Guilt by Association

[AllieSummers]

Hi Girls,

Sorry I haven't posted much lately but I've been really more absorbed in my meetup group, blog and writing for URNotAlone.com.

I do need to vent a little and maybe get some input if you don't mind.

I've got 11 days in a row off for the holidays. This is something that only happens once a year. I've worked 6 days a week, 70 hour weeks, 12 nights a month in a hotel room traveling for 5 straight years.

Well since I had the time off I had big plans to express myself as much as possible. I wanted to get my first laser treatment on my beard, go out to the mall dress and spend a couple of entire days en femme.

Well my plans just haven't worked out.

My family was in town for Christmas but that wasn't going to interfere with any of my plans.

Here is what happened. My nephew, which I rarely get to see, was also in town visiting his father (my brother) for Christmas too. He stayed with us so we could spend some time together. Well he was supposed to leave on Monday but my wife talked his family into letting him stay with us all week (without talking to me first).

As you can imagine I wasn't too happy with the fact that this was going to put a big kink in my plans but I also wanted to spend more time with him so I gave in. I figured that we could take him home today (Wednesday) and still have time to do my other stuff.

Well my wife got pissed off at me for objecting to him staying ALL week. She acted like I was only thinking about myself. Now, I am the last person on this Earth that can be accused of being selfish. As I mentioned I work my ass off to provide for my family. I also was willing to have him stay most of the week and drive him two hours home and have to drive two hours back so he could stay.

I only really get to dress 2-4 times for a total of maybe 10 hours each month. That means that I spend 500 hours a month (not counting sleeping time where I dream about being dressed a lot) that I wish I was able to express my true self and only 10 hours that I can actually do it. Is that selfish?

Well, as it turns out I'm not going to be able to get my laser treatment or go out to the mall dressed and I might only get to go out this Saturday night (if I'm lucky).

She told me the other night that she didn't want to talk about any of those things any more. She totally shut me down. I think she intentionally ask my nephew to stay all week to sabotage my plans.

Ok...now to the point...

My wife has been very supportive over the past 8 months since I came out to her. Not perfect but pretty good. I have a lot of rules and lines in the sand that have been drawn but overall I think things were heading the right direction.

Lately she is acting really weird and I think I know why.

One of my best friends in the world (also one of her good friends) just got Facial Feminization Surgery and a Boob Job this past Monday morning. I think that my wife is starting to get worried about me taking things a lot further. I mean, she might be thinking that if my best friend did it then I'll want to go and do this stuff too.

I don't know what to do. I can't convince her that going part of the way doesn't mean you are going to go all the way. I wold love to get rid of my beard. I would love to be able to express my true self more often but I would never consider getting SRS or doing hormones or anything like that.

I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that all my hard work and patience is going to go right down the drain.

Any ideas?

Kisses,

Allie