CD on the verge of a nervous breakdown

[sandra-leigh]

If survival is all you expect from life, then one should assume that you would be equally happy living in a cave as you would in a Madison Ave. penthouse.

... and one should assume that you would be equally happy living in an heavily abusive relationship, as long as the other(s) don't damage you too much to be able to eat and eliminate.

... and one should assume that those cross-dressers and transsexuals who committed suicide did so because.... ummm? urrr, because they found themselves choking to death on some food and figured that slashing their wrists or hanging themselves would be a faster way to get it over with? If the theory is that it's all about the most basic biological necessities (food, breathing, excreting, and a place in a livable temperature range), then the theory has to suppose that the suicides are seriously deficient in one of those basic necessities, and that their emotions and interactions with other people had nothing to do with their decision to end their life.

If you can explain the high suicide rate in pre-op transsexuals in terms of food/ air/ a physically survivable environment, then I might be willing to give more serious consideration to the possibility that since cross-dressing isn't a "biological necessity", that anyone can stop.

[sherri]

I agree with those who have said that just because one stops dressing doesn't mean (s)he is no longer TG. It might or might not, depending on a person's reasons for doing it in the first place. At the same time, I also agree with Busker that for the majority of us, quitting would not be nearly as difficult or traumatic, let alone impossible, as most make it out to be. What's more, there are a number of valid reasons for quitting, should anyone be faced with them, and they aren't nearly as dramatic as stormtroopers or impending death. And for most of us, it's just a self-serving myth that there is no downside to CDing.

So here's the thing. We're no different than the general population in that the majority of us lead normal lives, make responsible choices, keep things in perspective and under control, arrive at some sort of balance with all this, etc etc. A smaller subset of us really have no choice in the matter of gender expression, they truly are transsexual or whatever you want to call it. The problem is, there are also those among us who are obsessive/compulsives, probably fetishist but rarely truly TG, and their self-serving rationalizing knows no bounds. They're willing to place everything in their lives at risk for their compulsion and they seize upon any language that justifies it. The "quitting is impossible" talk is pure smack for their irrational, irresponsible behavior.

Truth is, there are those among us who probably do need to quit for real. I see them posting here nearly every day and I always wince when I think that we might be reinforcing their craziness. So I just want to join Busker in saying that the human spirit is capable of anything, and usually it's not as hard as we think it will be. I for one have faced many harder things in life than putting away the skirts and high heels. Way harder.

Of course, I didn't always do so voluntarily.

[sherri52]

I quit smoking cold turkey as you did. I never started back up because I knew how harmful they are. My reason to make it. I never tried to quit dressing but if I did I would probable start back up because there is no harmful effect in dressing. However, there may be a harmful effect if I try to stop. Phsoligical as it may be, I'd go nuts if I couldn't dress.

[AmandaM]

It's deeper than fetish or identity. It can be both. Also, I can stop anytime I want. I can also be anxious and depressed from suppressing it the rest of my life.

[Kitty Sue]

I get the impression that you think all addictions affect people in the same way. I get this impression by reading how you stopped smoking. Smoking never really appealed to me, niether did crack. On the other hand alcohol and opiates are an entirely different ball game. My point here is that different things may effect individuals in different ways. I say this as a recovering alcoholic.
Smoking, drugs and alcohol offer a very strong incentive to stop and that is the threat of death or in the case of the latter two potential imprisonment.

Cross Dressing is not illegal, and niether does it threaten death or injury to my body. I do not think it is an addiction for all those who cross dress. I am not willing to say the same thing for me. My fascination with drinking and drugs and dressing go back as far as I can remember, but it would be ridiculous of me to suggest, that because I am an addict, all Cders must be similarly afflicted.

I agree with the questions others have posed; what kind of effect would it have on my psychologically if I could not dress? Nothing good in my opinion. In saying that I am still coming to terms with my dressing, not so much because it is wrong, but because of what society implies about what a man should be.

[Cheshire Gummi]

Mandrake out of water.

From what I've read, tell me if I'm wrong, but it seems like you're just trying to deal with a boatload of self-loathing. There's a comparison somewhere in there to quitting smoking, which is apples and oranges to crossdressing (considering crossdressing doesn't cause cancer), and a heavy overtone that seems to indicate you feel this is an addiction or disease and not a characteristic.

If you feel it's not right for you anymore, or it's gotten out of control, please get some help. Identify your needs and goals and formulate a plan to fulfill them. There are groups and people that can help you along your way and, I agree, you are in control of yourself and you can stop your behaviors if you dislike them.

However, if you're just feeling guilty because of social or spiritual pressures, you need to find a healthy way of coping with those feelings. Understanding that you are who you are and that there's nothing wrong with that is the first step, and the hardest. That's why sites like this exist; so that you have some place to reach out to in times of need with your feelings of isolation.

As such, I will make you, and everyone else, an offer. Please feel free to contact me privately, if you would like to. I am young, yes, but I am also quite understanding and open-minded. I won't judge those that need an ear.

Either way, take care. I hope you find the answers you're looking for somewhere in here.

[Hope]

If you can explain the high suicide rate in pre-op transsexuals in terms of food/ air/ a physically survivable environment, then I might be willing to give more serious consideration to the possibility that since cross-dressing isn't a "biological necessity", that anyone can stop.

Word.