Hi peeps well its eleven months since my Dad died of a vicious cancer and its twelve months since I started transitioning and went on 'T' I'm back in Liverpool and things are going well on the surface.

Over the last twelve months I have prepared my mum who as you know does not know about my transition because of thhe reasons I have stated previousley. The one thing she has got used to and has grown with me with is my voice, I talk to her every day almost so she has grown with me so she has not blinked or thought twice about it. I have shaved closely this morning and will tomorrow morning before I come down.

The hardest thing has been my sister visiting with my little great nephew the whole time he was here I was refered to as Aunty Cathy yuck, I so wanted to be called Uncle I felt like his Uncle oh well. When my sister first saw me she was like wow you are so like dad I said I know that made me feel good I talked to my son about it after they had gone I said I don't want that little boy to know me as his Aunty coz I will have to explain when he is older. Then I thought no I will just ask peeps when my mum has gone to just refer to me as the uncle they have never met seems logical. Its such a pain living a double life
It sends my head realing but I'm just not selfish enough to totally ignore my mothhers feelings in all of this and especially all she has gone through. My son does say he finds it hard especially with his friends but I reasure him how fantastic he is with everything
Not that that makes a whole lot of difference bu.t I know he loves me and I know he loves me .
I dunno its not easy but I knew it never would be I was never under any ilusion. We are back to Hull tomorrow missing my sisters 60th and all the family will be together but it would have been to much for me as I would have needed to dress in a way that is beyond how I want to be and I can't afford it either so its for the best .
Well that's all for now xx Felix
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