I am not completely new here in the forum but to somewhat degree I did not introduce myself properly. To compensate this since I find it to be a long story (almost worth writing book) I would like to share an experience I have had this summer which is going to be quite longish therefore if it doesnot manage to get fit into one message I will see to split it up in several. I have thought of different forms but at the end I understand that it deserves to be published here.
Usually I do not start new threads because I believe that one idea of discussion should be in one thread. Saying this I would like to see this thread albeit not the first one to be inviting to put stories of coming out. Ones that are out of closet shall be invited to share their first experience, ones that are thinking of coming out shall be invited to ask or doubt it.
It all starts with coming out to my close friend. She is GG and I'll call her here Big Sister or just Sister with capital S.
Now, several months ago, I have been walking with her on the street and suddenly I have decided to come out to her verbally. Previously to that I have had a lot of talks about different things and I know that she is dealing with a lot of different people and among them with gays and lesbians and I know that she is easy on that but I could not forecast what kind of reaction she would have. I would spear you from history of my relations but it is important to say that I have had all sort of relationships in my life but this one is really extraordinary.
While walking on the street I told her that I would like her to help me finding some items and if she doesnot mind to help me shopping. She asked me what and I stated: garter belt. She looked at me and asked: is it for your wife. And I have negated, I have said: it is for me. Since you are approximately of my size I think you can help me on this. She almost screamed of joy - she have said: I looooooooove shopping. And she took me to several lingerie stores to shop for garter-belt. It ended up by buying two belts and lace slip but that is less important, what was more important is that we talked about this as something magically new that we can relate on that it creates joy for me and for her and she have had all sort of questions for me and I was very relaxed with talks about my understandings and pleased to answer her questions. She have also said that she would like to see me dressed.
Some time passed on, I was visiting her at one occasion, and she have taken me to her basement to see if she has something that I can wear. We have had fun trying some of her clothes, but that was just clothes. I was not up to dressing at that time really. Also on that occasion she admitted to me that she have had desire to do makeup for some of her boyfriends but they have refused that with dignity. And when she asked me if I'd mind. Heck, not at all, I'd even enjoy it. So she did some makeup on me. It turned out amazingly good. Just to say this that I have been experimenting with my makeup already for years. But she was wizard in doing small tricks with amazing effects. But at that time I have had beard. I do normally wear beard. I hate to shave - unless I am up to dressing. Makeup was excellent, she was pleased, I was pleased but I have had to go. There was no time.
She then asked me when we are going to go out as two girls. I have promised that when I am really in the mood and opportunity to do it I would do it. I have only asked her if she doesnot mind since that is at first something I am reluctant to do (being a closet) that we first go somewhere for a walk where is dark and not a lot of people. She agreed to that as we sometimes go for a walk in parks to discuss something and have walk on a fresh air.
Some time passed, I have been searching for breast forms and I wanted to buy some wigs because my hair would be hard to fashion to girls hairdressing. I was visiting her again and showed wigs and breast forms and we giggled about that, she wanted to try wigs also and she have me one of her bras that she doesnot wear. (I bet by now you say how lucky I am but this is nothing to what is going to be). Otherwise we spent time her instructing me what girls do and what do not when being out. That have had a lot of revelations to me and I have had hundreds of questions.
After that passed some couple of months.
This summer she was visiting me because she likes to go swimming and there are places to go swimming in Niagara Region. On her first visit I was feeling somewhat sick but have dressed at home in some home outfit and she was pleased but we did not go out. Otherwise we went for her swimming, I was in my male dressing when we went out.
Then she have opted to come again two weeks later. I was feeling much better so I have told her that I would go out as we talked before. But did not even dream what it may come out from that.
For days before she arrived I was dressing, and in the meantime I have bought this small depilator machine that instead of shaving pluck hair out (like you will do with wax). Process of depilation took several days as it was painful as I am quite hairy but results are awesome. Instead of shaving whenever I need to dress I was staying smooth for days and after several days it became just fine cleaning not painful at all. It took me some time to remove hair from chest area, legs and back have been much less problem and much less painful. Breasts and tummy was worst - it was painful. Later I figured out that is better to trim the hair first. I wanted to spare her of time lost on that so we can concentrate on what we want to achieve - me coming out. So I was intensively dressing (and forgive me I was too busy doing that and going to work that I did not have time to hang in forum). A night before she cam I took car and drove for a while fully dressed with wig and makeup by the night. This was just to get into the mood. It was not coming out a such but it was thrilling experience as all my outing before would be just to come out to yard or eventually take a walk around the block in late night.
She came and since it was my birthday these days she have brought me presents: a book (very interesting one that I am reading now) and second gorgeous floral print skirt, black with yellow flowers as we talked before that I love yellow color. With that a matching bijou bracelet. Skirt was aaaaaaawwwwwwwwww! the last scream of fashion. She have said - it is a "must have skirt for a girl like me" I did not liked it at first as I thought that it is not fitting me well but later I figured out that she was right and that it actually looks good and felt in love with it. Now it is one of my favourites to wear.
She insisted that I wear that skirt while I was more to wear something else, but she have said, you're wrong, first you go bare legs - no tights or pantyhose, this is summer skirt and as every smart girl with panty-hose you will look ****ty, this is for bare legs thats how one decent girl will wear it. I have opted for black top and modest necklace. She agreed. I did not shave my arms so we opted that I take cardigan on top to cover arms. I argued to put something on my wrists to hide some hair but she had again excellent advice not to stress the parts that you have problem with but to stress the parts that look good. And these were my legs. Of course I have painted my nails on toes and fingers. She did my makeup and it was awesome evening one. She complained that is pity that with all effort we put in we do not go somewhere where others can see me, I was terrified with such idea. I have reminded her that I want first to get on with me with peace and that other people will distract me from getting into real feeling for the beginning. There was slight argument about shoes but I won at the end wearing beloved black sandals. We went into back yard as I was telling her that I have excercized my walking to look feminine. And that I do not know what to do with my arms and how move them so it looks OK. So we spent some time me walking over backyard and she observing and commenting, she was amused with many little things that I have pointed out that I would need to work on. We giggled that I should take ballet lessons, and I joked that in such case I would need tutu as I absolutely refuse to take ballet lessons as guy. With this I would like to answer to some threads - if you wish to look feminine you need to unglue your joints. We guys are usually so stiff that movements reveal what we are. Of all excercize I would honestly choose ballet as the most putting into feminine shape excercize. At the end of the day girls do choose ballet for the same reasons to become graceful. Note that girls.
We agreed to one more thing, while we are out for a walk, that she will instruct me as girl as this is the right moment that I learn what girls do and what don't.
After walking and movement checkup, some small makeup fixing, and chatting about girls ways of being out, she declared that is the time to go as we are ready, I hasted to handbag finding and took matching one of my wife's. She was inpatient that we go. I was a bit hesitant but that is what I was up to. So we sit in her car for she will drive. Feeling was awesome. It was thrilling in the same time I was enjoying finally being on seat as girl and someone driving me as girl. Mixture of feeling was amazing. She started joking and teasing me about that I should pay more attention with which strangers I sit in the car and that this can be dangerous move for a girl, with a grin on her face, saying I am going to be naughty to you. I felt vulnerable, but she was quick with assurance that this is not her idea to be nasty but I should understand what it means to girl if she sits in someone car to be driven away. My girls world have been explosively expanding, I was learning like sponge.
She asked me where we are going and I have suggested a spot by the river. We went there. Parked. Then we were about to get out of the car. Again same thrill as we went with the car, looking around, fear, pleasure everything in the same moment.
First couple of steps have been as some have said - knee knocking. I felt my legs as not being part of me. I knew I looked good, totally passable yet I did not know how to behave and walk albeit all practicing in walking. But after a while I relaxed, took it as it is and we went for a while down the street. We came to some lighter part and that was in front of the motel. She said that by her instincts this is not good place to be. And she explained me that motels are very unsafe place especially in Niagara where there are so many people coming and that there is chance that we hit unfriendly people. Especially by the night. As it is not common that girls walk by late night (Note that too when you wander out on dark places).
So we decided to choose another spot. We went for the drive. And we went for the drive through area that is full of people that come to see falls and they do it even late in night. But there was not too many people and we passed it and went further away. Choosed another place for parking by the river in more residential area, and there was table and benches. We both felt safe there. And we stayed there for a while talking. After a while she got frightened by some animal and I was knocked to help her and we decided to go home and call it a day. Afterwards we sat in the yard and chatted for a while and went to sleep.
All of this was great but this was just a prelude to things to come.
Next morning she waked me up. I did not take off my makeup - was too tired, as previous night everything was happening after me coming from my evening shift of work. She slapped me that this is improper and that my desire to be beautiful in the morning (i.e. with makeup) is nice to wish but it is inappropriate for a good girl. All girls take makeup before bed no matter how tired they are because they do not want to ruin their face.
She have been sipping morning coffee and I was in my night gown still not fully awaken. It was late morning. She said: Now I want to go swimming. I said let me take my makeup and let me dress and we go. No, she said: you go as is, just wear something for the day. The idea was mind blowing. I have found myself instantly awake trying to find solution to the situation. I did not plan to go as girl in a broad daylight. That was out of plan. I was completely unprepared for this outcome. I hesitated. But she was pressing. I want to go now and you look good, actually very good, just go dressed appropriately and I will fix your makeup a bit for a day. I was still hesitant, I pointed that I feel my beard slightly grown and that I do not think I will pass. She was assuring me that this is not the case and that I look great and that I should not worry about any of the looks. I opted for a dress I have which is somewhat summer dress that is long and hiding my male shape easily. I took slippers. And a long sleeved top. That was a bit over-dressy but still acceptable, I was not after swimming anyway. I was still hesitant but after fixing my makeup a bit she was pressing that we should not loose time. I did not have much of a choice. I went with her.
Being a girl in a broad daylight really does the trick. Falls have been packed with people. I was by now girl, very confident in me being me in this appearance. Just a find mind tuning. While we drove through the crowd I asked how should I behave i.e. what will be appropriate for a girl to behave. She said to me, try not to be smart as you are. I laughed, we laughed, I asked how not to be smart? All my life everybody have been teaching me to be smart, suddenly I figured out that I do not know how not to be smart. So I honestly asked, how I do that? She said, lets say you get easily impressed with everything. So I started saying woow on the crowd and on the falls and felt relaxed. There was not need to be smart. Just enjoying. Coy, obedient, someone who follows not leads, open, simple, relaxed, happy, smiling. All came at once. And another thing was liberating too that came to my mind at that note. I stop being worried if someone will read me that I am not a girl. That was totally relaxing. I just slipped into somewhat teenage girl personality. Everything was known around me but suddenly everything had completely different meaning. It was unexplainable experience. I felt very OK. And I started sensing different world. We drove for a while and end-up in place for for her swim. Again it was a bit hard to leave car but by now I was much less hesitant. I was more paying attention that my wig stays in place and that dress stays properly (and breast forms). A small glance in the mirror before getting out of car. Even slight applying of lipstick. Nothing that every girl would not do. Then we took our things and I boldly went to the place where we will place ourselves on the beach. This place is consisted of several small islands, extremely lovely natural area, usually there are quite a lot of people there. It was morning and it was not packed. But people are not far away. Next to us, older couple. They did not pay too much attention to us. Across, some guy, her wife and two kids having fun in water. He looked at me. His wife was not close. I sat on the towel, my Sister changed in swimming suit and went for swim, leaving me alone on the shore. I was feeling little inappropriate but I was relaxed. There was no point into doing anything else but being relaxed. I have had no choice, I was patient. In the same time I was taking care that how I sit my dress doesnot go into improper positions revealing too much. Guy across passed some comments about weather and nice environment. I nodded. She wanted to talk to me. His wife arrived, she was also friendly. I did not talk but agreed. My Sister came out later, we talked and I was keeping my voice low not to reveal too much of who am I. Kids gave me at first a strange look but having fun in water have been more amusing. I watched them. Wife across have been proud of them, seeing that I watch them, she felt close to me, she tried to chat me up with some comments I was smiling, kids have been having fun. It was friendly experience. We stayed a while. I was feeling very OK, no fears, some attention how I look when I move, otherwise I think I was looking very appropriate.
When my Sister have had enough swim she suggested that we explore some other parts of the area. She changed. We picked up our things and went away, waving to the couple across, they waved back in the gesture of saying bye. Kids continued playing in the water. Shortly it it was relaxing.
We went to another more lonely part. Have sat on the stone, I made mistake by sitting into wet part. My dress became wet on my butt part. I joked that I would look like I pissed in my pants. We laughed. And stayed there for a while chatting. Then she suggested (as she is addict on coffee) that we go and have some coffee. I agreed as place started being crowdy. We again picked our things and went trough the arriving crowd to the car. By that time I was almost playful in my role. I have enjoyed it. I have commented that kids have given me strange look but my Sister said, that is because you are all done. You have full makeup and hair dressing as if you went out for a lunch or dinner it is somewhat inappropriate for the beach but you did not came for swim anyway I did, maybe you just brought me to this place to indulge my need and you need to go later to do something for what you need to be ready. It is not that inappropriate.
We went for drive-trough coffee. I felt easy. We took two cappucinos. Typical girlish thing together with straws (not to ruin lipstick. I forgot what we chatted about but she said that we should go shopping for some cosmetics and some accessories for her bath she will take when I go to my work. So we went to Shoppers.
Parking was full of cars, there were some people inside, not a lot not a little. We went in, straight to cosmetics. If you are guy you do not hang out there and you do not pick up things to try. This was awesome, if we needed to be there for two hours we would be there. Cosmetitian was amused. Another girl that was working there was at unease, both of them have noted something strange with us. I was sensing everything but for the difference I was the one that was confident. I took it easy and with amusement. I was browsing for cover-up. I told my Sister before that I need some better cover, liquid powder / foundation was not good enough to cover beard. We could not find it. So my Sister asked cosmetitian for help, them two started browsing shelves for the appropriate stuff. Then they commented on my skin colour and which one would be the best for my skin type and color. They picked up some. My Sister tried it on me. They both took a close look if that successfully covers my beard. They have been satisfied with outcome. I was amazed, that is what they say about women's solidarity. When it comes to solving girls problems (even that girl is not a girl but has a problem) they will put all effort to help you become better. That was extraordinary experience. My Sister asked cosmetitian for her name. Then she introduced us, and she asked cosmetitian to help me on the days when I come alone and she is there working. I got a cosmetitian girl friend - do you know what that means!!!! Cosmetitian was blond and cute, gorgeous woman and she enjoyed us obviously, we've been joking all the way around. I picked some lipstick for my Sister, my advise on colour was indispensable. I knew what is going to look good on her. It was going on and on, then we spent some time looking for masks for my Sister and for the body lotion for me (once you pluck your hair out skin needs moisturizing more than usual). All sorts of girls problems to be solved. Some people have been passing by, even if they noted, they went away, I was also browsing girls magazines while my Sister was shopping for some cream. In short it was awesome. I regret that I did not have more money to buy some creams for face. Never mind now I have cosmetitian friend. That is relaxing too.
It was getting the time for me to go to work, so we left Shoppers. On arrival home I almost bumped into my neighbour, my Sister commented that we are two girls from Toronto visiting me
I needed to change for work, take of my nail polish and makeup, take a good shower... It was suddenly so depressing and inappropriate to come back to male clothes. I regretted that I needed to go to work. It would be more appropriate to go out for a lunch.... I felt soo good.
That evening we went out again, this time I was so confident in me that we went to see Falls. This is middle of the public place. There were people there, I was fighting with wind that was tending to lift my long skirt. Another amusement for being girl. I was handling it gracefully. Handbag helped me to be OK with my arms. Afterwards we went for swings. Being girl in skirt on a swing makes some good feelings. My Sister commented that I should enjoy wind on my legs. It was sensual. Security guy popped out from somewhere, he was worried about us two being alone and asked if we are going to stay long on swings. My Sister replied that we will go soon. I enjoyed being watched over and safe.
Once you make yourself OK with you outing things become easier. You simply learn how to deal with people in another way. No, I will not go alone, it is somewhat inappropriate for a girl to go alone by day and especially by night. When I think about my step daughter I admire her courage but now I deeply understand her option to take cab instead of walking around when going out at night. World become different place by seeing it from another angle that I never before experienced. When I think of it I believe that all of us should at least at some times in our life really take every role in full in order to understand each other better. I believe that my crossdressing is empowering me with the experience beyond limits I have had before and if I can share that understanding with every soul on this planet I believe this planet would be much happier place to live in.
I hope that this story will encourage you to explore yourself more and to share that exploration with ones that are close to you. Life is so short, and not being able to experience it in every possible way is pure loss. I know you'd say I am lucky person to have such friend or supporting wife, but it also comes from me. I asked my Sister afterwards how she feels about all that was there some value for her. She said that she is missing me being that girl and that I made her enjoy some things she thought she doesnot enjoy any more. I was extremely pleased to learn that but failing to see how I did it. Maybe it was just that I was spreading good mood and being happy about me and everything around me. I do not know but I know that for the first experience in my lifetime that I have closed the closet door from outside on a broad daylight it was pleasurable and educational experience and I wish that all of you that are in closet have chance to do it in some way that would make you happy and be as much relaxing and enjoyable as it was for me.
*Out*rageous !!!
Originally Posted by HillaryArtemis
