I didn't tell my wife til after two years of marriage, so I certainly can't get on anyone's case for not telling. Like you, I didn't understand myself and thought it might go away. That said, I wish I had understood myself better and had the courage to tell her before we married. When I finally told her, a large part of her problem was not that I dressed, but that I didn't tell her -- she felt that in a way I had lied to her -- and it took a long time to regain her trust. For five years after coming out, that issue about not telling her would periodically come up, particularly when she was stressed or angry about something else. It is only in the last few years where I feel that we've gotten over that part.
Still, I can't say what would have happened if I had told her before we were married. If she got freaked out about it enough to not see me for a week or two, would she have decided to make a clean break or would she have realized that it wasn't a big deal and we would have started off our marriage with a better understanding of each other? Things are great now: we live in a nice area, have two wonderful kids, and are generally happy. Would these things have come to pass if I had told her before marriage? There's no way to know for sure. As you can see, there is regret about not telling her but also some relief since it did work out in the end.
However, when I weigh the pros and cons, I would recommend that all CDs tell their fiances/spouses as soon as possible, preferably before they are married. And if you choose to marry someone without telling, at least marry someone who might be open to the idea. Don't marry someone who only likes you because you are such a macho stud muffin!
