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Thread: Advice

  1. #1
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    Advice

    I’m after some advice on how to proceed with my boy friend.
    I’ve recently discovered that he was crossdressed by his mother as a child, up to the age of about sixteen. I found this out when his mother was showing me some old family pictures, and surprise, surprise, there he was dressed as the perfect little girl.
    I really don’t have a problem with this at all, I think it is quite sweet, he looked so lovely.
    I have mention to him that I’ve seen the pictures and he went all quite on me, but I did eventually found out from him that he did enjoy being dressed as a girl.
    On this basis I would like to give him a chance of being back in a skirt, what do others think.

    Thanks for reading my 1st post


    Reed


  2. #2
    Platinum Member Karren Hutton's Avatar
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    Welcome to the forum! If you have no problem and he wants to then hell yes!! Like a crossdressers dream!!
    I reject your reality and substitute my own!
    Proud member of the National Sarcasm Society... Like we need your support!!
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  3. #3
    Member Tiff Rivera's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Karren Hutton View Post
    Welcome to the forum! If you have no problem and he wants to then hell yes!! Like a crossdressers dream!!
    [SIZE="3"]
    Couldn't agree more. If your 100% okay with it, then support him. But don't push the issue.

    Even though he may have liked it then, later in his life, specially in high school, he may have gotten used to the general ridicule from society and the stereo types.

    Support him without pushing, just nudge a little bit, lol...


    [/SIZE]
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  4. #4
    Senior Member joannemarie barker's Avatar
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    take it slowly but omg what a lucky guy

  5. #5
    Unofficial CD Mom Holly's Avatar
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    Reed, none of us have lived your BF's life. This is something the two of you need to decide after talking to one another about it. Do you know why his mother cross dressed him? Was it a form of punishment? A desperate attempt to have a daughter (does he have any sisters)? If there were negative overtomes from the activity, do you really want to project them onto your relationship sith your BF?

    On the other hand, if this is something he really does want to more fully explore, then you both need to establish some guidelines and a direction you are bith willing to go. I wish you both the best and hope what you both discover about yourselves, adds to your relationship.
    Fulltime girl on the inside.
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  6. #6
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    Hi reed.j...

    My ex-husbands mother did the same thing. He was the 3rd boy and she desperately wanted a girl. She kept his hair long, dressed him in pink and pigtales. She thought it was all harmless fun but it really did a number on his head so I would say...proceed with caution. Although my ex was not a crossdresser he was very feminine and had alot of mommy and identity issues to deal with that were not his fault.

    My current BF is a crossdresser and with him/her, it's, I believe, a gender identification thing and who he is naturally, as opposed to my ex, who had all kinds of confusing feelings because the feminization was not an inner thing and not by choice. But it felt good to him at the time. He may have enjoyed the special attention and love from his mother more than the clothing itself.

    I would open the door and see where it naturally goes. With my current BF, I figured it out, gave him all the room he needed and just kept giving him the support he needed every step of the way. Now it's great and she presents more than he does and it is very sweet and lovely and we are incredibly close because of it. I just wouldn't force the issue. Poor guy is probably really confused, but way lucky to have you.

    Good luck!

  7. #7
    What is normal anyway? Rianna Humble's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by reed.j View Post
    I’m after some advice on how to proceed with my boy friend.
    I’ve recently discovered that he was crossdressed by his mother as a child, up to the age of about sixteen.
    {snip}

    I eventually found out from him that he did enjoy being dressed as a girl.

    On this basis I would like to give him a chance of being back in a skirt, what do others think.
    Why not ask him if he'd like to dress for a quiet night in?

    Explain that you want to support him and let him take it at his own pace.
    Check out this link if you are wondering about joining Safe Haven.

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  8. #8
    Weirdest woman ever! docrobbysherry's Avatar
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    Be CAREFUL, Reed!

    Dressing for some of us is EMBARRASSING, and VERY PERSONAL!

    Even if he DOES dress, he may prefer to do it in SECRET!

    If I were u, I'd leave him ALONE with some ladies things, and tell him it's OK, if he wants to "experiment"!

    See where it goes from there!
    U can't keep doing the same things over and over and expect to enjoy life to the max. When u try new things, even if they r out of your comfort zone, u may experience new excitement and growth that u never expected.

    Challenge yourself and pursue your passions! When your life clock runs out, you'll have few or NO REGRETS!

  9. #9
    Member Maija's Avatar
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    I wish I was in his place.
    But you and he should talk and see what works for you.

  10. #10
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    Thanks guys, can I call you that?

    I've got a lot to think about. I certainly don't want to humiliate him or anything like that, so as some of you have said, I'll take it slowly and see where it leads

    regards

    reed

  11. #11
    Member anonymousinmaryland's Avatar
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    . . . "I found this out when his mother was showing me some old family pictures, and surprise, surprise, there he was dressed as the perfect little girl."

    I would like to know why she showed you these photos? What was her point?

    He is lucky and fortunate to have you and that you're willing to work with him in this wonderful adventure. AIM.

  12. #12
    Junior Member Autumndawn's Avatar
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    Opportunity

    Dear Reed,

    Your b/f could be very embarrassed, and possibly dealing with a feeling of having been humiliated by his mother, sisters at the age in life. It might also be something that has caused a lot of hurt and anxiety in his life.
    It also, just from what little information you provided, makes me wonder if you might like to see him, experience or explore his feminine side.
    It also could be that he, as so many of us have/do crossdress in private and out of fear keeps it all in a closet.
    I think it's wonderful that IF he would like to explore, or even share a possible urge to crossdress. You are willing to be an advocate and supportive.
    It also may be one of two situations.
    The first of which you help him work though any past frustrations he might have being "forced femme" by his mother/sisters. The other being how much you would really enjoy having and/or helping him explore crossdressing.
    Men can sometimes be or feel very insecure about how others percieve their masculinity too. I've seen some good fights get started on that question being raised... In any event, he is truly lucky to have a gal like you!
    Best wishes on the discovery and sharing of this part of his history!

  13. #13
    Rebecca Ras's Avatar
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    welcome to the form. You would be giving him a crossdressers dream. Asking him to dress and be an active supporting participant. Leave out some lingerie for her(him) and see if she will wear it or put a baby doll on his pillow at night.

    You can also step it up by wearing sexy lingerie yourself.

    keep us posted.

    Rebecca

  14. #14
    Whiny li'l runt Ze's Avatar
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    Transman alert

    Wow. I'm so shocked at the posters who expressed jealously with the BF's situation that I actually need to speak up.

    Reed, forced cross-dressing can have serious psychological effects on a person, male or female. The younger the starting age, the more damaging it could have been. I can't even get into all the various psychological reasons he may have said "yes" to you in this matter when deep down he may not really want to. Some of the posters giving you advice here seem to be stuck in a utopia of their own creation, and thus aren't regarding the problem with the viewpoint it needs. Please take them with a grain of salt.

    I believe the first step is therapy. Your support is precious, so it's wonderful that you're willing to help him, but therapy is the other big step you both need to take. (Probably individual therapy for now, with couples therapy so that you can be included soon enough.) If it turns out he actually is a cross-dresser, then you can start discussing shades of lipstick.

  15. #15
    Silver Member Joanne f's Avatar
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    I have to agree with Holly and Ze in that you should be careful in that it was not some sort of forced or punishment type of dressing in which case if he sees that you want to do the same may have adverse effects on your relationship , i think the best thing to do for now is to let him know you have seen the pictures and just let him react to that when and if he decides to .
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]Joanne

  16. #16
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    My wife knows about my crossdressing but she will not talk about it and I would love to hear the words come from her mouth that asked me to dress for her, but I am a self confessed crossdresser and want to share, just need the opportunity to be able to do so and if your BF wants to then he will snap your hand off I am guessing.

    Be interested to know how it goes

  17. #17
    eluuzion eluuzion's Avatar
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    It was the Butler, with the candlestick, in the library...

    Ok, so what are the clues, and how do we figure out which move is the best one for us to make next?

    Well, IMO, we can not move at all...because it is not our turn yet...

    All we know when somebody "goes quiet", is that in their world, somebody just stepped on an emotional land-mine. That is all. We do not even know who stepped on it, if it is armed or a "dud", or might explode, or maybe it already did, etc. etc.

    So, I always wait until it is my turn, and let the other player take their turn. This tells me what will be the best move, which may be "nothing" or "something" or a million other options. What I CAN do when it is not my turn yet...is just say..."I love you" and shut up...lol.

    If that is not allowed by the rules on the box cover...it should be...lol
    Last edited by eluuzion; 12-31-2009 at 03:42 PM. Reason: spell ck
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  18. #18
    Gold Member Miranda09's Avatar
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    Hi Reed. He's probably feeling a little embarrassed right now, considering the way it was revealed to you, but be patient with him, encourage him, and most of all, acknowledge that this might be a great way to spice up your relationship and have a lot of fun with it. He'll come around. Good luck sweetie.

  19. #19
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    Hi Reed

    This is something that has to be treated very delicately. It's one thing if he dressed in girl's clothes by choice. Being forced to dress in girl's clothes is a horse of a very different colour, and can leave deep psychological scars for life. I agree with the concerns expressed by Ze and Holly.

    IMHO, it is worth obtaining the opinion of a non-judgemental, licensed and experienced gender therapist before doing anything. Stay away from anyone subscribing to reparative therapy, as this encourages repression of cross-gender behavior. This is a recipe for depression later on in life.

    I wouldn't leave any clothing out to wear, as he may feel you are instructing him to wear the clothing. This may be exactly the wrong thing to do.


    Please let us know how things go. Good luck.
    Cheers
    Giuseppina

  20. #20
    Whiny li'l runt Ze's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by giuseppina View Post
    IMHO, it is worth obtaining the opinion of a non-judgemental, licensed and experienced gender therapist before doing anything. Stay away from anyone subscribing to reparative therapy, as this encourages repression of cross-gender behavior. This is a recipe for depression later on in life.
    I forgot to add that important detail. Thanks for mentioning it.

  21. #21
    Member Elle1946's Avatar
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    Both of you are consenting adults, so do what works best. It is always nice to have support for a loved one.

  22. #22
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    After reading all of the comments so far, it appears that most seem to assume that his mom forced him to dress as a girl. If he was still doing it for his mom at age of 16, I would doubt he was still being forced. Why not ask him if he was ashamed or still being forced to dress at that age by his mom?
    But I would say let him know for sure that you are very ok with it if he wants to share his feelings about it and if he wants to dress up in any form of female clothes.

  23. #23
    Silver Member giuseppina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by monique01 View Post
    ... If he was still doing it for his mom at age of 16, I would doubt he was still being forced. ...
    Sorry, Monique, I don't agree.

    If his mother was an abuser, wearing girl's clothes could be the lesser of two evils, the other being more extreme emotional or physical abuse. This power is likely to extend into adulthood.

    We don't know very much about Reed's BF. IMO, its better to tread lightly until all the facts are known.

    Pushing too hard may result in a suicidal depression for the BF. While this is a near-worst case scenario, it is IMO unethical to push even slightly. That's why I suggested professional counselling.
    Cheers
    Giuseppina

  24. #24
    Senior Member jenna_woods's Avatar
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    Advice

    yes give him if he wants to crossdress again,

  25. #25
    Gold Member sherri52's Avatar
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    Hi Reed and welcome. I think it is a great Idea. He wants to dress and your willing to let him. If it were me I'd let you dress me. See if he wants the same.
    Put a little lipstick on you'll feel better

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