Karren H]

Pesonally I feel just fine, thanks... And were not alone.. Look at body builders as an example? They do stuff to their bodies that amazes me.. And they are just as obsessed as we are.. Anyone who has an obsessive personalty that latches onto one thing they like to do will be doing the same thing and asking the same questions...

[Sherry-Stephanie]

So Karren, I take that as being one vote for "enlighten" as opposed to just being "nuts"????

[sheidelmeidel]

So Karren, I take that as being one vote for "enlighten" as opposed to just being "nuts"????

Not enlightened or nuts. Just happen to have an obsession that isn't particularly politically correct.

[tricia_uktv]

I may be nuts, but I'm also very happy. Isn't that all that matters?

[AlisonRenee]

Probably a lot of us are at least partly "wired for girl" from birth. I've long ago dismissed the idea that it's a fetish thing for me, I have a lot of girl traits that have always been here. They're here whether I dress or not and always have been. I've just learned to hide them effectively and live as a male.

So the question is - which part's real, the hairy guy with the well-hidden feelings, or the part that presents as a female on occasion and feels no small amount of relief when she's out?

[Kate Simmons]

Nuts? Yeah, most likely but since when does that stop us from having fun? Really, though I don't think we are any nuttier than the Otherkin, Little Girls, Furries or whatever else is out there unless, of course we take ourselves too seriously. That makes the real difference between doing something that is fun and being completely bonkers.

[AllieSF]

Let's see, where to start? Let's tackle your A, B and C question. I can only answer for myself, but also think that there are a lot of people out there that think similar to me. I dress considering your A, B and C because it gives me great joy. I have a lot of fun and am fortunately in a place in my life where I can actively pursue this side of me with minimal issues and problems, which are mostly logistical for me right now. Therefore, the risk and expense are worth it all. Just like if I took up snow skiing, or any other activity. So, no I am not nuts.

I am also not enlightened so much either. I could have joined this forum and read and read and been enlightened about this lifestyle with out actually participating in the activity. Yes, participating gives me better first hand knowledge, but participation is not always needed to learn something new and to correct some previous misconception.

I believe that all of us have both femine and masculine sides. For most men the masculine side dominates. However, in reality, so what? I find that worrying and questioning why we do something is only a sign that we may not be comfortable with what we are doing. I am comfortable with all of this, clearly enjoy doing it, don't know where it is going to take me, and only hope that it does not take me to that dreaded self questioning place where it then becomes an unwanted issue in my life. I happily chose to worry only about those things that I can and want to change. Those that I can not nor do not want to change, I will not worry about. Life is so much simpler and happier that way. Try it, you may like.

PS: Self acceptance is an important ingredient in being happy, especially with this particular hobby/activity.

[Lainie]

I used worry about this a lot, and never resolved it. Am I just increasing my comfort zone, or do I need progressively larger doses to get a buzz? Well, both explanations work pretty well. I really enjoy dressing en femme, and surely for a lot of the same reasons as GGs do--shopping, finding just the right combination, love of pretty clothes, .... But I'm definitely a man in a dress--no one would ever mistake me for a woman. I avoid going out where I will encounter people I know, but I'm continuing to push the envelope. Sooner or later ... What would happen if my co-workers & friends at church realize that I wear skirts & heels just for fun, have a large wardrobe, and am not just doing a one-off Halloween stunt? My friends are pretty open-minded, but my wife might just die of shame. Maybe I can stay "in the closet" and "out on the street and internet", but maybe not....

[Sherry-Stephanie]

AlliSF said:

Life is so much simpler and happier that way. Try it, you may like.

It's more of a pondering...a stopping at a point in time and looking back and then looking forward...but by no means am I worrying...trust me on that point.

Also, in using my term "enlightened" I think I need to clarify what my intent is in using that "term"....and it's this....

Are we as individuals who have decided to take on a female appearence and do so willingly have reached this point because we have become aware of and embraced a side of oursleves that is female and the dressing simply manifests itself in our female dressing....and we as human beings since we are all created 50% male and 50% female at conception, all have this capability to do so but few have become aware of this female side or enlightened side of our female side and then go forward from that point...

My reference ot being "nuts" centers on what most of society would refer to someone dressing as a female...it's not a term that I am using to refer to myself and/or to any of you out there in this forum....

My whole purpose is to raise this question based on other questions that I have read here of late over the past several weeks....and basically why do we do this "enfeminizing" of our selves with all that goes with it...both good and bad...How many people lose relationships over dressing....how many people have problems dealing with their desires to dress...how many people are in the closet and are fearful of coming out to their SO's or wives let along stepping out the front door....and why do some people step into this and just skip along from day one and don't miss a beat.

I've been dressing for coming up on two hyears...and for me it's a simple life journey....I think back to when I first started dressing and to where I am now and all I can say is "wow...this is f**ing amazing"!!!! I'd never have believed I'd be doing what I'm doing now if you told me 4 years ago I'd be doing this now....

Anyway, I jsut have been pndering the idea of why we do this wrote this topic and thouhgt I'd jsut throw it out there and see how you all respond to it....nothing more or nothing less....have some fun with this...

[Karren H]

Mark me down as Mixed Nuts!

[Sherry-Stephanie]

Karren says:

Mark me down as Mixed Nuts!

In that case..."salted or unsalted"????

[JoAnne Wheeler]

I am not a "freaking nut". I am JoAnne, an All-American Bluegrass Girl and

Proud as I can be. Don't call me a "nut".

JoAnne Wheeler

[LisaM]

Sherry,

I don't think I'm nuts although I understand why you are asking the question.

It's funny but I agree with you that 99% of us don't pass. I know that I don't pass as well for a number of reasons but I still keep on making improvements in silly attempts to look better as I get older. But I still know that every time I get dressed fully and look in the mirror I find myself looking at my 'true' self and I feel totally fulfilled.

[Krista1985]

I can relate to looking back to the beginning of your journey and being awed.

Somewhere along the line, my trajectory shifted and my endpoint went from, 'the wild blue yonder' to, 'the pink abyss.' I've been a fellow traveler on this path for almost exactly a year, and it seems that every step into 'Trans-World' is a step out of 'Cis-World.' Like each new attachment here severs a part of my old self. Deconstruction and reconstruction concurrently. But I'm happy with the direction the remodeling has taken.

As for losing friends and opportunities due to our increasing enthusiasm for dressing, I think if managed properly each loss can be replaced by a gain. Our Buddhist friends believe that letting go and shunning attachment is a significant part of a soul's journey towards Nirvana. The pain of losing a friend can be mitigated by the joy of making a new connection. So even though it's a one-way ticket as you put it, the destination is a place you want to go.

As maddening as it can seem, I don't think that makes us crazy. But if Karen Hutton says it does then I am prepared to believe her. That lady knows her stuff, much respect.

[Nigella23]

I actually think we are neither, nuts or enlightnened. I truly believe we are just 'normal', (whatever that is!), people who have found a different aspect to their personalitys, and lifestyles and who are brave and convinced enough in their actions to either expose themselves to possible ridicule or risk damaging their relationships.

From 'societies' point of view, if it had a sliding scale of 'nutiness', then we'd probably be somewhere between Trainspotters and Trekkies/Trekkers. Who, like ourselves are also just 'normal' members of society expressing an interest in something which the mainstream don't accept, approve or embrace.

[joandher]

Have you ever thought about all the outher people that dress up in different ways for fun and happyness
ie
firemens uniforms
steam train drivers
bus driver/ conducters
cowboys
indians
cheerleaders
etc ,etc,etc

the list gos on and on , so what!! if it makes them happy and they are not hurting anyone why shouldnt they do what they like,after all life is so short, as you will realise when you get a little older

J-JAY

[Fab Karen]

Obsession? The GG's who are into clothes & have tons of shoes are not called obsessed, they're seen as just being themselves. I gotta be me- what else could I be? A miserable conformist, cursing the darkness instead of lighting candles? And remember, truly crazy people never question their sanity.
Society is getting better and better- we're hearing the dinosaurs death-throes at "tea parties" & such and eventually it will end. Gay people have won a lot of understanding & acceptance in society by being out in the world instead of cowering in the closet. The more we are seen out & about, the more people get to know it isn't some twisted perversion but just another variation of everyday folks, the more acceptance we gain.
Walk tall and proud, and if someone's staring, they must be in love.

[Karren H]

Karren says:



In that case..."salted or unsalted"????

Unsalted! Have to watch my BP!! Ohhh and organic would bee cool! Environmentally friendlier!

[Lorileah]

Being a miner Karren I have to ask...do they make inorganic nuts?

Yes I am nuts and I love every minute of it

[trannie T]

For an otherwise normal male to want to prance around in womens clothing like some fairy princess he must be a bit looney.

Big deal. There are worse things. My other hobby is ax murder.

[DinaMature]

For my part, I'm sure it's nurture, rather than nature. I am a product of my environment... and damaged goods, at that.

I'm gonna avoid spelling out the long winded analysis of why I seek the self expression/image that I do. I've come to understand my own definition of how I got to this place and do better understand what it I need to fill the gaps/void within myself.

Am I/ Are we enlightened? OH, Definitely!!
Am I nuts? Am I disturbed? OH, Definitely!!

[Toni_Lynn]

I know I'm not nuts -- I'm not sure about the rest of you though

Actually, in many ways we are saner than some folk in as much as we have figured out who we are and and are just trying to make the best of our lives by crossdressing. As k d lang sings -- maybe some great magnet pulls all things toward true

So Karren, I take that as being one vote for "enlighten" as opposed to just being "nuts"????

What about those of use who are enlightened nuts with 25 % less fat and calories than the regular nuts?

Really, though I don't think we are any nuttier than the Otherkin, Little Girls, Furries or whatever else is out there unless, of course we take ourselves too seriously.

Posilutely! I must admit that I scratched my head when I saw a person walking down the street wearing cat ears and tail during Comicon. And then I stopped and said to my self -- hey -- you're wearing a bra with no forms, panties, girls dress pants and a blouse, and girls socks and shoes (cool Mudd loafers!) -- and you're going to work trying to appear as if you are in drab, and you think that cat person is nuts!

Well -- hell yeah -- they are and I am too!

Huggles

Toni-Lynn

[Sherry-Stephanie]

I think Krista comes the closest in thought to what this process or journey is all about....

We change once we get into this lifestyle....and very few ever go back from whre they came...it gets into our being bigtime and we go with it...and stay with it.

Most seem to be saying they enjoy this lifestyle and I do as well....I find myself being more open about who I am and what I am but I do so in a comfortable way....and in doing so I meet more new people to share this side of my "self" with and without and embarressment or regret or trepidation...I simply put it out there that this is who I am and this is what I am....I don't add that little disclaimer "and if you don't like it to freakin bad"!!!! I simply go my way and do my thing and be a happy soul....

But it is a journey of self discovery and awareness...and in finding new things about who I am and being comfortable with these discoveries I find that I am a happier person and more intune within my own skin....for pushing the envelope is the only way we can grow....

I rread so many here who are new to the dressing lifestyle say that they'd love to be able to go out...and marvel at those of you who do so regualry. I did when I first came her and read all of Karren's expoloits and wished I could just get enough guts just to go out for a drive....now I go shopping dressed get make overs dressed and hit clubs on a regular basis...why???? Because I expanded and grwe and stretched so I could eventually step out into the real world and in doing so I've found it so stimulating that I know that this girl will never put her genie back into the bottle....

Most of us when we're new at this are fearful only to eventually learn that there is really nothing to be fearful of....those who are out there that would call us nuts more or elss never recognize us when we're out anyway unless they literally tripped over us....or we tripped over them....

The bottom line is we are on a path of life and discovery and in this jounrey we become more aware of exaclty who we are and what makes us tick....and we go with that each step of the way ...for we are living our lives to the fullest....pushing that envelop as far as we can push it....and having a blast all the way!!!!!

[sheidelmeidel]

unless, of course we take ourselves too seriously. That makes the real difference between doing something that is fun and being completely bonkers.

"As long as you know you're nuts, you're really aren't."