A little step in a new direction with my wife

[sonia_dargency]

Not exactly CD related but working on building a new trust since I came out.
May a moderator educate me and move this in the proper forum if necessary.

It snowed in NYC today – so I was out to deal with snow shoveling; we had water leak issues due to a gutter malfunction and part of the idea was to do climb on the roof to address it.

In my wife’s mind, bad weather + slippery roof + 35 feet height + clumsy husband was not doing a good math. She started to worry about the outcome of the project.

We might be attracted to womanhood, but we were born male and we limit our reach to the silky girly aspect. Skip the obvious, no periods, no child bearing, no birth giving and let’s admit that our minds also are not alike.

Women worry like we have no idea. Their capacity to anticipate danger is beyond our imagination, hence their constant anxiety and need of reassurance.

“How long are you going to be on the roof? I would like to know so I know when to expect you back” (read: if I don’t hear from you, that is because you are certainly frozen to death or dismantled on the sidewalk); I gave a random answer and went for it.

I did my roof business and decided that a bit of sidewalk shoveling would be a great complementary activity. I realized half way through it that I did not report.

The old me would have just dismissed her worries as a useless annoyance and then she would have been upset for no reason after I killed my ass off for the safety of our home and beautifying the community…

The new me went straight home to tell her that I was no longer on the roof but outside on the ground level. She was pleased, lunch was great. It felt good not to be a jerk.

I believe that kind of small steps will one day build up to her assurance that my attraction to nylons will never put her wellbeing in jeopardy.

Would love your comments

Sonia

[joandher]

Strange creatures wife's are!!! we moved into a new home and before we went on cable TV we had an Ariel on an aluminum pole fastened to a 38 ft wooden pole about 10 inch dia, the wind was gusting about 40 mph and she had me go get a ladder, go up it and alter the Ariel so she had a few more channels on about the windiest day of the week?????
their logic leaves a lot to be desired, and here we are trying to emulate them that's what I cant get my head round???
anyway would we be without them, me ,not mine anyway.

A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL



J-JAY

[giuseppina]

Hi Sonia

Your wife has valid concerns. Falling from 35 feet has been known to kill the victim. Roof leaks can wait, and you really should be using scaffolding to deal with it in any case.

Hi J-JAY,

Your wife can be rather selfish. I would have told her to forget it until acceptable weather arrives. Aerial work in 40mph winds is asking for trouble.

I'm inclined to think this thread belongs in the Lounge.

[Karren H]

I go down in underground coal mines for a living so my wife has had her sense of fear dulled over the last 35 years.... I don't call home and report that I made it out of the mine but then again I don't tell her some of the semi horific stories about what can happen either.

[tinalynn]

Exactly... I think back to my Navy days and the escape hatches built into the submarines. The only reason they are there is to allow divers to exit for special ops. They are called 'escape hatches' to make your mom feel better. Women want us to be safe, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we do get pretty stoopid!

[RobertaM]

I luv your tongue in cheek humor put a smile to my face. thank u

[Samantha Girl]

He he he, this is hysterical!
my Mom does stuff like this to my Dad all the time! Although they are in their 70's. My Mom tends to make it worse though. She'll have my Dad on a ladder doing something ridiculously dangerous and then stand there the whole time making him nervous, making it worse! It's to the point where my Dad does everything he can in terms of house improvements and stuff while she's out. She just always hovering near by, poor Dad!

I agree though, as a gender, men can be kinda stupid. Not me though, others

[RADER]

Sonia
Been there, done that, wore out the "T" shirt.
40 years a carpender, been on more roof's and laders than I want to count.
Now that I am retired, I let someone else break there neck.
You know, woman are the bearer of the species; They have to play it
safe. Now I do also, after all I am just returning to my CDing, and do not
want to miss anything. So if the roof (witch I built) leak's, and my wife
ask's " what are you going to do"? I just say, I fix it Tomorrow. Rader

[sonia_dargency]

Thank you all for your comments

What I try to do is to work at being more pleasant, and that specific occurence, I thought, was an opportunity to be a more understanding husband (I agree that her concerns were valid).

but I don't go along with every worry of hers, it would take the day just to list them.

She still wonders what takes me so long to come back from work, I no longer explain that commute takes time, sometimes joking that teleportation is not available in Brooklyn yet, they are working on it...

It's great to be there with you girls

Thank you

Sonia

[JulieC]

Exactly... I think back to my Navy days and the escape hatches built into the submarines. The only reason they are there is to allow divers to exit for special ops. They are called 'escape hatches' to make your mom feel better. Women want us to be safe, and there is nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we do get pretty stoopid!

Indeed. An escape hatch, even with one of those emergency breathers, is really pretty worthless. Besides, since the advent of nuke subs in the USN, we've only lost two subs.

The "escape hatch" is an interesting allegory.

My wife was very concerned about a number of issues when I went to my first crossdresser support group meeting. I tell her everything of course, so I told her of my intentions to drive there en femme (about an hour each way). She was very concerned about how I'd handle being pulled over by the cops.

Escape hatch: act normal. It's not illegal to dress the way I want to.

She was concerned to know when I had left the meeting and was on my way home. This was before I had a cell phone (I resisted cell phones until I couldn't for reasons beyond my control).

Escape hatch: used a pay phone after I left and got on the way home. Very cold night, with a serious wind. It was at that moment that I understood why women do not wear sheer pantyhose and knee length skirts in the winter

Various other things, both about this event and other times, have come up. In every case, I've answered in ways that assure her I'm still me, still her husband, I'll be as safe as I would be if I were not en femme, etc.

Escape hatch.

[Kathi Lake]

Well, every time I would give my wife an update from Iraq, I always downplayed the danger. I never told her of the mortar and rocket attacks, the sound of gunfire or living in a tent right next to a toxic burn pit. All she heard was, "Just another day here. Nothing much exciting going on."

Was I lying? Heck yes! She has always worried enough for the both of us and then one more person, just to be safe. The last thing she needed was even more stress. I approach my telling her about my dressing the same way. She has always told me that she didn't want to know. So, I keep her pretty much in the dark. So far, so good. Still, I do want her more in the loop - not for her help, but just so she knows.

Sonia, what you did by checking in was very thoughtful and, I'm sure, appreciated. Keep that up and your "trustyness" score will no doubt rise.

Kathi