Yet another twist of the "discovery channel" (getting caught)

[eluuzion]

To avoid the chance of hijacking other threads discussing "getting caught", I started a new one. Same topic ~ different area.

If your wife, girlfriend,SO, family, etc. discovered some item(s) of your female wardrobe (panties in dryer, nylons on floor, etc.), and questioned you about it, what would you do...? It seems there are two logical options...

You lie or you do not.

If you lie, you are implying or fabricating the notion that you are having an "affair" with another woman.

If you are honest...well, we know how that adventure goes...

Even if you are like me, and think you are too careful for this to happen... imagine it did anyway...

So, what would you do??

[Miranda09]

"I'm completely innocent of all wrong-doing!!!"

[sherri52]

I would tell the truth. Hopefully without the same results from my first marriage.

[bridget jones]

I got caught watching GenerationX on tv.I admire those people but could'nt admit it.I was in shock when I got caught and stated "the things some people do".

[Kate Simmons]

Drop back 20 and punt, I'd say.

[WandaRae2009]

That is how I ended up coming out to my wife.

She found some pantyhose in my briefcase. Having just come back from a business trip in a cold city where I was using public transportation and would have to walk a couple of blocks, I chose the lie. I told her I wore them to keep warm. She sort of bought it, but the lie was tearing me up, and she could sense something was wrong. After twenty years you can tell if something is wrong.

So that ended up in me coming out to her. It's been almost two years and we are still together. We have been through some counseling, she is tolerant but not accepting. She still does not want to know about Wanda. Every now and then she does ask if I am sure that I don't want to transistion all the way. I don't, but I wish I could make her believe.

[Alice B]

Tell the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

[Cristi]

Well... from the perspective of somebody who's SO knows about my dressing and has no issues with it:

I'd probably apologize for leaving my dirty things on the floor... again, then either she or I would toss the panties, bra or 'whatever' into the hamper.

I've been wearing such things so much for so long that I don't even think either one of us gives it a second thought anymore. It is ALL just bras and panties in our house, just two different sizes.

[jasmine57]

When I was married she did find a pair of MY panties. I told her the truth and she was ok with it. She even got to where she liked me wearing them.

[Terrihoney]

Once I had to answer the door for a neighbor's 20ish grandaughter while my nails had the french cut glue-ons. She: "Nice nails!" Me: "Just screwing around". Got caught with pink toenails in the summer time. So far, no direct questions about either incedent.

Many years ago, my wife found a bra of mine. I explained that, for some reason, I like certain things because of an abusive childhood and babysitter. All true, but now I understand that I would be a CD regardless.

I live alone now, and if my lady ever found anything suspect, I would rather 'out' Terri than have her distrust my fidelity.

Hugs, Terri

[eluuzion]

oops, just realized I did not answer myself...

Back in the initial stage of my divorce, I had just moved into my own place. I had my 2yr old daughter every week-end, which translates into doing her laundry too. I would always send a bag of her clean clothes with her when I returned her to my ex.

The following week-end, I opened her diaper-bag and found the normal couple of outfits...and a pair of black satin panties!! My ex was obviously returning them after they had accidentally clinged to my daughter's clothes during laundry time...and I sent them to my ex!!!

No note from her, just return of the panties. Nobody ever mentioned anything...Dodged bullet on that one!!

[Jason+]

No note from her, just return of the panties. Nobody ever mentioned anything...Dodged bullet on that one!!

Kudos to her for being decent enough to simply return them without regard for whose they were. There is little doubt in my mind my ex would use them against me whether she knew they were mine or not. (To the best of my knowledge my ex has no clue nor do the children of ours that live with her. My current wife and the kids that live here know all.)

Since I do most of the laundry round here it's not usually and issue As long as it wasn't a bra nothing would be said here. (She thinks bras on me are just creepy.)

[SuzanneBender]

I wore womens things around my wife and she accepted long before I ever came fully came out to her.
I have always loved tight bikini type underwear and I like the nylon lycra type material. Therefore, I wore womens underwear. I have small feet so I have always worn women's shoes. Womens clothes are typically cheapers so all my turtle necks and most of my sweaters are womens. I like the way womens jeans fit so..... I was kinda like being in the military she never asked and I never really told. Until the infamous day that my 36D wife found a 38 B cup bra hanging in the laundry room.

As all fun conversations start, this one started with "I love you and please don't hate me". Crossdressing caused some stress, but I know my bride and cheating would cause divorce at the very least.

[AllieSF]

I guess that it could depend on how good of a "story" one could invent!

[DaisyG]

Tell the truth. The whole truth and nothing but the truth.

When your wife catches you even partially dressed the situation is rather different. It is a good deal harder to weave a lie around a simple, hard fact. At that point Alice’s advice is the only option. I’d add plenty of emphasis to the part “The whole truth and nothing but the truth.”

Anything held back or falsified in response will poison whatever trust might otherwise be salvaged.

Daisy

[Karren H]

When she asked about the skirts she found I answered that I like to crossdress... The truth and nothing but the truth.... yet why am I still "the liar" for not telling her 30 years before??

[DaisyG]

That is how I ended up coming out to my wife.

So that ended up in me coming out to her. It's been almost two years and we are still together. We have been through some counseling, she is tolerant but not accepting. She still does not want to know about Wanda. Every now and then she does ask if I am sure that I don't want to transistion all the way. I don't, but I wish I could make her believe.

Wanda,

I feel for you.

I understand about wives fearing their CD husband want to transition all the way. My wife “discovered” Daisy (in the garage at 5:30 am, wearing 3” heels), after more than 30 years. Following her initial shock the liklihood of my wanting full transition or even SRS was one of the first questions she hit me with. Like you, I came out to her promptly. It was truly "full disclosure"

I described how CD had been a lifelong part of me, recalling back to preschool days trying on pretty heels. I’m 70 now, so that’s a while! I was able to reason with her that if I had been at it that long yet had never made any move to transition, done no body alteration, and had not been more than underdressed in public, that she had nothing to fear about me abruptly changing course now. I gave her a lot of reassurance she had nothing to fear about losing me as her man. And I made sure she understood my love for her was every bit the same as it was when we married.

It took a huge amount of patience, but in the space of two years she went thru several phases; from total disapproval, to tolerance “but not in my sight”, to partial acceptance, then even to some participation (in selecting shoes, dresses and skirts). The key in our case was rebuilding, then carefully guarding mutual trust. I asked for her permission every step of the way, of what I may buy for Daisy, and of how much of Daisy she was prepared to see. It was truly worth the wait.

I sincerely hope your wife can come to know Wanda for who she is, not who she is aparently feared to be.

Hugs, Daisy

[Elsa von Spielburg]

After reading around in threads like this for a week, it makes me aware at how blessed I am to have an accepting, eager-to-help GF.

If I didn't, though, I'd likely crack under pressure. I suck at lying, straight up.

[SuzanneBender]

When she asked about the skirts she found I answered that I like to crossdress... The truth and nothing but the truth.... yet why am I still "the liar" for not telling her 30 years before??

My wife asked during what I lovingly refer to as the Bra Incident of 03 why it took me 13 years to tell her. Karren I think we may be sister in laws because our wives sound like they may be related.

[lisalove]

Quite honestly, the woman would know all about me, before the second date, quite possibly even before the first date. I won't hide who I am, and pretend I'm something I'm not.
I would rather know before I spend any time and effert on her, if she is open minded and can accept me for who I am. Rather than waste alot of time, and break hearts and grow bad feelings.

[ErikaLeigh]

By all means TELL THE TRUTH!!!! If you dont you are going to be labeled a liar the rest of your life/realationship. And if you think that you are an expert at hiding things, think again. As human beings we tend to get comfy with our stash spots, the "nobody will ever look here" attitude will get you caught, mainly becasue we become lax in stashing things. I know, it happened to me!!! As far as why I didnt tell my wife, well like many I thought the urge would go away once I got married, HAH!!!!! Yeah Right!!! But not having a place like this site to learn about who I was and the on again off again cycles we all have, I just palin didnt know.


So to all of the young unmarried CDs, it WILL NOT go away, at least not forever, and do yourself a favor, talk to your S.O. before you get married. Not all situations turn out like mine where my wife stayed!!

[Raychel]

I have come out to my wife. So there are no secrets from her anymore If by chance I am stupid enough to leave something laying around I am sure that she would just roll her eyes and put it away so the kids wouldn't find it.

If the kids were to find something and ask, I have it all formulated in my head, That is when I come clean with them and tell them about me. Although I am pretty sure that already know.

[trisha11]

This is a difficult question because when my exwife found out, i decided to just tell the truth about my crossdressing, it led to stress in our marriage, resentment and finally divorce. I sometimes look back and think that I should have lied but am glad that i didnt. my divorce has led me to a very understanding GF who I was completely honest to about my crossdressing, she has understood, embraced it and trisha is a much happier person, no more sneaking around, lying about things, hiding things, so much better.
trisha

[janet p]

This did happen to me years ago but in a different way. I had a 1996 Ford pick-up that had a zipper pockets in the doors,I'd had the truck for years and one day while visiting the in-laws when the wife and were leaving the mother-in-law comes out with us to say good-by but for some reason she had never noticed that pockets before(this happened to be one of the places I hid my things) she opened one and there on top was a pair of panties, with my wife standing there also,I said dam that David he used my truck this week-end and had one of his girlfriends(he was married also) in my truck and stuck them there. They must of believed it because nothing was every said again.:

[5150 Girl]

My ex found my pantyhose stash and a pair of heels, and accused me of having an afaiar. I told her I just had a fetish for heels and hose. She didn't belive me untill I put them on for her... (see they really do fit) Then one day she found out how much more there was going on than just a pair of shoes and a few pair of hose. She was most unhappy about that but decided it was ok as long as I kept things out of sight, but it was often a point of contention in our relationship.

This is why when I met my wonderfull Polar Bear, I was up front with her form the start. In fact, the day we exchanged phone #s was Haloween and I was done up like Sarah Palin. I figgured if I tell her and she bolts, we were never ment to be. It was like, you know, I can't be anymore alone than I am already, so I have nothing to loose, and everyting to gain, with no awkwardness over this down the road.
On her second visit to my place to watch some TV, I had been careless, (easy to do, I'd gotten used to beeing alone) and left my "Peggy Bundys" laying out in palin view. She picked them up and said "if you were anyone else, I would have labled you a cheeter, and I'd be out of here!" Then gave me a side long look and said, "thease are yours aren't they?" And I said they were, and even put them on to proove it.She then told me she knew they were, and that she was just teasing me.