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Thread: Straight guys and transsexual women...

  1. #51
    Member KaraChristine's Avatar
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    Just got back from a two week trip to find a lot of thought provoking responses to my post. Thanks to everyone who replied.

    I posed this same question to one of the guys who rejected me via email after I told him I was trans. Here's his reply straight from the horse's mouth:

    Obviously I'm neither a pyschiatrist nor have I much (any?) experience with your so-called situation. Though I suspect that ever since childhood you have had an inner feeling that you are female deep down inside, you have had many years to prepare yourself for the mental change as well as the physical change. When you find that a straight guy is attracted to you and you to him, then the next step is short conversation where you rightfully share your story and sex change. This I suspect comes as quite a shock to nearly 95% of the normal male populance. Some may be aggresive, some understanding and some simply uninterested to go any further. But there is most certainly the other 5% (and that's a totally uneducated estimate) that will have no problem with your trans-genderedness. Just don't expect the macho-confident type who is generally always seeking the ultimate blonde bimbo porn star types. To sum up what I'm trying to say is that your situation comes first as a shock to a straight guy and most, including myself simply cannot deal with this reality.....or more honestly do not want to deal with this sort of thing as it's hard for us to ever accept you as 100% female. Right or wrong it's the way most normal guys feel. It's strictly mental and nothing to do physical. You are indeed a sexy and attractive person.

    You can get laid very easily in Vegas and with good looking straighty men. But it will be through alcohol eyes and deception. If you really want to find a straight man who accepts you 100% for who you were and are now, then you're going to have to play the lottery, be prepared for alot of rejection and await one nice guy in the 5% category. Be grateful for this internet thing as you can weed out many and perhaps find the golden apple.

    Obviously I didn't have to respond to your email or question. Not really sure why I care other than I am also a good person deep down inside. Likewise I have but one opinion and cannot of course speak for the entire male populance. But my problem is a mental one regarding your trans-gendered being and although I can accept you as a female in person I have a mental block (most certainly I would in bed) that tells me that I am in fact sleeping with someone who is not 100% female. Sorry if that hurts but you wanted an honest opinion.

  2. #52
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    Thumbs down

    Just one (he admits) uneducated opinion...I seriously doubt he speaks for all...

  3. #53
    Junior Member sempervirens's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KaraChristine View Post
    I posed this same question to one of the guys who rejected me via email after I told him I was trans. Here's his reply straight from the horse's mouth...
    What's really insulting is that he doesn't recognize that some of what he's writing is horribly misguided. He also doesn't do a great job of referring to, or I'd guess, seeing transgender people as equal. I'm offended and it wasn't even written to me, yikes. Really sorry about him, Kara. Best wishes finding a better guy-- shouldn't be hard!

  4. #54
    Just an everyday girl Karen564's Avatar
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    Kara, I'm with you on that one...would you mind pouring me a shot while your at it, then we can cry together sis..
    When the bottle is empty, we can then talk about it....and get through it, I know you can..

    So, he's saying 1 for every 20...that may be feasible, but I would still love to know how he came to that conclusion..

    2010 will be better, I promise..

    [SIZE=3]Karen[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]I really do have the...Right To Be Wrong.. [/SIZE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkSTG...eature=channel [SIZE=2]and my mistakes will make me strong![/SIZE]

    [SIZE=2]Just call out my name...and I'll come running...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SxTo...eature=related just lovin classic JT again...[/SIZE]

  5. #55
    Silver Member Barbara Dugan's Avatar
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    Wow that one really hurts I can feel the pain and I am not a trangensder woman.. when he said you can get laid easily on vegas by good looking straight guys but only because alcohol and deception..he thinks its all about sex what a loser..I still think you will find your prince charming very soon

  6. #56
    Meberette Hope's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karen564 View Post
    So, he's saying 1 for every 20...that may be feasible, but I would still love to know how he came to that conclusion..
    He pulled that "so-called" conclusion about "your so-called situation" out of his ignorant self centered a$$. The tone of his reply is enough to make me gag - I can't imagine spending time with someone so absolutely assured of his superiority. It was so kind of him to look fondly upon us little people wasn't it? Obviously he didn't have to. Ack.

    Good lord... Be glad this twerp isn't interested in you. You dodged a bullet with this one.
    "I don't mind living in a man's world, as long as I can be a woman in it." — Marilyn Monroe

  7. #57
    Aspiring Member dilane's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by KaraChristine View Post
    I posed this same question to one of the guys who rejected me via email after I told him I was trans. Here's his reply straight from the horse's mouth:
    That in my experience with several TS friends, is not unusual.

    All the name-calling in the world isn't going to change that some guys just can't handle the thought. I know one TS girl who told her BF waaay late, when they were discussing marriage, and it did not go well. I've heard many second hand stories with the same ending.

    However, like Mr. Wrong said, they are out there, but I think they are a distinct minority. But several acquaintances have BF's who know. One met the guy in a swanky straight bar in Beverly Hills. He was put off at first, then came around, and they're still a number after over a year.

    This is something we who are thinking of transitioning need to consider -- nothing about this is easy, is it? Even in my experience out and about with guys who were obviously interested, most times the disclosure quells the ardor (but not always!) In my experience, most of the guys remain friendly.

    -- Diane

  8. #58
    Senior Member Melissa A.'s Avatar
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    What Hope said. His attempt to appear somewhat empathetic and intelligent was pitiful-he may as well have called you a freak and told you to screw off. Actually, that's exactly what he did. I dont know what the percentages really are, but believe me, you're better off.

    Whatta Creep.


    Hugs,


    Melissa

  9. #59
    Aspiring Member fun4metoo2004's Avatar
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    I don't get hung up on it myself. I am a crossdresser(underdress only so far). If the person is nice to be with, who cares that they were not born female.

    I am now almost 50, and having been divorced for 15 or so years, and not have a stable relationship(sad I know), I like to think that I am open to all possibilities. For me it depends on the person. Pre-Op/Post-Op, makes no difference.

  10. #60
    Senior Member carolinoakland's Avatar
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    Yikes! Talk about "some of my best friends are...". It still amaze's me that the first question I always get is

    " So? How long have you been gay?"

    My fave response is...

    "Well, technically, not until after the operation."

  11. #61
    Member kristyk's Avatar
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    Kara don't let this loser get you down you are a good person what may of looked like your knight in shinning armour turned out to be Mr. Duddley it's his loss and not yours.

    Your a pretty girl who will find a nice man soon

    KristyK

  12. #62
    That's right, I did it Sharon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by alphanumeric View Post
    I amuses me that a group of people who demand acceptance and preach tolerance are usually so willing to buy into the whole "Only two genders" line and have very conservative outlooks when it comes to selecting partners.
    It amuses me when someone who is so shielded from sharing any information at all about themself is amused at others who are open about themselves. Tell me, are you transsexual? Are you a "tranny chaser?" Or are you someone who just enjoys being bemused and antagonistic towards a large segment of the site once every six months or so?

    So, tell us all about yourself, Alpha. C'mon, our bites aren't deadly.
    “I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
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  13. #63
    Junior Member and GG cordgrass's Avatar
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    Butting in as a GG here--never ask a man his "honest opinion" about your attractiveness. They often volunteer it anyhow, like some men I have been with who said that no man would be interested in having sex with me since I occasionally ejaculate. "A woman who ejaculates is too much like a man, it's totally disgusting." I've also been told that no man would be interested in me because I'm fat or because I have orgasms too easily and "Men like to be the ones giving their women the orgasms, they like control."

    Just because one doofus thinks he speaks for all men, well, anyhow, don't mind them.

  14. #64
    Gold Member MJ's Avatar
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    that hurts just reading his reply. Kara you will find that wonderful person out there keep looking
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  15. #65
    Sweetheart MissAmy's Avatar
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    Here's my point of view

    I think a lot men grow up with a hatred of gays and trans. Though some of them have their hatreds die down to the point of tolerance and maybe even acceptance as they mature and grow up and learn to think for themselves.

    Now most men like pretty women, but even if a Genetic man becomes a woman and looks just like the rest it can still be off putting.

    For one even if he knows you're a woman now, the thought of you once being a guy can be a huge turn-off. I wouldn't exactly show any partner your old boy pictures unless they ask.

    Even if they want to be your friend, lover, and partner; they might be afraid of ridicule from their friends and family. People are mean in this world and I forgive all the people who turn down relationships like that, because I can understand being in their shoes. Sure teasing and jokes might be not be too bad, but you never know if someone might try to ruin your job, or try to kill you because they think your relationship is wrong.


    The sad fact about trans-women is that gay men probably don't want them. I think everyone is attracted to faces not genitals. I feel attracted to women but as a virgin I do not know what a vagina feels like. But when I finally do have sex, does anyone really think I'm not going to love it?

  16. #66
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    Is a GG who accepts, encourages, shops with, uses ladies fitting and restrooms with her, and has sex with, a CD en femme a lesbian?

  17. #67
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    Hi Kara

    Just read the email from that guy and a bit surprised at his comments, seem a bit insincere and just making excuses.

    The problem men have with almost anything in life is fear, control and intolerance. For a lot of them, it’s a fear of being ridiculed by there mates, peers, call them what you like and the intolerance that brings with it. They also need to feel in control of situations.

    I honestly think a lot depends on where you live and the age group – IMO my generation, are not particularly tolerant, but even then I have seen a subtle change in recent years, whereas younger people seem to be much more open minded, but even then it depends on how mature they are and if they are strong minded or easily led.

    I have seen that fear twice first hand because of who I am, and suffered severe beatings as a result of it, many years ago, to the point I went into long term denial of who I was.

    It may take time to change attitudes, but hopefully it will happen.

    Please be careful whatever you do


    Sarah
    Last edited by ~Emma D~; 01-09-2010 at 12:36 PM.

  18. #68
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    Wow! I for one applaud the man for expressing himself and being honest. Sure I may not like everything he said, but I do believe he represents a lot of men out there, maybe even a majority. Just because we want to be accepted does not mean that we will be. Everyone brings a different view, beliefs, etc into their journey. For some that may mean that they will never accept a transgender woman as a complete or full woman. You know what I believeis that is there right and that does not make them bigoted or a worse person. I personally feel there is a danger when we place our values on other people. I have friends who due to there religious beliefs feel that homosexuality is wrong. Well you know what I respect them for that- that is there belief and also one of millions of other people. Just because I disagree with someone doesnt make or give me cause to judge or belittle them.

  19. #69
    firesoul Byanca's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msginaadoll View Post
    Everyone brings a different view, beliefs, etc into their journey. For some that may mean that they will never accept a transgender woman as a complete or full woman. You know what I believeis that is there right and that does not make them bigoted or a worse person. I personally feel there is a danger when we place our values on other people. I have friends who due to there religious beliefs feel that homosexuality is wrong. Well you know what I respect them for that- that is there belief and also one of millions of other people. Just because I disagree with someone doesnt make or give me cause to judge or belittle them.
    I'm undecided about these things.

    It's the same as one thinks a man is better then a woman. A white is better then a black person. An accountant is more worth then a cleaning lady. etc.

    Sure they have the rights to their beliefs. But laws are for protection amongst other things, against beliefs. Because beliefs can come out of control, and be dangerous. So if they keep these things to themselves it is fine. But speaking about it only brings a bad atmosphere, I dont see the point. And wish they didnt. There must be other things one can talk about, if one have a degrading view about people? What is the point of saying it to another person? Just to feel superior? And to make the other feel bad?

  20. #70
    Curmudgeon Member donnalee's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by msginaadoll View Post
    Wow! I for one applaud the man for expressing himself and being honest. Sure I may not like everything he said, but I do believe he represents a lot of men out there, maybe even a majority. Just because we want to be accepted does not mean that we will be. Everyone brings a different view, beliefs, etc into their journey. For some that may mean that they will never accept a transgender woman as a complete or full woman. You know what I believeis that is there right and that does not make them bigoted or a worse person. I personally feel there is a danger when we place our values on other people. I have friends who due to there religious beliefs feel that homosexuality is wrong. Well you know what I respect them for that- that is there belief and also one of millions of other people. Just because I disagree with someone doesnt make or give me cause to judge or belittle them.
    There is a rather simple way of assessing the moralty of those whom you show so much "respect" for. Do they want their views to only apply to themselves, or do they want to impose them on everyone? If the latter, they are no better than the folks who killed 3000 people on 9/11. This is intolerance, pure & simple, and does not deserve to be treated with respect. On the other hand, "Don't try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time, and irritates the pig." (Robert Heinlein); sometimes it's better not to comment.
    Last edited by donnalee; 01-03-2010 at 01:06 AM.
    ALWAYS plan for the worst, then you can be pleasantly surprised if something else happens!

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  21. #71
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    Hi Kara. First of all, I go into this thread somewhat late (which is OK), and second, you are indeed a very attractive and hot woman. The note from the email contact just illustrates how hard it is for most men to get over the transgendered stigma. Even tho they see you as a woman, they still percieve you as a man. I'm sorry to admit this but I too had such a stigma, tho I never actually met someone who went thru the transition as you have, before coming to this site. Since coming to this site and exploring my own feminine side, I have done an about face on my viewpoints. It all boils down to how willing is the male populace, and society in general, to educate themselves about those who have transitioned and accept them for who they are. I'm sure it won't be easy, just as I'm sure it isn't easy for those FtM transitioned males to be accepted for who they are by straight women. Don't dispare. Mr Right is out there...as Kelly is proof positive!

  22. #72
    I'm just peachy! TerryTerri's Avatar
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    From Kara's post #51 of this thread.

    "....Obviously I didn't have to respond to your email or question. Not really sure why I care other than I am also a good person deep down inside..."
    Humm, is he trying to justify to himself what an a$$ he is being?

    Just a thought.
    Last edited by TerryTerri; 01-03-2010 at 01:45 AM.
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  23. #73
    GF MtF TG melimelo's Avatar
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    Angry Happened to me as well...

    I've been trying some "serious" dating websites. After exchanging a couple of questions and messages, I tell them that I'm a transwoman. One told me to go a bar to "pick up" guys and the other suggested I might have more luck in San Francisco.

    I'm superlatively annoyed at this backward kind of attitude, but at the same time, as dilane and some others already mentioned, finding a straight guy that will still consider us for a relationship is an uphill battle. I have a sudden desire to "educate" these reluctant men, with the help of a couple of props: manacles, duck tape, car batteries, red ants... I should stop before Karen deletes my post for being too offensive ;-)

    "I'm not mean, I'm just drawn that way!"
    -- Jessica Rabbit

  24. #74
    Silver Member kellycan27's Avatar
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    Rude or not, I am afraid that a lot of men probably feel exactly as he does. How many str8 cder's here are repulsed at the thought of being involved with a smelly,hairy, nasty GM,( iam not gay) and have expressed it just as I have just done?
    Or maybe you are even PC about it, but that doesn't change the fact that you find it repugnant. It is unfortunate that this guy wasn't as delicate as some of you thought that he should be, but str8 forward or candy coated.. it is what it is. Rejection is still rejection no matter how you look at it.
    Are you in fact ignorant or uneducated because of your preference? I am not defending his words, but I am defending his right to his own preference, just as I defend your right to being disgusted by the thought of having a sexual relationship with another man. I don't see the difference. I know exactly where Kara is coming from, and had my share of rejection, and it is hurtful. I found out that you in fact do have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince, especially when you are competing with gg's in the mainstream. GG's are a pretty hard act to follow. Kara, my best advice to you is to hang in there, and don't give up your dream...

    Kelly
    Last edited by kellycan27; 01-03-2010 at 02:52 AM.
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  25. #75
    Just a woman, period joanlynn28's Avatar
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    All that comes to mind is what an ass he is. Deep inside I'm a good person, good person my a$$ sure after all of his judgemental comments.
    Joan Lynn

    Just a girl stranded on her little red island amongst a lovely sea of blue.

    "Be who you are and say what you feel, for those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind."
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