SISTERS - I have not posted in awhile even though I get on this website at least once a day.
I have been having a very deep struggle within myself and with my spouse. I feel that I am either an obsessed crossdresser or a transgenderist (crossdresser who wants to dress 24/7) - I truly hate these labels, but I don't know how else to say it.
I told my spouse this and she went ballistic - she thinks that "transgenderist" is the same thing as "transsexual" - trying to explain the difference to her is impossible - we discussed the "D" word again
She did tell me that she can live with a crossdresser, but not with a transgenderist/transsexual
I don't know what I am - I cannot get enough crossdressing - I think that between the "pink" fog on one side and "severe frustration and depression" on the other, I am about to implode.
My spouse still thinks that she is "competing" with JoAnne and JoAnne is winning. We have had a very rough holiday period.
Some of you may say how lucky I am to have a spouse who can live with a crossdresser (as long as I do not shave off my thick body hair) - this is her boundary - like some of you, I have HATED and DESPISED my body hair since puberty - I cannot stand it - JoAnne cannot stand it. So here I am - confused and frustrated.
I am at the point where I want to "come out" to the world - I want everyone to know that JoAnne lives within me and wants out completely. I have discussed this with my biological SRS/TS sister who has advised me not to "come out" because the cost would be too high. But that darn "pink fog" keeps getting the best of me.
JoAnne has a wonderfully/complete wardrobe and is ready to go out in the world - but the costs are high (divorce, no job, no friends - other than you all - no place to live) You would think that common sense would supply the answer - but that "pink fog" and that URGE and the anxiety of not going forward are pushing me - maybe it is because I am getting older and I see life slipping away
I don't know what to think
JoAnne Wheeler