Why the desire to pass?

[tonixd]

I had a question for some of us here:

[SIZE="3"]Why try and pass?[/SIZE]

I ask this because, if you check my blog below [] I don't wear makeup (save lip gloss and nail polish) nor wigs. I even keep short hair, not very manly, but short.

I'm not saying that makeup and wigs are wrong, I just don't understand. Help?

Lol! I just thought that smiley was funny.

[MarciManseau]

For me, it was to be accepted as who I really am, being welcomed into the world as an attractive woman, not reviled and bullied as a sissy boy, bad at sports, not worth having as a friend because my weirdness might be contagious.

But if you don't feel a need to be accepted as a woman, then why bother with makeup and wigs? Many mornings I wish I could just head out the door without making sure my hair looked nice, I had on my war paint and my outfit looked coordinated. As a boy, I was up, dressed and out of the house in like 5 minutes. There is something to be said for that when you're running late in the morning.

Hugs, Marci

ps: I see where you live now. Don't you love the southern tier, especially in the fall? Howdy, neighbor

[Ugly Michele]

To project the me, that I feel. I would like to look as lady like as posible so I project the lovlyness I feel.

[nancyish]

I only desire to pass as an effeminate man,No problems there(hehe)Nancy

[sherri]

Although it is difficult for me comprehend that you really don't have some inkling why some wish to "pass", you pose a very interesting question. Of course, the first thing that comes to my mind is, if you consider wigs and makeup and whatever to be beside the point, why do you adopt the dress of a woman at all? I mean, isn't that an artificial construct as well? Seems like you have imposed an arbitrary threshold, which is fine, but is it really that much of a stretch for you to understand why some would wish to take it further?

I should inject here that I for one believe that your approach to gender blurring is valid and interesting and attractive. My first exposure to this way of thinking was the blog Transvestite Freedom Fighter -- The Art of Not Passing authored by Pristine Ann Gee (the latest iteration of her blog is www.d332.com). Perhaps you're familiar with it? It was rather revelatory for me and set me free of unrealistic ambitions.

Which brings me to my own CDing philosophy. I've made it no secret here and elsewhere that I consider "passing" to be an illusion for most of us, but more to the point, I really have little interest in passing. In fact, I usually want to be perceived as a crossdresser because it most accurately reflects who and what I am, and because I am interested in eliciting the interest of someone who is attracted to that sort of thing. Given that preference, I'm not sure why I prefer to adopt traditional feminine fashion and appearance from head to toe, why that scratches my itch better than your partially dressed approach, I just know that it does. Maybe it's to feel that I am expressing outwardly what I feel on the inside, to communicate more thoroughly who I am to others. I'm not at all sure, however, that I accomplish that any more effectively than you do with your approach. Which leads me to another reason -- I do it cuz it feels good.

[AlanaBCD]

I want to feel pretty. I also don't want to draw the attention that here is some "weirdo". I want everyone that sees me to see me as a attractive woman. However, as I dress conservatively, I don't want to be looked at as a "streetwalker".

I don't want to draw attention to myself. Just seem as some average, pretty woman about in her business.

[tonixd]

why do you adopt the dress of a woman at all? I mean, isn't that an artificial construct as well? Seems like you have imposed an arbitrary threshold, which is fine, but is it really that much of a stretch for you to understand why some would wish to take it further?.......I do it cuz it feels good.

I like how you view things Sherri!
I wear what I wear for a very universal reason: I like it better. It's what I feel comfortable in.

I have a grrrr with makeup anyways: I think it is fake. I don't like makeup on anyone unless they are on stage. I have never met one person that I think needed the makeup that they wore. I think that people should be proud of who they are and not cover it up.

I guess it boils down to a different question: if not a transsexual, which I know most of you are not, why try and pass as a female? Why not be proud of being the feminine male that you are? (you seem to be close to this category, sherri)

And again, I'm not saying that it is a bad thing, I just don't understand the position.

[docrobbysherry]

I only wish to LOOK like a female. I can't pass as one, so why try?

Sounds like when u dress, u only have to please yourself!? Well, I do, too!

[Tanya83]

I want to feel pretty. I also don't want to draw the attention that here is some "weirdo". I want everyone that sees me to see me as a attractive woman. However, as I dress conservatively, I don't want to be looked at as a "streetwalker".

I don't want to draw attention to myself. Just seem as some average, pretty woman about in her business.

I agree with you. To "Pass" is relative to what you want to accomplish.
For me, I don't want to be a woman but I also don't want to look like a pervert in a dress either. So to "Pass" for me would simply mean to not draw any unnecessary attention that would lead to public ridicule.
I haven't gone out dressed yet.

[sherib]

Why, because I want to look like a women. Look as good as a women look in a dress. Feel a sentuous as a women feel when she's dressed up. I don't wnat to just look like a guy in a dress. That's one reason why you don't see my face. I have not aquired the great technique of applying makeup. But I'm working on it.

[Marcyme]

As some of echoed, I see it as more of a desire to be accept than to pass. In an ideal world without the bianary gender system we have, we would be free to be who we are. But in our current polarized society people are only widely accepted if they fit cis-gendered roles. We are raised to fear those that don't fit in. Many of us feel uncomfortable being completely male cis-gendered and don't fit in, in that role. Therefore in an effort to fit in and be accepted, we try to "pass".
It is a very personal thing and we are all different, but on some level I believe we all want to be accepted, and to some that means passing.

[tiffanytrapt19]

Really for me, I guess I just want to be believed as what I'm trying to look like..if that makes sense. And I also guess it's just that I want to avoid all the awkward glances.

[Ruth]

Toni, you are fairly new here so you may not be aware that this subject gets a lot of air time. But another go round the block won't hurt.
Each of us has a personal CDing 'mission' and if you don't require to pass as a woman in public, fine. But many of us do. See Alana's, Tanya's and Sheri' replies for example.
I try to pass as well and you might not think so from my avatar but I am fairly successful.
But good luck to you in your personal CDing odyssey.

[Miranda09]

Simply put...I want to see if I can. To me, that's the fun and challenge of dressing.

[tonixd]

Each of us has a personal CDing 'mission' and if you don't require to pass as a woman in public, fine. But many of us do.

Simply put...I want to see if I can. To me, that's the fun and challenge of dressing.

Ruth, I completely agree. And that's why I say I don't think it's wrong, I'm just trying to understand it.

Miranda, I like that attitude!!

[Lorileah]

Situational needs and desires. When in Rome...yada yada.

Challenge met (I can and do "pass" when I want to), so that is out. Like the clothes but don't have to be totally dressed to the nines. That is more (less?) an issue as I age because I don't NEED the extra frills and pomp. So when I do want to "Pass" (still hate that phrase...need something else) I want to pass like a high end classy dressed to the max woman who wants the paparazzi to stop and use a whole roll of film. Otherwise I be happy just being me

[sherri]

I like how you view things Sherri!
I wear what I wear for a very universal reason: I like it better. It's what I feel comfortable in.

And that, my dear, is reason enough.

I have a grrrr with makeup anyways: I think it is fake. I don't like makeup on anyone unless they are on stage. I have never met one person that I think needed the makeup that they wore. I think that people should be proud of who they are and not cover it up.

I do believe you are a feminist! You remind me of the libbers of my youth. Seriously, I'd say your point is one of personal preference, not ideology. For me, wearing makeup has nothing to do with principle or pride and everything to do with a) the fact that I like it; b) the degree of expression I prefer (see below); and, c) the perception, often supported by compliments from friends (not everyone shares your opinion about makeup), that makeup makes me prettier. You might disagree, but really, your personal taste is no more valid than anyone else's.

I guess it boils down to a different question: if not a transsexual, which I know most of you are not, why try and pass as a female? Why not be proud of being the feminine male that you are? (you seem to be close to this category, sherri)

And again, I'm not saying that it is a bad thing, I just don't understand the position.

Yes, I would say that describes me fairly accurately. But again, why do you find it necessary to adopt the clothing of women at all in order to express your identity and personality? I see on your blog that you wear women's blouses, skirts, leggings, shoes etc. Could you not express yourself without that (some gays do just that, for example)? You choose to stop short of complete emulation, but the arbitrary distinction you're trying to impose is really just a matter of degree. We're essentially up to the same thing, and I'm at a loss as to why that is difficult for you to understand.

Btw, the fact that most of us are not transsexual isn't really the defining benchmark. It's more informative to bring the term transgender into play, which I consider to be an umbrella term encompassing all iterations of non-conventional gender expression. Some CDers actually prefer "transgender" to "crossdresser" and I tend to subscribe to that myself, even though I'm not really all that concerned with nomenclature. But I digress. While there do indeed seem to be quite a few CDers who are preoccupied with passing, for many others (like me) passing has little to do with it. It's all about freedom of expression, baby.

[Violetgray]

Passing is a by-product of the goal I set for myself. I think women are beautiful, and it's just a beauty that I want for myself.

Just so happens, women pass as women.

[tricia_uktv]

I want to project the inside of me to the rest of the world. It actually doesn't bother me if I pass or not but I love feeling and looking feminine so will always try to do the best I can to be so.

[LisaM]

Toni,

I remember the first time I dressed---very young---and I didn't look like the girl I felt inside. I was embarrassed and I felt bad.

Years later I went for a professional makeover and when I saw myself I felt like I was looking at my 'real' self for the first time. In a funny way, my dressing has nothing to do with the clothes. It has everything to do with the complete look. I want to look, feel and be accepted as a woman.

For me it is not about 'passing' but about becoming the woman I have always felt inside. Putting on partial clothing does not accomplish that for me; nor would getting dressed and looking like a man from the shoulders up.

[tonixd]

I do believe you are a feminist! ... why do you find it necessary to adopt the clothing of women at all in order to express your identity and personality? ... I'm at a loss as to why that is difficult for you to understand. ... It's more informative to bring the term transgender into play, which I consider to be an umbrella term encompassing all iterations of non-conventional gender expression. ... It's all about freedom of expression, baby.

I like you Sherri!! You talk my language.

I completely agree with the freedom of expression. I think it is that semi-feminist in me that says that makeup is unnecessary. I will probably complain about that until the cows come home.

But know this, [SIZE="3"]I will defend the right for you to wear that makeup until the cows come home, too![/SIZE]

I like the term transgender as the umbrella. I always delineated it like this:

1. Transgender - One who does not conform to the gender norms of the larger society.
2. Crossdresser - Wears some or all the clothing of the opposite gender. Also falls under the term transgendner.
3. Transvestite - Wears the clothes and assumes the appearance of the opposite gender. Also falls under the terms transgendner and crossdresser.
4. Transsexual - Assumes the dress, appearance, and physiology (to some degree) of the opposite gender. Also falls under the terms transgendner, crossdresser, and transvestite.

Is this a good delineation?

Or maybe a different delineation?

1. Transgender
2. Transornatus - Latin. Speaks to the clothing only.
3. Transvulticulus - Latin. Speaks more to the overall appearance, less about the clothing itself.
4. Transsexual

It almost gives a better delineation of what the importance is on.

[PetiteDuality]

I do believe you are a feminist!

Maybe. Do you wear bra?

[tonixd]

Maybe. Do you wear bra?

Lol... to quote Ratatouille...
[SIZE="3"]Nopeitty Nopeitty No!![/SIZE]

I don't have the software! I don't need the extra hardware. Plus it saves me money at VS!

I LIKE THESE!!!!

[Frédérique]

Which brings me to my own CDing philosophy. I've made it no secret here and elsewhere that I consider "passing" to be an illusion for most of us, but more to the point, I really have little interest in passing. In fact, I usually want to be perceived as a crossdresser because it most accurately reflects who and what I am, and because I am interested in eliciting the interest of someone who is attracted to that sort of thing. Which leads me to another reason -- I do it cuz it feels good.

[SIZE="2"]Yes, I agree wholeheartedly with Sherri’s take on this complex issue. Every crossdresser has his or her own approach, based solely on what makes you feel good at any given moment. I have no desire to pass per se, but it’s fun to try now and then – I’m rather insular and anti-social in any event, preferring my own company in a quiet setting, but everyone’s different. I also like to be perceived as a crossdresser, and not an actual female, mainly because I find the whole idea to be fascinating, beautiful, and at odds with what I’m supposed to be. Also, dressing allows me to bring a pleasurable state of mind forward, to the surface, where it can do the most good. Thinking about why all of this happens, and what it all ultimately means, spoils the fun IMHO. Can’t we just enjoy ourselves and our curious compulsions? I pass here, and that’s all that matters to me… [/SIZE]

[sherri52]

Woman represent the beauty of man. I just want to be like them.