How does one, who is a CD, balance between being his wife’s “knight in shining armor” and being what he truly desires inside? How does one, who is a CD, live both sides of this coin? Is it possible?
My Reader’s Digest story: I married my wife 18 years ago without the knowledge I am a CD. I began doing so about 6 years ago. She tolerates my cross dressing, although she does not understand it. Although I say I cross dress, I do so to only a degree. I do not wear wigs, breast forms, bras, or makeup, but not of my choosing. My wife does not want me to dress even as I do in front of our children. I say let them know me as I am, without society’s judgmental ways of “normalcy”.
I withhold a lot about my inner self, which only causes resentment and bitterness for myself and feelings of abandonment and isolation for my wife. I fear to talk about those recessed thoughts for several reasons (opening the Grand Coulee Dam for starters and living without my wife and children for finishers).
So back to my original question. Is it possible to live both lives by walking the fence and finding true contentment? I know I do not have a unique situation. I ask for your thoughts and guidance.
Until our paths cross again, have peace.
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