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Thread: Balancing Act

  1. #1
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    Balancing Act

    How does one, who is a CD, balance between being his wife’s “knight in shining armor” and being what he truly desires inside? How does one, who is a CD, live both sides of this coin? Is it possible?

    My Reader’s Digest story: I married my wife 18 years ago without the knowledge I am a CD. I began doing so about 6 years ago. She tolerates my cross dressing, although she does not understand it. Although I say I cross dress, I do so to only a degree. I do not wear wigs, breast forms, bras, or makeup, but not of my choosing. My wife does not want me to dress even as I do in front of our children. I say let them know me as I am, without society’s judgmental ways of “normalcy”.

    I withhold a lot about my inner self, which only causes resentment and bitterness for myself and feelings of abandonment and isolation for my wife. I fear to talk about those recessed thoughts for several reasons (opening the Grand Coulee Dam for starters and living without my wife and children for finishers).

    So back to my original question. Is it possible to live both lives by walking the fence and finding true contentment? I know I do not have a unique situation. I ask for your thoughts and guidance.

    Until our paths cross again, have peace.

    Pink Tink

  2. #2
    Gold Member Alice B's Avatar
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    Yes you can, but it requires a lot of open discussion with your wife. My story starts just as yours, but now after 6-7 years I can fully dress at home. My wife stays upstairs, but does see me from time to time. She accepts shaved body, toe nails painted, occasional make up while not dressed and I can now dress and go out once in a while. But, again it takes lots of open and honest discussion, being the man she married at all other times and giving her lots of love and respect. Anything worth a damm requires works, so go for it.

  3. #3
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    My SO plays the knight in shining armor.
    "one day I'll fly away..... leave all this to yesterday"

    http://youtu.be/kR7NlgwVHHg

  4. #4
    Christian Crossdresser DiannaRose's Avatar
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    My wife and I are working through this even now. Because of her past and certain anxiety issues, she simply can't handle this part of me. For now (and probably for the forseeable future...and beyond) she doesn't want to know, see, think about...in short, as long as I can keep it as secret as I did for years, she can maintain her sanity.

    We're seeing a counselor, so I hope we can work things out so that I don't have to keep myself so hidden and secret. I don't need a lot more, but there are things I would like (makeup time, eyebrow shaping, leg shaving, and time out with the local SISTERS group once in a while).

    I don't want our kids to ever see me dressed, or even know about it, until they're adults and only if they could handle it. I don't need my wife to see me either, though I would love it if she would be okay with it enough to joke with me about it, maybe even buy me a small gift once in a while. I'm not expecting that ever, though.

    So for now I keep it secret. It's "my thing" as my wife says.
    -Dianna
    You can take the girl out of the dress, but you'll never take the dress out of the girl!

    Confessions of a Christian Crossdresser - http://DiannaFaithRose.wordpress.com

  5. #5
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    I'm able to CD whenever I want as my wife has not problems with it at all (I think she'd like nothing more than for me to get caught by some family member stopping over unannounced). My children all know that I do CD, however I don't do it in front of them at all. We've been fortunate to raise our children to be nonjudgemental towards anybody for any reason (race, creed, gender, sexual orientation, etc.) and they understand this reasoning.

    I guess it's hard for me to truly understand your circumstances only because since telling my wife of my CD'ing 2 years into our 10 years of marraige, she accepted it almost immediately because of her being extremely non-judgemental. I think mostly it just hit her as a surprise.

    I've found over the years that, although not necessarily related to CD'ing, strong communications about any and all issues in our marriage are brought forwad and discussed--even if one of us doesn't agree with the other, we still talk about it to get on the same level playing field.

    I wish you the best with being able to grow your desires within your relationship and as mentioned earlier by other posters, counseling may be a very good option for you and your wife.

  6. #6
    Miss Conception Karren H's Avatar
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    I'm more like the knight in shinny stockings! and marriage is a balancing act.... add in crossdressing and that's just one more ball to keep in the air.....
    Current Obsession - Breasts and Lingerie!

    .......My Photos

  7. #7
    GG ReineD's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pink Tink View Post
    How does one, who is a CD, balance between being his wife’s “knight in shining armor” and being what he truly desires inside? How does one, who is a CD, live both sides of this coin? Is it possible?
    If you felt free to dress as you pleased at home, would your behavior be much different whether wearing a skirt or pants? I'm asking because my definition of a "knight in shining armor" has nothing to do with how someone is dressed. My knight would be the partner who is there alongside of me, while we navigate though life's difficulties together. He would also be there to share the laughter. He would not shy away from what needs to be done. He would be my rock when I needed him to be, as I would be his when he needed it too. He would trust me and be willing to share all parts of himself with me. I would want to share all parts of myself with him and not feel judged for my mistakes or failures.

    Would it help if you could determine with your wife the type of relationship you wish to have with her and she could learn to trust that it would be the same whether you wear a skirt or not? You could still be her knight no matter what you wear?

    As to dressing openly in front of everyone, unfortunately we cannot change all their attitudes and there is a price to pay for defying social norms for both adults and kids. Your kids may be OK with seeing their dad in a skirt, but if they are young and they tell others then will they be teased about this? Or will they sense that their peers do not approve and will they feel shy about having friends over? Or will they feel the burden of a secret that must be kept?

    I don't like the idea of having to change who we are to fit into society. It feels dishonest somehow. But gender variance has such a taboo associated with it especially for someone who clearly wants to express a combined gender, that it is best to choose safe places in which to express yourself especially if you share your life with people who also stand to suffer being ostracized by others because of your choices. If you were single or a TS willing to completely transform then it would be different.

    I wish society was more accepting, but it isn't. As long as you are with your family, the best solution once you help your wife understand that fundamentally you are the same person no matter how you choose to dress, is to strive to keep a balance between your need to dress and all of your needs for unfettered social interactions with people.
    Reine

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