Friendship question for transmen

[cordgrass]

This is about testosterone. I've manipulated my hormones through nutritional means to have extremely high free testosterone. My total testosterone is perfectly normal for a woman, although robust. My free testosterone is at an elderly man's level. I've been this way for quite a few years. I like being this way. I've taken temporary vacations, and I always come back to being like this.

Now I was a tomboy as a girl, and in college I dressed as a man from peer pressure (there was a strong militant feminist contingent that disapproved of anything girlie at my college). I wore men's clothing down to my shoes (except for my underwear) and had a boy's haircut to fit in. But I do feel like a woman, just not very "girlie" usually. More womanly I suppose.

I've always had a hard time sustaining friendships with women, and now especially that I'm keeping my free T high it's almost like I can't communicate with them anymore without making them annoyed with me somehow. Or maybe it's just that I'm basically annoying, that might be it too! I've always got along really great with men.

With the men here, did you have any troubles with communicating with women, and if so, did it get worse when you went on T treatment? Just curious. And also, do you have any tips?

[NiCo]

I have a hard job communicating with anyone! I remember [vaguely] before T that I was quite good at holding a strong conversation and could speak to anyone openly but then T came along…and I just shut down, or something.

I remember particularly I used to be, for example, on MSN continually throughout the day, addiction sorta-thing…now I’m hardly online. The thought I have to speak to people is kinda…“can’t be bothered” type-a-thing.

My T levels are much higher than yours, obviously…and it’s quite well known that E makes you more chatty and social whereas T makes you more quiet and observant [note: I mean in a not-concentrating-sorta observant LOL].

If I do manage to hold a conversation it’s equal with men and women depending if they interest me or if they are interested in what I have to say.

I used to lean more towards women because of the E [I didn’t know this was the reason at the time] and I could get a good convo from them, perhaps on the same brainwave however, never understood how they ticked…but I understood men…but couldn’t really get a convo out of them [E and T differences I assume!].

I don’t know. My gf gets on well with men more than women. She only has ONE female friend who has quite a masculine personality although looks very feminine. She grew up as the only female relative in her generation so she’s very understanding to how men work, I guess.

[I quite enjoy the fact she gets on well with men, and has a rare masculine side to her…put it this way, we can sit and watch the football [soccer whatever] and have a can of lager and enjoy…she’s not worried about her beauty/ fashion programmes…and to be honest, that’s a WIN WIN situation. Then she has this raging feminine side...i'm sure you know what i'm on about! ]

[cordgrass]

You have no idea

That makes me feel better, that way it's less "me" and more the hormones. My problem is I do enjoy talking and being social, I'm just a bull in a china shop.

[NiCo]

Well hormone are responsible for a lot of things you’d never think they were! Seriously, the difference of having more estrogen in you than testosterone and then it switching…you soon find out.

I had a high level of T even before my T shots, and I was all confident about knowing how it felt…then I had my shots and was BLOWN AWAY. Seriously. I was a balloon head with a body of string tied to a fence for WEEKS after my first T injection until it began to settle. I was rarely on this planet and when I was I was angry or emotional or horny or hungry…it was so wrong, but in a RIGHT way!

They first 1-8 weeks…there was NO way anyone could get sense out of me. I suddenly forgot how to talk like before, forgot how to text…type on the computer, grammar…spelling…seriously! Concentration just perished! My posts these days are nothing like the perfection of my posts, pre-T!

That’s just an example!

But that’s off topic…back on: hormones determine A LOT more things than a lot of people realise. FACT. [Or at least a fact in my opinion ]

[cordgrass]

I'm pretty sure it's a fact!

[DanielMacBride]

With the men here, did you have any troubles with communicating with women, and if so, did it get worse when you went on T treatment? Just curious. And also, do you have any tips?

LOL I think I went the opposite way, I always had trouble communicating with ANYONE (even though I could talk the hind legs off a donkey ) before I was on T, but since I have been on T I have no trouble communicating with anyone at all I have a much harder time UNDERSTANDING women (not so much WHAT they do, as WHY they do it lol), but no issues with communication. I think for me the communication thing is much more to do with the fact that on T, I am happier and more open and much more comfortable with others. Before T I was very shy and withdrawn and hated being around anyone else - now I am pretty much the opposite, I can connect with just about anyone and communicate without any problem

I have also found that for me, T has removed a lot of the "fog" that was in my head that made it difficult for me to articulate things - although pre-T I was very articulate (apparently, according to others lol), since I have been on T I have noticed that I tend to get to the point a lot quicker and not wander off on tangents as much as I used to (still do it, just not as much).

[cordgrass]

With me it's just a constant stream of misunderstandings and incomprehension. I've just given up.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Since when is the ability to communicate the 'fault' of hormones or body chemistry ? In the short run, yes they can have an impact depending on how you feel, but in the long run the ability to get along with people is a function of your personality.

Kelly

[Felix]

Hi and welcome

I can realte to what you are saying cordgrass when I was a youngster I didn't get on with girls really it was always boys just didn't get it with the girls always wanted to be with the boys but was attracted to girls even though when confronted I used to say I'm not gay I guess I didn't know what I was except that I felt like a boy and wanted to be close to girls but not in a girlie way if you know what I mean. I never really had any close girl friends until I was 16 - 18 well in my own age group that is. I always related to girls a few years older than me better.

It was weired thinking back to when I had to go into the closet and find a boyfriend who suited my tastes. They were always very feminine. I think I always wore the trousers so to speak in my relationships with boys. Then with girls I was always the butch one.

I have to agree with Kelly that its the personality that strongly influences how we relate to other people. As I matured I aquired the ability of getting on with women as friends and in someways getting to know how they ticked but always felt I was looking through someone elses eyes, lol the man inside

Since 'T' I have definitely changed in the way I think and feel and although I can still conect with women my connection with men has become firmer again and I no longer feel like I don't belong anywhere in terms of gender identity. I can say I definitely feel comfortable and so do the other males and females in my workplace with me which has been a long time coming I can tell ya. I am one of the men finally and the women do not ostrasise me anymore because they feel safe and comfortable with me because i am not this fluid entity that they find hard to deal with.

Hope this has helped a little xx Felix

[WalT]

I doubt this has anything to do with hormones, but I've never understood or really got along with many female peers my age very well. I'm just not a person who likes drama, and college age girls can be full of it. <.< *lives in a dormitory surrounded by girls, because this one hasn't even started T yet and thinks it'll be safe for now*

Well, that's not entirely true. I get along great with the women at a student LGBT organization here, whenever they talk to me. They are a little cliqueish though, but they're nice. Hopefully won't chage when I tell people in the group, because I fell VERY safe with them.

I don't necessarily think I have a problem communicating with other people, especially women my age, I just think we're on entirely different wavelengths for the most part.

I've gotten along a little better with men (granted, most of them have been gay or bisexual ). I have more closer male friends than female (no close female friends right now). I had a close female friend but she apparently got really uncomfortable with the idea I was bisexual and stopped talking to me (and that's without knowing I was transgendered, but back then I was so highly closeted about that I wouldn't admit it to anyone).

As someone who is STILL on hormonal birth control (I need to find a good nonhormonal birth control method that doesn't require me to already have a damn kid [other than condoms]), I'm a VERY reserved, introverted person. Partially because I'm naturally shy, partially because I'm scared to death of people.

[metalguy639]

I always had trouble communicating with women my entire life. Being on T though has actually calmed me down quite a bit.