Been tired of the GAY question

[kellycan27]

Your remarks - to which I responded were in the context of a woman wearing male clothing but not being thought a lesbian.

Your reasoning was that she must be presenting as a woman.

I agree that a woman can wear male or male-like attire and still seem to be a woman, but that would not preclude her from being a lesbian.

Well you tell me then... Is a woman who dresses in male attire routinely thought to be gay, more or less or equal than a man would be if he was dressed as a female.?

[Tanya83]

I'd rather be considered gay than a freak or pervert.

[joyce483]

you know woman are aloud to do and wear and say anything they want to, anytime they want to!

[docrobbysherry]

And that was ME!

After I finally got past THAT, if anyone else thinks I'm gay for dressing, I understand and could care less!

PS: GREAT avatar pic, Kelly!

[kellycan27]

you know woman are aloud to do and wear and say anything they want to, anytime they want to!

Yup! and as soon as some people realize that.. they happier they will be.

[MarcieBflo]

I'd rather be considered gay than a freak or pervert.

So true Tanya . . . . Sometimes its just a waste of time to try an explain it to some people

[vetobob9]

I know exactly what you mean! Being well groomed and wearing fashionable clothes makes you a target for those who prefer to be unshaven and wear torn dirty jeans. I guess metrosexual now applies to us, but even that has a gay connotation.

Even being small makes others think you're less than masculine. When I was a little thinner than I am now, I had to buy pants in the boys' department. Most women's clothes in size small always fit me well, especially lucky if you're a CD who wants to pass in public.

It's the old "double edged sword".

Karen

Having been thin myself, that has happened to me a couple of times.

[SuzanneBender]

Maybe have fun when questions like that arise. Reply with a question "are you flirting with me?" or "Wow, nice pickup line." or just say Yes and watch them squirm uncomfortably

I think it would apply whether a guy or girl asks. And who knows, maybe get yourself a date at the same time.

I love this! I am going to use the great pickup line next time I am asked especially if I am en drab. It works on so many levels.

[Alice Torn]

[SIZE="2"]If they ask if I'm gay, I might ask, "which definition?" "Do you mean happy, joyful gay, or homosexual gay". Joyce is right, and there is a set in stone double standard. I also like the comeback of, "are you flirting with me?"[/SIZE]

[Nicole Erin]

Maybe because even though they wore a man's shirt, or shorts or boxers, the were still presenting as a woman? Now had they dressed up in full male clothing and wore a fake stash, or beard and cut their hair to mimic a man's hair style...someone might think to question their sexuality.

Kelly is right. Now suppose the given GG added, to the fake mustache and beard, say she wore pantyhose on her head, and was carrying a gun.
People would probably start asking if she was a bank robber.

Now if she added cowboy boots with spurs, one might shing she was trying to rob a bank in the old west.

If she was drinking a pepsi, and worked for Coca-Cola, and her boss saw, then she would probably get fired cause cola companies are kind of picky about that.

If she worked for Pepsi, the last thing she would want to happen is to get tested positive for COKE!

And if she was eating a Pay Day candy bar, and broke a tooth, would her insurance cover it? I mean PayDays are pretty hard on the teeth, so the insurance might say it was an act of carelessness. Especially if it was Aetna, you know what crooks they are.

See, it all makes sense.
If a GG is to wear a mustache, she had BETTER be drinking a pepsi and eating a candy bar besides a payday, and NOT carrying a gun.

[sherri52]

In 1970 The most stylish of us men wore satin shirts, silk scarfs, and 2 inch heels. Notice the style didn't last long. If I check my attic I might even find one of those shirts. Men in general didn't except them and it eventually was thought of as gay unless you were in music (elvis).

[kellycan27]

Kelly is right. Now suppose the given GG added, to the fake mustache and beard, say she wore pantyhose on her head, and was carrying a gun.
People would probably start asking if she was a bank robber.

Now if she added cowboy boots with spurs, one might shing she was trying to rob a bank in the old west.

If she was drinking a pepsi, and worked for Coca-Cola, and her boss saw, then she would probably get fired cause cola companies are kind of picky about that.

If she worked for Pepsi, the last thing she would want to happen is to get tested positive for COKE!

And if she was eating a Pay Day candy bar, and broke a tooth, would her insurance cover it? I mean PayDays are pretty hard on the teeth, so the insurance might say it was an act of carelessness. Especially if it was Aetna, you know what crooks they are.

See, it all makes sense.
If a GG is to wear a mustache, she had BETTER be drinking a pepsi and eating a candy bar besides a payday, and NOT carrying a gun.

Nicole! You are absolutely right! That is the gist of this whole thread! Assumptions! People presume that a guy dressed in woman's clothing is gay,people would presume that if she had a gun and pantyhose and cowboy boots that she was a bank robber from the old west. I never in my entire life would have thought that you would say that I was right about anything. What a pleasant surprise. Thank you!

Your friend

Kelly

[Nicole Erin]

I never in my entire life would have thought that you would say that I was right about anything. What a pleasant surprise. Thank you!

Your friend

Kelly

Kelly, look, you and I don't always agree, but I have to say you are one of the most fun people on this forum.

[Annie D]

Other than being asked if I am gay by my wife, I don't consider any question like that to be any of their business but I would not tell them such. I have, however, responded in several ways, mostly in the form of a question.

"Why do you ask?"
"Would it make any difference about what you think of me?" and my favorite....."Not yet!"

[kellycan27]

Kelly, look, you and I don't always agree, but I have to say you are one of the most fun people on this forum.

Thank you Nicole, and I will admit that I have a great time fussing with you too.

Kel

[alexism&f]

I totally agree with kelly that the problem with that "are you gay" question is assumptions. Honestly it really is a major assumption.

Being gay means being sexually attracted to members of the same sex (duh). Being a CD means enjoying dressing or appearing as a member of the opposite sex. To anyone without the preconceptions of modern society those two things are completely unrelated. Ultimately how does a man wanting to wear a dress, makeup, heels, a wig, etc automatically mean he is attracted to men? Even wishing to be a member of the opposite sex wouldn't automatically mean one is attracted to members of the same sex.

I personally am biologically a male. I do crossdress, and i find myself increasingly wishing that I were female. But I am sexually attracted ONLY to females. So that makes me a heterosexual male. That concept is somehow very difficult for so many people to grasp. They don't understand how one can dress as a member of the opposite sex while not having homosexual desires.

[DanaR]

I have been asked the "are you gay" question numerous time and this is how I usually answer it:

Do you mean am I dressed like this to attract men? No.

Then I'll add; yes I guess that I must be a lesbian, because I like women.

[vetobob9]

I do not understand this.
If you wish to be female but you still like girls? If a TG has all the procedures to make them into a girl, then if they still like girls, wouldn't that make them lesbians????
If a married male cross dresser decides to become female, would his wife remain married to him or would she divorce?

How do you know when to refer to a cross dresser as a him vs as a her?

I was under the impression that cross dressers were just like every other guy, except in their choice of attire.

[Shelly Preston]

Most people do not understand that Sexuallity and Gender are not the same thing.

I would like to think I would be able to take the time to educate them if given the opportunity.

The question arises due to peoples pre-conceived ideas and going by stereotypes

[Fab Karen]

So what's wrong with being gay? If you didn't know any better what would you ask a crossdresser? Ohhh "are you a straight male that just loves to wear womens clothing"? To Jane Q Public they don't even know there are straight CDs..

Right, next you'll be telling us some of them even play hockey...

i remember being mystified as to why gay men acted so fem and also would dress in drag from time to time for fun. never asked though. often times both men in the relationship had many feminine qualities.
is that part of the way to attract other gay men or do they just also have a strong feminine side?

Just strongly in touch with their feminine side. Most gay guys are turned off even by effeminate men. Drag: some of them consider it a joke thing. And some may be CD's.

[Shikyo]

I do not understand this.
If you wish to be female but you still like girls? If a TG has all the procedures to make them into a girl, then if they still like girls, wouldn't that make them lesbians????

Yes, that would make them lesbians. If you consider yourself female and seek to change your body into a female body thus obtaining a female ID you are a female. A female being attracted towards other females is a lesbian no matter how you look at it.

However, there are some people who wouldn't consider a male to female a female but they would insist going after their birth sex therefore for them they would be simply "straight", which doesn't really make sense.

If a married male cross dresser decides to become female, would his wife remain married to him or would she divorce?

There are several things that would have to be accounted for. First of all would be the laws regarding a marriage in the country you are living in. Depending of the laws you might or might not be able to marry no matter how the couple itself feels about it.

If there is no problems regarding the law and the two could stay married despite being the same sex it would be up the the couple to decide what they want to do. There are some wives that would not want to stay together and there are some that still they together despite the change of sex.

How do you know when to refer to a cross dresser as a him vs as a her?

I would refer the person the way they are dressed. So if you dress female I'd use the feminine pronouns etc. I've heard that there are some crossdressers that don't want to be called female. Each person is an individual and if in doubt it might be better to ask the person itself how they feel about the matter.

I was under the impression that cross dressers were just like every other guy, except in their choice of attire.

Just like lesbians, gays etc. are normal people just that they have a different preference sexually. Do all people think of them as normal? No, they don't. The same goes for anything that is more out of the norm that they don't understand. It's simply something that won't change until it has become a bigger part of the society. Just look how it took for homosexuals to be more or less accepted in the society. Even now some of them decide to hide instead of admitting their sexual preference in front of everyone.

[Stephanie Stephens]

"Are you gay" Why is it always the wrong guy asking that question.

[Shikyo]

"Are you gay" Why is it always the wrong guy asking that question.

A friend of mines(male friend) just skipped the "Are you gay?" part and went straight to business and asked me out. Would that be the better way to do it?

[kellycan27]

"Are you gay" Why is it always the wrong guy asking that question.

I got it Stephanie! Very good!

[lissetta]

Im a aquarian dammit.