What have you done to 'give back' to the community

[kathy gg]

Hi all,

I know it seems like us gg's have a million questions, and so here is another.
What have you done to give back to the tg/cd/ts community?

And by "give back" I mean have any of you done things to help new cd's with their journey in learning about all this?

For example, and I hope the people I am thinking of don't mind me using them as a positive example....my hubby is the webmistress for our groups website. This of course is a non-paying positition that he does to help out the group (xpressions.org) that we belong to. Other examples are people who might volunteer at at a tg youth organization (in Toronto there is a great youth program called SOY (Saving Our Youth) and I have known a few gals who have been big 'sisters' to a trans teen. Other examples are this forums moderators', who keep this list running smoothy.

When i also think of positive examples of people 'helping' others I think of those who have websites devoted to how they got from having no self aceptance to being proud of who they are and sharing their own personal tale. This does not happen overnight so when I see all the self realization that it takes to make a website like that I am so proud that they put that out there for all newbies to see.

I know when I found my 'happy' place with my husband I wanted to join a womans list. Not becuase I was having problems, but because I wanted to make friends with like minded women. Of course a few years back a gg list for women who are not struggeling with this was not in exsistence. Anyway...I was allowed to join that list, but had to keep my enthusiam to a calm. But once I got on there and started giving advice, lent an ear when I could, I eventually got asked to be a moderator becuase I was stepping up in a way that some ladies were just not capable of doing. I have been asked many times by new members why on earth would a woman who actually likes this and really has no problems want to hear a bunch of women complain about it and deal with all that anger and problems. My response? becuase I have found not only a great husband who is a cd, but I also have made such dear friends (online and real time) that it would be selfish and uncaring not to 'give back' to those who need support and understanding.

I really can't ever see a time in the future when I won't be involved in some aspect of support (gg or cd) for those who seek it. I think it is such a GIFT when you find your 'happy' place in all this, that it seems only right to share that with others who are still finding their way.

Obviously not every one can answer this with a yes, but I hope that it will inspire some of you to eventually do something or find some way to give back to this amazing loving community which always seems to catch a person when they fall.

Hugs
kathy in canada

[Julie]

My first effort at giving back was when I volunteered to be a moderator on this forum. I knew what a task it would be being the only moderator, especially on a forum this size and this active. From there I've always tried my best to lend a helping hand to those struggling and give advice the best I know how.

But it hasn't been a one way street. I have been helped many times over the past 1+ year on this and other froums and my appreciation for that just makes me want to give back even more. It's a nice snowball effect.

[Phoebe Reece]

Actively participating on the various forums dealing with crossdressing is one way I try to help. I am the editor of the monthly newsletter my local Tri-Ess chapter publishes. I assist in planning our monthly Tri-Ess meetings and help with introducing new members to what we do. I also participate (dressed enfemme) in presentations on crossdressing to some of the local universities.

[gender_blender]

I was the co-founder of the University of Maine transgender support group and the first biological male to join an all girl's sorority on campus (it was a community service sorority), further paving the way for future acceptance of trangendered individuals. I have facilitated many discussions on transgenderism for area groups (GLBT groups, my sorority, classes, etc) and chose transgenderism as my topic for my public speaking class.

Inaddition to inspiring young/starting crossdressers and transgendered individuals with a few websites I've created.


Charlie

[Tristen Cox]

Hmm I'm going to try and not repeat Julie here.

I went from nobody to a friend for many to being where I am now. In that short time I learned more than I imagined there was to learn and made friends that I never thought I could have. I'm proud to be a part of something with them and proud of this site which I call my home. I don't just sit here waiting to post something or moderate. Long before that I was supporting others either here or privately. I found that to be my place. I like helping others. I like fixed friendships and mending wounds. I love making a better community where ever I can offer something. And I like doing it all with my eyes wide open, not shut to any one side. I've helped people with simple things from how to make a picture, to difficult things like love, and the terrible purge that I have seen many go through. I have been right along with them to share the burden as well as offer compassion and support. I try to make people feel welcome as a part of our family but also as a part of our world(not just this forum) And I encourage whomever needs it to the best of my ability.

That's my place here. That's my place in the TG world.

And..

I'm proud to do my part

[Sierra]

A real life test many years with breast dont go unnoticed working in construction.I feel like most people can deal with it [a guy with 38C boobs] and always ladies pants and ofcourse a bra to minimise big nipples protruding through my shirt.I deal with contractors,steel fabricators and factories.They dont care what you are if you give them the job they pay for. If you can act like its nothing they can too!But some stare or want to put their hands on your shoulders or back to confirm the bra.

[Ellaine]

It's easy perhaps to think as I did initially, that I don't really do anything for the community. I often wonder just how much of a comunity there is, but that's another question. But on thinking about it; just engaging on forums, is contributing. It is a two way street, as long as we feel able to tell it like it is. Most questions and comment posted is confirmation to others that many of our issues are common. Indeed just making up the visible numbers, taking a place on the "members'" list, is giving a measure of reassurance to any TG folk that previously may have felt so uniquely afflicted with some apparently alien desire.
I have explained transvestism to some effect among selected friends and family. People who without exception, thought they had never met a TV. They in turn have shown an added measure of tollerance of alternative lifestyles. Perhaps they are being a little more careful about being judgemental in my company, even en drab, but they are thinking again about serious stuff, and more likely to cut some slack for others. I have not lost one friend due to my revelations.
As a mostly closetted TV, I can't do public rallies, but just making up the numbers, shouldn't be underestimated I guess.

Ell

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

So far it's mainly been contributing on various forums. In particular I try to help out people when I can. For example, there was CD who had been out for the first couple times and wanted to know why people were literally pointing and snickering at her. I and some other girls helped her realize how to change her hair, make-up and wardrobe to be more "realistic." Within only a few days she was able to go out and blend in comfortably. Or helping either a CD or her SO with some of the concerns the other might have. I've also done the same individually via email.

I won't claim that going out is a form a giving back, since I'm doing it for myself. But I like to think that it's doing a little bit to build tolerance. I don't get obviously read that often, but I don't think I'd fool too many people if they were paying close attention, especially if I open my mouth. And while no one's come up to me to about CDing, if they do I'm prepared to talk with them about it.

[Amelie]

When I first started going out in the late seventies, I would go out dressed, mainly to straight clubs, because this is where the bands usually played. After a few years I went to my first CD club,,well my first club with straight CDs. I was amazed that some these girls have only been to a CD bar, they have never been to a straight bar or resturant. I would take a couple of these girls and take them to a disco for some dancing. When they saw how fun it was, and no one bothered them, they eventually went by themselves and sometimes they would help others get out and about. Later on, I would even see them on some of the more dangerous streets of the lower east side in NYC, going to some underground club or some dive resturant. Nowadays, I am too tired and lazy to meet new CDs to go to clubs with.

Also, I would always shop for my make-up at Lee's "Mardi Gras" shop for transvestites, even though his stuff cost more than other shops. He was a pioneer in NYC, for crossdressers and I wanted to show him that I appreciated what he had done.

[FionaAlexis]

I provide free services to two NGOs that assist parents of 'special' children.

Fiona xx

[kysmet]

Well, I am the co-founder of a support group here. However, am no longer a member due to my own emotional issues a couple of years ago. I ran the website for the same group for three years. When I happen to be out at my favourite watering hole I help welcome new girls that come into the bar. Unless I'm talking to my friend Stephanie and then I have to pay complete attention to her or she gets miffed.

[joni-alice]

"breast-beaters," excuse the word.....everybody in this forum is "giving back" in one way or another.

[Sally2]

Kathy,
Yes I do give back in my own way. If you care to read a little bit about me on my personal forum profile please do so. As a result of where this is posted online I have had many inquiries over the past 5 years from CDs who can't make that first step out of the closet or haven't told their SO about their CD situation. In some instances I have been of assistance in giving spouses answers to some hard questions and with my wife we've been instrumental in getting them out socially with us. In other cases which soley involved aCD I been encouraging, supportive in helping them to take that first step. So Yes in my own way I think I've given back to the TG community. Sally2

[StephanieCD]

At the moment, my primary contribution is honesty with the newer members - who come with the same questions and caution I had when I first joined. I'll always be grateful for the honesty I received when I first joined here. Some people admitted they were unhappy. Others admitted to lying and even stealing from those they loved. It wasn't all buttons and bows - it was in this honesty I found that I truly belonged with this group. I repay this honesty by "paying it forward". I particularly take the opportunities to help those who join because someone they love is a CD. Those questions are often the most sensitive to answer but might just have the most affect because we know they are seeking unbiased answers - i.e. answers not skewed by the CD in their life. When someone, a parent, lover, or friend comes here and says "help" - I do my best to volunteer as much of me as I can.

As some of us know I'm working on a website (with the tiny amount of free time I get weekly - it's taking a while) that will, in the future, stand as my contribution to the community.

[Deidra Cowen]

I am a moderator at a social group called Georgia Tgirls on yahoo. I've taken a couple of tgirls out for their first time clubbing too. But thats about it. I'm rather new myself to crossdressing so I mainly have been trying to get my act together.

Tomorrow myself and a GG are taking a new CD out shopping, to dinner and then clubbing. Should be a hoot.

[Wendy me]

i started out here not realy shure what to expecte and soon found that to my suppirize that all here were so helpeful in things i need some guidence in and then made manny freinds here a could helpe out some girls from time to time then a short while ago i was asked to helpe out and becoume a moderator here it was a no brainer to give back in a small way to a place that had become home to me and to all the girls that are my family...

i have in the past ran into some sisters out that were haveing some trouble after being read and stuck up for them and even walked out a sister from a place that could have been trouble for her ....i speak up when people talk abought cds in a bad way and even outted myselfe to my best freind when he put cds in the same place as child molesters ...kinda like i have come to the point in my life that whats right is more importint than getting slung a little trash...

[CharleneCD]

My openess and being willing to shop in person has given me the ability to find and recomend shops that serve and treat our community well. I have already sent another person to the store where I got my breastforms. When we find bussinesses that treat us well and we send our sisters in, the people in these stores get to know us as individuals and that we are good and decent people. Just a small step towards greater acceptance.

[Gemma]

I have read all your posts and wish I could say I've helped somebody, but I really can't, I've always had somebody help me, like Sam, cd friends and you good people on here, I did meet someone once in a chat room who was 28 and had just discovered dressing, she didn't live that far from me, I helped her choose her name and with a little help she came out to her gf and everything worked out fine, we did text each other for months, nether did get around to phoning, but I certainly felt we were quite good friends and enjoyed our chats and then she just stopped texting, I tried to get hold of her for ages, but never have got a reply back, I don't know what has happened to her, but I do hope she is ok.
I would like to say though, I admire all who help others and since coming on here I know I usually dont have much too say, Its just a welcome to newbies or I play games, I don't say too much in case I say the wrong thing and upset somebody, I have already made a few friends on here and would hate to lose them and would like to make many more, but and a big but, I do try to read all the threads and on quite a lot of them I have learnt so much more than I thought I ever could, I hope one day I will be able to pass on the knowledge you girls have giving me on to future members, so hopefully this is what I will be able to give back to the community, thank you all

[Sophie Yeats]

I saved a TG's life. Literally.

I have a good friend who is FtM and was suicidal as he couldn't get the funds to book an apointment with Russel Reed.
So I paid for him to go. His doctor then very kindly wrote an NHS persciption to match Russel's private one.

He is now 2/3rds of the way through his transition and a much, much happier and stable person.

- Sophie xXx

[Darlene.]

Hi all,

There is a time in everyone’s life where they need to be fed, and there should be no shame in that. If one is never fed they will never become a contributor. There needs to both kind of people here.

Darlene.

[Rachael Warren]

Hi girls, I have only recently arrived here, and am so glad I have.

For many years, I have felt alone, I live in a community that wouldn't accept my behaviour.

I exist as I am with the understanding that it doesn't go beyond the boundrys of our house, and as such have remained "Trapped".

Finding this site a few days ago has been a real life changing experience for me, I no longer feel alone. In fact I am feeling very liberated.

You girls are the best!

I am not in the habit of taking and not giving, so I await my oportunity to help someone else.

Thankyou, from the bottom of my heart, for the work you are all doing.

Deepest and kindest regards, Rachael.

[Adrianne]

If i could help someone i would, this forum is a great help for everyone as some posts can be fun,some serious.
But the main this i notice is how everyone helps each other, it don't matter what part of the world you come from. Everyone keep up the good work.

Adrianne.

[Jasmine Marrie]

yes i volenter at the local gay and lesbian center

[Lisa OZ]

Kathy,

Your sentiments are spot on- if you are in a position to help a fellow human when they may be confused and scared of confronting a part of themselves they are not entirley comfortable with-more power to your elbow for doing that noble act.

What is even more enchanting is that you are in a "Happy Place''. Well done I have recently arrived myself. I knew it took an enormous amount of energy to finally arrive. Glad to have survived and still chipper.

As a section of society albeit a sometimes misunderstood one. What can Crossdressers do to help one another? Not everyone is in a position to reveal themselves overtly for all the reasons set out elsewhere. One subversive way is to defend minorities in all there forms to people that you can trust are not going to bash you. (not dodgy truck stops etc etc) You can have a reasoned discussion with someone and plant a seed of doubt in their mind maybe about their homophobic/racist whatever views. In that small way you are helping to educate people and defeat bigotry, which seems to be rampant in the world at the moment.

Naive yes.......inspired by Kathy & partners story....you bet

[Stlalice]

Guess you could say that giving back to the people and the community that helped me when I first came out is a given with me. Started out by forming a TG social/support group at MCC of Greater St. Louis - then doing community outreach and education. Also serving on the church board of directors and providing support and encouragement to newly out transfolk who wander in our doors and on this and other websites. Busy? Sure , but worth every minute and bit of pain involved.